Cohabitation: Okay In Exceptional Circumstance?

[Xanthippe_Voorhees]

No, it isn’t and the original poster needs to start with a priest for the very reason you suggest about mental health issues—your not going to get the help you need on this site or on the internet.

All that happens in Family Life usually is people like talking about it. That’s not enough and sometimes not even appropriate.

Allllllllrighty then.

To the OP or some future person reading over this thread. Get both professional psychological help and spiritual help. Do not turn childhood abuse and resulting co-dependance into a spiritual issue of cohabitation.

 

[Xantippe]

To the OP or some future person reading over this thread. Get both professional psychological help and spiritual help. Do not turn childhood abuse and resulting co-dependance into a spiritual issue of cohabitation.

Yeah.

Work on your sense of what normal looks like and how to stand up for yourself in an adult, polite, loving way, as it’s likely that that’s a skill that you do not have yet.

I suggest reading the following books:

–Boundaries in Marriage (not perfect, but offers a good picture of what it means to be kind, polite, and firm)
–How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids
–Five Love Languages
–a book by John Gottman (maybe 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work?)

 

[Xanthippe_Voorhees]

Books like Toxic Parents could help.

Also, a good nun that I know that trained at Franciscan University and has done seminars at Catholic Univesity recommends Feeling and Healing by Conrad Baars. His books can be on the harder side to find but are excellent.

Also, while not Catholic, the book Anatomy of Peace by the Arbinger Insitute is in line with Catholic teachings and allows very good insight to personal resonsibility.

 

[SuperLuigi]

I’ll add them to the list. The titles do sound appealing.

 

[DarkLight]

I can’t imagine a secular counselor having a problem with this. The dimension here is spiritual.

There is a spiritual dimension, but there’s also a very pragmatic dimension involving engaging in relationships under the circumstances. A secular counselor isn’t going to be equipped to handle the issue of scandal, but they are equipped to speak to issues of healing from abuse and making sure you engage with relationships in a healthy way.

Having a trained counselor who knows what to ask and can speak to her at length would be exactly the counter to having people on the internet argue. Plenty of us know that this is a situation that can be very risky, someone who’s trained can evaluate it better.

 

[NiceIsAsNiceDoes]

I can report in. My husband and I lived together for 2 years before we married. We were married for 3 years when we had our daughter. We celebrated 30 years of marriage this summer. We both came from pretty rough circumstances. We are eachother 's best support and we have a wonderful, loving life together. I highly recommend the path we took.

 

[ATraveller]

Cohabitation is correlated with a significant increased divorce risk and there are a few theories on the causative effect. Does that mean every single couple that cohabitates will end in divorce? Of course not. Nevertheless, it’s still a significant risk factor.
Regardless, cohabitation is not allowed for Catholics or any real Christian for that matter. The OP is in a difficult situation and I hope and pray it’s resolved quickly and properly.

 

[Annie]

Dear OP,
Be J agree with those who say this is a bad idea due to power imbalance and not being able to bring up what you need. bTDT, don’t recommend it.

For some reason, I can’t see what I am writing, so please forgive the typoez.

Anyway, get a part time job in the evenings. Just 15 hours a week should being in enough to rent a room in an apartment or house with some other girls.

After you do that, I would suggest waiting to become engaged until you have a much better handle on who you are and what you want.Jumping from living at home through your mid20sinto marriage is not really healthy.

 

[Viki63]

When my daughter needed a place to stay for family reasons, i called the parish and was given the name of a woman who had an extra room. She was willing to take my daughter in without payment. In the OP’s circumstances, that might be something to consider. T here are often single older women or couples who might have an extra bedroom and would be willing to help a young woman get on her feet.

 

[JamalChristophr]

pianistclare:

It bears noting that Xantippe and Xanthippe appear to be two different people.

I am. I made the name after the Unbreakable Kimmie Smidt.

Who is she? … Now I must go and look.

 

[Theo520]

Just asking advice for other perspectives, especially on how to avoid scandal.

Not sure what you mean by “avoid scandal”

If you want to avoid sin, then you know the answer - living separately.

If you are a practicing Catholic, have you asked through Church for a cheap room to rent.