cohabitation, the new norm?

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Mirror_Mirror said:
Also, please provide support for the statement that “many parishes reject people who are single.”
I am not sure what church you are attending, but I do not even remember a time that I saw a priest see a single guy or girl walk in and say…“Sorry son (daughter), but we are not allowing those that are single today.”
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I have a couple of sons now in their thirties and married to girls they did not meet at a Church function. Even after being married there was nothing in the Parishes they belong to (there are 9 parishes in their city of residence) for either young singles or young marrieds. My one son and his wife helped start a group that meets monthly for activities and discussions of Faith issues. So far after six months they have attracted only 15 couples from all nine parishes. It is not a one sided thing. Parishes don’t provide and when they do try to get something going interest is pretty slim. It is discouraging to both sides of the problem. The City they live in is not huge by American standards.
 
About six or seven years ago, the Faith filled daughter of family friends was about 30 and not having any luck. She went onto Ave Maria.com and found a very good young man who lived a couple of towns over. They married, have at least one child, and appear to be quite happy. One of my sons dated several good Catholic girls who he met through that same dating service. He ended up marrying one he met through the internet. It is not easy to find mates who groove on the Catholic Faith in ones own backyard, but it is possible.
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by MCS7474
I think he is right. If your a practicing Catholic then people think your strange and go overboard with your beliefs.

Mirror Mirror said:
"Again, as I did with Chris, I am going to have to respectfully disagree with you. Is this the situation that you find yourself in…single and viewed as strange because you are Catholic? I find this to be a very shallow view of people. Why is it that you feel that being Catholic and following the church is going “overboard?” Why does anyone? "

Lol, I don’t think that following the church is overboard, its everyone else I meet that thinks that. All my catholic friends even think I can go overboard, even my grandma. Take giong to confession for instance, if I feel the need to go to confession for doing things “normal” 19 year olds do then I am giong overboard in thier opinion.
 
As a practicing Catholic it is difficult to see so many of our young people co-habitating, and in their minds, they see nothing wrong with it. In our own circle of friends, we have non-Catholic Christians, Catholics and Mormons.
It seems that only our Mormon friends have the ability to instill the morality and virtue of waiting for marriage with their children.
It is usually part of the marriage rite that the couple profess their virginity. One thing that I have noticed is that they usually have a very short engagement period.
Whatever they are doing is something that needs to be noticed by the rest of us.
 
Smber2c said:
I turned on the TV last night and immediately saw Bob Barker (or whatever the Jeopardy show host’s name is) on Conan O’Brien talking about marrying his wife. First he said she was 24 years younger…which seemed a little off but I don’t really know the circumstances. But then he went on to say, “She is really old fashioned, for example we didn’t move in together until we were married.”

I’m 24 and have had 2 or 3 friends move in with girlfriends or fiances, but they are the great minority. To a degree I am in a Catholic or at least Christian bubble. Is it really that prevalent? To the degree that I could be called “old fashion” by most, or is he in an opposite Hollywood bubble, why American society between our two positions?

On a side note I just read a head line on CNN: “Morning Sickness so Bad that Mom had an Abortion”. It’s terrible to see that. I’m sorry that mother was feeling so bad. But more saddened that she decided on such a terrible “solution” and that our nation has made that “solution” legal. Prayer. I need to spend more time in prayer.
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**i think living together before marriage IS ‘societies’ norm.
sadly.
**
 
Unfortunately co-habitation has become a norm of society–of this world. It is important to remember that we are not of THIS world, thank heaven! From experience I can say that 40+ yrs ago one would not co-habitate, that was unheard of, but there was plenty of pre-marital sex.If your got ‘caught’ the results of that were not good either. I know. Marriage and that sacred relationship MUST start with respect, how I wish I had know that way back when. I say don’t worry about how others may percieve you do the will of God and follow the example of Christ and know that the Holy Spirit will be with you. Trust, believe and pray and God will bless you abundantly. This I also know. :extrahappy:
 
rwoehmke said:
I have a couple of sons now in their thirties and married to girls they did not meet at a Church function. Even after being married there was nothing in the Parishes they belong to (there are 9 parishes in their city of residence) for either young singles or young marrieds. My one son and his wife helped start a group that meets monthly for activities and discussions of Faith issues. So far after six months they have attracted only 15 couples from all nine parishes. It is not a one sided thing. Parishes don’t provide and when they do try to get something going interest is pretty slim. It is discouraging to both sides of the problem. The City they live in is not huge by American standards.
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Since when did we need parishes to provide us with anything? If there’s something lacking within the Church that any of us wants, then it’s up to us to get out there and make it happen 🙂 It doesn’t have to take off right away and be a huge success. Usually, too much growth is more a curse than a blessing. Having 15 couples in their group sounds like a great start to me, but if they want to attract more people I would suggest they need to appeal to a wider range of interests. They’ve attracted all the couples who are specifically interested in connecting with other Catholics and learning about the faith, but that’s a fraction of the people in most parishes. The rest need a Church-unrelated reason to show up to something Church-related. Basically, whatever it is that these 15 couples do when they aren’t doing Church stuff could become a way to connect with more couples who are on the fringes of their parishes.

Of course, good ol’ Bible study and prayer is always a good idea. Might help to have a former Evangelical around, since they’re more likely to know how to lead a group like that. 🙂

Just a couple cents…

Oh yeah, to keep it on topic… yes, cohabitation is the cultural norm, but they just need a good shepherd.
 
Guys room with guys and girls room with girls. No two people of opposite gender should be living together before marriage.
 
It’s not normal. Look at the history. In the 1960s, because of Radicals, Hippies and Anarchists, “free love” (sexual relations with anyone) was promoted, as well as, “don’t trust anyone over 30” (which would include priests, nuns and parents). No-fault divorce began in California and began moving east. Abortion was made legal in 1973. At the time it was promoted as “the most difficult decision a woman could make” and was “between her and her God.” God was later removed from the picture. Taking illegal drugs became acceptable. It’s difficult to lead a productive and healthy life, especially if addicted to drugs.

The National Organization of Women appeared and drove a wedge between men and women. Instead of trying to help men and women solve their problems, men became the enemy, the “oppressors” of women. The net result was suspicion, and damage to relationships. The 1980s saw the crack cocaine epidemic, and a near completion of having no-fault divorce in every state. By that time the media was showing dysfunctional families on TV. Women drinking liquor straight from the bottle. By the 1990s, it was profanity and partial nudity appearing on broadcast television. An actor from the show NYPD Blue was asked why this was, his non-response? “It’s the 90s.”

Now, in the 21st Century, a few people think that just because it’s the 21st Century, things have changed. Nothing about basic human relationships has changed. Nothing.

People are born, they grow up, get married (or not), have kids (or not), get old and die. The thing that has changed is the gradual poisoning of the Body of Christ over the past 30 years by every media outlet saying “It’s OK. Your neighbors over there got divorced, it’s OK. That person over there got an abortion, it’s OK. Wanna live with your girlfriend? It’s OK.”

The Bible warned of a time when people would no longer endure endure sound doctrine. And that’s what’s going on now. The Church needs to realize that there is a right and wrong and that God (the same God you grew up with) is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. Don’t deny God’s power to help you find a mate or a friend.

We are told to encourage one another. So for everyone who is lonely, ask God to help you.

God bless,
Ed
 
edwest2 said:
No-fault divorce began in California and began moving east.
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No fault divorce effectively eliminated marriage. Besides being a permanent covenant of love, marriage is–or was–a legally binding contract.

But no fault divorce essentially says to the couple: “No matter what you recite in your vows, either one of you can walk away from this at any time, for any reason.”

Wow, you can’t do that with your mortgage, with your sales contract, even with an auto loan or any other contractual obligation!

But marriage? The contract is now meaningless, destroyed by no fault divorce. Anyone can just walk away.
 
edwest2 said:
It’s not normal. Look at the history. In the 1960s, because of Radicals, Hippies and Anarchists, “free love” (sexual relations with anyone) was promoted, as well as, “don’t trust anyone over 30” (which would include priests, nuns and parents). No-fault divorce began in California and began moving east. Abortion was made legal in 1973. At the time it was promoted as “the most difficult decision a woman could make” and was “between her and her God.” God was later removed from the picture. Taking illegal drugs became acceptable. It’s difficult to lead a productive and healthy life, especially if addicted to drugs.

The National Organization of Women appeared and drove a wedge between men and women. Instead of trying to help men and women solve their problems, men became the enemy, the “oppressors” of women. The net result was suspicion, and damage to relationships. The 1980s saw the crack cocaine epidemic, and a near completion of having no-fault divorce in every state. By that time the media was showing dysfunctional families on TV. Women drinking liquor straight from the bottle. By the 1990s, it was profanity and partial nudity appearing on broadcast television. An actor from the show NYPD Blue was asked why this was, his non-response? “It’s the 90s.”

Now, in the 21st Century, a few people think that just because it’s the 21st Century, things have changed. Nothing about basic human relationships has changed. Nothing.

People are born, they grow up, get married (or not), have kids (or not), get old and die. The thing that has changed is the gradual poisoning of the Body of Christ over the past 30 years by every media outlet saying “It’s OK. Your neighbors over there got divorced, it’s OK. That person over there got an abortion, it’s OK. Wanna live with your girlfriend? It’s OK.”

The Bible warned of a time when people would no longer endure endure sound doctrine. And that’s what’s going on now. The Church needs to realize that there is a right and wrong and that God (the same God you grew up with) is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. Don’t deny God’s power to help you find a mate or a friend.

We are told to encourage one another. So for everyone who is lonely, ask God to help you.

God bless,
Ed
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when the word ‘norm’ is used in the context of this thread, it is meant in ‘societies’ view.
and IN societies view, living together without marriage IS the norm.
 
Father John Corapi discussed the moral values of our country. H e stated “the moral decline of a country precedes the decline of the country”. History is repeating itself before our eyes. Wake up everyone WRONG IS WRONG and punishable by death of the soul then death of the body. Where do you go from there? Isn’t there still a hell? We were not put on this earth to fight the commandments of God, but to obey for a bright future in heaven. Goodness we mortals are so dumb. One question “How many mortal sins does it take to get to hell?”.
 
rwoehmke said:
I have a couple of sons now in their thirties and married to girls they did not meet at a Church function. Even after being married there was nothing in the Parishes they belong to (there are 9 parishes in their city of residence) for either young singles or young marrieds. My one son and his wife helped start a group that meets monthly for activities and discussions of Faith issues. So far after six months they have attracted only 15 couples from all nine parishes. It is not a one sided thing. Parishes don’t provide and when they do try to get something going interest is pretty slim. It is discouraging to both sides of the problem. The City they live in is not huge by American standards.
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15 couples may not be much by the standards of an apostlate, but it sounds like a great group to support your son and his wife! Pray that those 30 (32?) young people will be the seeds of something big in their city!!
 
edwest2 said:
It’s not normal. Look at the history. In the 1960s, because of Radicals, Hippies and Anarchists, “free love” (sexual relations with anyone) was promoted, as well as, “don’t trust anyone over 30” (which would include priests, nuns and parents). No-fault divorce began in California and began moving east. Abortion was made legal in 1973. At the time it was promoted as “the most difficult decision a woman could make” and was “between her and her God.” God was later removed from the picture. Taking illegal drugs became acceptable. It’s difficult to lead a productive and healthy life, especially if addicted to drugs.

The National Organization of Women appeared and drove a wedge between men and women. Instead of trying to help men and women solve their problems, men became the enemy, the “oppressors” of women. The net result was suspicion, and damage to relationships. The 1980s saw the crack cocaine epidemic, and a near completion of having no-fault divorce in every state. By that time the media was showing dysfunctional families on TV. Women drinking liquor straight from the bottle. By the 1990s, it was profanity and partial nudity appearing on broadcast television. An actor from the show NYPD Blue was asked why this was, his non-response? “It’s the 90s.”

Now, in the 21st Century, a few people think that just because it’s the 21st Century, things have changed. Nothing about basic human relationships has changed. Nothing.

People are born, they grow up, get married (or not), have kids (or not), get old and die. The thing that has changed is the gradual poisoning of the Body of Christ over the past 30 years by every media outlet saying “It’s OK. Your neighbors over there got divorced, it’s OK. That person over there got an abortion, it’s OK. Wanna live with your girlfriend? It’s OK.”

The Bible warned of a time when people would no longer endure endure sound doctrine. And that’s what’s going on now. The Church needs to realize that there is a right and wrong and that God (the same God you grew up with) is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. Don’t deny God’s power to help you find a mate or a friend.

We are told to encourage one another. So for everyone who is lonely, ask God to help you.

God bless,
Ed
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I grew up in the 70’s and early 80’s, and cohabitationing still elicited "GASP"s.
topcat71 said:
Isn’t there still a hell? We were not put on this earth to fight the commandments of God, but to obey for a bright future in heaven. Goodness we mortals are so dumb. One question “How many mortal sins does it take to get to hell?”.
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Uh-oh, you mentioned the “H” word! Don’t you know that makes you a judgmental bigot??? [/sarcasm=off]

Seriously, I think that there is a correlation here between the decline in morals (including declining Mass attendance!) and decrease in in fear of being sent to hell.
 
Seriously, I think that there is a correlation here between the decline in morals (including declining Mass attendance!) and decrease in in fear of being sent to hell.

**i agree.
children who have parents who do not allow them to ‘own’ the consequenses of their actions usually end up giving society adults who believe everyone ELSE is unfair when they don’t get their own way.
just look at the paris hilton debaucle.🙂

/B**
 
Of course, these days with homosexuality on everyone’s mind, two guys sharing a place are cohabiting also. But not all of us can afford to live alone so I’ll continue to do such, meaning share expenses with another guy. I don’t care what anyone says. I am not obligated to live alone. I am obligated not to shack up with the opposite sex.
 
goofyjim said:
Of course, these days with homosexuality on everyone’s mind, two guys sharing a place are cohabiting also. But not all of us can afford to live alone so I’ll continue to do such, meaning share expenses with another guy. I don’t care what anyone says. I am not obligated to live alone. I am obligated not to shack up with the opposite sex.
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i see NOTHING wrong with sharing expenses. the world is a pretty expensive place.🙂
personally, i don’t assume someone is involved in a romantic relationship JUST because they live together (regardless of gender).
as my mother used to say: people who have dirty minds see the world through dirty eyes.
as long as YOU’RE doing what you’re supposed to be doing, i wouldn’t worry about those whose minds are in the gutter.
 
Chris_Jacobsen said:
It’s improbable that one can be a practicing Catholic and get married. Possible, but improbable.

And the sad thing is if you are faithful to God, you will probably be rejected by your local parish. Many parishes reject people who are single.
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Dating today as a practicing Catholic is next to impossible, since sex is assumed at a certain point in the relationship…anytime from before two people become a couple to a few weeks into the relationship.

This is a very cynical view, but as a fellow single Catholic, I agree. Single people aren’t wanted in most parishes.
 
Cohabitation is simply another expression of America’s and many other European’s distorted view of freedom. The culture has forgotten that true freedom means serving God, not self. I heard Anthony Esolen on Catholic Answers Live yesterday quoting Christian writer George McDonald:

*Satan ever repeats the most miserable words ever uttered by any being. He repeats over and over, “I am my own. I am my own.”
 
fraisinette said:
Dating today as a practicing Catholic is next to impossible, since sex is assumed at a certain point in the relationship…anytime from before two people become a couple to a few weeks into the relationship.

This is a very cynical view, but as a fellow single Catholic, I agree. Single people aren’t wanted in most parishes.
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I’d say that virtually always first sexual intercourse, or at least heavy petting which constitutes sexual activity, occurs within a few days of a couple meeting each other. Otherwise they won’t form a pair,

Mores change very quickly.
 
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