Cohabitation

[jenlovesyu]

So… you believe it’s sinful because people assume you’re sinning? Is that really a way to live?

Well this is just what I gathered from what I have been taught. I don’t know which Bible verses refer to scandal but I hear over and over that Jesus warned a lot about being scandalous.

It isn’t fair for people to assume what a couple is doing in their private, personal lives but it happens all the time. Some people may be like “well that’s the fault of those nosy people” but others may see it like “nonetheless you shouldn’t even give people the possible impression that you are sinning.”

I’ll admit that I don’t quite understand the whole thing about scandal. I don’t base my faith off of what other people do. I will always be loyal to the Catholic faith regardless. But I can see why, for example, some people might be turned off to the faith because of the problems we have had with some of our priests. It isn’t fair for people to assume that all priests are like that but again, it’s what people have done. And these kinds of people have either left the faith or stayed away from the faith altogether for reasons such as the priest problem.

So it can come down to something like this: are we our brother’s keeper? Should we care whether or not the things we do might turn them off to the faith even though we know in our hearts we are not sinning?

It’s easy to say “that’s their problem if they stray away from the faith.” Surely, their reactions (assumptions) to actions such as cohabiting (when the couple is abstaining) are definitely irrational. It isn’t ever really wise to make assumptions about people. But some people’s faiths just aren’t as strong as others…I dunno, like I said, I don’t understand the whole scandal thing.

Here’s what is written on the USCCB website:

7. Is it possible for cohabitation to scandalize the community?

Many diocesan marriage preparation policies note the possibility of scandal. Scandal is a multi-faceted reality. In society as a whole, cohabitation neither carries the stigma nor causes the scandal that it did just two generations ago. As the bishops of Kansas point out, “As society no longer adheres to traditional moral values and norms, scandal becomes less and less a concern to many people” (A Better Way, p. 9). The burden of scandal falls not just on the cohabiting couple, but on our sexually permissive society.

The cohabiting couple is living contrary to the Church’s teaching on marriage and sexual love. By acting as if they are married when they are not, they risk scandalizing the believing community. It is also possible to cause scandal, however, through a lack of understanding and compassion for couples in irregular situations. Whether and how couples are welcomed can mean the difference between alienation from the Church or renewed involvement.

Moreover, parents and pastoral ministers may have a different opinion of how scandal occurs. Parents who were deeply distressed by their children’s cohabitation are relieved when the son or daughter approaches the Church for marriage. They believe that the scandal is easing. At this point, however, priests and pastoral ministers fear that the scandal is about to start. Both viewpoints have some merit, and point to the need for understanding different perspectives on scandal.

usccb.org/laity/marriage/cohabiting.shtml

Personally because I like the idea of waiting until marriage to live with someone and because I want to higher my odds of having successful marriage, I would definitely wait. Also, I have a very sensitive (non-Catholic) family and whenever I make a mistake (like my recent one, getting pregnant out of wedlock ) they cry “hypocrite!” Sooo living with a guy before I got married to him would in my case, definitely cause scandal to my family at least. I just became Catholic this year so I guess that means, according to ma familia, I am supposed to be perfect or something

But that’s just me

 

[chain]

Having known better, been there, and done that…

If a couple is and has always been chaste - I can imagine that they if they truly desire to remain chaste - they might be able to live in close proximity of each other and not cause a problem. For the rest of us - that is rarely the case.

I thought I knew better - I recognize I was wrong. There is a fine line between feeling loved and feeling used. Lust during cohabitation will usually cross it. Having seen the psychological (and occasionally physical) damage caused to quite a few female friends - I will readily admit those who lived their lives immersed in the faith rather than tried to decide right from wrong themselves were correct.

 

[tjm190]

Well this is just what I gathered from what I have been taught. I don’t know which Bible verses refer to scandal but I hear over and over that Jesus warned a lot about being scandalous.

It isn’t fair for people to assume what a couple is doing in their private, personal lives but it happens all the time. Some people may be like “well that’s the fault of those nosy people” but others may see it like “nonetheless you shouldn’t even give people the possible impression that you are sinning.”

I’ll admit that I don’t quite understand the whole thing about scandal. I don’t base my faith off of what other people do. I will always be loyal to the Catholic faith regardless. But I can see why, for example, some people might be turned off to the faith because of the problems we have had with some of our priests. It isn’t fair for people to assume that all priests are like that but again, it’s what people have done. And these kinds of people have either left the faith or stayed away from the faith altogether for reasons such as the priest problem.

So it can come down to something like this: are we our brother’s keeper? Should we care whether or not the things we do might turn them off to the faith even though we know in our hearts we are not sinning?

It’s easy to say “that’s their problem if they stray away from the faith.” Surely, their reactions (assumptions) to actions such as cohabiting (when the couple is abstaining) are definitely irrational. It isn’t ever really wise to make assumptions about people. But some people’s faiths just aren’t as strong as others…I dunno, like I said, I don’t understand the whole scandal thing.

Here’s what is written on the USCCB website:

usccb.org/laity/marriage/cohabiting.shtml

Personally because I like the idea of waiting until marriage to live with someone and because I want to higher my odds of having successful marriage, I would definitely wait. Also, I have a very sensitive (non-Catholic) family and whenever I make a mistake (like my recent one, getting pregnant out of wedlock ) they cry “hypocrite!” Sooo living with a guy before I got married to him would in my case, definitely cause scandal to my family at least. I just became Catholic this year so I guess that means, according to ma familia, I am supposed to be perfect or something

But that’s just me

First- About Jesus on scandal. Let’s say it’s Lent and I’m supposed to be fasting. And I do fast- but I also “wash my face and anoint my head with oil so that * do not appear to be fasting”- am I causing scandal? Could my actions be seen as an “endorsement” of ignoring the tougher parts of the faith?

Second- The statistics you’ve seen are (intentionally?) misleading- I linked a fuller analysis from the same study earlier in the thread*

 

[embertx3]

As much as I hate to further my reputation as a heathen and a trouble maker- I acknowledge that cohabitation with a member of the opposite sex may be a bad idea as it can cause issues with temptation, I have trouble understanding how it could be seen as sinful.
At the moment I’m earnestly seeking information, but I may well launch into debate mode without warning.

I guess you can keep “earnestly seeking information” but the answer is still the same that cohabitation is still sinful and causes issues with temptation. What is there to debate. It is either you accept it or not. I see that the problem is not in understanding but on accepting/acceptance. IMHO.

God bless

 

[kage_ar]

Because weddings are free and don’t take any time to plan at all, and it’s really easy to get the family together instantly with little/no notice?

The license has a fee, the Church requires prep - about 6 months. That should be plenty of time for the family to make plans to be there.

No one has to have a TLC Wedding Story kagillion dollar wedding. You get married in your Sunday best clothes then have a pot luck dinner in the Parish hall or mom’s backyard.

 

[tjm190]

I guess you can keep “earnestly seeking information” but the answer is still the same that cohabitation is still sinful and causes issues with temptation. What is there to debate. It is either you accept it or not. I see that the problem is not in understanding but on accepting/acceptance. IMHO.

God bless

I see the “issues with temptation” clear as day. I do not understand the logic by which it is sinful.

 

[tjm190]

The license has a fee, the Church requires prep - about 6 months. That should be plenty of time for the family to make plans to be there.

No one has to have a TLC Wedding Story kagillion dollar wedding. You get married in your Sunday best clothes then have a pot luck dinner in the Parish hall or mom’s backyard.

And if that’s what a couple wants, more power to them.

 

[celticsfan1983]

Isn’t every moment of life an occasion of sin? If we’re speaking out two people of the opposite sex living together, nothing romantic, I don’t think God would get mad at you because you share the same kitchen.

 

[Pug]

Isn’t every moment of life an occasion of sin? If we’re speaking out two people of the opposite sex living together, nothing romantic, I don’t think God would get mad at you because you share the same kitchen.

Yes, practically anything can be an occasion of sin. It is impossible to avoid life.

 

[embertx3]

I see the “issues with temptation” clear as day. I do not understand the logic by which it is sinful.

This may be a poor analogy but will try. Newborn infants are laid in a crib/bassinet/nursery bed for precaution among other reasons. It is unlikely for a newborn to roll over and fall but is used as protection for the newborn infant, care taker or whatever element that can pose a threat for the newborn. To not take precaution is neglect and can cause harm to the newborn. Issues to temptation can lead to sinful acts/thoughts thus sinful. Girlfriends and boyfriends that cohabitate are more than likelyto lead to sinful acts. hope that helps.

God bless

 

[tjm190]

This may be a poor analogy but will try. Newborn infants are laid in a crib/bassinet/nursery bed for precaution among other reasons. It is unlikely for a newborn to roll over and fall but is used as protection for the newborn infant, care taker or whatever element that can pose a threat for the newborn. To not take precaution is neglect and can cause harm to the newborn. Issues to temptation can lead to sinful acts/thoughts thus sinful. Girlfriends and boyfriends that cohabitate are more than likelyto lead to sinful acts. hope that helps.

God bless

Of course the analogy sees the couples as an object to be acted upon, rather than a body capable of action, but I see your logic more or less. The concept of doing something that may cause sin being sinful in and of itself if foreign to me however- is this concept applied in other teachings?