Cohabiting neighbour asking where to go for counselling?

[Fergal]

A good neighbour friend of mine has just had a long talk with me about the problems he and his partner are experiencing. The are cohabiting and wanted to know if the Catholic Marriage Agency would offer cohabiting couples any counselling! Now just to note he was married, his wife died of cancer and he has, I suspect, a fear of marrying again. He is 41 years old.

I readily explained in the most charitable way that since he was not married, marriage guidance or counselling would not be forthcoming from a Catholic agency like ACCORD.

I very politely explained that his situation was what we call irregular and that he needed to regularise his situation with a view to single life or married life but that it could not stay as it was forever.

He asked me if I knew of any agency that would offer counselling and indeed I did know of some that are non-Catholic. Of course they will see no problem in his cohabiting and may even encourage him to continue on as he is.

Should I suggest relationship counselling in a non-Catholic organisation or should I continue to help him to see that his situation is irregular and needs to be regularised?

 

[SpiritMeadow]

A good neighbour friend of mine has just had a long talk with me about the problems he and his partner are experiencing. The are cohabiting and wanted to know if the Catholic Marriage Agency would offer cohabiting couples any counselling! Now just to note he was married, his wife died of cancer and he has, I suspect, a fear of marrying again. He is 41 years old.

I readily explained in the most charitable way that since he was not married, marriage guidance or counselling would not be forthcoming from a Catholic agency like ACCORD.

I very politely explained that his situation was what we call irregular and that he needed to regularise his situation with a view to single life or married life but that it could not stay as it was forever.

He asked me if I knew of any agency that would offer counselling and indeed I did know of some that are non-Catholic. Of course they will see no problem in his cohabiting and may even encourage him to continue on as he is.

Should I suggest relationship counselling in a non-Catholic organisation or should I continue to help him to see that his situation is irregular and needs to be regularised?

First you didn’t state whether your neighbor is Catholic. If he is not, then I doubt he is much interested in our faiths rather difficult take on the matter. Since he has not asked you about why you believe as you do, nor asked to learn more about your stance, I would take it that he doesn’t agree with your views on the subject.

Most other protestants would not either. He is asking for help, if you feel that such help would engender your “support” as many orthodox Catholics apparently do, at least have the decency to tell him that there are places but he will have to ask someone who doesn’t feel it is sinful to tell him. You owe that much I believe. I find nothing wrong in telling him of the counseling you are aware of from my own perspective. I don’t believe that that condones any sin at all. In fact it is not sinful to most christians at all.

I would not presume what professional counseling will tell him. That is why they are professional and we are not.

 

[Annie_B]

He is probably aware of the agencies (or at least could look in the phone book etc…) that offer non-catholic counseling. If indeed he is looking for a “catholic twist” to the counseling, I would suggest that they talk to a parish priest about the situation. It just may be the thing they need to get them headed in the right direction
Annie

 

[Caesar517]

I’m assuming that he isn’t Catholic.

It seems to me that he came to a Catholic person looking for the Catholic view on purpose. I don’t think you should steer him toward a non-Catholic organization in light of that. It may seem like you are endorsing those particular organizations if you guide him toward them.

If he really wants to know about non-Catholic counseling then I don’t see any problem with you giving him some info as long as you mention that you don’t particularly support them.