College and Parents

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Rivii

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Good day to you all!
I came across Brad17’s thread, “Can my parents take away a scholarship opportunity?” and it had me thinking… since I’m in a similar situation.

In his case, he’s about to receive a large merit-based scholarship that would remove any financial responsibility on his parents; though his parents insist on paying for his attendance at a Catholic university. In my case, I’ve received it… but now my mom is jeopardizing my scholarship – she has completely removed me from the university and taken steps to make me transfer to the Catholic university of her choice.

I experienced “re-entry shock” because my mom removed me by flying me to another country for college. This flowchart I created was when I was trying to reassess my career aspirations and to reconsider the concrete pros and cons of my situation. Any advice for this would be appreciated. If not advice, (name removed by moderator)ut through the poll above this thread would help. Prayers are always appreciated! God bless.

http://forums.catholic-questions.org/picture.php?albumid=2186&pictureid=14732

Notes for the flowchart:
University A was the original university I was in. The cost listed is the estimate for how much I will spend since I’ll be on my own: college tuition, living costs, utility and phone bills, transportation, some insurances, contingent funds, miscellaneous.
University B is the Catholic university she wants me to attend. The cost is more specific because it only cites tuition. My mom pays for it all including having to support me with her three jobs.
University C is the “compromise university” since it’s Catholic and they offered a full scholarship. Though I’ll end up majoring in the field she wants. My mom covers me through living and transportation expenses.
 
Rivii said:
Good day to you all!
I came across Brad17’s thread, “Can my parents take away a scholarship opportunity?” and it had me thinking… since I’m in a similar situation.

In his case, he’s about to receive a large merit-based scholarship that would remove any financial responsibility on his parents; though his parents insist on paying for his attendance at a Catholic university. In my case, I’ve received it… but now my mom is jeopardizing my scholarship – she has completely removed me from the university and taken steps to make me transfer to the Catholic university of her choice.

I experienced “re-entry shock” because my mom removed me by flying me to another country for college. This flowchart I created was when I was trying to reassess my career aspirations and to reconsider the concrete pros and cons of my situation. Any advice for this would be appreciated. If not advice, (name removed by moderator)ut through the poll above this thread would help. Prayers are always appreciated! God bless.
Notes for the flowchart:
University A was the original university I was in. The cost listed is the estimate for how much I will spend since I’ll be on my own: college tuition, living costs, utility and phone bills, transportation, some insurances, contingent funds, miscellaneous.
University B is the Catholic university she wants me to attend. The cost is more specific because it only cites tuition. My mom pays for it all including having to support me with her three jobs.
University C is the “compromise university” since it’s Catholic and they offered a full scholarship. Though I’ll end up majoring in the field she wants. My mom covers me through living and transportation expenses.
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Hi, my advice is that you should major in whatever subject you enjoy the most and the one in which you can advance to a good career in life. I do not think that it would be prudent to decide to go with a degree your mom wants you to have, for in the long run, if you don’t like the subject/you can’t find a job, there may be some residual resentment over it. Choose the university most suited to your needs as a student, and think about which university will be the spring-board, so to speak, of your future professional life.
 
You should major in the field you want to go into, Rivii. By the looks of things, assuming I’m reading that flow-chart right, you don’t have to pay a dime for the college and major of you choice. That’s an opportunity that’s hard to come by. Furthermore, you’re going to college, and unless your mom is paying for college in all instances, her opinion should have little impact on your college choice. You’re about to enter into the adult stage of your life, and thus it should be your choice.
 
my advice is the same as in the other thread you started recently. You must choose your own major and your own vocation. If mom wants to help with that, great. If not, then do it on your own. It may take longer, it may cost more, but you must pursue your own path for your career, spouse, etc.
 
I agree with everyone else. You need to go for the career that you want to do the most, because if you don’t find it enjoyable, you might not want to do it. You also need to choose the college/university you feel is suited best to help you achieve such a career.

I’m sorry that your Scholarship maybe in jeopardy, Rivii. I am praying for you every night.:gopray:
 
I also agree with the above posters. Your mom is very sweet to want to send you to the best college possible (in her opinion) and to work so hard to pay for it, but ultimately the decision is yours, because the career you exit college with is the career you will be using for the rest of your life.

At this point, with such an important life-decision before you, your mom’s role in controlling the situation has ended. You need to carefully and charitably convey that to her.

Besides, the difference between Catholic and non-Catholic colleges isn’t really that huge. A lot of colleges that bear the name “Catholic” are not truly living up to that name anymore.
 
How can your mom ‘remove you by flying to another state?’. I really don’t understand the process
 
Thank you all for taking the time to respond and/or vote in the poll!
AlTheCollegeGal, you have a point. My interest in a subject does impact my productivity. And, if I become unsuccessful, my mom may suffer the brunt of my frustrations. That’s a great piece of advice! Choose the university most suited to your needs as a student, and think about which university will be the spring-board, so to speak, of your future professional life. Thank you!

Aeden, yes. University B is the only one I’m not receiving money from though and that’s the one my mom wants me to be in. Since she’d be paying in that situation, her choice in my major becomes more relevant 😦 As for me making an adult decision in my life, I have to consider how my choice will impact my loved ones. In this case, my mom wholeheartedly wants me to go into University B.

1ke, hello again! 🙂 Thank you again for your points!

Vim71, hello again! x) Thanks for your prayers. I’m praying for you too! :gopray:

dshix, 😦 True. I would be in that career for a long time. As for the Catholic/non-Catholic discrepancy my mom has an issue with, you’re right 😦 University B was hardly holistic and its students aren’t exemplars of Catholicism. I have two friends attending there and now they’re so different from HS :eek: One drinks and parties her depression away and another is compromising her purity :bighanky:

Anglewannabe, we were physically separated for over a year and she wanted me to visit her so she sent me a flight ticket. Later during the “visit,” she took my passport and cancelled my return flight. So I’m stuck. Not in another state either; I’m in another country.

Greg_N, :rotfl: I hear you!
 
Rivii said:
Anglewannabe, we were physically separated for over a year and she wanted me to visit her so she sent me a flight ticket. Later during the “visit,” she took my passport and cancelled my return flight. So I’m stuck. Not in another state either; I’m in another country.
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Whoa, that is aggressive. Is your father still in the picture? Just say yes or no, no need to give an explanation if it is personal.
 
dshix said:
Whoa, that is aggressive. Is your father still in the picture? Just say yes or no, no need to give an explanation if it is personal.
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Yes. Thanks for the consideration but it’s ok. My mom is trying to exclude my dad from this 😦
 
I don’t think psychology is that bad as a subject, but unless it’s very different in your part of the world, I don’t think I’d want to apply to medical school with a psychology degree. It’s hard to give advice as the academic programs are probably very different from in the US (we have a lot of freedom to choose specific courses, while you probably do not), but while psychology courses are fine, it’s important to take the hardest courses in biology and chemistry, etc. as you can. It’s possible that a psychology degree in your part of the world would be rigorous enough, but in the US it would be a dangerous move.

There was a sad case in my family of a young woman who went to an off-shore medical school with a non-science BA and very little science course work. She decided, after taking out $60+ thousand in loans that she didn’t want to do medical school and she didn’t want to be a doctor. If she had started her undergraduate work in the sciences, she could have figured that out faster and less expensively.
 
Rivii said:
Yes. Thanks for the consideration but it’s ok. My mom is trying to exclude my dad from this 😦
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Well, unless your dad is actually estranged for real purposes (infidelity, severe fights, alcoholism, etc.) your mom has no right to exclude him, and I suggest you bring him into the picture if it will be helpful in any way.
 
Xantippe, you’re definitely right about the medical school and merit a psychology course may or may not offer to prepare you for the former. Eek. I doubt the psychology course they’re offering will measure up. Plus I’m not really interested. Recipe for disaster D:

dshix, I’m not certain how I can bring him into this. It’s sticky situation. He isn’t estranged for real purposes though; they’re still functional and married, thank God. My mom is trying to exclude him simply because he isn’t aligning to her ideals.
 
Xantippe said:
I don’t think psychology is that bad as a subject, but unless it’s very different in your part of the world, I don’t think I’d want to apply to medical school with a psychology degree.
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Oh, please. It’s a pseudoscience.

If the structure of the discipline itself had any credence to begin with (which I often doubt), it can now be safely assumed that it can be intertheoretically reduced to that of neuroscience.
 
Rivii said:
My mom is trying to exclude him simply because he isn’t aligning to her ideals.
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You’re mum scares me, (mabye she should see a psychologist). haha.

I will pray for the both of you. 😉
 
Get a new passport and get the hell out of there. And don’t look back.
 
1ke said:
Get a new passport and get the hell out of there. And don’t look back.
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I’ve actually snuck into the US Embassy here to get information on how the process works. I’ve reported it as “lost” since “stolen” would’ve required a police report. Still, the process is daunting: you need sensitive files for proof (things my mom has), then book an appointment a month later, may or may not get approved then, and wait another month (if approved) for the release of the new passport. And this is all assuming the process moves efficiently.

I’ve been looking at getting a new passport as a last resort since getting one would mean that I insist on breaking apart from my mom. To her, that would look as a permanent break on trust 😦
 
Rivii said:
I’ve actually snuck into the US Embassy here to get information on how the process works. I’ve reported it as “lost” since “stolen” would’ve required a police report. Still, the process is daunting: you need sensitive files for proof (things my mom has), then book an appointment a month later, may or may not get approved then, and wait another month (if approved) for the release of the new passport. And this is all assuming the process moves efficiently.

I’ve been looking at getting a new passport as a last resort since getting one would mean that I insist on breaking apart from my mom. To her, that would look as a permanent break on trust 😦
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I think a boundary has been crossed that I would not be able to come back from. My parent taking my passport and holding me hostage-- no way. I would report it to the police and I would let the chips fall where they may. I would also tell my father what is going on. Your mother sounds mentally unstable. She has caused you to have to withdraw from your school because she is physically holding you hostage in a foreign country. I would report it as what it is – stolen-- and I would tell them exactly who stole it!

But that is me.

You are right, this might break your relationship permanently. But, it might also impress upon her that you are no longer a victim and will not tolerate manipulation.
 
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