College and Parents

[Rivii]

I think a boundary has been crossed that I would not be able to come back from. My parent taking my passport and holding me hostage-- no way. I would report it to the police and I would let the chips fall where they may. I would also tell my father what is going on. Your mother sounds mentally unstable. She has caused you to have to withdraw from your school because she is physically holding you hostage in a foreign country. I would report it as what it is – stolen-- and I would tell them exactly who stole it!

But that is me.

You are right, this might break your relationship permanently. But, it might also impress upon her that you are no longer a victim and will not tolerate manipulation.

I understand what you’re saying. I’m honestly a little offended when you said that my mom sounds mentally unstable. Her methods were questionable and motives were ulterior, yes. But I don’t think my mom wouldn’t do this if it wasn’t for my own good. Or at least I’d like to believe that. Maybe she’s just struggling with “Empty Nest Syndrome” especially since I’m her first-born? Plus she has this ever-present fear that I’m going to get pregnant

 

[1ke]

I understand what you’re saying. I’m honestly a little offended when you said that my mom sounds mentally unstable. Her methods were questionable and motives were ulterior, yes. But I don’t think my mom wouldn’t do this if it wasn’t for my own good. Or at least I’d like to believe that. Maybe she’s just struggling with “Empty Nest Syndrome” especially since I’m her first-born? Plus she has this ever-present fear that I’m going to get pregnant

I am sorry that you are offended. But I don’t think that pretending her multitude of irrational beliefs and actions are normal is helping anyone-- you or her.

 

[Rivii]

I am sorry that you are offended. But I don’t think that pretending her multitude of irrational beliefs and actions are normal is helping anyone-- you or her.

I understand what you’re saying. It’s much like justifying something immoral. I guess I’m being partial because she’s my mom. If I logically evaluate everything concerning solely myself, it’d make sense for me to return to the US. However, I have to also consider the impact this will have on the rest of my family It’s a little too sticky for my tastes.

But anyway. God sends us trials to test our faith, right? Thanks for your (name removed by moderator)ut anyhow I appreciate it.

 

[Greg_N]

I understand what you’re saying. It’s much like justifying something immoral. I guess I’m being partial because she’s my mom. If I logically evaluate everything concerning solely myself, it’d make sense for me to return to the US. However, I have to also consider the impact this will have on the rest of my family It’s a little too sticky for my tastes.

But anyway. God sends us trials to test our faith, right? Thanks for your (name removed by moderator)ut anyhow I appreciate it.

You appear to be a very decent person Rivii.

You’re mother obviously loves you a lot (to the point of appearing slightly irrational lol) and you obviously love your mother a great deal as well (I probably would have lost the plot by now); so I don’t think there is anything inherently wrong with the situation, we just need to trim the excess and work out an agreement with civility.

You should always respect your parents, but as you grow older; we learn to form our own path in life. I would try and establish some serious face time with your mother while keeping in mind what the Catholic Catechism says on the subject:

As they grow up, children should continue to respect their parents. They should anticipate their wishes, willingly seek their advice, and accept their just admonitions. Obedience toward parents ceases with the emancipation of the children; not so respect, which is always owed to them. This respect has its roots in the fear of God, one of the gifts of the Holy Spirit.

Notice as well that it refers to parents; so out of respect, I think you should allow your father to know what the deal is as well (judiciously of course [given the circumstances!]).
Together, I pray you can come to a conclusion on the issue.

 

[Rivii]

You appear to be a very decent person Rivii.

You’re mother obviously loves you a lot (to the point of appearing slightly irrational lol) and you obviously love your mother a great deal as well (I probably would have lost the plot by now); so I don’t think there is anything inherently wrong with the situation, we just need to trim the excess and work out an agreement with civility.

You should always respect your parents, but as you grow older; we learn to form our own path in life. I would try and establish some serious face time with your mother while keeping in mind what the Catholic Catechism says on the subject:

Notice as well that it refers to parents; so out of respect, I think you should allow your father to know what the deal is as well (judiciously of course [given the circumstances!]).
Together, I pray you can come to a conclusion on the issue.

Thank you, Greg_N She’s done some “irrational” things to demonstrate her love, yes This isn’t the most drastic one, I suppose. Well, you’re right that it isn’t inherently wrong. Trim the excess?

Oh, my dad His heart was breaking really. He kept saying how he couldn’t imagine his wife being capable of lying to and manipulating him. There are a lot of other things that play into the location-selectivity apparently. Thanks for your prayers! I’ll pray for you too

 

[Greg_N]

She’s done some “irrational” things to demonstrate her love, yes This isn’t the most drastic one, I suppose. Well, you’re right that it isn’t inherently wrong. Trim the excess?

Excess: an amount of something that is more than necessary, permitted, or desirable.
So trim that excess lovin’! lol

Oh, my dad His heart was breaking really. He kept saying how he couldn’t imagine his wife being capable of lying to and manipulating him. There are a lot of other things that play into the location-selectivity apparently.

Aww man… well this complicates things a little! Just don’t let all this become too overwhelming, as Saint Pio would say: “Pray, hope, and don’t worry. Worry is useless. God is merciful and will hear your prayer.” - Simple, but good advice in a situation like this.

Thanks for your prayers! I’ll pray for you too

Thank you so much we’ll get a prayer chain going lol
God bless you sis

 

[Rivii]

Excess: an amount of something that is more than necessary, permitted, or desirable.
So trim that excess lovin’! lol

Aww man… well this complicates things a little! Just don’t let all this become too overwhelming, as Saint Pio would say: “Pray, hope, and don’t worry. Worry is useless. God is merciful and will hear your prayer.” - Simple, but good advice in a situation like this.

Thank you so much we’ll get a prayer chain going lol
God bless you sis

Love makes the world go round though lol

Interesting that you mentioned Saint Pio! I prayed to him about this situation and it calmed me down. Simple but good advice, yes

You’re welcome God bless you too, bro

 

[Xantippe]

“If the structure of the discipline itself had any credence to begin with (which I often doubt), it can now be safely assumed that it can be intertheoretically reduced to that of neuroscience.”

I’m not a specialist in either field, just a satisfied customer, and I think you’re being a bit unfair to psychology as a discipline. When you need a psychologist, you need a psychologist.

But it definitely isn’t a good route to an MD.

 

[HouseArrest]

So besides the fact that you would have to physically get yourself back to the university, are there other reasons for not returning? I she “pulling the rug out from under you”? Are you going to incur more expenses if you go back because of her latest decision?

 

[Rivii]

So besides the fact that you would have to physically get yourself back to the university, are there other reasons for not returning? I she “pulling the rug out from under you”? Are you going to incur more expenses if you go back because of her latest decision?

Well, she says she won’t talk to me ever again if I go back The other reason is because the Board is reviewing my request for a hold. If they say no, then what’s the point of going back?

 

[Xantippe]

“Well, she says she won’t talk to me ever again if I go back.”

I bet she was talking a lot when she said that, am I right? It’s probably a near physical impossibility for her to follow through on that threat.

I don’t know if that is the right move for you to make, but your mother saying that she won’t speak to you again is not a reason not to do it. (Wow, that sentence is hard to understand. Sorry!)

Somebody close to me went against parental wishes in marrying and his father really didn’t speak to him for about 10 years and there were other indirect repercussions (like possibly a misbehaving younger sibling), but the father in that story doesn’t sound at all like your mom.

This is risky, but this is your life, and you will be dealing with the consequences of your choice long after your mother has gone on to her eternal reward. Make a plan, but have a Plan B, C, D and E. Whatever you do, don’t expect that everything will turn out perfectly–you’ll get a degree, you’ll get a job in the field, you’ll get into a graduate program, you’ll pay off loans, you’ll marry a guy with a good income, you’ll have a beautiful family, etc. Make your plans flexible enough that you can deal with failure.

 

[HouseArrest]

What made her change her mind about the college? She let you go before, right?

Also, if you go back are you going to be responsible for more of the payment? Was she paying for it before?

 

[Rivii]

You’re right about that. My friends often remind me that, in the end, it’ll be just me and God, not me and God and my mom. They also tell me to make the choice that’ll leave me with the least regret.

That’s great advice, thank you

 

[Rivii]

What made her change her mind about the college? She let you go before, right?

Also, if you go back are you going to be responsible for more of the payment? Was she paying for it before?

Yeah, she trusted me to be on my own for a while. But she called me back because she felt that I was about to immerse myself in sin.

She didn’t pay for anything from the beginning. But she keeps reminding me that the scholarship I have is GPA-dependent so it’s not guaranteed that I’ll have it for the next 4 years.

 

[HouseArrest]

I understand what you’re saying. I’m honestly a little offended when you said that my mom sounds mentally unstable. Her methods were questionable and motives were ulterior, yes. But I don’t think my mom wouldn’t do this if it wasn’t for my own good. Or at least I’d like to believe that. Maybe she’s just struggling with “Empty Nest Syndrome” especially since I’m her first-born? Plus she has this ever-present fear that I’m going to get pregnant

Sooo… does she have some notion that you are not behaving in a respectful manner at school and that is why she wants you to go to a different school?

If so, can you try to solve the problem, rather than find away around it?

 

[Rivii]

Sooo… does she have some notion that you are not behaving in a respectful manner at school and that is why she wants you to go to a different school?

If so, can you try to solve the problem, rather than find away around it?

Well, I had a boyfriend for a while. But she really got upset with me because she prefers to pick the guy. So, at her request, I broke up with him. I don’t see how a change in location can avoid the possibility of boyfriends though; it’s not like there aren’t any guys in the school she wants me to transfer into.

 

[dshix]

Well, I had a boyfriend for a while. But she really got upset with me because she prefers to pick the guy. So, at her request, I broke up with him. I don’t see how a change in location can avoid the possibility of boyfriends though; it’s not like there aren’t any guys in the school she wants me to transfer into.

Your mom is being an immature control freak. Get out. You said that the reason your dad is out of the picture is because he disagreed some of her ideas? Good. Go on his side.

Your attachment needs to end now; the situation will not get better, it can only get worse. If you let your mom think that she can control you now, when you are on a career decision path, she will not improve when you are a middle-aged adult with kids; you will still be a controllable child to her.

 

[HouseArrest]

Well, I had a boyfriend for a while. But she really got upset with me because she prefers to pick the guy. So, at her request, I broke up with him. I don’t see how a change in location can avoid the possibility of boyfriends though; it’s not like there aren’t any guys in the school she wants me to transfer into.

I don’t know either. People can get into trouble just about anywhere.

I’m just thinking if you can determine what she has against the college (that she was okay with before) and have a conversation about it, you might have a chance of getting back there.

What are her reasons for pulling you out? You don’t say. Have you asked her?

 

[Rivii]

dshix, perhaps so. Even if I wanted to leave, I can’t because she has my passport. Besides, my dad doesn’t want his marriage to suffer so he’s considering returning to my mom

HouseArrest, true. She pulled me out because she feared that I was going to get pregnant

 

[HouseArrest]

dshix, perhaps so. Even if I wanted to leave, I can’t because she has my passport. Besides, my dad doesn’t want his marriage to suffer so he’s considering returning to my mom

HouseArrest, true. She pulled me out because she feared that I was going to get pregnant

Are you giving her good reasons to believe that it is possible? You don’t have to answer me, but there is a piece of this puzzle that is not there and it seems you are skirting the issue with every reply.