College Child Questioning Divinity of Christ

[sny]

My 19 year old daughter was never confirmed, but has always been interested in religion and church. She is in her second year of college, and has become actively involved with the Catholic group on campus. She asked the chaplain about getting confirmed last year, and she started an RCIA program at a nearby Catholic college a few weeks ago.

I take my kids to church, provide religious ed, etc., but have never pressured them to remain with the Catholic Church. I was thrilled that she chose to be confirmed of her own accord. Well, now she is not sure she wants to be confirmed or that she is even Christian. She said she has many problems with the Catholic Church (don’t we all!). I mentioned other Christian religions, and that is when she said she doesn’t think she believes in the divinity of Christ. She is a religion major, and she said a lot of what she is learning makes her question it.

I am trying to figure out how to react and express my thoughts without driving her away. She goes to school far away, so I have a couple of weeks before I will see her for December break. I can’t get rid of this great feeling of let down. I know it is her choice, but a big part of me wishes she never pursued Confirmation (or at least that she didn’t tell me about it.) I was so looking forward to seeing her confirmed at the Easter Vigil. How to deal with my sadness and confusing feelings? Suggestions for how to talk to her about this when I see her?

Thanks!

 

[1ke]

but have never pressured them to remain with the Catholic Church.

OK, I know this is going to sound harsh, but this needs to be said especially if other parents are reading this:

I would suggest that this sentiment may be a contributing factor to your daughter’s current situation. If her own parents don’t express belief in their religion enough to firmly state that it is true, and others are not, and she has been led to believe she can stay or go without spiritual consequence-- that’s a hard one to undo. You’ve even suggested other Christian denominations. This is a relativistic position, indifferentism. You may not believe it at all, but you’ve communicated it, probably unintentionally.

I can tell you all the people I know who are practicing the faith as adults had parents who 100% taught their kids Catholicism was (a true, (b not one among many, and (c not a choice but a mission we live out.

Why should she believe what the Church teaches about itself if her parents have been contradicting that and unintentionally planting seeds of doubt about the singular place in the world that the Church holds?

she said she doesn’t think she believes in the divinity of Christ. She is a religion major, and she said a lot of what she is learning makes her question it.

I would suggest you get her the book Theology for Beginners by Frank Sheed immediately. And Theology and Sanity as well.

I’d also look at the religion program she’s part of-- what sort of college religion department makes their students doubt their religion? Is this a Catholic school?

 

[sny]

You make some interesting points. I didn’t put pressure on my kids because pretty much every person I knew growing up whose parents forced them to get confirmed left the church as soon as they left home. But that is my own anecdotal experience, so maybe wasn’t the best way to make a decision.

Thanks for the book recommendations! I will check them out.

She is at a historically Presbyterian college, although the affiliation is almost non-existent at this point. She is taking a number of history, Classics and religion courses about the ancient world and is learning about research, archeology, etc. done in those areas. I know it can be dangerous to faith to study religious things in a secular manner, but I think strong faith should be able to survive this.

 

[1ke]

history, Classics and religion courses

I also highly recommend William Carroll’s History of Christendom. It’s a six part series, and each tome is pretty big (as opposed to Theology for Beginners which looks completely unintimidating due to its size but is really, really deep).

 

[sny]

Thanks again. Just checked out the reviews for Theology for Beginners. Looks like it will be interesting and informative for both of us so will order it. Doubt daughter will have time during the school year for a six part series, but that title also looks like something she would be intrigued by, so have it on my list for a later date.

She is very academic, so these sorts of books will get her thinking more than books about Catholicism/Christianity that are written in a more popular tone.

 

[heidi_storage]

My Jesuit school’s introductory religion classes did. Of course, the most popular classes were taught by a Buddhist and a radical feminist Reformed Jew.

 

[1ke]

If she’s a history nut, I also recommend anything by the great Regine Pernoud-- many of her books are available in English on Amazon.

 

[RandomAlias]

You should pray. Faith is a gift from God. Pray that her faith may increase. It is probably best to pray privately for this intention, not within her hearing. Maybe you could invite her to pray for a stronger faith.

If she believes in the one, true, eternal God who created all things, that is a good start. If she believes that God provides for her needs, that is great. If she believes that God loves her, that is better. If she desires a relationship with God, that is excellent.

What I’m getting at is that doubts about Jesus are not a total show-stopper. She needs to start somewhere. She needs to make a faith journey starting from where she is right now. You can accompany her on that journey, but you need to meet her where she is, and walk with her from there.

I am reading a great book about faith journeying, The Fulfillment of All Desire, by Ralph Martin. It’s not light reading. It’s a bit advanced, but if she likes to read and think about religion, this might help her on her way.

I too will pray for your daughter and for you as well. May the Holy Spirit assist and guide both of you always toward faith, virtue, truth, holiness, and love.

 

[Entwhistler]

As 1ke said, get her Theology and Sanity by Sheed. Awesome book. It is a little heavy but if she is a religion major she won’t have a problem. I’m also in the middle of reading Warren Carrol’s History of Christendom. It’s a long read (5 or so books?) but it is good. I really like how he puts references after every chapter so that we aren’t just taking his word for it. I’m a stickler for that in history books.

 

[sny]

Thank you everyone for the great book suggestions! I have already gotten a couple and look forward to reading them myself and then passing them on to my daughter to discuss.

I have since talked with a couple of people who were Classics majors. They said that studying Classics can be very disorienting to your religious belief, especially at first when you are learning that there is much more to the stories and history than what you learned from the Bible and religion classes. It can take a while to process it all and think about how the two mesh. These people eventually returned to the Church with a deeper understanding of their faith. And some serious quesitons. But they figure faith isn’t faith if you just blindly accept what you have always been taught without pondering it. Their comments have given me additional hope for the future.

Appreciate all your thoughts and prayers.