College refusal - where do we go from here?

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My husband was not encouraged by his family at all to go to college. He was a smart kid but was never encouraged academically and got so-so grades. He worked at a store for a year after h.s., then took some c.c. classes and then non-matric classes at a 4-yr state college. That meant he paid for the classes and did the assignments but didn’t get credits, however, it proved he could handle the work. I have no idea if this is an option now.

Anyway, he did get into that 4-yr school (by the skin of his teeth) and commuted there from home while working. Now he is successful in his career and makes a good income.

In another story…one of the guys in my brother’s h.s. graduating class is now a retired millionaire in his forties. How did he do it? Not by going to college. He ran a landscaping business. Started out cutting lawns, began his own business, now living near the beach without a care in the world. I remember this guy and he was no genius; in fact, he was a member of what we called “the burnout crowd.” Guess we were wrong! I’m not saying your son should rush out and cut lawns, I’m just using this as an example of a path that may not have seem expected or desired at the time, but led to independence and success.

Just one more story…I got into what I thought was my “dream college”–and it turned out to be a nightmare. I transferred to another school the next semester and learned a valuable lesson about dreams. Sometimes the fantasy in your head does not fit the reality of where you are going and what you really need.

Good luck with it all and keep praying. Sometimes God’s dreams and our plans are not what we think, but you love your son, that’s what matters.
 
I made the catastrophic mistake of only applying to one college and major in dance. The difference was I GOT IN! I wish, more then anything, that someone beat me over the head and told me that this was NOT a good idea and I should have taken advantage of the high grades I had earned in high school and gone for an academic major, like nursing, at a state school and danced as a hobby. My mistake resulted in 1 year of depression, an eating disorder, injuries and a very large student loan I’m still trying to pay back to this day.

1KE is right, by and large, anything that has to do with the arts is a hobby and not much more. There should be no major that exists for the arts because if you’re that good to earn a living, you should be auditioning in high school for a job and then go to college for a real degree…
Most people who aim high miss, but that doesn’t mean that it is foolish to aim high. It is a point well-taken, though, that not every professional career is best advanced by a college degree. Sometimes practical experience gives far better chances of success. For instance, a gifted baseball player who doesn’t have college plans other than to play baseball might be far more likely to succeed by going into the minor leagues than by going to college. A gifted musician might do better to find work playing music, with private music instruction as their ongoing professional coursework.

I think it is more that people hoping for a career in the arts ought to have a Plan B and a Plan C if they do choose college, as in: Plan A is to find work as a dancer and eventually a choreographer or director (in which case I’d better get through school cheaply, because I won’t have the means to make big student loan payments), Plan B is to teach dance or work at a fitness club, and Plan C is to go back for an additional semester or year or two and turn my minor into a major, or to just have a double major, perhaps one in dance and one in business, if a job in commerce interests the student at all. (Business classes do not a businessman or businesswoman make!!) Or maybe Plan B is to be a grade school PE teacher, or to work in the business end of live performance, or whatever.

For instance, a dance major of your academic caliber with an interest in medicine could also have taken the courseload of the pre-physical therapy students, so as to be set up to get into the fitness careers if the performance world didn’t offer sustainance or to even apply for post-graduate work in order to become a physical therapist instead of a fitness instructor or personal trainer. But yes, no matter how gifted you are, you ought to have a Plan B, especially if you are an athlete or any other performer that is always one physical accident away from forced retirement.
 
Cupofkindness,

Yes, he’s at Strake. I have emailed his counselor but not gotten a response yet. Yes, they are on spring break. We let our son have some responsibility for himself this year and tried to keep hands off the process…he didn’t want us involved, so we aren’t sure what his counselor has done/not done. We really haven’t been helicopter parents, which is partly why his grades have been so low. You know how hard Strake is. That was my wrong assumption, also what we have been told all along, that the colleges count a Strake GPA differently than public schools. Seems not to be true.

Well, his mood isn’t bad today, and he’s going to talk to Mr. Roman and his counselor. Mr. Roman has been such a good friend and guide to him all through, I hope he will have some reassurance. We do need a plan and last night things looked rather black, but today there is some light around the edges.

I never thought about re-taking the SAT and ACT. He can do it if he wants to. He is alternating between cussing A&M out for not wanting him, and coming up with new ideas. Which is exactly what any normal person would be doing.

I love him SO MUCH.
 
I have had ADD/ADHD my whole life and I am now a university professor. If I can do it, so can your child.

My advice is to take some prep classes for standardized tests (ACT, SAT, etc.) and to take a course which allows your child to improve their writing. Colleges are often willing to overlook GPA in favor of standardized testing and students who can explain their situation through their writing often get special consideration. Virtually every university does applications online nowadays, but you one can always send an old fashioned letter to admissions, etc. following the submission of the online application.

Peace of Christ,
 
Has your son thought about doing a gap year? Spending a year in the Volunteer Youth Corp or some other service organization might be just the thing he needs. I know the Jesuits have the Jesuit Volunteer Corp, but I think you need to be 21 to join. But have your son check around at school to see if there is a Catholic volunteer experience open to 18-year-olds.

Luna
This is something that I don’t know anything about. Do the schools still count your high school grades, and if so, do they still look at the junior year as the most important? I thought that if you take time off, you need to have community college experience to show for it.

I guess he could take a year off, raise his SAT scores, and reapply, too?

Well, we need to talk to his counselor and come up with some plans. My husband can put him to work, but it wouldn’t be volunteering, it would be a real job. Overseas.
 
A&M is tough to get into. I know several famlies who went the Blinn College route with the hope of transfering their child into A&M at a future date. I currently have a freshman (in Engineering) at A&M and a daughter in med school there. It’s been a good place for both of them. But I have no real insight into the way that kids are selected, I do know that a lot of wonderful kids are wait-listed or put on conditional enrollment. I guess when the economy turns down, more students apply to the state schools which puts pressure on admissions and means that more great kids get turned away.

Does your son want to join the Corps? If that is the case, you might just go to A&M with your son and speak to the Corps people and see what they are looking for. I would also check out ROTC. You may find a way to get around usual entrance requirements by finding a backdoor somewhere. A&M is worth the wait. I would also recommend that your son try to schedule a personal meeting with someone in the admissions department, so that he can do all the right things to create a better resume when he reapplies. I don’t know if a higher test score AFTER he leaves high school would translate into better odds at admissions. It might not be apples to apples anymore. Do you have a Kaplan test prep center near you (or something like that, just one that has been around for a long time. Here in Dallas it’s Dillard. I think that our Jesuit downplays prepping for the SAT (wanting you to believe that their education is enough), but it can make a real difference. I would think the issue would be to take the SAT before graduating. I think there is one in May:

sat.collegeboard.org/register/sat-dates

If your son could take a 6 week course in SAT prep and increase his score dramatically, then it may be worth the effort. At this point seniors are rapidly disengaging from school, so he might have a lot of time to put into a prep class. Call A&M and find out what their policies are on late senior year SAT scores. A&M is on spring break this week. Try not to overwhelm your son with information and advice. Give it to him in small bites when you have his full attention. But get informed so that you can put together an action plan asap. There is another SAT in June. Another option would be to ask the Jesuit counselor is he can recommend a “coach” to help your son at this point. Then, it’s not you, but the “coach” consultant-type person doing the pushing.

The competition is so intense now, the rules of the game have changed since I was a teen in the 1970s and 80s. It took only hard work and good will to get you where you wanted to be back then. Now, if you don’t have a game plan by your sophomore year in high school, it’s very challenging to know how to proceed with college. You might want to hire a writing tutor to help with the essay portion of the SAT. There is good information on the College Board website for essay prep as well.
 
I think that he would perform better on his SAT right now, since his mind has been active. Taking an SAT at some point in the future might not bring about the best results unless he is prepping for it aggressively. He may well decline in math skills. He should also have 4-6 good books that he can reference in his essays. Those should have been provided by his English classes, but if not, then give him books like Les Mis, A Tale of Two Cities, The Jungle, Huck Finn, Kill a Mockingbird, etc. Even if he listens to audio books, he will have more to ideas write about for the essays. Don’t know if this link might help:

examdude.com/how-to-get-a-perfect-score-on-sat-essay/
 
Cupofkindness,

Yes, he’s at Strake. I have emailed his counselor but not gotten a response yet. Yes, they are on spring break. We let our son have some responsibility for himself this year and tried to keep hands off the process…he didn’t want us involved, so we aren’t sure what his counselor has done/not done. We really haven’t been helicopter parents, which is partly why his grades have been so low. You know how hard Strake is. That was my wrong assumption, also what we have been told all along, that the colleges count a Strake GPA differently than public schools. Seems not to be true.

Well, his mood isn’t bad today, and he’s going to talk to Mr. Roman and his counselor. Mr. Roman has been such a good friend and guide to him all through, I hope he will have some reassurance. We do need a plan and last night things looked rather black, but today there is some light around the edges.

I never thought about re-taking the SAT and ACT. He can do it if he wants to. He is alternating between cussing A&M out for not wanting him, and coming up with new ideas. Which is exactly what any normal person would be doing.

I love him SO MUCH.
Julianne,

Just relax and hit up the counselor after break. I would drop a line to the admissions officer at Strake too. They brag quite a bit (as do the other Houston Catholic schools) about their 100% addmissions rate to college. They don’t want to lose that and should be jumping at the chance to help.

In the meantime, check to see if any of the feeder schools to A&M are still accepting aps. For example, Blinn has a program where everything you take there will transfer to A&M. And I think Blinn has winter admissions too so if your son doesn’t make the deadline for fall admissions, he would only lose one semester. I know lots of kids who have gone that route and are happily at A&M now.

The thing to remember about A&M is that due to the 10% rule it is MUCH harder to get in as a freshman than as a transfer student.
 
A&M is tough to get into. I know several famlies who went the Blinn College route with the hope of transfering their child into A&M at a future date. I currently have a freshman (in Engineering) at A&M and a daughter in med school there. It’s been a good place for both of them. But I have no real insight into the way that kids are selected, I do know that a lot of wonderful kids are wait-listed or put on conditional enrollment. I guess when the economy turns down, more students apply to the state schools which puts pressure on admissions and means that more great kids get turned away.

Does your son want to join the Corps? If that is the case, you might just go to A&M with your son and speak to the Corps people and see what they are looking for. I would also check out ROTC. You may find a way to get around usual entrance requirements by finding a backdoor somewhere. A&M is worth the wait. I would also recommend that your son try to schedule a personal meeting with someone in the admissions department, so that he can do all the right things to create a better resume when he reapplies. I don’t know if a higher test score AFTER he leaves high school would translate into better odds at admissions. It might not be apples to apples anymore. Do you have a Kaplan test prep center near you (or something like that, just one that has been around for a long time. Here in Dallas it’s Dillard. I think that our Jesuit downplays prepping for the SAT (wanting you to believe that their education is enough), but it can make a real difference. I would think the issue would be to take the SAT before graduating. I think there is one in May:

sat.collegeboard.org/register/sat-dates

If your son could take a 6 week course in SAT prep and increase his score dramatically, then it may be worth the effort. At this point seniors are rapidly disengaging from school, so he might have a lot of time to put into a prep class. Call A&M and find out what their policies are on late senior year SAT scores. A&M is on spring break this week. Try not to overwhelm your son with information and advice. Give it to him in small bites when you have his full attention. But get informed so that you can put together an action plan asap. There is another SAT in June. Another option would be to ask the Jesuit counselor is he can recommend a “coach” to help your son at this point. Then, it’s not you, but the “coach” consultant-type person doing the pushing.

The competition is so intense now, the rules of the game have changed since I was a teen in the 1970s and 80s. It took only hard work and good will to get you where you wanted to be back then. Now, if you don’t have a game plan by your sophomore year in high school, it’s very challenging to know how to proceed with college. You might want to hire a writing tutor to help with the essay portion of the SAT. There is good information on the College Board website for essay prep as well.
He did well on the writing score, he got a 9. At least, I think that is a decent score. :confused: He does well on writing in general, it’s math that he isn’t so hot at. (Obviously he’s not going into engineering at A&M!).

As for the Corps…He’s not able to be in the military, even though the Corps isn’t strictly military. He’s got celiac disease and has to be on a gluten-free diet, so a lot of programs can’t accommodate his diet. 😦 Even the Corps, with their training and segregation into one main dining room, would be a problem for him.

He did get “conditional” enrollment, but not at Blinn or anywhere close by - Texarkana, Laredo, Corpus, Kingsvile, Prairieview (which he would NOT fit into), and Tarleton :confused: That list made his heart sink because it was clear that all of those are very far removed from the main campus.

We used Cram Crew for his SAT prep and we actually thought he had done well. In his total score he did fairly well, but I just recently found out that the writing isn’t even counted so we had false confidence! He should have taken it again. Maybe he will do the ACT now. Have to see.

I don’t see why we should pay his tuition AND have to hire a consultant, I am growing more and more annoyed at his counselor by the minute. In reading your messages, you have given us more information in 10 minutes than our son has gotten for the last 3 years. That is just not right. When it comes to my husband and myself, it’s like the blind leading the blind because neither of us went through the system - my husband not at all, me not until I was 25 and I got in through community college, one class at a time, at night. Not that it would have been that helpful if I had gone through at the time I graduated high school, because that was waaaaaaay back in prehistoric times, in 1975.

😃

Thanks for the help and advice. He has already applied at UNT today, I think he just wants to be accepted anywhere right now, to salve his pride.
 
Hey, A&M is my alma mater. Not relevant to the discussion but just wanted to say “Gig Em”.

I agree, go to a 2 year or smaller school, then transfer in. If he does transfer, he needs to go to T Camp.
 
As someone who works in academia, might have ADHD/dyslexia, I’m going to toss in my 2 cents.
  1. College isn’t for everyone nor should it be. It might not be the right path for him. People in trades make a great living. I know. Just ask the guy I call when my plumbing breaks, electrical conduits need to be installed, or my car needs to be worked on. Or, better yet, ask those people in your life. I’m sure they’ll tell you they are very satisfied with their work. Some will have college degrees, some will not.
  2. College isn’t for everyone when they’re 17 or 18, but perhaps when they’re 25, a student will possess the maturity and work ethic to actually see the value in education and apply themselves accordingly. This was certainly the case for me. I entered too soon and wound up taking 8 years to finish. A good use of my time? Probably not. I’d have been better off had I gone backpacking for a few years, worked, etc. By the time I got to grad school, though, I figured it out. It sometimes does take that long. And, now I have 2 masters degrees.
  3. Community colleges are good starting points, especially for getting the basics out of the way and any remedial training he might need. I don’t know which state you’re in, but many state schools offer community college to public university transfers.
  4. Where I work and teach, I meet lots of students entering college for the first time as non-traditional students. Many are in their mid-twenties, or even older. Others, tried it out, flunked out, wasted up to 2 years of their hard-earned (or more likely their parents hard-earned) money, only to come back at 25, 26, etc. and EXCEL.
So, take heart. Maybe his heart is broken now; but maybe college isn’t where he needs to be in the next year or two. Maybe, he should work. Maybe he should travel. Maybe he should learn a trade. Or maybe a community college would be the best place to get some credits out of the way while giving the higher-ed thing a try.

A good guidance counselor should be able to help him figure that out.

I wish you both the best of luck and peace. I know this is a rocky journey, but the path will even out eventually.
 
Most people who aim high miss, but that doesn’t mean that it is foolish to aim high. It is a point well-taken, though, that not every professional career is best advanced by a college degree. Sometimes practical experience gives far better chances of success. For instance, a gifted baseball player who doesn’t have college plans other than to play baseball might be far more likely to succeed by going into the minor leagues than by going to college. A gifted musician might do better to find work playing music, with private music instruction as their ongoing professional coursework.

I think it is more that people hoping for a career in the arts ought to have a Plan B and a Plan C if they do choose college, as in: Plan A is to find work as a dancer and eventually a choreographer or director (in which case I’d better get through school cheaply, because I won’t have the means to make big student loan payments), Plan B is to teach dance or work at a fitness club, and Plan C is to go back for an additional semester or year or two and turn my minor into a major, or to just have a double major, perhaps one in dance and one in business, if a job in commerce interests the student at all. (Business classes do not a businessman or businesswoman make!!) Or maybe Plan B is to be a grade school PE teacher, or to work in the business end of live performance, or whatever.
You’re absolutely right and I was too immature and naive to understand that I needed a plan B or C or D…or something! My problem was I had been told how gifted a dancer I was from the very beginning and I was expected to follow in my mother’s footsteps (she was a professional ballet dancer and crossed over to teaching when her career ended). At the exact same time I was being beaten over the head with college! I MUST go to college and if I don’t, there is something wrong with me. So, naturally I decided to combine the two and do both.
I didn’t do enough research or critical thinking. I just picked the best school I could find that appealed to me, auditioned and was accepted early and I was done.

My experience with art school in general is they are squandering good talent. At least with the dance majors they were. We weren’t allowed to sign contracts with outside companies, we were encouraged to dedicate our talents and efforts to local projects through the school and NOT get paid for the extra work, we were forced into specific dance majors based on the instructors discretion (I had to change my major from adult pedagogy to children’s pedagogy) because I wasn’t advanced enough in their opinion and the level of experience and talent was too wide. We had girls who were not meeting the level expected of them Freshman year and others who were far too advanced and should have auditioned for a company instead of college.

I was auditioning for companies in high school and was given opportunities I could have taken advantage of but because I had so many people jumping on me and screaming COLLEGE…I listened.
 
I think others here have pretty much nailed it for you.
  1. keep him in school - encourage college over work - you are right - if he starts working it will be harder to go back.
  2. most likely need to go to a community college at least the first year - which is great in many ways - it eases him into college life (I know so many who blew their freshman grades because they had too much freedom, too fast) and it save a lot of money.’
I think what somebody said - contact the school he likes that turned him down and explain your son really wanted to go there, so what are his chances, what would he need to take in his first year (or two years) to transfer there, and what grade level etc?

If there is a chance, then this would give him motivation to hit the books hard. And if no chance, he will still be able to transfer somewhere else - there are many fine schools and he will find it.

And here is hope: my brother in senior year high school fell in with the wrong crowd and also matured past wanted to have a hall pass when he was 18, so he didn’t graduate HS. My parents talked to him and signed him up for the community college - and he loved it. He got straight As I kid you not, and spent each night immersed in his school work. He loved being treated like an adult, that classes were not one continuous six hour block, that he set up his own schedule, that the teacher did not care if you showed up or not etc etc. He never missed class, did all his work, loved the mature atmosphere and how he was in charge of his decisions etc and as I said got straight As and Dean;s List etc

He went form HS non-grad to college superstar! My brother did well with his career and retired of his own choice (and planning) at 52!

God bless you.
 
If there is a will, there is a way. I had no help going to school-in fact, I learned while active duty that I have adhd, later changed to mild aspergers (I had autistic traits as a child-was fortunate that I was given the opportunity to serve in the air force :D)
Okay-there are so many options out there, junior colleges, work study programs, maybe job corps, financial aid, pell grants, lottery system (in South Carolina-there is a lottery in place to help the students out). Oftentimes, many students goes to a local community college to later transfer to a university-perhaps, your son can go to a local library to research-there are many books that has information on colleges, ACT and SAT tests, and so forth. Please don’t despair-things always has a chance of working out. There is this one lawyer from base legal who has a collegue with adhd who is a practicing lawyer-please keep in mind that adhd doesn’t have to put an end to your son’s dreams. This one priest I know who is also a friend who wanted to be a doctor. He took the exam, just to have the results come in too late delaying him from entering the medical school He ended up finally answering God’s calling to priesthood-and is a wonderful priest. Sometimes, God has something better for your son. If he didn’t have celiac disease, I would have suggested the military-they have wonderful educational programs for the troops and their families.
 
I was a pretty average HS student and I went to an average college. Things turned out great, though as I went into Social Work which this school had a pretty good program for. There are many average HS students. Not everyone can go to a fabulous college. It’s going to college that’s important.

My SAT score wasn’t so hot either- only a 1090 that’s the old scoring system.
 
Honestly, not getting in could be the best thing that could ever happen. I went off to college and did the whole overachiever thing in science, only to get out of school in a terrible wreck of an economy. I learned that most of the majors that are suggested and most of the advice you get in college is WRONG. I worked my way through school, but I should have focused on a career first and did college as I went along. If I could go back and do it all over again I would have started at a community college to get the basics out of the way. From there I would have found a job for a company that gives tuition reimbursement. I would take classes as I go and not go into debt. By the time I graduated I would have had excellent work experience to go with my degree.

Hindsight is 20/20…

Your son may be destined for college, but then again he may not. It doesn’t define him as a person though. Keep a focus on going where GOD wants him to go. Maybe God needs him in a field that doesn’t require a college education? At the very least, he can always take classes on the side while he is working.
 
You need to get your son to do for himself. If you try and drag him through school by his ear, he won’t learn a blessed thing. If he’s had a hard time with school, it might be best for him to go to community college first anyway. They usually can offer more help to students who have difficulty with ADD. Besides, if he spends two years working hard and gets good grades at community college, the 4 year university might not consider his high school GPA.
 
Where do we go from here? It seems too late to start applying anywhere else now. Community college?
I would encourage my son to look to community college for a year. It gives him the chance to show his desired school that he IS serious about education, and he can get the college basics out of the way cheaply. Freshman English is the same anywhere, so why pay 4 year university prices when you could be paying community college prices? Furthermore, many community colleges EXPECT their grads to transfer, and have counselors/advisers on hand to help the process. Maybe they’ll be more helpful than the one at high school.
 
Hey, A&M is my alma mater. Not relevant to the discussion but just wanted to say “Gig Em”.

I agree, go to a 2 year or smaller school, then transfer in. If he does transfer, he needs to go to T Camp.
Whoop! Our other son is in Aero Engineering and A&M has been the perfect place for him, but he has the skill set to handle that heavy math load. He’s in his junior year but Aero is so math heavy he anticipates having to do one more semester beyond 2013. So 1.5 years ahead for him.

So there is even a camp for transfers? Our other son went to Fish Camp AND Impact.

🙂

At the moment, I have asked him not to completely rule out A&M if there is some way to get there. His pride has been wounded badly, and he will have to sort out whether he really wants to go for himself v. how much is to be near/like his brother. His big brother has been his hero his whole life, his best buddy, best friend, he just admires him so much. But at some point, he will have to separate fully and be his own person. This may be that juncture. Painful, but part of growing up.

I told him no one is going to care how he got there once he transfers. He won’t have to go around wearing a big “T” or anything.

We’ll see what his counselor has to say. At this point I am prepared to go to the principal if need be. (For help, I mean, not to throw a conniption and yell or scream, just get some more eyes on the problem.) I feel, and my husband does too, that our son has somewhat “fallen through the cracks” at this school and hasn’t had the kind of guidance that would have truly helped. But no matter, we go on from here.

Thanks for all the help and support, you guys!

:love::coffeeread:
 
A 9 on the SAT essay is an excellent score. That translates to about a 740. That is incredible. Good for him. Another option might be that he can take one of the SAT subject tests in math (these are like the AP tests, offered in May). But my guess is that he might need to take the SAT again, but I really don’t know if that is the best plan. If so, and his verbal score was also good (like 600 and above) then you might want to find a tutor specifically for the math sections of the SAT and not waste his time and energy on prepping for the entire test. You should talk to A&M about retaking the SAT, It might be that he is now faced with the task of making himself a highly competitive transfer student. Also, your counselor at Jesuit should be able to speak to the admissions departments and ask specifically why your son didn’t get admitted, which might help your son shore up his abilities and class work. I wonder what percentage of transfer applications are accepted at A&M? I would guess you apply to the college/major at that point. Your Jesuit college counselor should find that out for you.

Juliane, you have received a lot of advice stating that taking a year off might be a good thing. I disagree. If your son has identified his “passion” or has a leaning towards a particular field or career or developed certain talents, then he shouldn’t take a gap year pre-college. What he needs is a successful outcome, a gap year really doesn’t provide that for a young man and may make him wonder if he is cut out for school at all. Youth is for identifying and developing gifts and inclinations, you don’t do that spending a year working as a waiter-unless you want to go into food service. And he would have so much time on his hands. I think college is an important maturation experience for young men, and the sooner that happens, the better. And it’s definitely a second change for guys who have a less than perfect track record in high school. There is a book called: Now Discover Your Strengths!

amazon.com/Discover-Your-Strengths-Marcus-Buckingham/dp/0743201140/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1331811575&sr=1-1

That your son might find helpful as well.

Like someone said up-thread, find out exactly what A&M will accept as transfer credits from other four-year or junior colleges. It’s worth a trip to College Station to talk to someone after you have figured out a plan of action. Even if he begins a four year program somewhere else. Planning and prioritizing helps him feel the control he really has over his future. It is good that your son has experienced the consequences of his actions and choices while under your roof. What a blessing that is. God love you both!
 
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