College Sorority Rush, is there any way to bring Christian Charity to the process?

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College Sorority Rush, is there any way to bring Christian Charity to the process?

Our older girls have been involved in Sorority Rush for six years now, either to be accepted in the Sorority or now as upper classmen deciding who gets a bid. My wife and I have tried year after year to give the girls our advice about being kind and open to the incoming Freshman and looking beyond the superfluous stuff and looking at the Freshman girls potential and how they might be comfortable with their Sorority.🤷

DW has been on the phone late at night this week not giving advice necessarily, but just listening to the days ups and downs. So our DD3 calls last night boo-hooing that she got in a big fight with some of her Sorority Sisters because they wanted to cut a girl from the Catholic High school we go to. Evidently her hair cut was not cute enough.:rolleyes::doh2: DW and I were not Greek and the whole process still boggles my mind.🤓 Is there any Christian/Catholic advice I can give now? I don’t want to be a helicopter parent,:rolleyes: but giving good advice during this could help them keep things in perspective.

The whole process seems rather catty, with the drama & super drama, and even cursing.:eek: It is less than lady like, not to mention less than Christian.
 
I hated the process when I went through it 27 years ago…doesn’t sound like things have changed at all!

Your daughter sounds as though she has heeded your advice and was trying to defend the girl on the chopping block. That tells me she is listening, which is great news for you! This experience will probably really show her that your advice and upbringing are right on. Sadly, I think the only way this process changes is if your daughters are in leadership positions in the sorority and have several like-minded supporters.

Kathy
 
*Hi there, GD! 👋

Sororities can be really great ways for college freshman girls to make friends, and bond within a group, etc. They can also be terribly petty places, at times. That being said, I was a tri-delta…I pledged, and went through rush. It seemed very superficial…kind of creepy at times…girls judging me on how I dressed, spoke, looked. But, I met some great people, and some not so great. I think such is life. But, the main problem I also found about the whole pledging thing, whether it was for sororities or girls ‘trying out’ for big sisters of fraternities (that, I would NOT recommend for a number of reasons) is that it is very superficial…mainly based on looks. I pledged every single sorority, just to see what I LIKED.

I think it’s excellent that your dd stood up for what’s right, and didn’t partake in the superficiality of it all…I think that if she continues to honor Christ in all she does, if she shines brightly for Christ, others will take note, and perhaps, that will rub off on the other sorority girls. I think that is the best bet in separating herself from the pack, and to foster perhaps new (better) behaviors in the other girls.

Unlike fraternities, which my husband belonged to one during his college days, there isn’t much in the way of hazing. At UCF in Florida, that was frowned on, anyways…didn’t stop some from hazing, but it’s really sad when that happens. Be your own person, no matter what. My dh and I teach our kids…BE A LEADER, NOT A FOLLOWER. My husband is HUGE on conveying this to the kids, and thus far, it’s working…they march to the beat of their own drum, and put God first. I pray this continues into college, and they don’t succomb to peer pressure. But, your dd can set a great example for others to follow…being the child of God she was created to be. 👍

Just my two cents.

GO TRI DELTS! :D*
 
Ahhh… the memories! 😃
(Alpha Chi Omega here! 👋)

WG - as always - hit the highlights!

I was lucky - I was “snapped in” when I transferred to my college my sophomore year - I wasn’t interested in sorority life (didn’t go through rush), but my 2 best friends were in AXO and they were 3 girls away from hitting quota - so they just pulled me in. 🤷 Honestly - I was able to finagle my way out of participating in rush the following 2 years (scheduled my wisdom teeth extraction RIGHT on time!) :o…
I LOVED sorority life, but didn’t like the rush process… but I never really experienced it, so I can’t speak from direct knowledge.

GD - I think you and your wife and doing a good job by listening and advising as best you can. Sounds like your daughter already understands the conflicts and is trying to stand up for basic Christian charity. Sorry she has to experience the catty side. 😦
 
*Sam–

GD’s daughter living her Christian life in front of others, can be a great way to evangelize. Even if just one girl is moved by it, GD’s daughrer’s faith can make a difference in others. It might change the entire process, but I think if we lead by example, people can’t help but be attracted to our faith! *
 
*GD–

I remember back in the day, when I was a sorority sister, some of us banded together, and did lots of charity work…that is common with many sororities. I think when people think of ‘Greek life’ on college campuses, they think of kids endlessly partying…that DOES happen, but many want to better their communities as a group. So, that is another way she can bring her faith into the group…by serving her sisters and others in the community. *
 
whatevergirl said:
*GD–

I remember back in the day, when I was a sorority sister, some of us banded together, and did lots of charity work…that is common with many sororities. I think when people think of ‘Greek life’ on college campuses, they think of kids endlessly partying…that DOES happen, but many want to better their communities as a group. So, that is another way she can bring her faith into the group…by serving her sisters and others in the community. *
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WG - I think your right about that ONCE IN THE SORORITY. However, the Rush process is probably the most horrid thing I witnessed in the first year of my college experience. I pulled myself out of the process because I saw really nothing redeeming about the rush process…and that is what GD was wondering about whether it can be changed. And probably Sam’s response of “No” simply speaks to the fact that it’s probably not a process that can be changed.

I think you’re right that the actual sorority life CAN be a time to show witness to our faith in the community and with peers for girls…but the Rush process really soils the atmosphere, IMO.
 
*Yes, ok I see that now…I think that when one becomes a sister, if you make your views known, that is all you can do…if it becomes something that you choose to not identify yourself with, because of the superficiality of it, then the other option is to leave the group. Display your faith and try to change things–and if that doesn’t work, leaving is probably the only other option, letting the girls know why you’re leaving. :cool:
 
This kind of thing is why my children have been informed that if they pledge any Greek organization in college, they will lose our financial support. We do not approve of those organizations, from the hazing of Rush to the drunken party culture. I’m sorry but no amount of charity or future business networking offsets being horrible and cruel to other people for your own amusement, even to the point of injury, or encouraging people to drink until they pass out, usually with bad consequences. These can range from missing class too much to getting raped while unconscious. Of course these things happen elsewhere, but they are part of the stated culture of Greek organizations on campus.

No way is our hard-earned money going anywhere near that!
 
That is true for some groups, Salty, but not all…the sorority I pledged, I don’t recall anyone being “cruel for amusement.” :confused: I wouldn’t have belonged to such a group. And not all sorority girls/guys get drunk. That can happen to many who are not part of that Greek ‘culture,’ but it does go on more than it should, and this is largely why I prefer my kids to commute to college, the first year only. That is my dh’s and my desire, and request. I think once they are 18/19, and they are getting good grades, the temptation to fall into bad peer groups, is lessened…I hope!
 
SaltySirena said:
This kind of thing is why my children have been informed that if they pledge any Greek organization in college, they will lose our financial support. We do not approve of those organizations, from the hazing of Rush to the drunken party culture. I’m sorry but no amount of charity or future business networking offsets being horrible and cruel to other people for your own amusement, even to the point of injury, or encouraging people to drink until they pass out, usually with bad consequences. These can range from missing class too much to getting raped while unconscious. Of course these things happen elsewhere, but they are part of the stated culture of Greek organizations on campus.

No way is our hard-earned money going anywhere near that!
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Sirena, As I said earlier neither my wife or I were Greek and we, just like you, had no intention what so ever, of having our girls involved with such activity as a Sorority and honestly, just like Em and Whatevergirl said too, our girls had no real interest either, until they got on campus and heard about all the things the Sororities do. Our girls are all TriDeltas(like Whatevergirl;)) and their charity is St. Jude’s. But they kind of got swept away with all the excitement of being away from home, college life, a big football university, dorm life, etc. and I am not saying Sororities are for everyone, but our girls have loved it, with the exception of Rush.

Even though Rush is tumultuous, the rest of it seems fine. They go out together, always have friends in classes, go to the football games together and so on. They are very concerned about their conduct too. They can’t have posed pictures of any sort with a beer or hard lemonade container, they are not allowed to have pictures clining to boys or sitting in laps, etc. so there is peer pressure to behave like proper young women. Would my wife and I rather the girls be in the Pro-Life Club at the Catholic Church or one of the other Catholic organizations? Sure, but I think saying this is “part of the stated culture of Greek organizations on campus.” is more the Television image of Fraternities and Sororities, we have not seen this in our six year of being involved. But I understand where you are coming from.
 
GratefulDad said:
Sure, but I think saying this is “part of the stated culture of Greek organizations on campus.” is more the Television image of Fraternities and Sororities, we have not seen this in our six year of being involved. But I understand where you are coming from.
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I’m not getting this from Animal House, but from three years of watching the frats at my own university. It was an engineering school, I think there was only one sorority, and they didn’t have their own house. There was one particular house that any girl who cared at all about others would warn the new girls in school about, as they were known as date-rape central. I guess ours were just on the worse end of the spectrum. 🤷
 
SaltySirena said:
I’m not getting this from Animal House, but from three years of watching the frats at my own university. It was an engineering school, I think there was only one sorority, and they didn’t have their own house. There was one particular house that any girl who cared at all about others would warn the new girls in school about, as they were known as date-rape central. I guess ours were just on the worse end of the spectrum. 🤷
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Sounds like the TKEs.
 
SamH said:
Sounds like the TKEs.
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Well TKE’s do have a pretty notorious reputation it that was the House:eek:, but I’m not sure they could make the grade at an Engineering School.🤷 Just saying.
 
GratefulDad said:
Even though Rush is tumultuous, the rest of it seems fine. They go out together, always have friends in classes, go to the football games together and so on. They are very concerned about their conduct too. They can’t have posed pictures of any sort with a beer or hard lemonade container, they are not allowed to have pictures clining to boys or sitting in laps, etc. so there is peer pressure to behave like proper young women. Would my wife and I rather the girls be in the Pro-Life Club at the Catholic Church or one of the other Catholic organizations? Sure, but I think saying this is “part of the stated culture of Greek organizations on campus.” is more the Television image of Fraternities and Sororities, we have not seen this in our six year of being involved. But I understand where you are coming from.
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Alpha Gamma Delta from Dalhousie in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada, here. 👋 I don’t know what it’s like there now, but our Rush was much different than it is in the US. We didn’t (hopefully don’t) tolerate hazing of any kind, or embarrassing people. It was WAY nicer than the residence hazing / initiation. I think it is harder in the US where rushing is taken WAY more seriously, and maybe that’s at least partially due to more competition!

With regards to my sorority (actually, fraternity, as fraternity is the Greek word for brother or sister - sorority comes from Latin, if I recall), the above bolded is true. You also had to maintain a certain GPA, and we focused on altruism (Juvenile Diabetes was our charity, which struck a cord with me since my dad was a Type I (Juvenile) diabetic, and were not permitted to have alcohol at official funations (except perhaps wine at initiation (drinking age is 19, not 21).

I guess what I’m trying to say in all this is yes, it is possible. When I went through in '89 (and when I was still there the next 2 years) it was truly wonderful.

It was a wonderful experience for me, and really helped bring me out of my shell. GD - it sounds like you have done a great job with your daughters… who knows… maybe some change starts with them!
 
I’m a Tri Delta, too! 🙂

Just had to send some belated support to OP’s daughters. Tell them “Delta Love”
 
Support Alpha Phi Omega, the co-ed community service fraternity founded by Eagle Scouts!

No hazing (at all!), completely open rush/pledge process (no cuts), and many Chapters only have dry events. A lot of people join both APO and a social Greek - we would get many new rushees from the sorority houses of other Brothers (all members of APO are Brothers).

The 3 pillars of APO are leadership, friendship, and service - what’s not to love about that?

~ a proud alumna of PHI Chapter
 
APO does have open membership, meaning anyone who is enrolled full-time at the school can become a new member (pledge) by attending the new member service. It’s not as competitive as “social sorority” recruitment (rush).
 
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