The pace of life is surely less stressful - but there are other stresses that IMHO make stress worse:
–the stress on dad as sole provider.
–the stress of always having to scrimp compared to 2-earner couples.
–the stress of silent resentments that sometimes creep in - whether it’s “she doesn’t do anything,” “i have to ask him for money again!” Etc.
–most of all, the horrific stress that arises when dad gets fired; gets sick; has a car crash; gets transferred, etc., and the family has zero real backup plan besides “everything rides on dad’s income.”
Those are fair points that are definitely worth thinking about.
Some quibbles:
–I wonder about the transfer example. On the one hand, being a two-income family gives you more freedom to say no–but on the other hand, being a one-income family gives you more freedom to say yes. You don’t have to think as much about the loss of income from the other job, so the more ambitious spouse can max out their career.
–Region and local cost of living is important. Our family would have had a really hard time hacking it long-term if we had stayed in the DC area, rather than moving to TX. I do occasionally notice, wow, some people have a lot more money than we do!–but there are a lot of SAHMs in our area. It’s very different in parts of the country (like DC) where normally both spouses are going to need to work and work hard to produce some semblance of a middle class lifestyle.
–Some guys like their jobs a lot better than other guys. My husband, for example, really, really likes his job and has no plans of ever quitting if he can still do his job. There are some extra work things that he would not do if he weren’t the breadwinner, but by and large, the things that make money and the things that are good for his profile in the profession and that he sees as being his duty within the profession are the same things. When a guy loves his job and feels that he is making a contribution to the world, it’s less burdensome to be a breadwinner.
–A year ago, my husband went overseas for a month for an optional (and rather lucrative) work thing. Life at home was fine without him. I’ve almost never had to tell my husband that he couldn’t do a work thing that he wanted to do. (The one time that comes to mind, we had too optimistically scheduled a conference trip too close to my due date.) Likewise this year with the COVID, I don’t love the school closures, but we were able to weather it with minimal disruption because I was available. I’ve seen a lot online from working moms who were losing their minds this spring because the homeschool-while-work-from-home situation was so stressful.
–With regard to resentment, the resentment of working mothers about husbands not doing “enough” at home is so famous that writing articles about it is virtually a cottage industry. One of my favorite books (“How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids”) was inspired by the resentment of a working mom of one (!) toward her happy-go-lucky working husband.
–I think that families need all relevant kinds of insurance and an emergency fund.
