College?

[Tampa_Rays]

hi im a homeschooled sophomore from tampa florida and recently ive been thinking more and more about college. My parents (mostly my mom) want me to go to school in tampa (USF or St. Leos) which i am fine with but i also want to consider Ave Maria which is extremely catholic and about 3 hours south of tampa but my mom will not even think about me going off to school. I know i could just say screw you im going anyways as i will be 18 by then but i love my parents and i dont want to do that. I also want to visit it along with the Tampa colleges next year and i want their support but my mom won’t even consider it. When i was a freshman my dad took me to a college fair and we got info from all over the place. when we got back, my mom got mad at my dad and said i was staying home for college and threw all of the stuff away. she also plays the guilt trip if i try to bring it up, by saying i won’t be able to have a relationship with my 2 year old brother if i move away. i just want to know how to approach her and get her to atleast let me consider going away to college. I think the problem is she just can’t let go of me. thanks.

 

[Em_in_FL]

hi im a homeschooled sophomore from tampa florida and recently ive been thinking more and more about college. My parents (mostly my mom) want me to go to school in tampa (USF or St. Leos) which i am fine with but i also want to consider Ave Maria which is extremely catholic and about 3 hours south of tampa but my mom will not even think about me going off to school. I know i could just say screw you im going anyways as i will be 18 by then but i love my parents and i dont want to do that. I also want to visit it along with the Tampa colleges next year and i want their support but my mom won’t even consider it. When i was a freshman my dad took me to a college fair and we got info from all over the place. when we got back, my mom got mad at my dad and said i was staying home for college and threw all of the stuff away. she also plays the guilt trip if i try to bring it up, by saying i won’t be able to have a relationship with my 2 year old brother if i move away. i just want to know how to approach her and get her to atleast let me consider going away to college. I think the problem is she just can’t let go of me. thanks.

Wow, yeah this is definitely something to start figuring out. In many cases, the college you choose should be based on what field of study you wish to pursue. You wouldn’t go to a Liberal Arts college to get a strong degree in Engineering… per se. So, with that in mind, I would definitely start researching your options, but keep in mind what your interests and career goals are. Work with your parents to come up with a plan on what would be the best step for you moving forward.
Circumstances are tough… yes, you have a sibling who is much younger than you (~14 years, wow!), but that’s first off - not your fault, and secondly - doesn’t mean you won’t have a relationship with him. By the very nature of your age difference you aren’t going to be sitting on the floor playing blocks and matchbox cars together. But that doesn’t mean you need to be “guilt tripped” into putting your goals and dreams on hold in the meantime.
Sure, mom doesn’t want to let you go… I think that’s natural and must be very hard for parents (I’m not quite there yet, my oldest is just 9), but eventually it’s something we all have to face and deal with. It’s important to move forward in a way that is mutually beneficial for everyone involved. Remind your mom that you will come home often to visit, and that you love and adore your family and little brother… but make a “business case” for why a particular college is the right fit for you. Use logical information about that particular college’s strengths and explain why this would be the right choice for you.

Oh… and don’t forget Gainesville. It’s just 2 hours away, and may I say - the best school ever. (Go Gators!)
They also have an awesome Catholic Student Center there too…

Good luck!

 

[TheRealJuliane]

hi im a homeschooled sophomore from tampa florida and recently ive been thinking more and more about college. My parents (mostly my mom) want me to go to school in tampa (USF or St. Leos) which i am fine with but i also want to consider Ave Maria which is extremely catholic and about 3 hours south of tampa but my mom will not even think about me going off to school. I know i could just say screw you im going anyways as i will be 18 by then but i love my parents and i dont want to do that. I also want to visit it along with the Tampa colleges next year and i want their support but my mom won’t even consider it. When i was a freshman my dad took me to a college fair and we got info from all over the place. when we got back, my mom got mad at my dad and said i was staying home for college and threw all of the stuff away. she also plays the guilt trip if i try to bring it up, by saying i won’t be able to have a relationship with my 2 year old brother if i move away. i just want to know how to approach her and get her to atleast let me consider going away to college. I think the problem is she just can’t let go of me. thanks.

Can you get funding to go to Ave Maria? If you think you can get scholarships and grants, then if I were you, I would work up a Power Point presentation on why you will benefit from being allowed to go to Ave Maria.

Now, if you have to count on them paying the bills…That’s going to be a little bit tougher, since I’m assuming that private college is a LOT more expensive than state college.

The idea that you are not going to have a relationship with your brother…Well, that is not your fault. You have to live your own life even if you do have a young sibling at home. Based on that statement I would say that yes, your mom is grabbing on to anything she can in order to keep you close. We moms sometimes do have a hard time letting go of our (former) babies!

 

[Tampa_Rays]

Can you get funding to go to Ave Maria? If you think you can get scholarships and grants, then if I were you, I would work up a Power Point presentation on why you will benefit from being allowed to go to Ave Maria.

Now, if you have to count on them paying the bills…That’s going to be a little bit tougher, since I’m assuming that private college is a LOT more expensive than state college.

The idea that you are not going to have a relationship with your brother…Well, that is not your fault. You have to live your own life even if you do have a young sibling at home. Based on that statement I would say that yes, your mom is grabbing on to anything she can in order to keep you close. We moms sometimes do have a hard time letting go of our (former) babies!

I should be able to get about half of the money to ave maria. My parents always say they want to help out with college but i don’t want them to, i have insisted that i either work or take out loans to pay for what scholarships don’t cover.

 

[Corki]

hi im a homeschooled sophomore from tampa florida and recently ive been thinking more and more about college. My parents (mostly my mom) want me to go to school in tampa (USF or St. Leos) which i am fine with but i also want to consider Ave Maria which is extremely catholic and about 3 hours south of tampa but my mom will not even think about me going off to school. I know i could just say screw you im going anyways as i will be 18 by then but i love my parents and i dont want to do that. I also want to visit it along with the Tampa colleges next year and i want their support but my mom won’t even consider it. When i was a freshman my dad took me to a college fair and we got info from all over the place. when we got back, my mom got mad at my dad and said i was staying home for college and threw all of the stuff away. she also plays the guilt trip if i try to bring it up, by saying i won’t be able to have a relationship with my 2 year old brother if i move away. i just want to know how to approach her and get her to atleast let me consider going away to college. I think the problem is she just can’t let go of me. thanks.

What are your mother’s reasons for not wanting you to go away to school? You need to come up with a logical and well thought out response that is not so much based on what you want but on what she is objecting to.

For example, does she think you need more time to mature before going away to school? A lot of kids do. If so, you can suggest a compromise where you go to school locally for a year and then, as part of the plan, transfer to a school farther away.

Does she come from a culture where it is not common to go away for school? This one is harder. My husband is like this and my son had to work very hard to show him the advantages of going to the other schools that are farther away.

Is she worried about the lifestyle at college? Show her how the Catholic center is set up at the school or with Ave Maria show her how the school is focused on fai
thful living.

Ultimately, it’s your life and you need to make the final decision. But the more you go about it as a convincing project rather than a battle, the more likely you can go to college without leaving broken relationships behind.

 

[GEddie]

Don’t allow your mom to guilt-trip you about your brother. I mean, does she mean for both of you to stick together until he is 18 and you are 32?

You already are too far apart in age to have an “inseparable” relationship anyhow.

That said, if you can gain scholarships etc. To schools out of town, that would be the ticket even if she does at first object.

ICXC NIKA

 

[SonCatcher]

I should be able to get about half of the money to ave maria. My parents always say they want to help out with college but i don’t want them to, i have insisted that i either work or take out loans to pay for what scholarships don’t cover.

When I went, I was unable to apply for sufficient loans myself. The school required my parents to apply for one of the larger loans (and they were destitute at the time). After that first year (a financial disaster - my second year’s my financial aid application vanished), I returned to community college and then a low-cost in-state university to complete my education. These were inexpensive enough that I could work part time (full time between semesters) and pay for out-of-pocket while paying off my loans from that first year.

 

[PaulinVA]

Oh… and don’t forget Gainesville. It’s just 2 hours away, and may I say - the best school ever. (Go Gators!)
They also have an awesome Catholic Student Center there too…

Good luck!

I met my wife at the Catholic Student Center! It’s a great place. Two nephews going there now.

Seriously, I think that community college is a great alternative for the first two years. AND, with an AA, you have a much better chance of getting accepted into a state university than if you apply as a HS senior. You can’t beat in state public college rates.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I should be able to get about half of the money to ave maria. My parents always say they want to help out with college but i don’t want them to, i have insisted that i either work or take out loans to pay for what scholarships don’t cover.

If you can work your way through, that’s good, but I would NOT advise you to take out student loans if there is any possible way around it. Some people are coming out of college with 100K worth of student loans and no job! For an undergrad degree, not worth that kind of crippling debt.

I see the projected undergrad tution for 2012-2013 is around 30K, tuition and room and board. If you can only get half of that covered, you are still left with at least 15K in a loan per year, so 60K in loans when you graduate. I urge you to think VERY carefully about your future career plan. Please do not go to college and get a degree in History or Philosophy and expect to get a job that pays enough to support yourself!

What may in fact be a plan is to get 2 years in at community college and then transfer into Ave Maria. You’d need good assistance from the community college in order to make sure those scholarships and grants would still be on offer, though.

State universities, as others have said, can have thriving Catholic communities. The one my son attends has a HUGE population of very active and devout Catholics.

You have choices but you need to consider all these factors carefully. Please do not sign up for tens of thousands of dollars of debt, in any case.

 

[ndeparis88]

I would consider paying class by class if possible, but for me I go to Merrimack College which is a Catholic college in North Andover MA, it’s actually only 30000 to go compared to other liberal colleges that can cost 40 and up. I lived in Florida for two years, have you considered UCF as an alternative to a Catholic school. If your interest is in a Liberal Art, Ave Maria seems like a good choice that’s near home. IT depends on what you really want to do. The tip I would give is choose a major you would always like to do. For me I started in a trade college for Electrical, so Engineering was just a natural step. But whatever you do, take advantages of interning. So if you do take loans out you have a MUCH better chance of finding work as in you already have your foot in the door at someplace. Also even if the school isn’t Catholic, look into their campus ministry or if they have a Newman society, I know Texas A&M is nationally known for their campus ministry, even all the way of hear in Massachusetts.

 

[Wackotrad]

If you can work your way through, that’s good, but I would NOT advise you to take out student loans if there is any possible way around it. Some people are coming out of college with 100K worth of student loans and no job! For an undergrad degree, not worth that kind of crippling debt.

I agree with this 100%. With the economy as shaky as it is, it may be difficult enough to pay off any amount of college loan debt, let alone one from a private university.

And I don’t want to open a can of worms, but I’ve heard some not-so-good things about Ave Maria, including institutional instability and a poor academic reputation in some circles. Now that may just be arising out of anti-Catholicism or sour grapes, but I would talk to students there and do some serious research first.

 

[Tampa_Rays]

I agree with this 100%. With the economy as shaky as it is, it may be difficult enough to pay off any amount of college loan debt, let alone one from a private university.

And I don’t want to open a can of worms, but I’ve heard some not-so-good things about Ave Maria, including institutional instability and a poor academic reputation in some circles. Now that may just be arising out of anti-Catholicism or sour grapes, but I would talk to students there and do some serious research first.

Yeah i heard about some of that stuff and I really thought most of the griping was out of the fact that the university was un-democratic, and seemed to attack the fact that members of the opposite sex were not allowed in dorms together, however there were some legit concerns. I have talked to current students and it is all positive (granted, the two I spoke with are from the same family) but I will definitely do alot more digging. Besides, right now it is not at the top of my list, i just want my parents to let me consider it and make a visit.

Thanks for all the advice

 

[Tampa_Rays]

Alright now i have a related question to the one i posted above. I think I found a possible solution to the cost of Ave maria (or any expensive college): Army reserves Education Career Stabilization program. After basic training you attend one weekend of training a month plus a two week summer training camp. They pay up to 4,500 for college plus i figured i would receive $13,740 dollars in drill pay and guaranteed bouneses a year (does not include a $20,000 signing bonus that is available with a 6 year commitment, but i don’t want to be still committed after i graduate.) so this would eliminate any need for loans and it would probably give me some extra money after my college is paid for. My question is what do you think about doing this? Has anyone else done it/been in the army reserves? They guarantee that you will not be deployed to Afghanistan for 4 years, however if the military becomes engaged in a major war i could end up being transferred to active duty.

 

[SonCatcher]

Alright now i have a related question to the one i posted above. I think I found a possible solution to the cost of Ave maria (or any expensive college): Army reserves Education Career Stabilization program. After basic training you attend one weekend of training a month plus a two week summer training camp. They pay up to 4,500 for college plus i figured i would receive $13,740 dollars in drill pay and guaranteed bouneses a year (does not include a $20,000 signing bonus that is available with a 6 year commitment, but i don’t want to be still committed after i graduate.) so this would eliminate any need for loans and it would probably give me some extra money after my college is paid for. My question is what do you think about doing this? Has anyone else done it/been in the army reserves? They guarantee that you will not be deployed to Afghanistan for 4 years, however if the military becomes engaged in a major war i could end up being transferred to active duty.

If you’re a guy and we end up in a MAJOR war, the country might have to reinstate the draft and you could end up in the army anyway (selective service registration is still a requirement for males to receive financial aid, AFAIK). Thankfully, that’s unlikely.

You should consider whether you could accept military life before accepting this. If you are an absolute pacifist, it would be counterproductive.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Alright now i have a related question to the one i posted above. I think I found a possible solution to the cost of Ave maria (or any expensive college): Army reserves Education Career Stabilization program. After basic training you attend one weekend of training a month plus a two week summer training camp. They pay up to 4,500 for college plus i figured i would receive $13,740 dollars in drill pay and guaranteed bouneses a year (does not include a $20,000 signing bonus that is available with a 6 year commitment, but i don’t want to be still committed after i graduate.) so this would eliminate any need for loans and it would probably give me some extra money after my college is paid for. My question is what do you think about doing this? Has anyone else done it/been in the army reserves? They guarantee that you will not be deployed to Afghanistan for 4 years, however if the military becomes engaged in a major war i could end up being transferred to active duty.

It is my understanding that the reserves have been used EXTENSIVELY in the last 2 wars, in Iraq and Afghanistan. I would be very cautious about using the military as a way to pay for your college unless you can also picture yourself as a soldier. And DO NOT talk to a recruiter about it - they have quotas and will not tell you the whole truth. No offense meant to military recruiters, it’s just that they have a goal to meet whereas we civilians need ALL the information before we make such a huge decision.

 

[signit]

Alright now i have a related question to the one i posted above. I think I found a possible solution to the cost of Ave maria (or any expensive college): Army reserves Education Career Stabilization program. After basic training you attend one weekend of training a month plus a two week summer training camp. They pay up to 4,500 for college plus i figured i would receive $13,740 dollars in drill pay and guaranteed bouneses a year (does not include a $20,000 signing bonus that is available with a 6 year commitment, but i don’t want to be still committed after i graduate.) so this would eliminate any need for loans and it would probably give me some extra money after my college is paid for. My question is what do you think about doing this? Has anyone else done it/been in the army reserves? They guarantee that you will not be deployed to Afghanistan for 4 years, however if the military becomes engaged in a major war i could end up being transferred to active duty.

I support the U.S. military 100% but I would think very carefully about this.

The military is not a charity and the money for college is just an incentive for you to sign up.

Look very carefully at what military life entails. The recruiter is going to give you just one side of the story.

And any promises made by the recruiter, make sure they’re put in writing.

If you’re only interested in the military as a way of paying for college, there may be easier ways of paying for it (depending on your individual situation). If you’re looking into it because you want to serve your country or because you want the advantage the military provides in looking for civilian employment, that’s another thing.

 

[gardenswithkids]

Hi! You’re a sophmore and while it’s great to be thinking and planning for college, it’s still a couple of years away. Pray about this, and particularly pray for your mother. You can accomplish a lot more by praying about it than by approaching her and pushing her to discuss a subject that she doesn’t want to talk about right now.

It also sounds like your dad is open to you going away to college. Don’t play one parent against the other, but when the time comes, your dad may know how to persuade your mother to be open to your idea.

Also, college is very expensive and part of that expense is room and board. I don’t know your or your family’s financial situation, but it’s likely that your parents aren’t just thinking about the cost of your college but the cost of your 2 yo brother’ (and any other sister or brother) college too. Private colleges are expensive, and it’s possible that your parents can’t afford to send everyone in your family to the college that you’d all like to attend.

 

[Armyvet007]

As to using the military to pay for college-

Recruiters are what used car salesmen become after they master their trade. Do not believe anything they say that they do not give you in writing (and even then look for the fine print, such as “dependant on the needs of the service” or “if available”). You can not be guaranteed you will never deploy. Period. It doesn’t work that way. The probability of you deploying somewhere “not nice” is high. Don’t kid yourself or let the recruiters pull a fast one on you. If you wish to use the military to pay for college, I highly suggest you use the ROTC program; and I highly suggest you try first with the Air Force, then the Navy, then the Army, and last the Marines (my kids won’t get the option to join the Marines). This last being stated with the assumption you are not looking for a military career. The miltary route is good, as long as you know what you are getting yourself into [and any recruiter worth his stripes isn’t going to completely clue you in].

I also suggest you look into the route I used for my undergrad. Community college [academic scholarships, a job, living at home] then a state college [the same]. I graduated debt free [no loans].