Coming back to the church- Seeking advice

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Hi everyone! My name is Bridget and I’m 21 years old and a college student. I was raised catholic but stopped going to church when I was 11 and therefore never was confirmed. I had a bad experience going to confession where the priest made me feel extremely embarrassed for not really knowing what to do since I had only ever gone to confession once before I got my first communion. After that experience, I decided I didn’t want to go to church anymore or get confirmed.
Just recently (and sort of out of the blue) I’ve had a strong desire to go back to the church, but in all honestly, I’m very frightened. I haven’t been to mass in so long that I’m worried I wouldn’t know what to do. I struggle with extreme social anxiety and since I have no one to go to church with, the idea of going alone is terrifying to me and I just don’t know what to do. I know I should start by going to confession but I feel like I have sinned so much I don’t even know where I would start.
I guess I’m just looking for some words of encouragement and advice because I feel very scared and lost right now and overwhelmed by the idea of going back to church and confession and then possibly getting confirmed. I’ve been praying the rosary every day but that’s about it.
Sorry if this was kind of all over the place. Any words of advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks so much.
 
Welcome back! There is no question that God wants you back in His Church. It sounds like you have the right ideas. People miss Confirmation and get their religious education interrupted for a variety of reasons. Don’t be embarrassed about it. Find an experienced priest to help you make a Confession. If you are anxious about attending Mass, watch it on tv or the internet for a while. Try to attend Mass as often as possible. Making some Catholic friends is important. If you do have extreme social anxiety, you should find a counselor to speak to about that.
 
It’s great that you want to be back. And I’m wish you well on this journey.

With Mass, you might consider sitting in the back by the exits if that helps your anxiety. And as for not knowing what to do, you may vonsider looking at other people for cues. It’ll be easy to follow, though cumbersome at first.
As for Confession, that one bad experience is not indicative of all experiences in the confessional. If I was a betting man, I’d put money on a kind priest that just wants to help you come back as opposed a scolding one. Let them know it’s been a while and they’ll help you through the process. (I know the priest I went to did.) And as for having the weight of many sins, remember that forgotten ones are forgiven and just need to be mentioned the next time you go (after remebering).
You may also want to talk to them about confirmation at that time too. They’ll be able to point you towards the classes.

Once again it’s great that you’re coming back. I’m sure you’ll have many prayers.
 
Hi Bridget. Satan does not want people to come back to the Church. He is pulling out all of the stops trying to keep you away from mass and confession. I was away for more than 20 years and experienced the same thing. I too prayed the rosary before going back. On my way to that first confession was the biggest battle of my life. I had every fear imaginable and it was almost like the steering wheel on my car wanted to turn me away on its own. I seriously had to pray the rosary in the car and while walking into the church. I needed that strength to get into the confessional.

Pray the rosary, go to mass (sit in back and follow along), go to the church at confession time and watch what people do. Go in last and tell the priest that you haven’t been there in 10 years and do not remember how to do a confession. He will help you. Say all your sins as much as you can remember, do not hold anything back. All of your fear, your sins, everything will be gone when you are done. And, you will be “home”.

I am praying for you. 🙂
 
PaulfromIowa said:
Welcome back! There is no question that God wants you back in His Church. It sounds like you have the right ideas. People miss Confirmation and get their religious education interrupted for a variety of reasons. Don’t be embarrassed about it. Find an experienced priest to help you make a Confession. If you are anxious about attending Mass, watch it on tv or the internet for a while. Try to attend Mass as often as possible. Making some Catholic friends is important. If you do have extreme social anxiety, you should find a counselor to speak to about that.
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If you talk to a priest, he will get you in touch with the RCIA leaders and they will help you on your journey to Confirmation. You DON"T have to tackle everything at once. Just one step at a time but that first step always seems like it’s the biggest but it really isn’t. It’s the BEST step you’ll ever take. Learn more about your Catholic Faith and why this journey is the greatest and most awesome one you will ever be on. But remember this journey will last a lifetime. I am 80 years old and still learn every day and I am in awe of God’s GREAT Mysteries. Prayers for you, please DO NOT be AFRAID. Jump in, the waters amazing!!! Wish I was there to walk with you!! Our Lady is already accompaning you with the Rosary and She will always be there for you! God Bless, Memaw
 
thestar04 said:
Hi everyone! My name is Bridget and I’m 21 years old and a college student. I was raised catholic but stopped going to church when I was 11 and therefore never was confirmed. I had a bad experience going to confession where the priest made me feel extremely embarrassed for not really knowing what to do since I had only ever gone to confession once before I got my first communion.
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Sorry about that bad experience. I believe your conscience is drawing you back to faithful participation in a Sacramental life.
After that experience, I decided I didn’t want to go to church anymore or get confirmed.
Just recently (and sort of out of the blue) I’ve had a strong desire to go back to the church, but in all honestly, I’m very frightened. I haven’t been to mass in so long that I’m worried I wouldn’t know what to do. I struggle with extreme social anxiety and since I have no one to go to church with, the idea of going alone is terrifying to me and I just don’t know what to do. I know I should start by going to confession but I feel like I have sinned so much I don’t even know where I would start.
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I think anxiety is one of the Devils strongest weapons in harming us (as individuals, and then of course as a whole). But I realize it’s real. I overcome anxiety by placing my focus on Jesus ALONE. Go to Mass, and pray with Him, to Him, and for Him. You need His strength. Let no one judge you, but allow His Spirit to convict you.
I guess I’m just looking for some words of encouragement and advice because I feel very scared and lost right now and overwhelmed by the idea of going back to church and confession and then possibly getting confirmed. I’ve been praying the rosary every day but that’s about it.
Sorry if this was kind of all over the place. Any words of advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks so much.
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My sister, you can see this as a good thing, and not a burdensome chore! Yes, you need encouragement. I pray that you find a good friend among your Parish. But your first friend is Jesus, and He is very real and very with you!

Stay in touch with us, if we are helping! 😉

Peace
Michael
 
I want to welcome you back! Sorry about the priest in your last confession. I met a similar one, extremely unhelpful. Find a priest to talk to. That’s your first step. He will direct you. Church staff can get too mechanical with forms and deadlines and paperwork, so I urge the need to find and talk to a good priest. He is the shepherd, it’s his job to get you back into the fold.
 
No need to rush. Do this at a pace you are comfortable with. As for all those saying, “Go talk to a priest,” I imagine a priest is looked upon as an authority figure and perhaps a scary authority figure. It isn’t always easy to get past that to go talk to a priest.

The first thing to do is get you in the door and attending mass. It is okay to go and sit in the back. It is also okay to go and sit in the front where you can see what is going on. Perhaps not front and center, but in the front on the end as just another person there.

Once you are comfortable being at mass, you can move forward to participating in the sacrament of reconciliation. The one thing you can confess is walking away from the church. Remember a mortal sin needs to be a grave matter, one must intend to sin and one must know one is sinning. So unless you’ve lived a pretty hideous life, chances are you may not have a lot to confess besides making the conscious decision to walk away.

There are lots of websites that will help make a good confession. Today there are even apps for that. Personally, I never fully memorized the Act of Contrition so I use a Confession app and take my phone with me to Reconciliation now. Oh, and you may want to bring a handful of tissue. Coming back can be a very rewarding and emotional experience. Happy tears.

The only thing left for you to do then is check the bulletin and find out when the next adult Confirmation class begins. Or you may have to join the next RCIA class. Now is a good time because you’ll be able to decide if you want to be Confirmed at the Easter Vigil in 2018 or perhaps your diocese offers a teen/adult confirmation at other times of the year. My diocese offers the choice.

Good luck and welcome back. If you have questions or need support the people here are lovely at both.

Peace,
B

PS. You never have to sit through being berated by a priest in the confessional. If a priest starts making you feel uncomfortable it is perfectly okay to stand up, say “Thank you for your time” and walk out. For every bad priest there are hundreds of good decent priests who want to help.
 
Don’t be afraid, go to Church, sit in a law profile place if you, like me, suffer from social anxiety, you are in the right place and when ready, talk to the priest, when I went last year for confession I thought that I was the worst sinner ever, don’t be afraid, faith is not a moment, it is a lifetime struggle, don’t be afraid.
 
Memaw said:
If you talk to a priest, he will get you in touch with the RCIA leaders and they will help you on your journey to Confirmation. You DON"T have to tackle everything at once. Just one step at a time but that first step always seems like it’s the biggest but it really isn’t. It’s the BEST step you’ll ever take. Learn more about your Catholic Faith and why this journey is the greatest and most awesome one you will ever be on. But remember this journey will last a lifetime. I am 80 years old and still learn every day and I am in awe of God’s GREAT Mysteries. Prayers for you, please DO NOT be AFRAID. Jump in, the waters amazing!!! Wish I was there to walk with you!! Our Lady is already accompaning you with the Rosary and She will always be there for you! God Bless, Memaw
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^^^^^
This, and Welcome Home.
 
thestar04 said:
Hi everyone! My name is Bridget and I’m 21 years old and a college student. I was raised catholic but stopped going to church when I was 11 and therefore never was confirmed.
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If there is a Catholic campus ministry at your college, I suggest you check it out. I’m sure they regularly work with people in your situation.

Visit the Catholic Campus Ministry Association webpage, link. From the Home page click on “Tools” link. On the Tools page click on the “Find Campus Ministers” link.
 
Hi Bridget,

It looks like you’ve been given a lot of good advice. I have anxiety too and find that it’s very helpful to frequently ask our Blessed Mother for help. She’s our Mother who loves us more than we know. She wants to help us.

Peace of Christ,

Pat
 
When you are ready, the easiest way to go to confession would be to be honest with the priest by saying “Fr., I have not been to confession since I was eleven years old, I do not remember any of what I should say, will you help me?”

And believe me, he will! He will prompt you and ask you questions. So relax and don’t be fearful. Welcome home.
 
thestar04 said:
Hi everyone! My name is Bridget and I’m 21 years old and a college student. I was raised catholic but stopped going to church when I was 11 and therefore never was confirmed. I had a bad experience going to confession where the priest made me feel extremely embarrassed for not really knowing what to do since I had only ever gone to confession once before I got my first communion. After that experience, I decided I didn’t want to go to church anymore or get confirmed.
Just recently (and sort of out of the blue) I’ve had a strong desire to go back to the church, but in all honestly, I’m very frightened. I haven’t been to mass in so long that I’m worried I wouldn’t know what to do. I struggle with extreme social anxiety and since I have no one to go to church with, the idea of going alone is terrifying to me and I just don’t know what to do. I know I should start by going to confession but I feel like I have sinned so much I don’t even know where I would start.
I guess I’m just looking for some words of encouragement and advice because I feel very scared and lost right now and overwhelmed by the idea of going back to church and confession and then possibly getting confirmed. I’ve been praying the rosary every day but that’s about it.
Sorry if this was kind of all over the place. Any words of advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks so much.
Click to expand...
Hello thestar04,

When I returned to the Church after years away, I too didn’t know what to do. I hadn’t been to confession in over 20 years, so I really didn’t know what I was doing.

So, I printed out a confession guide and brought it with me and went to a confessional where I knew I could confess behind a screen.

I told the priest when I started that I hadn’t been to confession in over 20 years and that I forgot how to do it properly. He was happy I was there and helped with the confession.

During the confession, I started crying because of the weight of my sins… but when I received Absolution, I literally (not figuratively) felt the weight of my sins being lifted off my shoulders and felt a coolness that I can only contribute to the presence of the Holy Spirit.

It was a profound experience, one in which I will never forget. Today, I love Confession and confess on average twice a month. Now, when, I do have a priest who is a little short with me in Confession (which is very rare) I simply pray for him and assume he’s having a bad day. Or if he’s known to be short with people, I simply avoid confession with him.

NOTE: even though it’s been a few years now, I still prefer Confession behind a screen and I use a confession app on my phone to organize my thoughts and sins. The app helps me to make a good confession and helps with my examination of conscience.

Anyway, in closing, go to your local and start with Confession. Let the priest know you haven’t been to Church in a long time and then also tell him that you would like to receive your Confirmation, etc. He will either set up a meeting with you then or have you call the rectory to set up a meeting with him to figure out the next steps.

If you need any help or advice, we are all here. Many of us have personally gone through this before.

God Bless & welcome home!
 
Hi Bridgit - I can so identify. I’d been away for 40 years when I went back and was terrified. I seriously almost fainted. But I snuck in and sat way in the back with my heart in my throat and didn’t move. I couldn’t remember any of the responses or prayers or anything. But for some reason the priest zeroed in on me and held my eye for several long moments. I though “How does he know!?” But I just felt so…HOME.

So, just do it. You won’t be sorry.
 
Thank you everyone for your wonderful responses! This has helped me a lot. I had no idea about the app for confession!
 
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