Coming Home: Now What?

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Skipper350

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Hello all,

In a nutshell, I find myself at middle-age, returning to the Church and running into an obstacle.

I was raised Catholic by faithful and loving parents and a very spiritual grandmother. Supressed or simply forgotten for many years, I am lately recalling countless warm memories of sitting on Grandma’s lap while listening to Bible readings and numerous stories of the saints! God bless her soul!

Into my teenage years, my faith was strong. Our family was shaken by trajedy, as are many others, but we survived. I always remember feeling God’s presence in my life and taking the Church and Mass very seriously.

I now regret with deep sorrow all the years I wasted, from college into my adult life, away from the Church. Deep down, I was fortunate enough to always feel the “tug” of God’s call but between booze, jobs, women, etc. I kept myself pretty distracted for a long time. Even then, I respected the Church and knew I was hiding from her. Grandma was long passed by this time but Mom was always saying “I love you…and go to church!”

Fast forward to this spring… my mom died following a long battle with a horrible illness. I never blamed God or anything like that during those times but rather prayed often, despite my break with the Church. Days after the funeral, the push I felt to get back to church was overwhelming. I went to Mass for the first time (other than weddings and funerals) in at least 15 years. And I feel like a new man. I’ve been going to Mass every week. I no longer drink or smoke. I am excited about being Catholic! I’m reading about the saints.

So, what’s my problem? At first I was putting my little toe in the water so I figured going to Mass once was better than nothing. Now, I’m eager to be all I can be, so I’m thinking about going to confession (after 20 years!). In getting prepared for this step, I now see that two things I have done that I thought were good may have been serious sins.

First, I married my wife in a non-Catholic church. We are happily married. We have no children. Is this a problem?

Second, I have been receiving Communion and it is something special I look forward to each week. But I have read that taking Communion when one hasn’t been to confession in so long is a sin. I hate the thought of not receiving but figure I should now stop.

I don’t know what to do. There are a lot of things I feel guilty about and look forward to confessing. But I can’t imagine confessing my wedding to my beloved wife or my receiving of the Lord; two things that feel so right and have made me a better man.

What should I do?

Thanks and please forgive the long post.
 
First of all, WELCOME HOME!

Secondly, I would probably confess that I married outside of the Catholic church at a time when you weren’t practicing your faith. The priest will be in a better position to assess how sinful that was and give you practical suggestions for correcting the situation.

No, you should not receive communion with a mortal sin on your soul. I would confess it, so I could put it to rest, but you can also say that you didn’t realize that it was a sin at the time.

You will be in my prayers.
 
I think what I may do is speak with my priest one morning and seek his advice, instead of just showing up for confession on Saturday.

I feel a little sad about it but I have to believe I’m far better off than I was before and it will work out.

Thanks.
 
Hi and welcome back!!
You should not go to communion until you go to confession first. Talk to your priest and just tell him your whole story. Is your wife also Catholic? Is there a reason why you and your wife cannot get married in the church, or have your priest bless your marriage?
It seems that there is nothing here that is really an obsticle except, your fear!
God called you back for a reason, reach out and embrace Him. He has waited a long time for you!!
Best wishes.
 
Skipper350 said:
I think what I may do is speak with my priest one morning and seek his advice, instead of just showing up for confession on Saturday.

I feel a little sad about it but I have to believe I’m far better off than I was before and it will work out.

Thanks.
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Welcome Home! Yes!! Everything will work out. Ask the priest if you can make an appointment with him to discuss your total return to the Church. He will be able to advise on everything you will need to do. :dancing:
 
Well, I went to Mass today and, for the first time since coming back, did not receive Communion.

I tell ya; it really broke my heart. I felt like I was welcomed home weeks ago and today I had to sit outside all alone. I guess it’s a good thing that it has become such a powerful experience for me that it was terrible to be excluded. It made me imagine the separation of hell or even purgatory… no thanks!

I just look forward to getting things squared away.

I did speak to a priest. It was good to start a dialogue. But it looks like I will have to wait 'till next week to sit down and get things sorted out.

One more blessing to report… I had a long talk with my wife about what was troubling me. She was very understanding and not only is she on board with getting our marriage acknowledged by the Church, she wants to start going to Mass with me! Awesome.
 
Congrats Skipper 350, and to your wife!!
So glad to be having things fall into place for you. All those prayers your Grandma and mom said have finally come to pass.
And your wife being willing to join you on your journey home is the icing on the cake!
What a great story. 👍
 
Skipper, all I can say is welcome home! Isn’t it amazing how God so lovingly and eagerly awaits us turning back towards him? Awesome that your wife is on board, what a blessing for your marriage! I would just suggest that you get your hands on all the Catholic media and apologetics you can. Keep EWTN on in your house and on the radio if you have it in your area. If you are sad about not being able to receive, maybe you can look up, or find out from the diocese, where there is a Eucharistic adoration chapel in your town and you and your wife can just sit in Jesus’ presence for an hour or so. It has always been an amazing way to spend an hour for me.
 
Skipper,

Welcome Home. The house just got fuller!

Great advice above. Talk to a priest, set up an appointment and be ready to follow his guidance.

Then after that, ask to have him here your confession. Ask him for help. Pray before hand for a full and most sincere confession. The priest and Jesus will help you and give you the grace for a wonderful confession. Don’t worry about rambling and format. The priest will guide you. Be brutally sincere…I masturbated a million times, I looked lustily at other women, I cheated on my taxes, I carried resentment, I disrespected God Himself. “Worst first”.

Stay close to Mass (consider a daily Mass occasionally too) and to Confession. A couple of times a month for sure.

Read (5 minutes) a short passage of the Gospel. Asking St Matthew, St Mark, St Luke, or St John to help you get something out of the Gospel to apply in your life that day.

Go slow, go small, be regular, strive to talk in conversational tone to your loving Father God.

If you want to understand that Mass in a most beautiful way…see this short video, 3 m or so.

opusdei.us/art.php?p=38802

Develop some routines of piety…things you do every day…blessings before meals, a morning offering to God the FIRST thing you do as you roll out of the rack. Offer all your prayers, works, joys, and sufferings of the day.

God Bless your forthrightness and courage.
 
Thanks so much guys for the warm welcome and advice!

EWTN? I watched it periodically even before my return, now I watch every day, sometimes morning before work, sometimes at bed time. 👍

As for somewhere offering Adoration… “my” church does! I was already planning on making some regular time for it. I don’t recall the practice way-back-when as a youngster in the church I was raised in but the church down the street where I now live mentions it in the bulletin each week and it caught my attention the first time I saw it. Actually, tomorrow is Friday, I can go right after work.

I have spoken to a priest about getting things straight regarding our marriage. He suggested I come back early next week and see his boss, as he is a visiting priest at this parish.

I’m so psyched, I may go to Confession Saturday.

I feel like Scrooge, at the end of the story. I’m smiling more and sometimes laugh about the smallest bit of good news or a friendly word from a customer. It’s really amazing, I very often find myself watching scenes from the past 15 years of my life and seeing so clearly where I was suffering and pushing God away. It’s like watching someone tie their shoelaces before you knew how; once you know how, you see the same thing and say “Big deal, of course that’s how it works, you dummy!” I see where going to church instead of a bar, or reading the Bible instead of listening to sad, self-absorbed music lyrics, would have brought me peace. Instead, I chose to walk alone and be miserable.

Now I can’t get enough. I keep finding more to read, more to pray… I just ordered my first new Rosary in 30 years and I can’t wait for it to show up so I can break it in.

Am I too much? 😊

Thanks again for all the great words.

Well, better late than never! Thank you Jesus!
 
I liked your reminiscences of past times. Seeing yourself in your past. Good way of saying it.

I missed my twenties and a good part of my thirties chasing the temporary things in life, and I have since sincerely asked God to convert even THAT mess into something useful for others. He can do that, easily.

I received some good advice from a saintly priest over the last few years. He’s about 70 and he’s absolutely tireless and sincerely joyful all the time. I’m convinced he’d rather drive 250 miles to hear confessions after a whole week of giving than to sit for a few minutes and watch TV or even read a book, unless he thought that doing so would help someone else somehow.

Some of the points he’s emphasized to me over the years are (and maybe these only apply to my case, but maybe not). Offered as possible helps to others.
  • don’t focus on feelings; focus on aligning your will to God; love is a decision to self-donate, to give, and to carry through with that decision despite any feeling, good, supportive, or otherwise opposite. "…Feelings are like dogs, they need an owner (your will), otherwise they make messes where ever they go Tell them “Let us obey God”.
  • pray more for others than for things for yourself.
  • do things WITH God, for God. Practice bringing Him more and more into your thoughts, decisions, conversation…the more of your day the better. “Pray always, rejoice always”.
  • spread load your day with approaches to God. Don’t try to get formulaic and bunch it up all in the morning. Start your day on your way to the bathroom by grumbling in good humor to God!! Open the mail with God. Kiss your wife, with God. Ignore annoyances with God, for God. Smile when you don’t want to, with God. Stay close to the Sacraments. Seek humility and self-donation. Embrace the cross cheerfully. Eventually even seek it.
Welcome Home again.
 
That link about the Mass was awesome.

So true… if you got the chance to attend one Mass, receive Communion one time, it would be, or certainly should be, a life-changing event. The idea that I went to countless Masses long ago and then stopped going by my own choice, is horrible.

Again, like Scrooge, I say to myself, “It’s not too late! I didn’t miss it! There’s still time!”

The Church is still here. I’m still here. I can still go and kneel before the Lord. It’s not too late.
 
So well said.

Ask God not to have “wasted” that time…and watch what he does with it. You’ll run across people, relatives you haven’t seen in years…believe me. It’s happening all the time with me.

God is an engineer, nothing is wasted, if we ask Him.
 
God bless you, Skipper, and welcome back to the Church! I’m so glad to have you back amongst the family of God! Praise God for your return.
Skipper350 said:
I don’t know what to do. There are a lot of things I feel guilty about and look forward to confessing. But I can’t imagine confessing my wedding to my beloved wife
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You don’t need to confess your marriage as a sin. You should confess that you chose to get married outside the Church. Your marrying this wonderful woman is not wrong; only the choice to marry outside the Church is wrong. There’s a big difference.
Skipper350 said:
or my receiving of the Lord; two things that feel so right and have made me a better man.
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I’m sure God did pour grace and unity onto you through the Sacrament, and for that, you are right to thank, praise and love Him :). As you should for your marriage, as well!

Just confess both mistakes you made in your passion for what is right. I say “mistakes” because both faults were unknowingly committed, done in good conscience.

Union with the Lord in the Sacrament is no sin; you enjoyed that greatly, as is right. Only failing to go to Confession first is a sin, though probably not a sin for you, if you did not know. Though it’s best to confess it anyway, just to be on the safe side.

It is clear that God blessed you greatly in both of these beautiful gifts in your life, the Eucharist and your marriage. They are part of the depth of His love, poured out upon your life. These gifts God has given you should be greatly, greatly appreciated. They come from Him and are undoubtedly His way of pouring out love on you.
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Skipper350:
One more blessing to report… I had a long talk with my wife about what was troubling me. She was very understanding and not only is she on board with getting our marriage acknowledged by the Church, she wants to start going to Mass with me! Awesome.
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Wow! What a blessing! Praise God!
 
Skipper350 said:
Hello all,

In a nutshell, I find myself at middle-age, returning to the Church and running into an obstacle.

I was raised Catholic by faithful and loving parents and a very spiritual grandmother. Supressed or simply forgotten for many years, I am lately recalling countless warm memories of sitting on Grandma’s lap while listening to Bible readings and numerous stories of the saints! God bless her soul!

Into my teenage years, my faith was strong. Our family was shaken by trajedy, as are many others, but we survived. I always remember feeling God’s presence in my life and taking the Church and Mass very seriously.

I now regret with deep sorrow all the years I wasted, from college into my adult life, away from the Church. Deep down, I was fortunate enough to always feel the “tug” of God’s call but between booze, jobs, women, etc. I kept myself pretty distracted for a long time. Even then, I respected the Church and knew I was hiding from her. Grandma was long passed by this time but Mom was always saying “I love you…and go to church!”

Fast forward to this spring… my mom died following a long battle with a horrible illness. I never blamed God or anything like that during those times but rather prayed often, despite my break with the Church. Days after the funeral, the push I felt to get back to church was overwhelming. I went to Mass for the first time (other than weddings and funerals) in at least 15 years. And I feel like a new man. I’ve been going to Mass every week. I no longer drink or smoke. I am excited about being Catholic! I’m reading about the saints.

So, what’s my problem? At first I was putting my little toe in the water so I figured going to Mass once was better than nothing. Now, I’m eager to be all I can be, so I’m thinking about going to confession (after 20 years!). In getting prepared for this step, I now see that two things I have done that I thought were good may have been serious sins.

First, I married my wife in a non-Catholic church. We are happily married. We have no children. Is this a problem?

Second, I have been receiving Communion and it is something special I look forward to each week. But I have read that taking Communion when one hasn’t been to confession in so long is a sin. I hate the thought of not receiving but figure I should now stop.

I don’t know what to do. There are a lot of things I feel guilty about and look forward to confessing. But I can’t imagine confessing my wedding to my beloved wife or my receiving of the Lord; two things that feel so right and have made me a better man.

What should I do?

Thanks and please forgive the long post.
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Skipper,
I am purposely not reading the replies so far so forgive me if I repeat anything (I probably will) that others have already said.

First of all welcome home. I can identify because I went through something VERY similar three years ago.

The first thing you should do is to get to confession. I realize that you have matters that might requires some time to resolve, but don’t hesitate on this.
Even if your first confession is not “complete”, so long as it is sincere, it will be effecacious (sp?). My first confession was pretty bad (I now realize) but my confessor did not blink. We talked briefly and then he gave me absolution. Later, as I began to realize how poor my first confession was, I went back and “cleared the air”.
For this, instead of trying to recall ALL the bad things from 35 years, I realized that most everything I did wrong sprang from “attitudes” that fit into the “Seven Deadly Sins”. Fitting my confession into these allowed me to confess my actual faults AND shortened the time it took. (I wrote it all out).

As for taking communion, don’t beat yourself up too much on that one. You did it out of ignorance and not defiance. Just stop going to communion until you get to confession.

Speak with your priest about the marriage issue. So long as there are no “divorces” involved for either of you, there should be no problem. The marriage would simply be convalidated in the Church. That is what My wife and I did.

Good Luck.

Peace
James
 
Skipper,
Now that I have read through the thread, I see that you are well on your way. 👍

You’ll be surprised I think at how quickly things will sort themselves out.

Let us know how things are going.

Also, welcome to the boards. Since I’ve been back to the faith, I have found them to be invaluable in learning, growing and deepening my faith and knowledge.

Peace
James
 
Thanks JR.

I am pretty psyched. Tonight, I stopped by the church on my way home to sit and pray for a bit since Adoration is going on 'till 7:30 p.m. “Next best thing” to receiving for now.

To respond to one of the particulars you mentioned, about divorce… I was never married before I married my wife. She however was married previously, NOT in a Catholic service.

I hope the fact that her prior marriage being outside the Church simplifies things.

I guess we’ll see.

Be well.
 
Skipper350 said:
Thanks JR.

I am pretty psyched. Tonight, I stopped by the church on my way home to sit and pray for a bit since Adoration is going on 'till 7:30 p.m. “Next best thing” to receiving for now.

To respond to one of the particulars you mentioned, about divorce… I was never married before I married my wife. She however was married previously, NOT in a Catholic service.

I hope the fact that her prior marriage being outside the Church simplifies things.

I guess we’ll see.

Be well.
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Don’t be afraid to go to confession…I had my first confession this year…after 40+ years…and yes I’ve had to go back and mention ones I forgot several times…it’s a process. I’m always scared beforehand…but always glad I go.😃
 
Skipper350 said:
Thanks JR.

I am pretty psyched. Tonight, I stopped by the church on my way home to sit and pray for a bit since Adoration is going on 'till 7:30 p.m. “Next best thing” to receiving for now.

To respond to one of the particulars you mentioned, about divorce… I was never married before I married my wife. She however was married previously, NOT in a Catholic service.

I hope the fact that her prior marriage being outside the Church simplifies things.

I guess we’ll see.

Be well.
Click to expand...
Wonderful news.
I’m sure there will have to be an investigation re your wife’s first marriage, but that is best left to you, your wife, and the pastor/advocate to sort out. We need not address it here.
Just speak honestly to your pastor and be guided by his advise.

Peace
James
 
Welcome home, I love good news and this is the best

by now I assume you have contacted your parish priest and returned to the sacraments, or are well on your way to regularizing your marriage situation so that can happen. Huge blessings waiting to be showered on you and your family, congratulations. And God bless Grandma who no doubt has been spending her heaven praying for you, as she cared for your soul while she was on earth with you.
 
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