'Coming out of the closet': An act of courage?

[Prodigal_Son]

But still, if it were a different media environment, I would be encouraged by someone who could say they struggled with sins similar to mine and was able to overcome them. After all, there were some great saints who did just that.

There are youngsters that have serious struggles with their sexuality and who fall into deep depressions and have suicidal thoughts or even commit suicide because they fear they will never be able to follow their dreams and be accepted simply because they are homosexual. Those youngsters need to know that they are not alone and that they can make something of their lives despite being gay.

 

[ATeutonicKnight]

On one level it is never courageous to give into the temptation to sin, which is what “coming out” amounts to. So, viewed through that lens, I’d say no. But, we should admit, it did take ‘courage’ to “come out” years ago when one was likely to lose their job and be ridiculed or even assaulted for doing so. In such a case we are certainly speaking of a different kind of courage than the courage to fight sin, but courage nonetheless.

Today, however, (as you point out) the predictable outcome of “coming out” is being called a hero. In such a case, no it doesn’t take much courage. A great example is that NBA player who “came out” last year. Here was a guy with no career, that no one had ever heard of, who suddenly (simply for announcing his sexual predilections) was lauded, became a minor celebrity, and even received a call from the president! Does it take courage to do something for which you will only (likely) receive praise? Not really.

Now for someone who might not be famous and might be living or working in a environment where more negative reactions are likely than positive, then yes it would take courage, depending upon how likely such negative reactions are and how likely those reactions could turn into damaging actions (losing your job, etc.)

Long answer, short - sometimes (depending on the situation).

“Coming out” does not mean you are giving into sin. Coming out doesn’t mean you have to ever have a relationship with anyone or anything; it simply means you are telling people what your sexual orientation is. Some people don’t understand why you need to, but others find it very freeing and important to them. To each their own.

I would say it is incredibly scary to come out. We think we live in a society that is very accepting of gay people and the gay culture, but a lot of people are not accepting or understanding towards people being gay whatsoever. I know this because my sexuality is questioned often, and people talk to me about it as if it is a terminal illness. There are people who won’t see you any differently if you come out as gay (Like me), but there are others who are unused to it and will treat you completely differently, and this is scary when those people are parents or people really close to you. That is why coming out is seen as courageous: You are possibly sacrificing close friendships and bonds with people over this, because whether we want to admit it or not, there is still a lot of bigotry and hatred and misunderstanding in the world.

 

[R_C]

“Coming out” does not mean you are giving into sin. Coming out doesn’t mean you have to ever have a relationship with anyone or anything; it simply means you are telling people what your sexual orientation is. Some people don’t understand why you need to, but others find it very freeing and important to them. To each their own.

I would say it is incredibly scary to come out. We think we live in a society that is very accepting of gay people and the gay culture, but a lot of people are not accepting or understanding towards people being gay whatsoever. I know this because my sexuality is questioned often, and people talk to me about it as if it is a terminal illness. There are people who won’t see you any differently if you come out as gay (Like me), but there are others who are unused to it and will treat you completely differently, and this is scary when those people are parents or people really close to you. That is why coming out is seen as courageous: You are possibly sacrificing close friendships and bonds with people over this, because whether we want to admit it or not, there is still a lot of bigotry and hatred and misunderstanding in the world.

The issue is the understanding of the meaning behind “being gay”. There is a lot of confusion here, even and especially in the scientific community. Also, it is clearly something regarding a very small section of the population (though there are some who claim “millions are not out of the closet”), which reflects the fact that it’s not as common as some would like us to believe it is.

Yes, it takes courage. The Catholic international apostolate consisting of men and women with homosexual or same-sex attractions and the priests ministering to them is indeed called Courage International for very good reasons.

People always treat what they cannot or do not fully understand with a mixture of fear and dislike, which comes across sometimes as isolation and rejection, other times as plain hatred. This is indeed very sad, but inherent to our fallen nature. It happens in all sorts of discriminations.

Now the issue in our modern society is that the world is promoting a gravely erroneous, non-scientific, and unhealthy understanding of “coming out”. Indeed it does not mean to commit sin, inasmuch as acknowledging an attraction is not to commit a sin, but nowadays it is often - as I mentioned - linked to embracing and accepting a lot of things.
Like: if you come out of the closet, then you are expected to start doing certain things, believing in certain things, et cetera, otherwise you haven’t truly liberated yourself.

Often it involves a clear statement of “pride”, like “I am so glad and so proud of this”. Which to me is quite infantile. It is what it is. I am not “proud” to be whatever I am because I indeed deem all men and women to be truly equal in dignity. People instead - particularly in tv, sports, etc - love to be “in your face” about their sexual orientation. Ultimately, why would anyone care? I don’t go around telling people I am heterosexual. It would be kind of awkward, too. So I don’t understand why the need to get in front of a tv camera or some other means and proudly announce to the world what I am attracted to. I once told a loved one that in my striving for celibacy I was no longer tempted as I used to be by women, and I was told that what I had said was awkward, perhaps even wrong. Why, as a heterosexual in this world I am expected to like, desire, and actively seek sexual intercourse with women, otherwise there is something wrong with me.

Sad to say, too many worldly groups, under the appearance of defending someone’s rights and dignity, are actually hindering them physically, psychologically, and spiritually; many such groups are even using them for a political or ideological goal, to literally attack, harm, and overtake other sectors or ideologies which they perceive as the enemy. We’ve seen it with the feminist movements, for instance, and how they distorted the supposed goal of “liberating women” unto “equality” into something quite distasteful, to say the least, which ruins the feminine dignity and strikes at the core of sacred sexuality, holy matrimony, and the family - three pillars on which societies raise and fall.

Now I’m starting to be a bit controversial, so I better stop before a riot starts. But yes, it is an act of courage, and it is also an act of courage to embrace the standards of morality that are the tenets of the culture of life, even if this means having to bear quite a heavy cross. Believe me, there are many heterosexuals who won’t “come out of the closet” concerning their use of contraception or of immoral material, because to live without these would be a very heavy cross to carry, more than they feel they’d be able to. But this is a matter to be discussed with a priest and a loving parish ministry.

After all, this life is but a whisper of wind, a leaf falling from a tree to the ground, and in the true life we shall be like angels. This is our faith, and by this we live unto life. All else is vanity.

 

[holyrood]

Exaggerating and hero-izing is how you get social change. Anyone part of a hated group, whether the group is mentally ill, physically handicapped, black, female or part of an unpopular religion has a right to do whatever they can to make society accept their kind and to protect the safety and dignity of those people.

I’m coming out as Catholic and conservative!

 

[holyrood]

Believe me, there are many heterosexuals who won’t “come out of the closet” concerning their use of contraception or of immoral material, because to live without these would be a very heavy cross to carry, more than they feel they’d be able to. But this is a matter to be discussed with a priest and a loving parish ministry.

I agree with much of what you say, but I’m curious about your statement here. You are saying that for someone to ‘come out of the closet’ concerning contraception would lead to them then giving up contraception?

Another post discussed ‘coming out’ in the sense of admitting to someone the struggle of SSA in order to deal with it and heal from it.

I assumed that this is not quite what the OP is talking about, but rather about the standard operating procedure sort of coming out of today, which does not even remotely involve saying, “I want help to overcome,” but invariably is a proud declaration of ‘pride’ and full intent to continue.

With regard to that, no I don’t think it takes courage at all. Everyone knows that anyone announcing they’re gay is going to be praised and lauded. Even 25 years ago in both high school and college, anyone who announced they were gay automatically went up 10 Cool Points. I knew one guy who desperately needed some of those, and tried to get them by making a very public announcement that he was bi-sexual. To my mind, no, it doesn’t take courage to perform and act that you know is going to win you all kinds of accolades. That’s the very opposite of what the word ‘courage’ even means.

 

[Estevao]

Well if I were a secular humanist homosexual person, I would probably want to be known as that because that is pretty much the most vaunted identity to have in the PC identity card hierarchy. No courage involved here.

If I were a Christian on the other hand, I’d probably keep that secret and just try to be known as a “confirmed bachelor”, given the amount of disdain Christians have shown towards homosexuals. I believe the catechism refers to them as “intrinsically disordered” in ways that straight people aren’t, making them kind of like people with down syndrome.

Now i know a true christian wouldn’t look down on gay people or those with down syndrome in any way, but given my experience of the Christian milieu, I just think I’d have a lot more friends and would get along with everybody easier if it were secret.

Living in such a way definitely involves courage.

 

[livingwordunity]

Well if I were a secular humanist homosexual person, I would probably want to be known as that because that is pretty much the most vaunted identity to have in the PC identity card hierarchy.

There’s one thing that might trump active homosexuality in the political correctness hierarchy, and that is Islam.

 

[EasterJoy]

Well if I were a secular humanist homosexual person, I would probably want to be known as that because that is pretty much the most vaunted identity to have in the PC identity card hierarchy. No courage involved here.

If I were a Christian on the other hand, I’d probably keep that secret and just try to be known as a “confirmed bachelor”, given the amount of disdain Christians have shown towards homosexuals. I believe the catechism refers to them as “intrinsically disordered” in ways that straight people aren’t, making them kind of like people with down syndrome.

Now i know a true christian wouldn’t look down on gay people or those with down syndrome in any way, but given my experience of the Christian milieu, I just think I’d have a lot more friends and would get along with everybody easier if it were secret.

Living in such a way definitely involves courage.

I’d say that “coming out” about deep-seated tendencies towards forbidden behaviors is not something most people would do in a public manner, no matter what those forbidden behaviors are, even if they are Christian. It is for the practical protection of participants, after all, that the second “A” in “AA” stands for “anonymous.” There is a reason that the seal of confession is held to be so inviolate. Many people are walking around with ways of being in the world that are both “deep-seated” and “intrinsically disordered”, and I do not just mean sexually.

I don’t think I’d go so far as to say there is no courage in allowing oneself to be known to the general public as a homosexual. There are no places that I am aware of where everyone is a “secular humanist” who considers homosexuality to be a “vaunted identity” in the bars or after dark. Non-Christians who do not approve of homosexuality have been known to show their disapproval in disgusting and even violent ways, and those people are not as rare as people think.

 

[EasterJoy]

There’s one thing that might trump active homosexuality in the political correctness hierarchy, and that is Islam.

It depends on which hierarchy you are talking about. Muslim women who choose to veil in public can get every bit as much push-back as Catholic women who choose to dress in an unapologetically religious and unapologetically feminine manner.

 

[LongingSoul]

I believe the catechism refers to them as “intrinsically disordered” in ways that straight people aren’t, making them kind of like people with down syndrome.

The CCC refers to the *inclination *as ‘instrinsically disordered’… not the person. Down Syndrome is a genetic abnormality. SSA would be more likened to a propensity for or disposition to a condition. More like the propensity for or disposition to depression or anxiety or cancer. The weakness in the biology is there, but with good healthy attitudes and habits… it won’t flourish into an affliction.

 

[Rau]

Has there ever been a celebrity who came out, declared their same sex attraction, and declared their intention to steer the moral course? Now that would be courageous!

 

[R_C]

I agree with much of what you say, but I’m curious about your statement here. You are saying that for someone to ‘come out of the closet’ concerning contraception would lead to them then giving up contraception?

Another post discussed ‘coming out’ in the sense of admitting to someone the struggle of SSA in order to deal with it and heal from it.

I assumed that this is not quite what the OP is talking about, but rather about the standard operating procedure sort of coming out of today, which does not even remotely involve saying, “I want help to overcome,” but invariably is a proud declaration of ‘pride’ and full intent to continue.

With regard to that, no I don’t think it takes courage at all. Everyone knows that anyone announcing they’re gay is going to be praised and lauded. Even 25 years ago in both high school and college, anyone who announced they were gay automatically went up 10 Cool Points. I knew one guy who desperately needed some of those, and tried to get them by making a very public announcement that he was bi-sexual. To my mind, no, it doesn’t take courage to perform and act that you know is going to win you all kinds of accolades. That’s the very opposite of what the word ‘courage’ even means.

There is truth in what you are saying, but in some places and environments it does take courage. Also I think for many it can be a scary thing to face…to realize this and not know what to do…to be willing to acknowledge a situation can be a healthy thing to do and often does require a fair degree of courage. I am thinking of this passage of Scripture:

Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed. But he who practices the truth comes to the Light, so that his deeds may be manifested as having been wrought in God.

Now the motivation is a different story. If someone does it to be praised and look cool, that’s another story. That’s coming into the spotlight, not out of the closet. Just like these people who announce their pregnancies or their divorces all over the place (like - are we supposed to care?)

Anyways, my statement related to the fact that many heterosexuals keep some things in the closet, because admitting them would force them to take action. In the case of what I mentioned, indeed, if I bring the matter to my confessor, I would have to make a change in my lifestyle. But that’s not something that should be screamed off the rooftops. That’s what I mean. Acknowledging and admitting a reality: good. Making a breaking news about it: what’s that good for? Gain sympathy from a few? Gather a few claps and pats in the back?

The hard thing (I think) for people who openly recognize their homosexuality is to resist the massive push of society to embrace what they depict as the homosexual lifestyle. That’s what’s scary. And the same applies to heterosexuals. There’s a heterosexual lifestyle that we are apparently supposed to adopt, consisting on random dating leading possibly to intercourse, exploitation of one’s sexuality via the different media resources, support of contraception, abortion, and divorce, et cetera. Those heterosexual men who do not go this way are considered awkward or, as some friends of mine put it, losers. Support of a traditional family, with a traditional matrimony (which is lifelong and open to life) with the husband as head of the household? That’s for male chauvinist bigots. Let’s not even talk of men considering a consecrated life of perpetual celibacy. It takes courage to embrace chastity and continence, before and after marriage. We have a lot in common with the struggle of homosexuals. I wish the Church was more proactive in this debate and in promoting ministries to counteract the toxic culture propagated by those who ultimately don’t care for anyone and only wish to increase their wealth.

 

[Bruised_Reed]

Has there ever been a celebrity who came out, declared their same sex attraction, and declared their intention to steer the moral course? Now that would be courageous!

He’s not exactly a celebrity (I imagine I’m the only person on this forum that’s heard of him) but Dennis Jernigan is a singer-songwriter. Not sure if he came out and everything in the order you listed. His song If I could Just Sit With You Awhile is beautiful. There are testimonies on Youtube as well.

 

[TheWarriorMonk]

I personally think that people should keep their mouths shut and keep their sexuality to themselves. Giving attention to people because they announce they have a particular sexual preference is simply ridiculous.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

I think it would depend on the celebrity. A celebrity who is constantly in the public eye has two choices, either out themselves, or have the media do some digging and do it for them. While gay rights supporters may hail the celebrity as a hero, what about the people that matter to that person? What good is it if the nation is behind you, but your own parents and siblings shut you out? The amount of courage it requires would depend greatly on each individual celebrity’s circumstances, and making broad judgments either way is not helpful.

For the average person, I’m sure it takes courage. Though, once again, the amount required depends greatly on each person’s individual circumstances. My niece just came out as gay. My family is all very approving of homosexuality, and she knew this. Her parents never gave her any reason to think that her homosexuality would impact her relationship with them or that they would be anything but supportive. My family even includes a gay friend at every gathering, because his family abandoned him when he came out. He’s been a very real part of my family for 10 years now. But none of that mattered to her, when she told her parents, she was still terrified. She begged them not to tell my parents or me and my husband, out of fear that we would think less of her. My brother tried to explain that neither my mom or I would care at all, but she still couldn’t do it. Eventually, my mom dropped by one afternoon while my niece had her girlfriend over, and when my niece panicked, my mom was able to talk her down and help her feel safe and comfortable with us.

 

[Prodigal_Son]

Even 25 years ago in both high school and college, anyone who announced they were gay automatically went up 10 Cool Points.

I don’t know where you grew up, but that was far from the case where I grew up.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

I don’t know where you grew up, but that was far from the case where I grew up.

Nor where I grew up. And the state I grew up in is very liberal.

 

[holyrood]

I don’t know where you grew up, but that was far from the case where I grew up.

I went to both high school and college in the Midwest. It may not have been that way everywhere, but it was certainly my experience even that long ago. And it is even more true today that all these celebrities who come out are lauded.

 

[Kamaduck]

I went to both high school and college in the Midwest. It may not have been that way everywhere, but it was certainly my experience even that long ago. And it is even more true today that all these celebrities who come out are lauded.

I’m in the midwest, and am a current high school student. While my peers are generally not unkind to those with SSA, I wouldn’t say anybody gets “10 Cool Points”. Most people just don’t talk about it. I am in a fairly conservative community, though, so I guess it isn’t necessarily the standard.

 

[Rau]

What good is it if the nation is behind you, but your own parents and siblings shut you out?

Shutting a child out would always be wrong. I can however understand why a parent’s reaction may be different in the case of a child who takes the next step and chooses a homosexual lifestyle compared with one who chooses to remain chaste. We don’t so often hear about this latter case.