P
Polluted
Guest
No one on these forums should be giving you “pointers” on how to persure a homosexual relationship.
- Status
S
shainski
Guest
Hi TaylorCat,
I don’t know if I have any great advice. I found myself often on a path that others’ envied, but it was never leading to where I ultimately wanted to go.
I worked hard, I studied hard, I went in with a partner and started a business in my late 20s. I was working 75+ hour weeks on a regular basis.
And then I started wondering why I wasn’t meeting women. I really did want to someday be married and have a family. It seemed all my friends were on that path - but I seemed so far off that path that I couldn’t see where it was.
While, I wasn’t a tea-totaller, it wasn’t my style to spend time in bars. On the couple of occasions that I built up the courage to ask a women out, I was shot down. (I look back and think - thank heavens for that) It was before the internet, so i didn’t have internet dating. But they had some kinds of businesses that did the same kinds of things. I did ultimately join one of those. I had to build a profile - give current pictures, and then had to look through catalogs of women and request a date. At first, it seemed like a perfect way for a busy person to meet someone. It was like shopping. I like this, I don’t want that, this is important to me, I despise this…
I ended up going on like a dozen first dates in the first month. Dating was kind of exhausting to me. Dates were more like interviews. And the profile almost made it worse. It was like I knew everything about someone else - but really, I knew nothing at all. Yes, I knew that they didn’t smoke - and enjoyed moonlight walks on the beach. But I didn’t know what drove them - what they were passionate about. One woman was looking through the books of women. She asked me how something sounded. I asked her what she was doing. She was just going through the other profiles and choosing what sounded good from everyone else’s. I kind of laughed with her about how that was defeating the whole purpose.
I had done countless blind dates. Some were so bad, I had decided that some friends must have thought that the only thing that mattered was here was a single female and a single male.
When I approached my late 30s, I was just about to give up on the idea of ever being married and having a family. And while I was a regular churchgoer - I can’t say I was passionate about it. But I did pray during mass that I get some guidance on where I was to go from here. I finally decided that I enjoyed being single (and, in truth, I was far happier than some of my friends who had already gone through divorces). I made myself the best uncle. The best worker. The best friend.
I had a lot of single friends - and once I became comfortable with who I was. I didn’t totally give up on dating, but I wasn’t spending every (or even most) Friday nights trying to go out.
And then one day, one of my friends had a housewarming party. When I walked into the kitchen, there was a woman who I had never seen before. I say “hi”, she said “hi” - and all of a sudden it was five hours later. I left that evening - only knowing her first name and her occupation, and the school district.
The more I thought about it, the more I wanted to know who she was. But I didn’t want to ask the others at the party - because with my dating history, I figured it wouldn’t likely work anyway - and I didn’t want to start rumors. I was able to do some online research and found out an email address.
I contacted her without knowing for sure that it was her I was corresponding with.
We arranged a first date. A year later we were engaged, and another year later we were married. I was in my early 40s already. I had assumed that this would never happen for me. Today, we have 4 children.
My only advice to you - is to get comfortable with yourself. Make yourself the best at being you that you can. Enhance those things that will make you better - more interesting, whatever it is that you can work on. Build up friendships. (I know you aren’t religious, but Lent is a good opportunity to examine yourself and those areas that you could spruce up).
Once you are comfortable in your own skin, you will be far more attractive to others. (And even if dating doesn’t work out the way you think, you’re a better person for having tried)
And when you discover people doing the same activities that you already enjoy, you already have things in common.
Hang on and enjoy the journey. (Looking back, the journey is more important than the destination)
I don’t know if I have any great advice. I found myself often on a path that others’ envied, but it was never leading to where I ultimately wanted to go.
I worked hard, I studied hard, I went in with a partner and started a business in my late 20s. I was working 75+ hour weeks on a regular basis.
And then I started wondering why I wasn’t meeting women. I really did want to someday be married and have a family. It seemed all my friends were on that path - but I seemed so far off that path that I couldn’t see where it was.
While, I wasn’t a tea-totaller, it wasn’t my style to spend time in bars. On the couple of occasions that I built up the courage to ask a women out, I was shot down. (I look back and think - thank heavens for that) It was before the internet, so i didn’t have internet dating. But they had some kinds of businesses that did the same kinds of things. I did ultimately join one of those. I had to build a profile - give current pictures, and then had to look through catalogs of women and request a date. At first, it seemed like a perfect way for a busy person to meet someone. It was like shopping. I like this, I don’t want that, this is important to me, I despise this…
I ended up going on like a dozen first dates in the first month. Dating was kind of exhausting to me. Dates were more like interviews. And the profile almost made it worse. It was like I knew everything about someone else - but really, I knew nothing at all. Yes, I knew that they didn’t smoke - and enjoyed moonlight walks on the beach. But I didn’t know what drove them - what they were passionate about. One woman was looking through the books of women. She asked me how something sounded. I asked her what she was doing. She was just going through the other profiles and choosing what sounded good from everyone else’s. I kind of laughed with her about how that was defeating the whole purpose.
I had done countless blind dates. Some were so bad, I had decided that some friends must have thought that the only thing that mattered was here was a single female and a single male.
When I approached my late 30s, I was just about to give up on the idea of ever being married and having a family. And while I was a regular churchgoer - I can’t say I was passionate about it. But I did pray during mass that I get some guidance on where I was to go from here. I finally decided that I enjoyed being single (and, in truth, I was far happier than some of my friends who had already gone through divorces). I made myself the best uncle. The best worker. The best friend.
I had a lot of single friends - and once I became comfortable with who I was. I didn’t totally give up on dating, but I wasn’t spending every (or even most) Friday nights trying to go out.
And then one day, one of my friends had a housewarming party. When I walked into the kitchen, there was a woman who I had never seen before. I say “hi”, she said “hi” - and all of a sudden it was five hours later. I left that evening - only knowing her first name and her occupation, and the school district.
The more I thought about it, the more I wanted to know who she was. But I didn’t want to ask the others at the party - because with my dating history, I figured it wouldn’t likely work anyway - and I didn’t want to start rumors. I was able to do some online research and found out an email address.
I contacted her without knowing for sure that it was her I was corresponding with.
We arranged a first date. A year later we were engaged, and another year later we were married. I was in my early 40s already. I had assumed that this would never happen for me. Today, we have 4 children.
My only advice to you - is to get comfortable with yourself. Make yourself the best at being you that you can. Enhance those things that will make you better - more interesting, whatever it is that you can work on. Build up friendships. (I know you aren’t religious, but Lent is a good opportunity to examine yourself and those areas that you could spruce up).
Once you are comfortable in your own skin, you will be far more attractive to others. (And even if dating doesn’t work out the way you think, you’re a better person for having tried)
And when you discover people doing the same activities that you already enjoy, you already have things in common.
Hang on and enjoy the journey. (Looking back, the journey is more important than the destination)
P
Polluted
Guest
I can not believe self proclaimed Catholics are actually endorsing this behavior, giving tips and tricks for this man to fall even deeper into sin.
This is disgusting to witness, and it has nothing to do with this man identifying as a homosexual. It’s amazing how secular culture and pop media can influence people so much to where even self proclaimed followers of Christ will endorse something completely contrary to the Gospel.
What part of “Repent, and believe in the Gospel” didn’t you folks understand on Ash Wednesday?
This is disgusting to witness, and it has nothing to do with this man identifying as a homosexual. It’s amazing how secular culture and pop media can influence people so much to where even self proclaimed followers of Christ will endorse something completely contrary to the Gospel.
What part of “Repent, and believe in the Gospel” didn’t you folks understand on Ash Wednesday?
T
TaylorCat
Guest
Thank you for the responses.
Just for the record Polluted, I no longer identify as homosexual but as bisexual. That isn’t to say that I shout about it. I just mean it is now I have come to understand myself.
Polluted, I hope I haven’t offended by asking for advice on this forum. Thank you for your honesty.
Just for the record Polluted, I no longer identify as homosexual but as bisexual. That isn’t to say that I shout about it. I just mean it is now I have come to understand myself.
Polluted, I hope I haven’t offended by asking for advice on this forum. Thank you for your honesty.
N
Nixbits
Guest
Polluted, do you imagine that all of the contributors to this forum are Catholic? Or do you suggest that non-Catholic members should not offer their opinion? If you are without sin, then please feel free to throw the first stone.
Also, please try to keep your posts on topic. TaylorCat has asked for some advice from the Forum. Not, as far as I can tell, just from the Catholic members. If you have no sincere advice to offer, then I hope you know what you should do.
Also, please try to keep your posts on topic. TaylorCat has asked for some advice from the Forum. Not, as far as I can tell, just from the Catholic members. If you have no sincere advice to offer, then I hope you know what you should do.
P
Polluted
Guest
May I ask as to why you wish to “identify” so much with whatever desire you may have regarding sexuality?
What’s my label? When I was thinking of interesting ways to masturbate as a young teen, whats the sexual self identifier for a young lad who warms a banana peel in the microwave?
What about when I was 18 years old and REALLY wanted to make love to some of the 17 year old high school girls I was surrounded by? Does pedophile work?
What about when I watch a movie and I notice Channing Tatums hot bod and and I’ve developed a man crush for the coolest, sexiest man every girl wants? Does bisexual work?
What about some of the other desires that I won’t even list because of how “kinky” they are? (I’ll give ya a hint, it involves a cucumber)
Is it clarity you are looking for? Or something that makes you stand out? A neat little quirk that helps you cope with the mundane, thankless, and average existance the vast bulk of us are called to?
N
Nixbits
Guest
TaylorCat, I’m sorry that I don’t have any solid advice for you. It seems to me that you’re doing the best you can in a difficult situation. I think you’re right that there is no point in telling family members about your sexuality if there is not likely to be an overall benefit from doing so. If there are family functions where you want to include a future partner, then I would agree with previous posters that they can be introduced as your friend, providing they are comfortable with that themselves.
I wish you the very best for the future. I hope it works out well for you.
I wish you the very best for the future. I hope it works out well for you.
T
TaylorCat
Guest
Regarding your question, I would say I am on the side of clarity. I do not identify the way I am for attention. Only two close friends are aware of my feelings in that respect. Attention is not something I crave when it comes to this issue, which I suppose is just something you will have to take my word for (if you so wish).
My main aim was just to better understand who I am. It wasn’t on a whim, it wasn’t just one afternoon I thought it would be quirky. I also don’t suggest I make sexually my only identifier. It’s just one of the things that make up who I am with personality etc.
I hope I don’t seem rude in any of the above. I’m just trying to be clear.
P
Polluted
Guest
Trust me my friend you are being quite level headed, I hope I’m the one not coming across as rude.
All I’m saying is what you experiance is no different than what everyone experiences. Sadly most people won’t come out and admit this because no one (no man anyway) wants to admit he’s had a few tingly feelings over a man south of the belt. But realize that if the name of the game is to get our rocks off. There truly are not many boundaries a man won’t cross if he gives full reign to his sexual desires.
You are not bisexual, you are not gay, a pedophile, a fruit lover, a gym sock aholic, or any other descriptor someone tries to use to make peace with their sexuslity. You are a human, as to what you decide to stick your Johnson into…is entirely up to you. And if procreation and love are taken out of this equation . …there really are no boundaries .
And if there are, just wait it out until society has normalized it, and the supreme court justices decide to change the ball game.
B
BlueEyedLady
Guest
Not exactly the same thing. I would never ask a Jew to eat pork, but I also don’t want to hear about how I or anyone else is in the wrong for doing so, and I certainly wouldn’t accept lesser treatment because of my dietary choices. Likewise, I wouldn’t expect a Catholic to be in a homosexual relationship, but I don’t tolerate hearing about how others are wrong for doing so. (I don’t actually eat pork, but you get the idea).
To the OP: I would gradually come out to the safest people first and let word spread. You can’t keep it a secret forever, because someday you’ll probably have a wife and/or kids. And you’re right, no one is or should tolerate being your dirty little secret. But come out gradually, and although it may not be fair, you may consider not bringing a partner around your extended family until it’s serious. Several of my gay friends waited to completely come out until they had met someone worth losing their families over. It worked out for most over time, but one did lose his family for good when he fell in love with his now husband. It’s his parent’s loss though, the couple has a child on the way (a friend was a surrogate) and they’ll never know their grandchildren. His sister softened with time though and they’ve managed to become very close again.
Not always, but many times familial love and history trumps discomfort or anger over homosexuality. Just keep that in mind and never give up on an eventual change of heart.
T
TaylorCat
Guest
Thanks for the response BlueEyedLady. Your posts are always insightful.
Just to be clear, as this is an old thread I have resurrected, being bisexual means I may end up with a female partner which almost negates the need to ever tell anyone. At the same time, I should probably maintain honesty with those I am close with.
T
TaylorCat
Guest
A quick question. What are people’s opinions regarding honesty about previous relationship history?
If a guy was bi-sexual and had been with men previously but now had a girlfriend, should that be something that is shared or should it not matter?
If a guy was bi-sexual and had been with men previously but now had a girlfriend, should that be something that is shared or should it not matter?
N
NM505StKate
Guest
First congrats and welcome to the family. :clapping:. It is awesome your mom is taking it well. I suggest going slow. You will get a lot of resistance from family and even friend but don’t let that frustrate you. You have beauty and are awesome. I am so happy for you. Also grats on having a bf. Just use protection if you go that far and enjoy your first relationship. Feel free to PM me if you need a shoulder.
N
NM505StKate
Guest
Shouldn’t matter imo. As long as he either used protection or gets tested all should be well.
T
TaylorCat
Guest
Thanks for the replies.
Im starting to better understand who I am and it is certainly helping me feel better abut myself.
Im starting to better understand who I am and it is certainly helping me feel better abut myself.
- Status