If you look back at Lexee’s post’s there is a mulitple addiction problem. Alcohol, sex, gambleing…
My apologies. I was skimming through the thread to see her explanations of the situation and missed that post. I guess it isn’t likely she could convince her husband to get counseling for his problems or for the marriage. I’ll pray for this situation.
Thanks for the info., in my case there is addiction…not physical abuse just mental and emotional. My husband is an alcoholic, addicted to gambling (badly) and I wouldn’t doubt if he’s a sex addict also since he has multiple affairs at the same time. I don’t let him touch me because I know he has unprotected sex with these women. If this were to end today my children are young enough to not “go through” a divorce, I’m sure it will be harder on me. Also, I had no idea about these addictions until after we were married. This is the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make, the toughest situation I’ve faced because it will affect my babies, I don’t care about me…I’m an adult and can cope but my babies have to deal with something no child ever should…this is where I blame their father…he doesn’t care.
Yeah, again I apologize for missing that post. I’ll continue to pray for you.
I stuck it out to the end for I did love him and my children and did not want a divorce. I was delusionald and in denial that he would change for the better if he wanted to. He finally got tired of it and had to get into a big fight to justify him leaving. I did not have a job, income, family backing and only two hungry mouths to feed and including me - three. I sought counseling for myself (at that time I wasn’t going to church/Mass) if for nothing else but for someone to talk to about how I felt - the pain and the anger of feeling being used. I would encourage you to talk to a good priest for counseling or any good christian counselor in how to deal with your situation. I was reading the post after this and you mentioned addiction and sex (adultery)involved. Best to seek a good guidance from a good priest or a good counselor to help you work through this. I will pray that the Lord will send you a good priest or counselor to help for good guidance.
Yes, he does not care about your health if does not care about his health. I can truly understand if you don’t allow him to touch you. Talk to a priest for guidance since you were not aware of his addiction(s) not until you were married.
I don’t understand why you are waiting for him to make a move and continuing to live this way?! What’s his incentive to change?! As the healthy, non-addicted and sane half of this relationship, it seems like time for you to take control of your life and get out of this mess, and the sooner the better.
Well I spoke with a lawyer and he suggested I do nothing until after Christmas and the new year, that’s why I’m waiting. Also, he may be a jerk but I’m not and I feel bad kicking him out at Christmas time…but that time won’t last forever. Here’s another thing, he’s negotiating a new contract, his salary will go up significantly I want my children’s child support to be based on the new salary…I’m sure that’s a question for the lawyer, but I wonder if I should stick it out until he signs that new contract? I know it sounds petty and like I’m money hungry, but if I can’t get anything decent out of him I may as well make sure my children are well taken care of and that I can get a college fund started for them. And it’s obvious he has no incentive to change, I just don’t fight with him because it’s harder on me than him.
What is stopping you from separating from him right now.
I think you are being very wise - not money hungry. You are taking care of your children’s future and your future. You are going to need to be there to parent those children. He will need to provide for that and there is no reason why you should have to sacrifice a decent life because he will not put on his big boy pants and address his alcoholism and/or his other addictions.
You sound like your head is in the right place–both as to finances and avoiding confrontations with him when you know nothing is going to change. And far from money hungry, you are wise to wait out the contract re-negotiation if you can stand it. What a trial this must be for you. I would suggest you document his misbehaviour in writing. You may not need it, but it never hurts your interests to have a lot of facts available.
I certainly am documenting his misbehavior, printing e-mails, recording phone messages, etc. Although, the attorney I spoke with told me it didn’t really matter. They really won’t use anything against him in terms of the divorce settlement, the only thing it would be good for would be to show why I’m seeking the divorce. It is very difficult to deal with at times, but God gives me the strength, all I ask is to be able to do His will. Thanks for your support, it feels good to know that I am doing the right thing as hard as it may be.
This is true, the problem with this is that he will hide money…I know him well enough to know he will do this. I, of course, don’t want to be here any longer than I have to be, but for my children’s sake I need to in order to make sure he doesn’t hide any money, or at least not the money that’s in the contract. I know he makes more money and gets paid in cash, he doesn’t tell me about that, I can’t account for that which is why what I can account for I need to be on top of. And yes God can fix anything.
I agree! Lexie…I was in a similar situation…but my husband did walk out, and eventually married his girlfriend. I cried for two years straight…sometimes, ten years later I still cry…that is so normal.
I’m so sorry you had to go through this, I don’t wish this on anyone
.Unfortunatley I don’t have my family close…I wish I did, they’re about 3000 miles away. This sounds like a good idea, what’s the difference between a legal seperation and a divorce. How would that affect me while he’s working out a new contract? The only advantage I see to having him stay is that he talks to me about what’s going on with work and his contract renegotiations, this keeps me informed of how much he’ll be making for the next 3-5 years. If I don’t let him come home anymore I won’t know anything about the money, I know it sounds bad…which is why I said I didn’t want to sound money hungry, but I think for the sake of my children and so that I am assured that they get everything they are entitled to I need to put up with his crud, I must bear it for my children’s sake and their future. Just seeing how my husband throws money away assures me that he won’t be saving for their college fund…so I have to that means getting as much as I can from him.