S
Serinda_Adler
Guest
Dear All,
Hello there! I’m new to the forums, so forgive me if I’m not aware of all the etiquette necessary for this forum.
So I’m a college student who is finishing up her sophomore year. And I’ve been worrying, anxious, and ashamed of myself.
To keep a long story short, I’ve been struggling with my studies ever since sophomore year of high school due to procrastination rooted in perfectionism and fear of failure and addictions to porn and masturbation. I was hoping that when I get to college, I’ll have a new, clean slate, work my butt off, and get those A’s that I wanted to make my parents proud as well as God.
Now I feel as if I’ve wasted these past two years. I’ve taken leave even to get my grades back on track, but to no avail. My report card is riddled with a few B’s, C’s, and one F. And all this has created a spiritual/personal dilemma for the past month I’ve been wrestling with, that has led me to worry deeply and put me back into a grave sadness.
I’ve struggled with the question(s), "Does God care about me getting good grades? Does glorifying God mean that I need to achieve the best in terms of grades, achievements, scholarships, graduate schools, etc.? For in Ephesians 2:10 New International Version (NIV) “10 For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”
However, to be honest, I’ve realized I haven’t studied to my potential, so does that mean all these struggles and bad grades, as consequences of me falling into the sins of not only procrastination/sloth, but also lust/pornography/masturbation, sin of fear of failure, low self-esteem in my capabilities as a person, believing more that I am not good enough, are going to mar the good works God prepared me to do in advance? Is this why I cannot discern what God wants me to do with my life, and I’m struggling to figure out what major(s) to choose?
Should I be worried about my life not proclaiming God’s Word? For in Matthew 5:16 King James Version (KJV) “16 Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.” If I’m getting terrible grades, no awards, honors, etc., in this state of life I’m called to be in, does that mean I’m not glorifying God, letting the light shine before men? Should I be caring that my other counterparts who may not be of the faith are doing better than me?
Moreover, my parents are paying for my tuition, and they expect high honors from me, awards, etc. Thus, I know with my grades being terrible, I’m dishonoring them, which means I’m dishonoring God. However, my advisor, professors, and friends tell me to change my science major to humanities; take a break from being pre-med and look to cultivate my gifts somewhere else. But my parents don’t think humanities = getting a job in the real life. So this leads me to ask, "What does God want from me? Why can’t I discern His Will? Is it due to my sins? Inconsistent prayer and trust in Him? What is my future; does God want me to do MD/PhD, or something else? But how can I honor my parents’ expectations for me at the same time so that I’m not also sinning in that area? Moreover, it’s imperative for me, if I intend to go to med school/grad school, to pay for myself, and soon, help support my family, but with my report card, that seems highly unlikely. So it also gets me worried about have my sins have the dire consequences of me not being able to take care of my family anymore.
Moreover, I want to do medicine, hopefully one day work in areas of trauma (e.g. Chernobyl) and provide medicine and biomedical engineering advancements to help with healing that also works with the culture of the peoples. However, it seems that these plans, though set in my heart, might not come to fruition due to all of this. And some people are suggesting giving up on pre-med. Does this mean I’ve been deluding myself? Not listening to God b/c of all these sins in my life I’ve tried and failed conquering? Or is it because of my sins that I’ve ruined this plan God has for me, for I do have the talent, just not the discipline and motivation? For the programs that do have MD/PhD with biomedical engineering as the PhD concentration are some of the top in the country, and there’s little to no chance now of me getting into it.
I guess it all comes down to, "Does God want me to the best of the best to glorify Him? Does He want me winning everything and anything to give Him praise? What do I need to do now as a student, as a woman of God, to live my life towards achieving sainthood? Living/honoring my total consecration to Mary? For this has been causing me much pain, for I have all these dreams, hopes, and plans, and I know I’m supposed to give all that to God. However, I’m so worried about my past sins and mistakes ruining everything to the point that I’m afraid I’ve ruined my chances of living a life that not only honors God, but appeases my parents. It is also rooted in selfishness/want of attention and approval of the world/obsession with success, but most of it comes from the worry that I’ve sinned so much I don’t know where to go from here.
So sorry for the long post. All these concerns and thoughts have been whirling in my head :hypno:
Hello there! I’m new to the forums, so forgive me if I’m not aware of all the etiquette necessary for this forum.
So I’m a college student who is finishing up her sophomore year. And I’ve been worrying, anxious, and ashamed of myself.
To keep a long story short, I’ve been struggling with my studies ever since sophomore year of high school due to procrastination rooted in perfectionism and fear of failure and addictions to porn and masturbation. I was hoping that when I get to college, I’ll have a new, clean slate, work my butt off, and get those A’s that I wanted to make my parents proud as well as God.
Now I feel as if I’ve wasted these past two years. I’ve taken leave even to get my grades back on track, but to no avail. My report card is riddled with a few B’s, C’s, and one F. And all this has created a spiritual/personal dilemma for the past month I’ve been wrestling with, that has led me to worry deeply and put me back into a grave sadness.
I’ve struggled with the question(s), "Does God care about me getting good grades? Does glorifying God mean that I need to achieve the best in terms of grades, achievements, scholarships, graduate schools, etc.? For in Ephesians 2:10 New International Version (NIV) “10 For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”
However, to be honest, I’ve realized I haven’t studied to my potential, so does that mean all these struggles and bad grades, as consequences of me falling into the sins of not only procrastination/sloth, but also lust/pornography/masturbation, sin of fear of failure, low self-esteem in my capabilities as a person, believing more that I am not good enough, are going to mar the good works God prepared me to do in advance? Is this why I cannot discern what God wants me to do with my life, and I’m struggling to figure out what major(s) to choose?
Should I be worried about my life not proclaiming God’s Word? For in Matthew 5:16 King James Version (KJV) “16 Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.” If I’m getting terrible grades, no awards, honors, etc., in this state of life I’m called to be in, does that mean I’m not glorifying God, letting the light shine before men? Should I be caring that my other counterparts who may not be of the faith are doing better than me?
Moreover, my parents are paying for my tuition, and they expect high honors from me, awards, etc. Thus, I know with my grades being terrible, I’m dishonoring them, which means I’m dishonoring God. However, my advisor, professors, and friends tell me to change my science major to humanities; take a break from being pre-med and look to cultivate my gifts somewhere else. But my parents don’t think humanities = getting a job in the real life. So this leads me to ask, "What does God want from me? Why can’t I discern His Will? Is it due to my sins? Inconsistent prayer and trust in Him? What is my future; does God want me to do MD/PhD, or something else? But how can I honor my parents’ expectations for me at the same time so that I’m not also sinning in that area? Moreover, it’s imperative for me, if I intend to go to med school/grad school, to pay for myself, and soon, help support my family, but with my report card, that seems highly unlikely. So it also gets me worried about have my sins have the dire consequences of me not being able to take care of my family anymore.
Moreover, I want to do medicine, hopefully one day work in areas of trauma (e.g. Chernobyl) and provide medicine and biomedical engineering advancements to help with healing that also works with the culture of the peoples. However, it seems that these plans, though set in my heart, might not come to fruition due to all of this. And some people are suggesting giving up on pre-med. Does this mean I’ve been deluding myself? Not listening to God b/c of all these sins in my life I’ve tried and failed conquering? Or is it because of my sins that I’ve ruined this plan God has for me, for I do have the talent, just not the discipline and motivation? For the programs that do have MD/PhD with biomedical engineering as the PhD concentration are some of the top in the country, and there’s little to no chance now of me getting into it.
I guess it all comes down to, "Does God want me to the best of the best to glorify Him? Does He want me winning everything and anything to give Him praise? What do I need to do now as a student, as a woman of God, to live my life towards achieving sainthood? Living/honoring my total consecration to Mary? For this has been causing me much pain, for I have all these dreams, hopes, and plans, and I know I’m supposed to give all that to God. However, I’m so worried about my past sins and mistakes ruining everything to the point that I’m afraid I’ve ruined my chances of living a life that not only honors God, but appeases my parents. It is also rooted in selfishness/want of attention and approval of the world/obsession with success, but most of it comes from the worry that I’ve sinned so much I don’t know where to go from here.
So sorry for the long post. All these concerns and thoughts have been whirling in my head :hypno:
