Commandment VII and X

[outfctrl]

This is a long story, but I will try and keep it short. My wife and I got divorced 13 years ago. We were married in the Church. Our marriage fell apart when she met this guy and claimed he was her soul mate. ok

I tried to keep us together, but she wouldnt listen. She wanted it over. Well, I granted her a divorce because I love her and within two days of the divorce, she married him using a Justice of the Peace. I never re-married.

This guy turned out to be a deadbeat. Didnt work for almost 4 years, didnt really look for a job because she makes so much money. Anyways, come to find out, he was embezzling her money (around 50k) during that time and putting it in a savings account out of state. She found out. She is going to divorce him soon.

Well, this is my issue. She has been coming over my house for the past 4 months, just talking. Kids, her life and just general stuff. No intimacy.
Matter a fact, it was 13 years since we became intimate.

The other night, she came over, started to drink some vodka and kissed me.
One thing led to another and, you guessed it. We ended up making love.
She wants to get back together after her divorce. ???

She has cheated on me at least 2 times before marriage and then once during.
I still love her and always will.

Question one: Did I sin being intimate with her? In the eyes of the Church, we are still married. I never got an annulment and never remarried.

Question two: Just need some advice here. Should I attempt to be with her again in matrimony? I am not sure I could trust her.

I know question two has no bearing on sin, but I am really perplexed about this whole situation.
I have never loved anyone as much as I love her.

 

[Trishie]

You sin when you knowingly and willingly consent to something which you believe to be a sin.
Perhaps foolish though. Would it be perhaps unwise to allow this to happen again under present circumstances?
Would you both consider some serious counselling? If you don’t you’re likely to tie yourself in some heavy knots. It may not be wise to encourage what may be some issues in your wife that are not yet mature or unselfish, do you think? Do you think it is necessary to do some radical work on the trust issue? If you are afraid to talk things through with your ex-wife/wife then it may well be very wise to conduct discussions with a reliable Christian counsellor.

 

[1ke]

Talk to your priest regarding your situation.

It is very unwise to consider remarriage to a woman who has a persistent history of infidelity, before and during your marriage. She may not be able to give the needed consent/intent for a valid marriage at this point. Her pattern of infidelity does seem to call into question the validity of your marriage and her ability to enter into a Sacrament.

LOTS of counseling both together and individually should be pursued before you make any sort of decision.

And, don’t get into a physically intimate situation with her again. It will merely cloud your judgment and allow your feelings for her to overrule your common sense.

 

[outfctrl]

You sin when you knowingly and willingly consent to something which you believe to be a sin.

Thats why I am asking here. In my heart, I dont believe it is a sin, since we are still married in the eyes of the Church.
Her marriage to that other guy is not recognized by the Church.

 

[ForwardProgress]

I believe you are correct, sir. Without a degree of nullility, you are married where it counts, no matter how many other marriages the other or yourself go through. I would see no sin in the relations. (unless it was contraceptive on your part, which I’m guessing one of you were contracepting during this kind of non-commital random thing.)

Whether or not it is right to get back together with her, that’s not something anyone here can help you with.

 

[outfctrl]

We have three children. A 17 yr old and a set of twins (boy/girl) 15yrs old.
My Daughter and Sons wants us together again. They dont like the other guy. They are always asking me advice.

I really want our Family unit back. I lost the best years of my kids lives. We split when the kids were 4 and 2 yrs old.

 

[1ke]

Thats why I am asking here. In my heart, I dont believe it is a sin, since we are still married in the eyes of the Church.
Her marriage to that other guy is not recognized by the Church.

Talk to your priest. While you are still married from the standpoint of the Church, your civil divorce made a public statement of your separation. Additionally, if you have any doubt regarding the validity of your original marriage you should not continue to act as if you are married.

Regardless of the fact that you are sitll married in the Church, at this point getting drunk and having sex with her could definitely be sinful. You and/or she seem to be misusing the marital embrace and each other. You cannot say that your union was a sacramental expression of your covenant and committment to each other. It was a drunken night of sex between two estranged people.

This is not a good way to begin any sort of reconciliation process.

 

[outfctrl]

You cannot say that your union was a sacramental expression of your covenant and committment to each other. It was a drunken night of sex between two estranged people.

We were not drunk at all. It just happened. She had two drinks and I wasnt even drinking.

I will talk to a Priest this weekend and get some advice. I need to go to Confession anyways, been too long.

 

[1ke]

We were not drunk at all. It just happened. She had two drinks and I wasnt even drinking.

I misread your post. I thought you were both drinking vodka.

Do talk to your priest, and also get a recommendation for a good Catholic marriage counselor.

It is very good that you want to save your marriage and reconcile, and I hope you can do that. But her behavior-- cheating, drinking and initiating sex with you as soon as her current “husband” is out of the picture, etc-- indicates she has some deep problems that need to be addressed.

 

[bilop]

This is a long story, but I will try and keep it short. My wife and I got divorced 13 years ago. We were married in the Church. Our marriage fell apart when she met this guy and claimed he was her soul mate. ok

I tried to keep us together, but she wouldnt listen. She wanted it over. Well, I granted her a divorce because I love her and within two days of the divorce, she married him using a Justice of the Peace. I never re-married.

This guy turned out to be a deadbeat. Didnt work for almost 4 years, didnt really look for a job because she makes so much money. Anyways, come to find out, he was embezzling her money (around 50k) during that time and putting it in a savings account out of state. She found out. She is going to divorce him soon.

Well, this is my issue. She has been coming over my house for the past 4 months, just talking. Kids, her life and just general stuff. No intimacy.
Matter a fact, it was 13 years since we became intimate.

The other night, she came over, started to drink some vodka and kissed me.
One thing led to another and, you guessed it. We ended up making love.
She wants to get back together after her divorce. ???

She has cheated on me at least 2 times before marriage and then once during.
I still love her and always will.

Question one: Did I sin being intimate with her? In the eyes of the Church, we are still married. I never got an annulment and never remarried.

Question two: Just need some advice here. Should I attempt to be with her again in matrimony? I am not sure I could trust her.

I know question two has no bearing on sin, but I am really perplexed about this whole situation.
I have never loved anyone as much as I love her.

I see no sin.

Whether your behavior is wise, is another issue.

God Bless

 

[LJN21]

Yeah, I really can’t see how that may have been sinful. Not smart but probably not sinful.

The Church considers you are married unless its been declared Null. I knew a couple in a situation not to long ago where some issues came to light and they were worried about the validity of their marriage and were told unless there is an actual annulment they had nothing to worry about.

However, as people have said before you need to go speak with you Priest first, then probably LOTS of councling for both of you and be very careful. More relations could make rational thought difficult. Also make sure she is willing to come back to the Church fully and completely. On the surface it raises lots of questions about her ability have a faithful marriage.