Communion at Wedding Non-Catholic Family

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I’ve seen topics about Communion when one spouse is not Catholic, but my situation is a little different. My fiancée was recently received into the church from Protestantism, so we are both Catholic, but all of her family is non-Catholic. Not all of my family is Catholic either, and we have mostly non-Catholic friends/ family friends. So in a wedding with maybe up to 200 guests, only 30 or so would actually be able to receive Holy Communion in a Nuptial Mass. So what are some thoughts on how to handle this case? The way I see it, there are four options, which I’ve listed from my least preferred to most:
  1. Have the wedding rites outside the context of Mass
  2. Have a Nuptial Mass, but the priest doesn’t distribute Communion at all
  3. Have a Nuptial Mass, and the priest distributes Communion with an announcement for only Catholics to come forward
  4. Have a Nuptial Mass, but the priest only distributes Communion to the two of us
We will be meeting the the priest in a month from now, but I’m curious what others think.
 
In the US there are three options.

Three forms of the Rite of Marriage

The Catholic Church provides three different forms of celebrating the Rite of Marriage. When two Catholics are marrying, the celebration will normally take place within a Mass. The second form, which does not include a Mass, is used when a Catholic marries another baptized Christian. There is a third form, which also does not include a Mass, for a Catholic marrying someone who is a non-Christian. You should choose one of these forms in conversation with the priest or deacon who will witness your marriage vows. Watch the video to learn more about the Rite of Marriage.

You can explore them at the US Bishop’s Website:

www.foryourmarriage.org

Planning a Catholic Wedding

Nowadays many engaged couples handle a lot of their own wedding planning. When at least one of the individuals is Catholic this can include making arrangements to be married in a Catholic church. This is a significant decision. It means more than just choosing an appropriate and picturesque...
www.foryourmarriage.org www.foryourmarriage.org
 
Thank you! I’ll look to see if they mention two Catholics getting married, but having significant non-Catholic family.
 
You should discuss this with the priest. Normally if it’s two Catholics, they have the Nuptial Mass and communion is given to the two of you and any other Catholics present. I personally as a Catholic would want the Mass and would want the Communion open to all Catholics in a state of grace who attend, even if that’s 5 people out of 200, but that’s just me.
 
You have to ask the priest about 4. I really don’t think you want to deny Christ to those that can receive. Most priest are happy to do 3.
Most non Catholics are aware of the rules. You may know this but it is serious matter to receive unworthy and communion is a total commitment to Christ and His church. Knowingly no one would want to fake that.
May your marriage be blessed.
My wife and I are planning our 55 wedding anniversary. She is not Catholic .

Private message me if you want to discuss marriage!
 
Have a small nuptial Mass and invite Catholics and anyone else who wants to come and is fine not taking part in communion.

Then have a secular ceremony for the legal marriage with everyone invited.
 
My cousin and her husband were married in a nuptial Mass. They used an app (Appy Couple) for people to RSVP and get details such as how to get to the venues, where to stay, etc. One of the things they addressed was the issue of Holy Communion and why Catholics practice closed Communion.

My cousin was raised Catholic; I am guessing her husband is also Catholic given that they were married in Mass. I suspect they may have had friends and some other family members who are not Catholic.
 
In the US and some other countries, there isn’t a separate legal ceremony, and the Church further doesn’t let you have some kind of a second ceremony that resembles a marriage, as it suggests your marriage in the Church was lacking somehow.

You could certainly have a small family-only wedding and then a big reception for everyone you know, as long as the reception doesn’t have anything going on at it that resembles a wedding ceremony. Sone of my friends have done this.
 
You definitely need to talk to the priest, but I cannot imagine any priest going with option 2 or 4.

I think the biggest concern is family dynamics. Is having a Mass with distribution of Communion going to cause issues for your bride-to-be? Is her family likely to get angry and/or hold a grudge because they are not allowed to receive Communion? Is her conversion a sore spot, and this will just rub salt in the wound?

Most Catholic weddings I have been to have sizeable chunks of non-practicing Catholics and/or non-Catholics. It doesn’t seem like that big of a deal to me for the priest to make a simple announcement at Communion time and for people who are not receiving to stay in the pews.

I know for my wife and I, we never even entertained the possibility of not having the Mass. For those of our families who could not receive the Eucharist, they just had to suck it up. 😆 But I know every family is different.
 
Joe_5859 said:
I think the biggest concern is family dynamics. Is having a Mass with distribution of Communion going to cause issues for your bride-to-be? Is her family likely to get angry and/or hold a grudge because they are not allowed to receive Communion?
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Yeah, my husband’s family has at least four Christian denominations in it now and I’ve never seen anyone be perturbed at the Catholic weddings or funerals when Catholics go receive and others stay in the pew. I realize some other families might not be as calm about it.

I had Catholics, Protestants, Jews, Muslims and agnostics at my own Nuptial Mass, nobody was bothered there either.
 
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Thanks everyone. Yes, the main question is whether her family would be hurt not going up for Communion, and if they were happy with her becoming Catholic. They were not 100% for her becoming Catholic, but they did send her a rosary as a confirmation present, which was a really nice gesture. I think they are reasonable people and would be ok with staying in the pews for Communion (as most of the guests would), as long as a little explanation was provided ahead of time.

The good thing is that distributing Communion will be really short, as long as we don’t do the whole “everyone come up for a blessing with arms crossed” thing. That would be an unnecessary waste of time.

And yes, we of course will talk about these things with the priest. We would very much prefer to receive all the graces available to us in a Nuptial Mass.
 
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You probably need to talk to the priest about it, but my guess is he’ll go with #1 or #3.

Myself and my entire family aren’t Catholic and my wife and I chose to have our wedding outside of Mass. My wife didn’t want any part of our wedding where me and my family would be observers while her family participated.
 
Asinner said:
I’ve seen topics about Communion when one spouse is not Catholic, but my situation is a little different. My fiancée was recently received into the church from Protestantism, so we are both Catholic, but all of her family is non-Catholic. Not all of my family is Catholic either, and we have mostly non-Catholic friends/ family friends. So in a wedding with maybe up to 200 guests, only 30 or so would actually be able to receive Holy Communion in a Nuptial Mass. So what are some thoughts on how to handle this case? The way I see it, there are four options, which I’ve listed from my least preferred to most:
  1. Have the wedding rites outside the context of Mass
  2. Have a Nuptial Mass, but the priest doesn’t distribute Communion at all
  3. Have a Nuptial Mass, and the priest distributes Communion with an announcement for only Catholics to come forward
    4. Have a Nuptial Mass, but the priest only distributes Communion to the two of us
We will be meeting the the priest in a month from now, but I’m curious what others think.
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It may have been the traditional practice of the Church, prior to the Vatican II era, to use option 4. I once ushered at a nuptial mass at an SSPX-affiliated chapel (the only TLM wedding I’ve ever attended) and that is what they did.
 
Unless the priest is newly ordained, he will be used to couples, who are preparing for marriage, who have family members/relatives and friends who are not Catholics.
 
#3.

When I got married in Church there were only a few of my own family members who were practicing - others were lapsed. My husband was a non-practicing Baptist if I remember correctly. So there were no Catholics at all on his side of the family.
It was so long ago now, I can’t be sure, but either I informed his side of the family or to them through him (definitely explained everything to him), and my side including friends who couldn’t receive I either told, they already knew or Father announced at the beginning that only Catholics and those in the state of grace were to come forward at Communion time.
 
Definitely talk to your priest. If it is two Catholics, usually there is a Nuptial Mass. I would want a mass with Communion open to Catholics.
 
If you are going to invite 170 people who are not in a state of grace to a mass with communion, you will probably have a minimum of 160 people take communion who shouldn’t I have been to SO many masses where people who are living together take communion. Either they don’t know they shouldn’t (which IMO is 99% of the time) or feel they are above the rules

I was at a Christmas mass where a 5 year old little boy ran up up for communion. He came back crying to his mom because the priest wouldn’t give him one (probably because he was too young). The mother hugged him ‘I am so sorry maybe next year’ IE this mom obviously only takes her son to mass once a year and the mom didn’t know he shouldn’t have it. I have heard protestants conversations

sally : I went to a mass and when up and ated the bread. It was a Catholic mass was I suppose to do that

anne: I don’t think so that could offend them

Sally: They can get over it

Anee : yeah they should

Honestly, I agree that I would be offended if I was getting married and people who weren’t in a state of grace took communion. However, I wouldn’t invite 170 of them. You can not control other people’s conscious and I really think it will cause tension with your family and in-laws
 
The guidance given to clerics preparing couples such as yourselves is to not have Mass.

I have assisted at dozens of weddings like this, and a few have had Mass, but the vast majority did not.

When you meet the priest that is likely what he will suggest.

Deacon Christopher
 
cmscms said:
If you are going to invite 170 people who are not in a state of grace to a mass with communion, you will probably have a minimum of 160 people take communion who shouldn’t I have been to SO many masses where people who are living together take communion. Either they don’t know they shouldn’t (which IMO is 99% of the time) or feel they are above the rules
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Do you mean to imply that the 170 non-Catholics are not in a state of grace (i.e., in mortal sin), or simply that they are not allowed to receive? Those are two different things.

When it comes to those who are Catholic and allowed to receive, some advise against speculating who should receive communion and who shouldn’t. Where it is someone whose objectively mortal sinful activity is obvious, public, and cannot be denied by them — as with unmarried couples cohabitating — I think you are quite right to be scandalized. Some would disagree with me.
 
I was using the math from the original post. He said 200 were invited and only 30 could received. I did the subtraction and used the OPs number.

I wasn’t speculating about how many could receive. I was trying to make the point, you can NOT expect to be able to control so many people’s behaviour
 
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