Communion at Wedding Non-Catholic Family

[Gorgias]

• Have the wedding rites outside the context of Mass

This is sometimes presented as a pastoral solution to a difficult problem. It’s not a preferred solution, since you two are Catholic, but it is sensitive to the situations of your families.

• Have a Nuptial Mass, but the priest doesn’t distribute Communion at all

That would really be something that would be not in line with what should happen at a Catholic Mass.

• Have a Nuptial Mass, and the priest distributes Communion with an announcement for only Catholics to come forward

This might be your best option. In addition, if your priest is amenable to the notion of “communion line blessings”, he might offer that those who do not believe that the Eucharist is truly the Body and Blood of Christ can approach the communion line for a blessing from him.

• Have a Nuptial Mass, but the priest only distributes Communion to the two of us

That is kinda weird, too, for a Mass. It would offend the sensibilities of the Catholics present, don’t you think?

In the US there are three options.

The OP identified that they are both Catholic, so they’re in the situation of “the celebration [which] will normally take place within a Mass.”

Have a small nuptial Mass and invite Catholics and anyone else who wants to come and is fine not taking part in communion.

Then have a secular ceremony for the legal marriage with everyone invited.

No. Dual ceremonies aren’t permitted by the Church, except in countries in which a distinct civil service is required to take place.

The good thing is that distributing Communion will be really short, as long as we don’t do the whole “everyone come up for a blessing with arms crossed” thing. That would be an unnecessary waste of time.

If her family is cool with not participating during communion, then the “come up for a blessing” thing might be unnecessary. Otherwise, “an unnecessary waste of time” might be precisely what eases their discomfort.

The guidance given to clerics preparing couples such as yourselves is to not have Mass.

Sometimes yes, sometimes no. It all comes down to how the non-Catholic side of the family might be expected to react. If they’re anti-Catholic, the pastoral response is sometimes “let’s not have a Mass”; otherwise, it can tend to be “talk to your parents and see what their expectation is.”

 

[TheLittleLady]

The OP identified that they are both Catholic, so they’re in the situation of “the celebration [which] will normally take place within a Mass.”

I did read that.

In my experience, pointing to official instructional documents is more fruitful than simply giving what could be read as “an opinion”. This is the reason I pointed out the lovely resource provided by the US Bishops. It includes a nice video that explains things like why the entrance procession is different for Catholic weddings.

 

[Asinner]

you can NOT expect to be able to control so many people’s behaviour

I guess this is one of the reasons I posted this topic. I kind of expect that with some advanced warning and a clear announcement from the priest, my guests would do what was asked of them. I would like to know what people’s experiences are with this situation and how to get guests to follow instructions.

Because you are right, I could not, in good conscience, put Our Eucharistic Lord in danger of so many sacrilegious communions.

 

[cmscms]

And in my opinion/experience the majority of people WON"T listen to the advance warning. Many won’t pay attention and many more will purposely take communion out of defiance. They will be offend that you ‘insulted them’ and to get even will take communion in the hopes of angering you

 

[otjm]

The nuptial Mass is the legal ceremony in the U.S.

 

[TheLittleLady]

kind of expect that with some advanced warning and a clear announcement from the priest, my guests would do what was asked of them.

Before I was Catholic, I attended Catholic weddings. At those weddings, as when I visited any other religious service, I was polite and I respected the beliefs of those around me.

If the majority of my family and friends were so boorish that they would not have simple respect when they are a guest, they would not be invited to my 4th of July picnic, let alone my wedding.

 

[Cor_ad_Cor]

Because you are right, I could not, in good conscience, put Our Eucharistic Lord in danger of so many sacrilegious communions.

Remember that ultimately, it’s the role, responsibility, and decision of the priest to safeguard the Eucharist and allow/disallow people to approach and receive. It’s good that you’re considering the circumstances, but don’t overthink. That’s beyond your pay grade, so to speak, to make decisions about others’ actions or status of their souls.

And in my opinion/experience the majority of people WON"T listen to the advance warning. Many won’t pay attention and many more will purposely take communion out of defiance. They will be offend that you ‘insulted them’ and to get even will take communion in the hopes of angering you

I feel quite sad for you. You apparently have had a very limited and negative experience with people.

 

[cmscms]

I feel quite sad for you. You apparently have had a very limited and negative experience with people.

Seriously? You have no idea how many people I have met

 

[CoffeeFanatic]

Go ahead and do the wedding the way you want. If that involves communion, then do so. I’ve been to plenty of Catholic family and non-family weddings that involve communion. I’ve never once been offended that I couldn’t take communion. It’s not the huge deal you’re making it here. Don’t angst over this.

 

[FiveLinden]

The nuptial Mass is the legal ceremony in the U.S.

It can’t be. There will be process of registration in which a person mandated by the state records that a marriage has taken place and reports it. The form of the marriage will not matter to the state. If a priest is an official of the state for this purpose and registers a marriage, it would not matter if it was a ceremony with clowns in a balloon. If this were not the case, there could be no state recording of marriages.

 

[Phemie]

The guidance given to clerics preparing couples such as yourselves is to not have Mass.

I have assisted at dozens of weddings like this, and a few have had Mass, but the vast majority did not.

When you meet the priest that is likely what he will suggest.

Deacon Christopher

That’s what I’ve read in the pastoral notes. OP you and your bride could attend Mass as a couple earlier in the day, if possible.

 

[Phemie]

otjm:

The nuptial Mass is the legal ceremony in the U.S.

It can’t be. There will be process of registration in which a person mandated by the state records that a marriage has taken place and reports it. The form of the marriage will not matter to the state. If a priest is an official of the state for this purpose and registers a marriage, it would not matter if it was a ceremony with clowns in a balloon. If this were not the case, there could be no state recording of marriages.

In the US and Canada that “person mandated by the state” is the priest or deacon receiving the couple’s consent.

 

[otjm]

You are confusing the registration of the marriage which is the filing of a document, with the ceremony.

The state recognizes individuals as the official witness of the marriage; normally, judges, justices of the peace, and ministers.

The ceremony is conducted by one of them. They then file the official document with the state.

Neither the document nor the registration of it is a “ceremony”.

My post was referring to your prior post, which spoke of two ceremonies; one before a priest and another before a state official. That is done, I believe, in Germany and/or other countries, not the US.

I will repeat: the nuptial Mass is the “legal” ceremony referred to in the post to which I answered. You are correct that it does not matter to the state who witnesses the marriage, as long as they have state assent - that is, they are properly recognized by whatever means the state has.

Your reference to clowns and balloons is not dispositive to my prior conversation with your prior, but thank you.

While the form of the marriage will not matter to the state, the conversation of this thread is about a nuptial wedding or private, no-Mass ceremony in front of a priest. That does not change the fact that whatever occurs before the priest as official witness will be the “ceremony”, and balloons or no balloons, clown or no clown, the state does not have a bifurcated religious ceremony and then another state ceremony.

Catholics are obliged to have their marriage offically witnessed by a priest; wht you seem to be proposing is either a dual marriage ceremony, in which case no state ceremony is relevant, or a wedding Mass with no exchange of vows and a subsequent ceremony in front of a judge, justivce of the peace, or other (for the sake of this thread) Protestant minister.

That would be, according to the Church, an invalid marriage and while the state might recognize them as married, their status in the Church would be as fornicators, not husband and wife.

And while there possibly could be a petition to the bishop for something other than a wedding officially witnessed by the priest, there are no circumstances indicating any need, and therefore unlikely to be granted…

 

[on_the_hill]

In Catholic Masses where there have been a lot of non-Catholics present, the priest made an announcement just before distributing communion. In my experience.

 

[on_the_hill]

And in my opinion/experience the majority of people WON"T listen to the advance warning. Many won’t pay attention and many more will purposely take communion out of defiance. They will be offend that you ‘insulted them’ and to get even will take communion in the hopes of angering you

Don’t assume ill-intent. You’ll live happier.
It’s more likely that they won’t want to be excluded and that’s the end of it. But don’t get your hackles up believing that they’re engaged in some kind of passive aggressive maliciousness. Indignation leads to little more than indigestion.

 

[cmscms]

Actually, I am happier by not asking them what to do in the first place. If I sense they are going to do things their way, I live and let live and don’t ask them to do something.

 

[Cor_ad_Cor]

I know enough from your posts that my point went over your head. Here it is plain and simple: you’re far too negative. That’s not how the gospel tells you to view your fellow man. I’ve been cheated, taken advantage of, lied to, assaulted, and on and on… but I don’t assume the worst in people. That’s no way to live. Peace.

 

[cmscms]

yes, your point did go over my head.

 

[Gorgias]

The Deacon I worked with for a couple of years when doing Marriage Prep. classes for engaged couples use to discourage communion for the congregation when it was a mixed religion situation.

This isn’t a “mixed religion” situation, though – both the bride and groom are Catholic (although one is a convert). The “mix” exists because of the families of the couple, one side of which is (largely?) Catholic and the other side of which is (largely?) not. The pastoral consideration comes down to how to deal with the difficulty of explaining to family members who are not Catholic that the Eucharist is reserved only to those who believe it truly to be the Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity of Christ, and who are well disposed to receive it.

Don’t assume ill-intent. You’ll live happier.

You might be surprised at the number of “First Holy Communions” that occur at Catholic weddings and funerals.

 

[Phemie]

In Catholic Masses where there have been a lot of non-Catholics present, the priest made an announcement just before distributing communion. In my experience.

I’m 65 and I’ve heard that announcement exactly once in all my years. It was done by a visiting priest who was ministering to us while the Pastor was a away at the Mission.

I’ve seen non-Catholic politicians receive Communion at the funerals of fellow politicians because they didn’t know any better. All hell broke loose several years ago after that happened at a funeral that was being televised. For some people I’m sure it was the first time they had ever heard that they could not receive in the Catholic Church. Then again, I know of one Queen’s representative whose aide-de-camp asked the Bishop, before the funeral of one such politician, if his boss could receive Communion since he wasn’t Catholic. The Bishop’s reply, “Pretend you never asked the question.” He received.