Our first son, now five, was born. My Quaker wife lovingly agreed to let him be baptised, even though she herself does not believe it is necessary.
So we were standing there on the altar during mass in our “liberal Catholic faith community”, along with five or six other familes, most of whom were in situations like ours. The sexual abuse crisis had began some months before. Everyone in the community was livid. Everyone thought that the crisis resulted from “sinful power structures”, or the “patriarchal hierarchy”. No one wanted their children baptised into the “Church”, they wanted them baptised into the “faith community” that was being built in that little parish.
Finally, all of my doubts that came from that constant gnawing gave way. The priest charged me, as are all parents of babies being baptised, with raising our son in the faith. For me, finally, that meant the real faith. Not the one I wanted to create out of my own ego so that my “lifestyle” could be validated.
I wanted the real deal. I wanted to confront the sin that was in me.
My first step was to stop receiving communion. I finally came to know that on top of my sin in being married to my wife outside the Church, I was also commiting blasphemy against our Lord. And not receiving communion in that parish was not an easy thing to do. I was seen as suspect because I did not toe the party line around the issue of divorce and remarriage; that line being that it was none of the Church’s business.
I finally had to leave the parish. Found my way to my local parish down the street, that thankfully has an orthodox priest as pastor.
I continued to not receive communion for a year or so. Then something really wonderful happened.
I had asked my wife for a while if she would agree to live with me in continence as brother and sister. A few months before our youngest was born, she agreed to do it on a trial basis. Finally, six months into it, she agreed to vow to live this way.
At that point, after I made a confession, I was allowed to enter into a full sacramental life again, and was allowed to continue living with my wife and raising our children. My youngest son was baptised.
I can’t begin to tell you what a joyful reconciliation it’s been. And the added benefit is that the love between my wife and I just continues to grow deeper and more meaningful. It has all been a great, great gift.
The situation now is that we hope to one day be validly married in the Church, but there is no assurance that this will happen. My wife is in the process of getting a review of her previous marriage by the local marriage tribunal. If her previous marriage is judged to be invalid, then she will be granted an annulment and we will be free to marry in the Church.
At that point, we will begin the preparation for marriage. It’s quite possible that there will be something in the process that my wife will not agree to. I really don’t know. She is a woman of great integrity. That’s one reason why I fell in love with her. If it’s the case that she cannot agree to something, and if that prevents our being married in the Church, then we’ve agreed that we will continue to strive to live in continence as brother and sister.
I’d say what helped me the most in finding my way to the truth were some people who refused to confirm me in my sin, but did so in a charitable way. That’s a balance I’m still trying to learn as I attempt to help other people caught up in objective sin.
Please say a prayer for my family as we continue down this journey.
They cannot look for absolution in that adulterous condition. You sovle the problem, but what about if they were single people or just married by the law. Can they be absolved and receive Communion? 