Communion "traffic pattern" etiquitte

[lada]

I have been attending Mass each week but not taking communion because of my marriage situation. It’s causing a bit of congestion, though, and I thought I’d ask here what the protocol is for people who go to mass, but not communion.

When possible, I get us a pew to ourselves, but that’s not always possible. I take four kids with me, so getting up to let the other people back in the pew is a bit of a hassle. Is it acceptable for us to just stay kneeling and have the people who need to get past us go through the pew behind us? I thought maybe that was rude, although I wouldn’t mind if it were me, you know?

Thanks!

 

[mercygate]

I have been attending Mass each week but not taking communion because of my marriage situation. It’s causing a bit of congestion, though, and I thought I’d ask here what the protocol is for people who go to mass, but not communion.

When possible, I get us a pew to ourselves, but that’s not always possible. I take four kids with me, so getting up to let the other people back in the pew is a bit of a hassle. Is it acceptable for us to just stay kneeling and have the people who need to get past us go through the pew behind us? I thought maybe that was rude, although I wouldn’t mind if it were me, you know?

Thanks!

Are ALL of you not receiving? Or just yourself? If it is just you, then YOU should sit on the center aisle. Stand up to let people pass and and then return to the kneeler. Nobody has to pass you twice because you are already on the end.

If it is your whole family that does not receive, I would suggest that you sit on the FAR end of the pew. You won’t have to move at all for the others to go out, and when people come back from Communion, they can walk through the pew behind you to return to their seats in your row.

 

[lada]

None of us are receiving. The three younger ones are too young, and my daughter will make her first communion this spring. Right now we have been sitting on the far end, as you suggested, but people seem to stand there when they get back instead of going through the pew behind us, like they’re expecting us ALL to get up and let them through…which we do, but it’s a huge undertaking. So is it acceptable for us to just stay kneeling? Will they get the picture then and go around?

 

[lizaanne]

I hate having to step over people.

I would suggest, that while the rest of the people in your row are out of the pew receiving Holy Communion, that you use this time to move out of the pew, and stand behind the opening so those returning can walk past you, then when the last one has arrived, you and your clan file in behind them and take your places on the kneelers. Don’t wait till the last second - you know they are coming back, so be ready for them. This way it won’t be a rush and big production to move that many bodies while someone stands there waiting for you.

~Liza

 

[lada]

I hate having to step over people.

I would suggest, that while the rest of the people in your row are out of the pew receiving Holy Communion, that you use this time to move out of the pew, and stand behind the opening so those returning can walk past you, then when the last one has arrived, you and your clan file in behind them and take your places on the kneelers. Don’t wait till the last second - you know they are coming back, so be ready for them. This way it won’t be a rush and big production to move that many bodies while someone stands there waiting for you.

~Liza

I will try this next week, then. It just seems like it would be easier for everyone involved if they would just go through the pew behind, which is unoccupied.

 

[mercygate]

None of us are receiving. The three younger ones are too young, and my daughter will make her first communion this spring. Right now we have been sitting on the far end, as you suggested, but people seem to stand there when they get back instead of going through the pew behind us, like they’re expecting us ALL to get up and let them through…which we do, but it’s a huge undertaking. So is it acceptable for us to just stay kneeling? Will they get the picture then and go around?

Honestly, I can’t understand why anybody who sees a mother with 4 kids kneeling in the pew would not be able to do the math and go through the pew behind you. But then, in my experience, people are not very adaptable when it comes to this sort of thing.

 

[snhs]

I will try this next week, then. It just seems like it would be easier for everyone involved if they would just go through the pew behind, which is unoccupied.

No it wouldn’t. Although I suppose it actually depends to a large extent on what size the pews are. The ones in my Parish tend to seat a reasonable number along each one, so even if the four of you were on the end there might be 10-12 others in the same pew all of whom may go to receive if the Mass were reasonably busy.

Now when they come back the first person to arrive will have been the one on the other end of the pew, assuming that he walks along the next pew, as you seem to expect them to, then they either sit/kneel or stand around. The next person then comes along, and so forth until the person sitting immediately beside you/one of your children gets there, and then they could go along the pew and the others could file in behind in the opposite order to that in which they’d arrived. But, if it’s like my Parish those 10-12 people would be standing in the main aisle until the last person had got there and they’d be thoroughly jamming up the aisle for any of the people in the pews behind who want to go to Communion. Alternatively they’d sit and the first person back would have 9-11 people going past them, and the next 8-10 and so on, thereby causing more disruption to more people more frequently than if they’d been allowed to return to their seats in the normal way. Even if they are going to their seats and letting the other people sitting on the pew through they’re still disrupting the line of people waiting to receive. You’re also expecting all of them to take a fairly indirect route back to their places.

I suppose this kind of thing is why a lot of people have taken to going up for a Blessing, or just take their kids with them when going up. It really makes you wonder what they did when the number of people receiving Communion at each Mass was a fairly small proportion of the total congregation.

Is there a crying Chapel, or some out of the way seating you could use? You could think of sitting at the back and getting out just before the other people in your pew get back? In most places I think you could probably get away with letting your kids stay seated on the pew while the others get past, but with adults it tends to be a bit too narrow to get past without causing problems.

 

[Among_Strangers]

OK let me start by saying I don’t know what I am talking about.

If this is OK, it may help. If this is not OK, please don’t do it.

Get up and get in line. Bow to the Blessed Sacrament and return to your pew following the traffic pattern. You haven’t received unworthily, you haven’t asked for a blessing from anyone, you’ve paid respect to the Sacrament, and you haven’t gotten into anyone’s way.

I might be way wrong so, please the more knowledgeable say so if I am.

 

[Spots]

do you sit up in the pew so that they can squeeze in front of you? If not, that’s what we’ve always done. Sit when you need to for traffic, kneel the rest of the time.

 

[kage_ar]

If the isle people process toward the altar is on your left, and the isle where they come back and re-enter the pews is on the right… here is my suggestion.

Sit on the far LEFT side of the pew, the side where people will be exiting the pew when they go to recieve.

When it is time for the pew to exit, stand up. The little kids can sit on the pew and move thier legs out of the way of those who pass. You and your older daughter, step into the isle and take a step BACK, allowing those who exit to step in front of you.

When the last person exits the pew, step back into the pew and kneel. This way you when those who recieve return, you can continue to kneel and they are not making loopdy loops.

 

[iamrefreshed]

If the isle people process toward the altar is on your left, and the isle where they come back and re-enter the pews is on the right… here is my suggestion.

Sit on the far LEFT side of the pew, the side where people will be exiting the pew when they go to recieve.

When it is time for the pew to exit, stand up. The little kids can sit on the pew and move thier legs out of the way of those who pass. You and your older daughter, step into the isle and take a step BACK, allowing those who exit to step in front of you.

When the last person exits the pew, step back into the pew and kneel. This way you when those who recieve return, you can continue to kneel and they are not making loopdy loops.

DING DING DING!!! We have a winner!

Fess up, you’re an usher, right?!

 

[lada]

The ones in my Parish tend to seat a reasonable number along each one, so even if the four of you were on the end there might be 10-12 others in the same pew all of whom may go to receive if the Mass were reasonably busy.

We go to the early mass, so there is only one other family in the pew with us…usually just a couple, so only two people.

Is there a crying Chapel, or some out of the way seating you could use? You could think of sitting at the back and getting out just before the other people in your pew get back? .

This is something I’m just not willing to do. I’m not able to receive and I’m not. I know for a fact that many of the people receivng really shouldn’t be and I’m not going to sit somewhere where I can’t really see/hear what is going on just because I can’t receive and therefore have to disrupt the communion line. I’m also not going to leave Mass early because of this.

Sit on the far LEFT side of the pew, the side where people will be exiting the pew when they go to recieve.

When it is time for the pew to exit, stand up. The little kids can sit on the pew and move thier legs out of the way of those who pass. You and your older daughter, step into the isle and take a step BACK, allowing those who exit to step in front of you.

I think this may actually work better…there seems to be more time to get OUT than to get back IN, so it would’t be such a big deal if we’re “holding people up”. They’re just going to wait in line anyway, you know?

Thanks for the replies!

 

[snhs]

This is something I’m just not willing to do. I’m not able to receive and I’m not. I know for a fact that many of the people receivng really shouldn’t be and I’m not going to sit somewhere where I can’t really see/hear what is going on just because I can’t receive and therefore have to disrupt the communion line. I’m also not going to leave Mass early because of this.

No you don’t know for a fact, or at any rate should try to avoid presuming you know for a fact given that only God knows the true state of their souls.

The Crying Chapel at my Mass wouldn’t pose that kind of problem as you can see the Altar quite clearly from it, and although it’s called the crying chapel it isn’t that bad most of the time. It’s a matter of consideration for others, when you have fairly young children anyway there’s certainly nothing wrong with sitting in a slightly different place.

I don’t think I suggested leaving Mass early. I suggested sitting at the back, standing to the side to allow the others in your pew to get to their seats and then returning to your place

Anyway I think kage_ar’s solution solves the problem for you.

 

[lada]

No you don’t know for a fact, or at any rate should try to avoid presuming you know for a fact given that only God knows the true state of their souls.

The Crying Chapel at my Mass wouldn’t pose that kind of problem as you can see the Altar quite clearly from it, and although it’s called the crying chapel it isn’t that bad most of the time. It’s a matter of consideration for others, when you have fairly young children anyway there’s certainly nothing wrong with sitting in a slightly different place.

I don’t think I suggested leaving Mass early. I suggested sitting at the back, standing to the side to allow the others in your pew to get to their seats and then returning to your place

Anyway I think kage_ar’s solution solves the problem for you.

I’m sorry I must have misunderstood what you meant about sitting at the back.

My children are very well-behaved and I’m not going to relegate all of us to the crying room simply because we are not receiving communion. They aren’t crying. If they were, I’d have no problem sitting there.

I understand consideration of others. Quite simply, I have every right to go to mass and sit where I choose, regardless of whether we are receiving or not. My question was more what method of getting up (or not) would cause the least degree of disturbance. Sitting somewhere where we can’t follow the mass was never an option.

 

[snhs]

My children are very well-behaved and I’m not going to relegate all of us to the crying room simply because we are not receiving communion. They aren’t crying. If they were, I’d have no problem sitting there.

I understand consideration of others. Quite simply, I have every right to go to mass and sit where I choose, regardless of whether we are receiving or not. My question was more what method of getting up (or not) would cause the least degree of disturbance. Sitting somewhere where we can’t follow the mass was never an option.

I can see why you take that view. I think it might vary between Parishes, before they renovated my Parish it was quite common to see younger families, even though the children were almost all well behaved, sitting in the crying chapel. They really should come up with a better term for it I suppose.

I know, sorry if I sounded a bit harsh. I might take a different view on it to you, but it seems to me that when choosing where to sit you should take account of others, e.g. if an old man needs to go to the toilet during the Mass because of medical problems it might not be the best idea for him to sit in the middle of a row. Similarly if you know you won’t be receiving Communion it might be best to sit somewhere where you can minimise disruption to others, and for that matter to yourself as well. It’s not as if sitting in a different row prevents you from following the Mass any better than if you were seated in any other pew in the Church.

 

[lada]

I can see why you take that view. I think it might vary between Parishes, before they renovated my Parish it was quite common to see younger families, even though the children were almost all well behaved, sitting in the crying chapel. They really should come up with a better term for it I suppose.

I know, sorry if I sounded a bit harsh. I might take a different view on it to you, but it seems to me that when choosing where to sit you should take account of others, e.g. if an old man needs to go to the toilet during the Mass because of medical problems it might not be the best idea for him to sit in the middle of a row. Similarly if you know you won’t be receiving Communion it might be best to sit somewhere where you can minimise disruption to others, and for that matter to yourself as well. It’s not as if sitting in a different row prevents you from following the Mass any better than if you were seated in any other pew in the Church.

Yes, our crying room is in the very back, actually you go into it through the foyer, so it’s not even in the same area as the rest of the congregation.

Also, I’ve noticed my kids are actually better behaved if we sit closer to the front where they can better see what’s going on. I am able to follow along from any pew, but it’s easier for me to keep them still if they can see the preist (and even better if he makes eye contact with them occasionally). When we have been seated in the crying room, they really act much worse. I think because they think they can there, since they’re enclosed.

I would never propose to sit in the middle of a row, or anywhere else obstrusive because that would be rude. I also prefer to sit on the end so it’s less obvious if I do have to leave with one of the children if they’re misbehaving.

 

[dconklin]

How about everyone going up for a blessing?

 

[Anne1964]

Don’t know how the pews are in your church, but in my parish church the people who sit on the front row kneel on the floor or on cushions. If some of them don’t receive Communion, the others just walk in front of them as there is plenty of room.