Compare & Despair

[PelagiathePenit]

I realized the cause of my sadness is that I have very difficult standards for me to live up to. I’ll be honest - I compare myself ofyen to my younger sister - even though she is years younger than me. She has proven to be much wiser, analytical, self controlled, etc. I often wonder what I provide for others because I’m the child who needs the most help. I was the problem child growing up I still feel guilty for all the things I have done. I feel sad when my family brings it up even though it is true. I especially feel slighted when my younger sister mentions how she wouldn’t have handled a situation the way I did or how because she is a good person she has never faced the same consequences or issues I have. At times perhaps it is my perception or my insecurity but I believe she thinks she is better than me. I’m the most emotional and sensitive. My family is high achievers. Ivy leaguers. I failed at college twice because I wasn’t mature enough. Sometimes I feel like I’m slow. I get frustrated with myself there are certain topics i cannot argue or discuss rationally without getting emotional.
When will I be ready or on time? How can I gain higher self esteem and be patient with myself? God bless you in advance

 

[Della]

Never, never, never compare yourself with anyone else. God made you to be you and no one else. You don’t have to “catch up” with others, no matter how “good” you think they are. I don’t think it very wise or kind of your sister to tell you that she’d have done this or that another way, indicating to you that you didn’t do it correctly. How kind and loving is that? If you let others use your insecurities to make themselves feel better about themselves, you are letting yourself be a victim. Don’t do it. Your sister’s way of doing things is probably no better than anyone else’s. If you do something and she tells you she would have done it differently just say, “Well, that’s you, but I prefer to do it this way” and walk away. She has no more right to make you feel badly than you have to make her feel badly–if that’s what’s she doing.

God made you the way you are to be what he wanted you to be. No one is better than anyone else no matter what gifts/talents/abilities they may have. God loves us all with an intense love–just the way we are as we are. Certainly, we are to grow in holiness and love, but that’s not the same thing as feeling you ought to be or have what others are or have. Rejoice in all that God has made you to be and given you and find ways to serve him and others with those gifts, and let others be who they are without any reference to yourself at all.

 

[mommy_k]

Why would your family bring things up that are hurtful to you? Why would you allow your sister to give judgement to something you did in the past?

You said she’s a good person…a “good” person encourages.

 

[Polycarp1]

I was the problem child growing up I still feel guilty for all the things I have done. How can I gain higher self esteem and be patient with myself? God bless you in advance

Don’t give into despair! Out of nine kids my sister Roberta and I we’re the two “problem children” in the family. We both ended up being police officers and are both very active in the Church. Trust in God and talk to our Holy Mother. God has a plan for you!

 

[1Lord1Faith]

I realized the cause of my sadness is that I have very difficult standards for me to live up to. I’ll be honest - I compare myself ofyen to my younger sister - even though she is years younger than me. She has proven to be much wiser, analytical, self controlled, etc. I often wonder what I provide for others because I’m the child who needs the most help. I was the problem child growing up I still feel guilty for all the things I have done. I feel sad when my family brings it up even though it is true. I especially feel slighted when my younger sister mentions how she wouldn’t have handled a situation the way I did or how because she is a good person she has never faced the same consequences or issues I have. At times perhaps it is my perception or my insecurity but I believe she thinks she is better than me. I’m the most emotional and sensitive. My family is high achievers. Ivy leaguers. I failed at college twice because I wasn’t mature enough. Sometimes I feel like I’m slow. I get frustrated with myself there are certain topics i cannot argue or discuss rationally without getting emotional.
When will I be ready or on time? How can I gain higher self esteem and be patient with myself? God bless you in advance

You have to go out into the world on your own. If you think you’re not ready then you never will be ready. Move far away from your family and live your own life. I’m serious. You have a passion in you that is not being utilized and so you’re suffering the doldrums then suffering the passions going unused. Get a move on.

 

[AnneElizabeth]

I realized the cause of my sadness is that I have very difficult standards for me to live up to. I’ll be honest - I compare myself ofyen to my younger sister - even though she is years younger than me. She has proven to be much wiser, analytical, self controlled, etc. I often wonder what I provide for others because I’m the child who needs the most help. I was the problem child growing up I still feel guilty for all the things I have done. I feel sad when my family brings it up even though it is true. I especially feel slighted when my younger sister mentions how she wouldn’t have handled a situation the way I did or how because she is a good person she has never faced the same consequences or issues I have. At times perhaps it is my perception or my insecurity but I believe she thinks she is better than me. I’m the most emotional and sensitive. My family is high achievers. Ivy leaguers. I failed at college twice because I wasn’t mature enough. Sometimes I feel like I’m slow. I get frustrated with myself there are certain topics i cannot argue or discuss rationally without getting emotional.
When will I be ready or on time? How can I gain higher self esteem and be patient with myself? God bless you in advance

St. Paul says (paraphrase- I think its in Galatians) “… if I were to be striving to please man I would not be pleasing God…” Why are you striving to please yourself or those who put the heavy standards for you to 'live up to"? Are they God’s standards? Even so, Jesus says his yoke is easy, his burden light. Do you not understand all those things you listed are worldly and vain values? Maybe you are not supposed to succeed in those areas, but in another- maybe something with less human esteem but still essential for the good of all? With such a view on yourself, how do you view others who do not meet those standards? Are they puke to you? Do you look down on them? If not, why put those same standards on your shoulders to become ‘worthy’- and worthy of what?? What is really important in your life? What is important most of all to God?

You said you were emotional and sensitive… Great! That means you are alive and not dead. Only something dead when its poked doesn’t respond somehow… Does that mean you are flawed and forever bad? No way! If that’s the way God designed you, its there for a reason… use it to His good. I’ve found often that what one person calls a bad behavior problem in one, it can often bloom into a great gift. (Ever read Anne of Green Gables?) The wildest colts make the best stallions- but they have to learn to harness it, direct it… for good. (without pride and me me me me! me! - like those seagulls in that movie- everything is MINE!.. how awful and ridiculous, don’t be like that! Does God not provide???) I think your problem is you are caring too much what the world thinks of you, plus the devil probably knows what things to provoke the despair. Know his tricks! That’s the first step! (Knowing and understanding scripture is essential) When you feel provoked, take a step back, hold those thoughts captive.

By the way, not saying one shouldn’t put pressure on oneself to achieve, but you need to know first what you are capable of and what really is important to God, also that we are called to be perfect, but we must rely on GOD’s grace for that, not ourselves. Start with a goal you know you could achieve… work up from there. We also must learn that if God doesn’t provide what we hoped for to humble ourselves in his judgement.

You gain higher self esteem when you achieve goals that you have set for yourself when you know they are right and just goals that are achievable to you. When you also find out that jealousy is absolutely useless and that what someone else has God can give you for your own, if He so chooses. You are afraid of lack of something- so it provokes you. Everything else is pride. Don’t make the values of this world God’s values, and only seek and strive to do what is valuable in God’s eyes. These people you are jealous of, or what they think of you won’t matter one bit when you are facing judgement of God.

Also thank God for everything. There may be one day you thank God and those who hurt you so much for causing so much pain, for often it is that pain that drives us to really seek God (not saying you don’t know God, but that in continually seeking God we see more of Him and gain more understanding, and peace from that seeking.)

Best wishes to you.

 

[Dorothy]

You are infinitely loved by the Lord, and He is the one to focus on. Ask our Blessed Mother every day to intercede for you. You have been given much good advice with wisdom here.

Our Lord will be with you on your spiritual journey!

Peace,

Dorothy

 

[PluniaZ]

I realized the cause of my sadness is that I have very difficult standards for me to live up to. I’ll be honest - I compare myself ofyen to my younger sister - even though she is years younger than me. She has proven to be much wiser, analytical, self controlled, etc. I often wonder what I provide for others because I’m the child who needs the most help. I was the problem child growing up I still feel guilty for all the things I have done. I feel sad when my family brings it up even though it is true. I especially feel slighted when my younger sister mentions how she wouldn’t have handled a situation the way I did or how because she is a good person she has never faced the same consequences or issues I have. At times perhaps it is my perception or my insecurity but I believe she thinks she is better than me. I’m the most emotional and sensitive. My family is high achievers. Ivy leaguers. I failed at college twice because I wasn’t mature enough. Sometimes I feel like I’m slow. I get frustrated with myself there are certain topics i cannot argue or discuss rationally without getting emotional.
When will I be ready or on time? How can I gain higher self esteem and be patient with myself? God bless you in advance

I feel the same way a lot of the time. I am very emotional and sensitive. Although I had success in school, my emotional/sensitive side has become overwhelming as an adult, and I’m currently in a career glut and not sure where my life is headed. I don’t think we should worry about worldly success - it is all just emptiness. Read the Book of Ecclessiastes - everything is vanity. God loves the childlike and will welcome you into His Kingdom. Put your trust in Jesus, go to Mass every week, go to confession regularly, say the Rosary every day, and love your neighbor as yourself.

 

[PelagiathePenit]

I feel the same way a lot of the time. I am very emotional and sensitive. Although I had success in school, my emotional/sensitive side has become overwhelming as an adult, and I’m currently in a career glut and not sure where my life is headed. I don’t think we should worry about worldly success - it is all just emptiness. Read the Book of Ecclessiastes - everything is vanity. God loves the childlike and will welcome you into His Kingdom. Put your trust in Jesus, go to Mass every week, go to confession regularly, say the Rosary every day, and love your neighbor as yourself.

Probably the thing I hate the most about myself honestly is how emotional and sensitive I can be. I feel like I often let my emotions cloud my better judgment. I do not think people respect me because of that. We all have faults. I just feel like in comparison to my families, especially my sisters, my faults/sins are blatant. Too transparent. Easy to manipulate.
“Love your neighbor as yourself” has to be the most difficult to commandment honestly.

 

[PelagiathePenit]

St. Paul says (paraphrase- I think its in Galatians) “… if I were to be striving to please man I would not be pleasing God…” Why are you striving to please yourself or those who put the heavy standards for you to 'live up to"? Are they God’s standards? Even so, Jesus says his yoke is easy, his burden light. Do you not understand all those things you listed are worldly and vain values? Maybe you are not supposed to succeed in those areas, but in another- maybe something with less human esteem but still essential for the good of all? With such a view on yourself, how do you view others who do not meet those standards? Are they puke to you? Do you look down on them? If not, why put those same standards on your shoulders to become ‘worthy’- and worthy of what?? What is really important in your life? What is important most of all to God?

You said you were emotional and sensitive… Great! That means you are alive and not dead. Only something dead when its poked doesn’t respond somehow… Does that mean you are flawed and forever bad? No way! If that’s the way God designed you, its there for a reason… use it to His good. I’ve found often that what one person calls a bad behavior problem in one, it can often bloom into a great gift. (Ever read Anne of Green Gables?) The wildest colts make the best stallions- but they have to learn to harness it, direct it… for good. (without pride and me me me me! me! - like those seagulls in that movie- everything is MINE!.. how awful and ridiculous, don’t be like that! Does God not provide???) I think your problem is you are caring too much what the world thinks of you, plus the devil probably knows what things to provoke the despair. Know his tricks! That’s the first step! (Knowing and understanding scripture is essential) When you feel provoked, take a step back, hold those thoughts captive.

By the way, not saying one shouldn’t put pressure on oneself to achieve, but you need to know first what you are capable of and what really is important to God, also that we are called to be perfect, but we must rely on GOD’s grace for that, not ourselves. Start with a goal you know you could achieve… work up from there. We also must learn that if God doesn’t provide what we hoped for to humble ourselves in his judgement.

You gain higher self esteem when you achieve goals that you have set for yourself when you know they are right and just goals that are achievable to you. When you also find out that jealousy is absolutely useless and that what someone else has God can give you for your own, if He so chooses. You are afraid of lack of something- so it provokes you. Everything else is pride. Don’t make the values of this world God’s values, and only seek and strive to do what is valuable in God’s eyes. These people you are jealous of, or what they think of you won’t matter one bit when you are facing judgement of God.

Also thank God for everything. There may be one day you thank God and those who hurt you so much for causing so much pain, for often it is that pain that drives us to really seek God (not saying you don’t know God, but that in continually seeking God we see more of Him and gain more understanding, and peace from that seeking.)

Best wishes to you.

I think I’m opening pandora’s box by comparing myself to my sisters. I’m VERY BLESSED that my sisters and I have a healthy relationship. It is not picture perfect. Thank God for them. I may not feel as smart or as accomplished as them, but I love them. God bless you for your answers.

 

[PluniaZ]

Probably the thing I hate the most about myself honestly is how emotional and sensitive I can be. I feel like I often let my emotions cloud my better judgment. I do not think people respect me because of that. We all have faults. I just feel like in comparison to my families, especially my sisters, my faults/sins are blatant. Too transparent. Easy to manipulate.
“Love your neighbor as yourself” has to be the most difficult to commandment honestly.

I feel the same way, that I’m transparent and everyone is manipulating me. Sometimes I feel like I should fight back and “be my own person, etc.” but then I think of the Sermon on the Mount:

40 And if a man will contend with thee in judgment, and take away thy coat, let go thy cloak also unto him.
41 And whosoever will force thee one mile, go with him other two,
42 Give to him that asketh of thee and from him that would borrow of thee turn not away.

So I try to be of the mindset - let people manipulate and use me. Life is short anyway. As long as they are not manipulating me into sinning, then I am following the instructions of Jesus in the Sermon on the Mount. And soon I will be in Heaven with Jesus and His Mother.

 

[PelagiathePenit]

I feel the same way, that I’m transparent and everyone is manipulating me. Sometimes I feel like I should fight back and “be my own person, etc.” but then I think of the Sermon on the Mount:

So I try to be of the mindset - let people manipulate and use me. Life is short anyway. As long as they are not manipulating me into sinning, then I am following the instructions of Jesus in the Sermon on the Mount. And soon I will be in Heaven with Jesus and His Mother.

I guess that is one way to see it. I still think Jesus doesn’t want our feelings to be hurt. Maybe defending yourself isn’t always so bad. Perhaps God will thicken up my skin. Hmmm… I hope.

 

[PelagiathePenit]

I’m in my mid twenties. People have always been able to pick on and bullying me because I’m highly reactive and well sensitive. I don’t see that changing anytime soon. Same with way I worry so much. I have been through counseling since I was a teen because of child abuse. As an adult, I still carry a lot of that. Will I always depend on counselors? Will I ever find peace and when will all my wounds be healed, most self inflicted and others through no fault of my own.

 

[Dorothy]

I guess that is one way to see it. I still think Jesus doesn’t want our feelings to be hurt. Maybe defending yourself isn’t always so bad. Perhaps God will thicken up my skin. Hmmm… I hope.

It is good to defend ourselves when we need to, and by the grace of the Lord to defend ourselves in His Peace.

 

[Dorothy]

I’m in my mid twenties. People have always been able to pick on and bullying me because I’m highly reactive and well sensitive. I don’t see that changing anytime soon. Same with way I worry so much. I have been through counseling since I was a teen because of child abuse. As an adult, I still carry a lot of that. Will I always depend on counselors? Will I ever find peace and when will all my wounds be healed, most self inflicted and others through no fault of my own.

Counsel is a gift of the Holy Spirit and priests and spiritual directors can help.

Also many counselors are Christian and understand that we are body and spirit and treat accordingly.

I recommend asking our Blessed Mother to intercede for you, for the healing you need.

Peace in Jesus and Mary

Dorothy

 

[PelagiathePenit]

Counsel is a gift of the Holy Spirit and priests and spiritual directors can help.

Also many counselors are Christian and understand that we are body and spirit and treat accordingly.

I recommend asking our Blessed Mother to intercede for you, for the healing you need.

Peace in Jesus and Mary

Dorothy

I thought God only forgave unintended mistakes. It is difficult to believe God will forgive us for things we do intentionally if we ask for repentance.

 

[PluniaZ]

I thought God only forgave unintended mistakes. It is difficult to believe God will forgive us for things we do intentionally if we ask for repentance.

God will forgive all your sins, no matter how deliberate and intentional. Go to confession and tell the priest your sins.

Also note that Paul says, “For unto you it is given for Christ, not only to believe in him, but also to suffer for him.” Philippians 1:29. Suffering is part of the package that comes with being Christian. Suffering is a good thing for a Christian to go through. It means we are on the right path.

Paul says, “For I reckon that the sufferings of this time are not worthy to be compared with the glory to come, that shall be revealed in us.” Romans 8:18

 

[Dorothy]

I thought God only forgave unintended mistakes. It is difficult to believe God will forgive us for things we do intentionally if we ask for repentance.

When we do something serious intentionally it is mortal sin. Repentance has to be sincere in order to be forgiven.

We can’t say…“I’m going to confession tomorrow, so today I can get drunk and then ask for forgiveness tomorrow.” That is the sin of presumption.

 

[PelagiathePenit]

When we do something serious intentionally it is mortal sin. Repentance has to be sincere in order to be forgiven.

We can’t say…“I’m going to confession tomorrow, so today I can get drunk and then ask for forgiveness tomorrow.” That is the sin of presumption.

Ok. I understand.

 

[Katherine438]

I’m in my mid twenties. People have always been able to pick on and bullying me because I’m highly reactive and well sensitive. I don’t see that changing anytime soon. Same with way I worry so much. I have been through counseling since I was a teen because of child abuse. As an adult, I still carry a lot of that. Will I always depend on counselors? Will I ever find peace and when will all my wounds be healed, most self inflicted and others through no fault of my own.

Being emotional is part of what people suffer from having been abused … I know, I’ve been there. Don’t be so hard on yourself … God loves you just the way you are.