Comparing funeral customs of Catholics and Protestants

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Tommy999 said:
Hi Peter J,
Thanks for the info. Good to know.
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Thanks Tommy. šŸ™‚ I didnā€™t, of course, wish to sound esoteric or anything, but I think itā€™s important to stress that experiencing Catholicism is very different from reading about it on the Internet.
 
Usige said:
You did a fair job explaining it. One important item is that a Catholic Mass does not allow for laity to speak form the pulpit unless it is in some very structured places (old testament or epistle reading, prayers of the faithful, etc). The place a eulogy might go is during the homily and only a member of the clergy may preach the homily. The Order for Christian Funerals is also implicit that a euology not be given (ā€œa brief homily should be given at the funeral liturgy, but never any kind of eulogyā€). The important thing is it is a Mass first and foremost so the focus should be on the word of God. The best time for personal remembrances would be at the wake, graveside, or any social activity after the burial.

I think you touched on another important point in regard to purgatory. Eulogies often become mini-canonizations. By that I mean that people talk about how good the deceased was and how they are sitting with Jesus looking down from Heaven. From a Catholic perspective that can be problematic in that it assumes that the deceased no longer needs our prayers. We can hope that they are in heaven, but never assume they are and stop praying for their soul.
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I agree and since many in my family are not church goers, and some think Iā€™m ā€œholier than thouā€ because I do, Iā€™m afraid they WON"T pray for me, so I continually ask the Holy Souls to pray for me now so when I join them the grace will be waiting for me. I pray for them every day. God Bless, Memaw
 
Peter_J said:
Thanks Tommy. šŸ™‚ I didnā€™t, of course, wish to sound esoteric or anything, but I think itā€™s important to stress that experiencing Catholicism is very different from reading about it on the Internet.
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Your so right Peter, Catholicism from the inside out is beautiful. So many misunderstandings from those on the outside looking in. I hope and pray that someday soon, we may all come to know and love the Church Jesus Christ founded for us over 2,000 years ago. Your welcome to come home, it will be here till the end of time. God Bless, Memaw
 
My experience with Protestant funerals, which is my only experience, is they typically are more of a remembrance service. The funeral consists of music the deceased emjoyed and stories from his life. However, I have been to a Baptist funeral where the preacher focused mostly on Heaven and Hell and went on at length about this. I personally very much enjoyed that. But I believe the majority opinion, as most in attendance were not of this church, was that this was inappropriate. Hell seems to have no place at funerals anymore and yet in reality, if we trust the words of Jesus, it does.
Tommy999 said:
Background:
My neighbors, who are Assembly of God Christians, attended their first Catholic funeral today and were kind of taken aback by it. They thought it was very impersonal and lacking in any kind of personal touch, kind of a cookie cutter ā€˜Insert name hereā€™ sort of thing.
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The insert name here is actually exactly how you could describe even non-funeral Masses where the Mass is offered for someone. There is a point where the priest will literally insert a name. Often they have to look at a card to know the name. It doesnā€™t bother me and Iā€™m used to it. The church I grew up in was liturgical and in various liturgies had words to the effect of insert name.

Some people think anything formulaic is bad. I donā€™t think so. And I think that even when you try to not be formulaic youā€™ll find some sort of discernable pattern.
Tommy999 said:
However, the part I highlighted in red seems to becoming more of a trend, especially for non-denominationalists. While I respect all faith traditions, I think a funeral service of mostly all tributes can devolve into a ā€œfree-for-allā€ without a set structure. I know someone who attended one of those and said that people who were not stable emotionally or mentally got up and went off on tangents for several minutes and it became a little unruly.
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The funeral has become a memorial or remembrance service. It is increasingly without any religion. In fact at my old church, which was rather liturgically traditional, there was a funeral where the music was Broadway show tunes. This led the pastor to seek a new rule for funerals to prevent this in the future.
 
Tommy999 said:
Thanks, ComplineSanFran.

The part I highlighted in black sounds like the funerals I am most personally accustomed to.

However, the part I highlighted in red seems to becoming more of a trend, especially for non-denominationalists. While I respect all faith traditions, I think a funeral service of mostly all tributes can devolve into a ā€œfree-for-allā€ without a set structure. I know someone who attended one of those and said that people who were not stable emotionally or mentally got up and went off on tangents for several minutes and it became a little unruly.
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There is another trend in the US and UK to have ā€˜celebrations of lifeā€™. Many times they will occur months after death has happened. Ceremonies/rituals will be very happy memories of the person. It is a whole other path of marking the life of a person rather than completing the cycle of commending a personā€™s body to the grave.
 
jcwit said:
Question here, is a Military Service by an Honor Guard allowed at the cemetery? I am not confirmed yet, Easter vigil is just around the corner. But have now found that I have serious life threating issues and am making some minor plans.
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My Dad was honored as a veteran by a short service at the funeral home and a 13 Gun Salute outside the building. They could not be at the church for the funeral service. He was dressed in his uniform when he was discharged back in 1950 or 51.

I havenā€™t heard many pastors speaking to how good the deceased was but more sharing the message of the Resurrection when Christ returns for us. The eulogies have been mainly how we remembered the person - funny situations, things that they did together, and, yes, how the person reflected the Faith in their lives. Only 1 funeral, that of my grandfather did I hear how good he was, glad he wasnā€™t suffering anymore, etc. My grandfather wasnā€™t a person I looked up to because of things that he had done but I can never judge any person because I donā€™t know where their heart was for Christ.

God bless,

Rita
 
Peter_J said:
First off, it has been my experience on the internet (low-key background music) that people often quote the Order of Christian Funerals: ā€œA brief homily based on the readings should always be given at the funeral liturgy, but never any kind of eulogy.ā€ And they are right, of course, to quote that Vatican document; but let me point out that the very same document also says ā€œA member or friend of the family may speak in remembrance of the deceased before the final commendation begins.ā€
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I would agree, but rather what I was getting at (since Iā€™m the one that mentioned OCF) is that in a Requiem Mass the focus is not supposed to be on the deceased, but rather their connection to Christ. Most eulogies Iā€™m thinking about are the ones that share stories and anecdotes, some of which are not appropriate for Mass (or even public consumption), or those that are simply chronologies of their life. It is also not supposed to be open mic for any and everyone that might want to speak. In my parish, the remembrances are to be shared with the Pastor beforehand to make sure they are keeping with the nature of the Mass. The remembrances should be linked to the mystery of Christā€™s death and resurrection and not about ā€œthat time in the Army when we were in the red light districtā€.
 
Tommy999 said:
Background:
My neighbors, who are Assembly of God Christians, attended their first Catholic funeral today and were kind of taken aback by it. They thought it was very impersonal and lacking in any kind of personal touch, kind of a cookie cutter ā€˜Insert name hereā€™ sort of thing.

That is what they told my wife, anyway, and I heard that from her. I plan to share with them soon that they shouldnā€™t expect a Catholic funeral to be like one in their own faith tradition. In my opinion itā€™s kind of like comparing apples and oranges.

In some protestant faith traditions, the person who passed away is eulogized during the funeral ceremony. People who were near and dear to the deceased person sometimes are allowed to speak for a couple of minutes and share how the person affected their life in a positive way.

For example, when my father passed away in 2011 (lifelong Presbyterian), my childhood friend was allowed to tell a brief story at the funeral of how my father saved his sonā€™s life when he hurt himself seriously in a nearby playground when he was little and my father was working nearby, saw it, applied a tourniquet and took him to his parents so they could take him to the hospital.

There are hymns and prayer and scripture reading too, but Iā€™ve found that a Protestant funeral can vary quite a bit depending on the faith tradition and the familyā€™s wishes.

I plan to share with my neighbors that the purpose of a Catholic funeral (or at least my understanding of it) is to pray for the repose of the soul of the person and for the Lord to have mercy on them.

For Catholics, it is my understanding that eulogies are typically not done at the funeral mass but are done outside of it at the vigil or at a Memorial Service separate from the funeral mass. Itā€™s not that Catholics do not celebrate the life of the person who died ā€“ however they believe in Purgatory and therefore they believe it is most important to pray for the soul of the person at the funeral and for the mercy of God on the deceased.
Catholics celebrate the life of the person who passed away, they just do it outside of the funeral Mass.

Did I express the Catholic funeral tradition correctly? Please correct, clarify, or elaborate as necessary to make sure I can help explain to my neighbor the real purpose of the Catholic funeral mass because I want to get it right. Thanks.
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It is the choice of the family to have a funeral Mass at the church or have a ā€œWord Serviceā€ at either the church or a funeral chapel. A Word Service is similiar to a Protestant memorial service with no restrictions on a eulogy or DVD presentation and is often officiated by a Deacon or laity without a priest.
 
Usige said:
I would agree, but rather what I was getting at (since Iā€™m the one that mentioned OCF) is that in a Requiem Mass the focus is not supposed to be on the deceased, but rather their connection to Christ. Most eulogies Iā€™m thinking about are the ones that share stories and anecdotes, some of which are not appropriate for Mass (or even public consumption), or those that are simply chronologies of their life. It is also not supposed to be open mic for any and everyone that might want to speak. In my parish, the remembrances are to be shared with the Pastor beforehand to make sure they are keeping with the nature of the Mass. The remembrances should be linked to the mystery of Christā€™s death and resurrection and not about ā€œthat time in the Army when we were in the red light districtā€.
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Hi Usige,
When it is explained like you just did, it makes a lot of sense to me. šŸ‘
 
In the Lutheran tradition - we have a regular Divine Service (Mass), with the sermon (homily) about topics of Christian theology that will bring comfort for the bereaved.

Very little talking about the dead person typically, except where their story begins and ends in Christ Jesus.

My Lutheran pastor had a great story about this - in that his first funeral service, he didnā€™t know anything about the deceased. He asked the widow about her dead husband, and she was perplexed - she told him that the funeral service should be about Christ and His crucifixion and resurrection, and the promises He gave to us.

Another notable thing: All caskets are completely covered in a simple white cloth so that the rich and the poor come to Christ as equal brothers and sisters
 
jcwit said:
Question here, is a Military Service by an Honor Guard allowed at the cemetery? I am not confirmed yet, Easter vigil is just around the corner. But have now found that I have serious life threating issues and am making some minor plans.
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Thank you for your answer and quick reply.
 
Memaw said:
Your so right Peter, Catholicism from the inside out is beautiful. So many misunderstandings from those on the outside looking in. I hope and pray that someday soon, we may all come to know and love the Church Jesus Christ founded for us over 2,000 years ago. Your welcome to come home, it will be here till the end of time. God Bless, Memaw
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Peter J is Catholic.
 
Usige said:
Iā€™m the one that mentioned OCF ā€¦
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Good point, you did (post #4).

However, I see that that post quotes ā€œA brief homily based on the readings should always be given at the funeral liturgy, but never any kind of eulogyā€ but not ā€œA member or friend of the family may speak in remembrance of the deceased before the final commendation begins.ā€
 
Kliska said:
Catholics are Christian. šŸ˜‰ His ā€œLocationā€ is listed as Catholicism.
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You mean me? Why yes. Thanks for noticing. :tiphat:

For the record, itā€™s not that I have anything against writing ā€œReligion: Christianā€; but I know I personally tend to assume that someone who writes that is Protestant so I chose ā€œReligion: Christianityā€ instead. šŸ™‚
 
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