Comparing Yourself to Others

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PelagiathePenit

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How do you avoid comparing yourself to others? It is difficult not to assume your worth is not based on appearances. Anyways, I am envious of this person. Some seems perfect. Of course, I know I will find out, she too is not perfect. She is logical. I am very emotional. She is more mature than her age. I am more immature for my age. She is generally very nice. She gets along well with her parents. She never went through a rebellious teen phase like I did. I have a very humbling and embarrassing past. Surely, I should not be jealous. It was my fault for making those decisions, but I can not do anything now. Can I? NO. Everyone tells me I should be happy to have a friend like that. I should learn from her. She is a great friend. IT DRIVES ME NUTS.

No one learns anything from me. Asks me for advice. I do not feel like I have a purpose. I always need help from others. Some people encourage me to learn independent. I try to. There are things that would take me ages to do and that would take my friend a few short minutes. I gave up on being fearlessly independent. It does not work for me.

Even though, she is younger than me. She has to correct me a lot. Again, annoys me. I guess I should be grateful for having a good friend.
 
There is unhealthy jealousy, which is sometimes called envy, and there is healthy jealousy. The way I’ve heard it described is if we are envious, we see a good quality in another and we resent it and wish they did not have it. If we have healthy jealousy, it means we recognize a good quality in another and perhaps even want to imitate that quality ourselves, and make ourselves better. Try for healthy jealousy. :o
 
I have ‘social phobia’ so I sometimes sadly exhibit this sinful way of thinking, I sometimes wish no one could do what I find fearful to do, which in my case is anything to do with standing in front of a large no of people and speaking. I figure if no one could do what I can’t do then it wouldn’t have to be fearful, but then nothing would be done, ie there would be no one to speak. I manage the negative thoughts by trying to dismissing it as soon as it comes to me, and trying to be thankful for those speaking, I sometimes pray for forgiveness and to be healed of this.
 
I’m kind of a disorganized klutz 🙂 It does seem as if most people are better at stuff than i am, etc. But St Francis de Sales writes about people who are sick who say, “I wouldn’t mind except for everyone has to take care of me”–they are saying they would accept God’s will for themselves, but not for others.

Well, some people have to be the klutzes and sick people in the world, or others wouldn’t have anyone to take care of, right? So that is **our **cross, and what we must do is to do our best to minimize the weight of our cross on others.

And, on a happier note, you must have some good qualities to have attracted this girl to friendship with you 🙂
 
Yes, sorry by the nature of social phobia, I was looking inward and forgot to wish you well with your friendship. Sometimes we need to persevere and things get easier as we find out things about ourselves when things are tough. God Bless you.
 
MarcoPolo said:
There is unhealthy jealousy, which is sometimes called envy, and there is healthy jealousy. The way I’ve heard it described is if we are envious, we see a good quality in another and we resent it and wish they did not have it. If we have healthy jealousy, it means we recognize a good quality in another and perhaps even want to imitate that quality ourselves, and make ourselves better. Try for healthy jealousy. :o
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Good post!
 
I would just add that we are all unique persons…and we must each find our niche. To the OP, there is something that you will excel in; a special quality you have that needs to be nurtured for God to use it and humbly asking God to see yourself as you really are (both good and bad traits) will certainly help you to mature.
 
Yes agree with Tigg, we each have our unique talents. Perhaps you like me compare yourself too much with those with talents you wish you had, but your talents may be different ones, try to identify them and focus on them.
 
Jealousy is rooted in pride, usually false pride.

Rather than compare yourself to others, take a good hard look at yourself and figure out what you can do better and what you do well now. Focus on changing things you don’t like about yourself, and be honest about it. Some things to ask yourself:

Are you as kind as you could be? Do you tend to gossip about others, put others down? Are you always truthful, on time to work, drive too fast or get mad when driving; are you impatient, do you spend too much on things you don’t need? And the list could go on. (This is for everyone to consider on a daily basis…so not trying to pick on you.)

When you go to bed at night take time to examine your conscience concerning your sins of the day and what you could have done better. If you find a repeat pattern in a certain attitude or behavior take a month or so to work on doing better in that area. I had trouble with impatience with driving, years ago. So I made myself stay behind buses until I no longer felt the need to pass them. In about three months I realized I was calmer and did better driving.

Bad behavior and attitudes are often a matter of habit. Find a way to change the habit by replacing it with something better. You could thank your friend more often. Maybe the next time she corrects you and you feel that sting of jealousy, don’t give into it…just thank her for pointing out the problem and ask her how she would do better. And be polite and sincere when you do.
 
Sorry, OP, but I don’t relate to your problem. I’m so prideful and self-centered I hardly notice what other people are doing around me. I have enough problems to worry about much less worry about how they’re doing. I mean, I pray for others’ intentions and all but if someone is prettier or smarter or sings better than me I couldn’t care less. I really couldn’t. Well, maybe if some one sings better than I do I do get a little jealous but mostly I just thank God for their gift of music.

If someone seems to have a gift of prayer that I don’t have or a particular gift of knowledge in an area in which I am ignorant I try to learn from them but I don’t compare myself to them. What’s the use? What good does it do me or them? I use their gifts to motivate me to do better in areas in which I would like to improve myself but I don’t perseverate over it.

God has given us all different gifts, to one degree or another, according to our needs and the needs of our community. Remember Romans 12: 3- 8:
For by the grace given to me I bid every one among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith which God has assigned him. For as in one body we have many members, and all the members do not have the same function, so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another. Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them: if prophecy, in proportion to our faith; if service, in our serving; he who teaches, in his teaching; he who exhorts, in his exhortation; he who contributes, in liberality; he who gives aid, with zeal; he who does acts of mercy, with cheerfulness.

Also, all of First Corinthians, Chapter 12, but here are verses 4 through 7:
Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit; and there are varieties of service, but the same Lord; and there are varieties of working, but it is the same God who inspires them all in every one. To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good.

And remember, no one is perfect. All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.
 
PelagiathePenit said:
How do you avoid comparing yourself to others? It is difficult not to assume your worth is not based on appearances. Anyways, I am envious of this person. Some seems perfect. Of course, I know I will find out, she too is not perfect. She is logical. I am very emotional. She is more mature than her age. I am more immature for my age. She is generally very nice. She gets along well with her parents. She never went through a rebellious teen phase like I did. I have a very humbling and embarrassing past. Surely, I should not be jealous. It was my fault for making those decisions, but I can not do anything now. Can I? NO. Everyone tells me I should be happy to have a friend like that. I should learn from her. She is a great friend. IT DRIVES ME NUTS.

No one learns anything from me. Asks me for advice. I do not feel like I have a purpose. I always need help from others. Some people encourage me to learn independent. I try to. There are things that would take me ages to do and that would take my friend a few short minutes. I gave up on being fearlessly independent. It does not work for me.

Even though, she is younger than me. She has to correct me a lot. Again, annoys me. I guess I should be grateful for having a good friend.
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Be grateful to have a good friend who loves you and don’t have any problem at all with being totally dependent on God for everything. God wants us to be totally dependent on Him, and He wants us to know that we are! He knows we are weak and sinful children, He just wants us to try our hardest to be/do good and to place all of our trust in Him for His saving help. He will be able to help us a whole lot if we only acknowledge our weakness and sinfulness, and our total dependence on Him, with 100% confidence in Him and with no confidence in ourselves. God bless you.
 
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