Completing the marital act

[twf]

Obviously it is gravely sinful for a married couple to engage in sexual acts without the husband finishing within his wife - but if, for whatever reasons, the husband is having difficulties finishing the act (erectile dysfunction of some sort or perhaps simply “loses it” due to fatigue), how long are the couple required to continue trying to finish the act before they can safely “give up” without sinning? I know there will be no black and white answer and intent is important here - but perhaps some general thoughts.

 

[PaulinVA]

I would say that if you know that after a few minutes things can resume, then try for a few minutes. If, over time, you realize that it never becomes possible after the initial “failure”, then probably you don’t need to try too much.

Know the man.

 

[underacloud]

Obviously it is gravely sinful for a married couple to engage in sexual acts without the husband finishing within his wife

This is a misunderstanding. There is no sin in the inability to finish (or accidentally finish too early). It is only sinful if they intend not to finish in the proper manner.

There is no need to keep trying once it is clear that finishing is unlikely. It’s only likely to create further stress for both spouses and add to the problem if they keep and keep trying.

 

[phillylawyer]

This is a misunderstanding. There is no sin in the inability to finish (or accidentally finish too early). It is only sinful if they intend not to finish in the proper manner.

There is no need to keep trying once it is clear that finishing is unlikely. It’s only likely to create further stress for both spouses and add to the problem if they keep and keep trying.

This is excellent advice. As Underacloud points out, it is NOT sinful for a man not to climax inside the wife. It is only engaging in sexual activity without the INTENTION of that happening that is sinful.

There are two types of “oops” that can happen. 1. The man can accidentally finish outside the woman (this is more likely with newly married couples. or 2. The man is not able to complete the act for whatever reason. Neither of these are in any way sinful. Each party is giving themselves to the spouses freely, faithfully, fully and fruitfully.

There is absolutely no need to start a timer or try for X number of minutes in order to be “justified” in giving up without sin. As long as the initial intention is correct (the heart is in the right place), once it becomes clear that completion is unlikely, the couple can continue for as little or as long as they wish.

Don’t stress. If the couple is even thinking about this issue and asking the question it’s not a sin. Praise God for the blessing of sexuality and your spouse and move on.