Complex mother in law issues

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katpants

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Man it’s complicated. Looong story short we share a kitchen on her side of the house (I have my own apartment but no kitchen…another long story) and it’s a big source of contention. I cook all my own food and use my own ingredients but she gets incredibly cranky when I’m in the kitchen cooking. I usually only cook twice a week due to fibromyalgia so I’m basically in the kitchen about 6 hours a week. Even then, she complains A TON about me. 😦

To boot she has dementia so that makes a bad situation worse. She barely can speak English and I can barely speak Finnish so to boot we have a language barrier and a culture barrier.

My husband owns the house though but he doesn’t want to get involved in the arguments since he has anxiety disorder. I understand that but sometimes I have to drag him in to make sense of it all.

We’re still in America visiting my parents but I just sense that this issue is bugging me since we’ll be returning shortly to Finland (in about a month and a half).

Prayers for what to do would be appreciated, prayers for a new freezer/fridge combo used since ours broke before we left for vacation and they’re SUPER expensive even used, and if you can tell me any patron saints of family issues…I’d be uber happy!

Thanks a bunch!

Kat
 
You probably already know about St Dymphna, patron saint if those suffering mental illness. St Joseph is the patron saint of families.

St Therese of Lisieux would probably be another good saint for you to pray to as one of elderly nuns in her order was not nice to her, and there is another saint who was caring for someone who was mean to him, whose name I have forgotten. Maybe someone else will know.

I am sure this will be a difficult time for you and your husband. Unfortunately, Alzheimer’s patients tend to get worse. I have know families who, when it got to be too much for them, put their parent in a home specializing in Alzheimer’s and they did really well there. There are different things they can do to help the patients. Now may not be the time, but I wanted to let you know that no one i know who did this regretted it, because the patients actually ended up happier.
 
I just said a prayer to St. Joseph for your intention. God bless you.
 
Saint Michael, the archangel, defend us in battle, be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the devil, may God rebuke him, we humbly pray. And do you, O’ Prince of the Heavenly host, by the power of God thrust into Hell Satan and all the other evil spirits who prowl about the world for the ruin of souls.

Amen.

†

Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.

Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.

And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

Amen.

†

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.

Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

†
 
Your husband needs to support you, anxiety or not. He married you, not his mother.

Is there a way you can get your own apartment? Or is that just a total financial impossibility where you live? If I had to deal with this kind of thing moving out would be first on my list. Otherwise you need to set some guidelines and rules for behavior and expectations for all concerned.

Sorry to hear about the FMS. I was diagnosed almost 25 years ago. It is a difficult illness that drains one’s strength and it is exhausting I know. You have my prayers.
 
Prayers said for all of you. Try praying for your mother-in-law… you’d be surprised how helpful that can be. (also, forgive her as this is essential in our Christian lives)

mlz
 
mlz said:
Prayers said for all of you. Try praying for your mother-in-law… you’d be surprised how helpful that can be. (also, forgive her as this is essential in our Christian lives)

mlz
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Excellent idea, mlz. People with dementia really can’t help themselves.
 
So sorry to hear about your conflicts with your mother-in-law. Remember that she’s sick and what she says is a product of that. Try not to take it to heart. Forgive and forget often. Like Jesus was asked, how many times shall I forgive my brother? Seven times? No, 70 to the power of 7…or something like that.

You are physically sick with fibromyalgia which is as another poster mentioned, very draining and tiring. Can your husband cook for your family instead to minimize the time you have to be in the kitchen? Or would that make things worse? I’ll pray for your situation to improve and hopefully there will be a fridge in your future! Everything works out in the end you’ll see.

Hail Mary, full of Grace.
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners
now and at the hour of our death.
Amen.
 
katpants you indicate that money is difficult so I imagine that you can’t afford a small stove for your husband and you. It’s a difficult situation for all concerned. If the house is your husband’s so also it is yours as his wife. However some people, and some older people like what they regard as their own territory. Some women don’t like sharing their kitchen with other women, and the dementia probably exacerbates that. Be assured of my prayers for you all.

Heavenly Father please give consolation and healing to katpants, her husband, and her mother-in-aw. As a dementia sufferer her mother-in-law may find the complication to her life, confusing, but while Kat offers understanding and respect, please also bless her in her difficulties in this situation. Her husband loves his mother and also his wife so also suffers.
Please give Kat, peace of mind and the graces characteristic of the beloved Mother were she in this situation. I ask this in Jesus’ name.
 
Cricket2 said:
Your husband needs to support you, anxiety or not. He married you, not his mother.

Is there a way you can get your own apartment? Or is that just a total financial impossibility where you live? If I had to deal with this kind of thing moving out would be first on my list. Otherwise you need to set some guidelines and rules for behavior and expectations for all concerned.

Sorry to hear about the FMS. I was diagnosed almost 25 years ago. It is a difficult illness that drains one’s strength and it is exhausting I know. You have my prayers.
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I do crack a joke he married his mom, we’re so similar we bother each and that’s why we can’t get along lol!

I agree though, he has been better but he tends to just avoid the situation all together. He learned it from his father. First thing wrong he’s gone through the door and you won’t see him for hours.

We do have our own apartment but the room that should be the kitchen in my mother in law’s dining room. Never mind she has the rest of the house, all 130m2 of it lol. I have a 35m2 apartment (like 350 sq. feet) and the dining room was intended to be a kitchen. She swore my husband would never wed so she messed with the building plans and stole it for herself. We’ve been married 12 years this month and it’s been in “debate mode” for years.

He said today we could start to close up the side but let’s see if it’ll come to pass. I’ve had kitchen plans for years and something always comes up :rolleyes: lol.

Thanks for the prayers and sorry you have fibro too! It’s a battle!

Kat
 
mlz said:
Prayers said for all of you. Try praying for your mother-in-law… you’d be surprised how helpful that can be. (also, forgive her as this is essential in our Christian lives)

mlz
Click to expand...
It’s true…I am HORRIBLE at forgiveness. I need to work on that one. It’s so contrary to my nature, and that’s why I’m Mary quite contrary most of the time.

Kat
 
helec338 said:
So sorry to hear about your conflicts with your mother-in-law. Remember that she’s sick and what she says is a product of that. Try not to take it to heart. Forgive and forget often. Like Jesus was asked, how many times shall I forgive my brother? Seven times? No, 70 to the power of 7…or something like that.

You are physically sick with fibromyalgia which is as another poster mentioned, very draining and tiring. Can your husband cook for your family instead to minimize the time you have to be in the kitchen? Or would that make things worse? I’ll pray for your situation to improve and hopefully there will be a fridge in your future! Everything works out in the end you’ll see.

Hail Mary, full of Grace.
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners
now and at the hour of our death.
Amen.
Click to expand...
Thanks! My husband is very old school and doesn’t cook. He doesn’t want to be around his mother sometimes…she can be so mean. It’s true about the dementia making it worse, she was mean before she got it as well. He was diagnosed with anxiety in 2011 summer and she complained about her “horrible son” the entire time he was suffering. Oy it makes me sad, so complicated stuff. I can tune her out (I use an mp3 if she’s having a bad time) but he is just open season it seems.

Thanks for the prayers!

Kat
 
Trishie said:
katpants you indicate that money is difficult so I imagine that you can’t afford a small stove for your husband and you. It’s a difficult situation for all concerned. If the house is your husband’s so also it is yours as his wife. However some people, and some older people like what they regard as their own territory. Some women don’t like sharing their kitchen with other women, and the dementia probably exacerbates that. Be assured of my prayers for you all.

Heavenly Father please give consolation and healing to katpants, her husband, and her mother-in-aw. As a dementia sufferer her mother-in-law may find the complication to her life, confusing, but while Kat offers understanding and respect, please also bless her in her difficulties in this situation. Her husband loves his mother and also his wife so also suffers.
Please give Kat, peace of mind and the graces characteristic of the beloved Mother were she in this situation. I ask this in Jesus’ name.
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Money is super tight with us. I know it’ll work out but I feel like I’m pushing that rock uphill all the time for it to slide down.

I appreciate the prayers, thanks!

Kat
 
Thanks for the prayers! We’re debating about using our tax return to close up the side and God willing it’ll all go well. God can do anything and I just have to trust he’ll make it all work out as it should.

Thanks a bunch! Feel relieved with the prayers :).

Kat
 
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