Complicated wedding situation

[Sciryuda]

I have a somewhat confusing situation I could use a little advice with. I’ll be getting married in the not too distant future. My boyfriend is Catholic and while not the most devote guy around, a Catholic wedding is very important to him, which I’m perfectly amenable to. No problem there. The complicated part is what sort of wedding we’re supposed to have. My mother is Catholic but she stopped attending mass before I was born for a variety of reasons and as such, I wasn’t raised in the church. However, I was lay baptized by my grandmother just after my birth primarily because I was very premature and she was afraid I wouldn’t survive. My understanding is that while lay baptism is frowned upon, it is still considered valid. That being said, I attended mass only half a dozen times as a child, I never went to catechism classes, never took communion and I was never confirmed. So I’m not entirely sure if we are supposed to have a sacramental wedding, since technically speaking we’re both Catholic, or the form of the wedding for a Catholic marrying a non-baptized or non-Catholic person.
Just to clear up any doubt, I am fully on board with a church wedding, it’s important and meaningful to him and I’m completely supportive of that and of raising our future children in the church. On the other hand, I am not going to be confirmed, you could say I am a hopeful agnostic, but to take the next step would be insincere and dishonest as I don’t believe in the literal parts of the faith (don’t mean to offend, just trying to be honest). He understands this and is completely okay with that. We’re just not sure how to proceed with the wedding. Any helpful advice would be welcome.

 

[CB_Catholic]

I have a somewhat confusing situation I could use a little advice with. I’ll be getting married in the not too distant future. My boyfriend is Catholic and while not the most devote guy around, a Catholic wedding is very important to him, which I’m perfectly amenable to. No problem there. The complicated part is what sort of wedding we’re supposed to have. My mother is Catholic but she stopped attending mass before I was born for a variety of reasons and as such, I wasn’t raised in the church. However, I was lay baptized by my grandmother just after my birth primarily because I was very premature and she was afraid I wouldn’t survive. My understanding is that while lay baptism is frowned upon, it is still considered valid. That being said, I attended mass only half a dozen times as a child, I never went to catechism classes, never took communion and I was never confirmed. So I’m not entirely sure if we are supposed to have a sacramental wedding, since technically speaking we’re both Catholic, or the form of the wedding for a Catholic marrying a non-baptized or non-Catholic person.
Just to clear up any doubt, I am fully on board with a church wedding, it’s important and meaningful to him and I’m completely supportive of that and of raising our future children in the church. On the other hand, I am not going to be confirmed, you could say I am a hopeful agnostic, but to take the next step would be insincere and dishonest as I don’t believe in the literal parts of the faith (don’t mean to offend, just trying to be honest). He understands this and is completely okay with that. We’re just not sure how to proceed with the wedding. Any helpful advice would be welcome.

You need to approach a priest about this, and ASAP so your wedding plans aren’t put on delay. No one here can really give you any useful advice other than that. Since you were baptized (if it can be proven), your marriage would be considered sacramental. However, if you were not baptized, it would be considered valid, but not sacramental. All this supposes you are married in the Catholic Church. The priest will help you sort this out. Best wishes.

 

[1ke]

You really need to talk to the priest, by appointment.

If your grandmother intended to baptize you into the Catholic Church, she should have reported it to the local parish. The priest would have recorded it in the sacramental records and should have completed the rites of baptism.

If she did not report the baptism, there may be no record of it in the sacramental records. In that case, if she is still alive she can sign an affidavit of baptism or your mother can if she was there.

 

[Sciryuda]

Yes, we certainly plan to talk to the priest when we get a little closer to actually starting the process. Sadly, we can’t ask my grandmother about any of the details, she died when I was 8 years old and to my knowledge, she did not report it to the local parish, she was only visiting from out of state. My mother wasn’t witness to it, she was only told after the fact. This was certainly not the way she should’ve gone about it, but my mother was alright with it and she never managed to follow up with it. In short, we can’t officially prove I was baptized. We’re okay with a non-sacramental wedding, as long as it’s in the church, but weren’t sure about our options. Either way, we’ll be chatting with the priest soon!

 

[ZoeyBdo]

Definitely make an appointment with your priest, before ANYTHING else.

Colors, dresses, decorations, halls, none of that matters until the actual wedding is planned.

Honestly, I was in your shoes in a different way.

I’m a cradle Catholic who was baptized as a child, 1st communion, never confirmed, mostly C&E for my adult life.
My husband to be was Lutheran, baptized, confirmed, and also C&E for most of his adult life.

Fortunately all of my worries were put to rest after we had our meeting with our priest.

It’s really the only answer I can give you, as he will let you know what you need to do.
Here’s a little advice too, don’t put off meeting with him until you have a date ~ that might change. People book weddings sometimes 2 years in advance, and you want to make sure that you can set a date that is not already taken. So be a little flexible and open. You also want to give yourselves plenty of time for classes, retreats, and gathering of necessary paperwork!

Congratulations to you and your fiance!

 

[Phemie]

Since it’s unlikely that you would be receiving Communion, you really should opt to celebrate your wedding during a Liturgy of the Word. Even two Catholics can opt for that if a lot of their guests cannot receive Communion.

 

[Kathryn_Ann]

Yes, we certainly plan to talk to the priest when we get a little closer to actually starting the process. Sadly, we can’t ask my grandmother about any of the details, she died when I was 8 years old and to my knowledge, she did not report it to the local parish, she was only visiting from out of state. My mother wasn’t witness to it, she was only told after the fact. This was certainly not the way she should’ve gone about it, but my mother was alright with it and she never managed to follow up with it. In short, we can’t officially prove I was baptized. We’re okay with a non-sacramental wedding, as long as it’s in the church, but weren’t sure about our options. Either way, we’ll be chatting with the priest soon!

Hi,Scirydua,
I’m so glad you’re going to speak to a priest about all this, and that you and your fiance’ feel drawn to The Church. Sometimes the most beautiful :flowers:things begin in unusual ways.

You’re unique, and our Loving Father certainly sees your earnest:heart: heart. Once you meet and talk with the priest, you’ll know what steps to take. I have a good feeling about you both, and wish you all happiness.:harp: Please return to the forums here to give us an update!
Blessings,
Kathryn Ann:heaven: