Complications call for a renewal of marriage vows

[SnoopyJenn]

I have read several things about the renewal of vows in the church and how it is unnecessary. My question is , what if there has been some complications in the marriage where the love seemed lost and they want to renew their promises for continued healing of the rift.

For example, an “emotional divorce” can happen when one spouse or the other begins to withhold emotion from the other. The couple begins to just look like roommates, never really sharing their lives but living parallel to one another. After learning of the problem and possibly going to counseling for this, a renewal of vows could help this couple to re-ignite those lost feelings of love.

Another example might be if there were infidelity between partners and they had started trying to repair wound. After time had passed and feelings were starting to heal, a renewal of vows could give them a reference point where they could no longer hold grudges for previous indiscretions and they could learn to trust each other again.

We should not judge whatever reason a couple feels the need to renew the vows, because we all go through struggles that we cannot rewind our way out of. We are all sinners, even those who seemed to have made to the golden anniversary without a hitch. We should reach out to those who might have given in to temptation and attempt to help them bond with their spouse again in whatever way works. I have heard it said that “The Church” is a hospital for sinners, not a museum for saints.

If we can renew our baptismal promises which I believe could be considered permanent after Confirmation, why not renew marital vows. I don’t feel like my baptismal promises change inside of me at any one time before I get to renew them again. How can we just say, without giving consideration to the situation at hand, that they are permanent and unnecessary. It seems fairly harsh and if there is anything Jesus wasn’t, it was harsh. He taught love, mercy and forgiveness. He only ever got angry at the solicitors in the church. And even then I am sure he forgave them after they learned their lesson. In our imitation of Christ, I believe that we, as “the Church,” should offer a way for people to renew promises to have and to hold, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, as long as they both shall live, no matter how permanent that should be because a broken promise needs to be renewed with an even stronger conviction than it was the first time.

 

[JaredOConnor]

Hi there! I don’t have much Marriage experience but the renewal of wedding vows at Church actually is “unnecessary”. This is due to the fact that the Church itself does not grant the sacrament of marriage, rather the sacrament and the graces that follow it rely upon the bride and groom commiting themselves to each other.

Because of this, there is no need to renew marriage vows in a church. This is also why a marriage outside of the church by non Catholics will still technically count as a valid marriage (again, because the sacrament is not offered by the church but rather the married couple). Theology of the Body also teaches that sex between a married couple is a renewal of marriage vows.

I don’t believe there is anything inherently wrong with renewing wedding vows at Church and see no problems with couples wanting to go through with a formal renewal. I do believe however that it is unnecessary and should not be required for the reasons I mentioned above. I also would like to re-state that I am not an expert in this area but this is what I believe the Catholic Church teaches and anyone feel free to correct me if I any church teaching I stated above is inaccurate.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

There’s nothing stopping a couple from renewing their promises to each other any time they want, and there are currently approved church ceremonies for such renewals that are often used at anniversaries or on particular holidays dealing with the family or marriage. There are currently accepted Church rites for this sort of thing. As an example, here’s one reprinted by the Knights of Columbus:

https://www.kofc.org/un/en/resources/domestic-church/wedding-vows-renewal.pdf

Vow renewals are not necessary from a sacramental perspective though. I think the Church is trying to avoid some idea that the vow diminishes and needs to be “renewed” periodically. I would also hope that even the approved vow renewals would be confined to certain holidays, anniversaries, Marriage Encounter masses, visits to Cana etc. as if we had couples getting up in church and renewing their vows every time they had a bad patch in their marriage, pretty soon we’d be having vow renewals on a daily basis.

 

[SnoopyJenn]

Thank you for the PDF and this is exactly what I was looking for. A renewal of vows doesn’t mean a big ceremony but the group setting of vow renewal could be refreshing maybe even for an entire community. Maybe I am just a hopeless romantic.

It’s funny that it’s Father’s Day they used cuz my anniversary is usually on or near that day. I wonder if the feast of the holy family could also be used.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

Most of the marital homilies and blessings and such that I see lately do happen on or around the Feast of the Holy Family. It’s a bit odd to me to have it on Father’s Day, but then again it’s the Knights of Columbus and they are promoting men being good marital partners and family men.

 

[Maria4]

I had many people ask if my husband and I would be renewing our vows on our 25th wedding anniversary and ‘for me and my husband’ neither of us thought it necessary. We both felt we’d be belittling the vows we made to each other on our wedding day. We felt if we were to renew them then we couldn’t have meant what was said ‘by us’ originally.

This year we celebrate our 30th anniversary and again we are being asked about renewal. It’s like people expect this from us and it’s slowly becoming the ‘norm’

Renewal is a personal thing and if my friends were to renew their vows I’d happily celebrate that with them. But for me and my husband… we’re happy as we are.