Complicity in sin/ not loving neighbor?

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Dranu

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I have a peculiar situation and am looking for other insights on what would be the best way to handle the situation. The situation and my planned course of action is as follows:
I have a couple of roommates. Two of them have been longtime friends. Unfortunately, three of them spend just about 70-90% of their waking time everyday on the internet, gaming or otherwise, and that really is not an exaggeration. Another fourth roommate is moderate about his time on the itnernet as to not cause much concern. Now the ones who are doing this, at least two of them, have pretty much abandoned good goals for their lives and are practically no longer students nor do they have jobs 9one has odd jobs every couple of weeks). One can only pray for them and try to help them.
The best I have done for the latter is confront one of them about it and was pretty much ignored (and I have known him since Middle School). However, it is clear, at least for him, that I disapprove. My new plan, however, is to only pay for this months internet (as it is in my name and I think I pretty much already owe them for this month as the term has started) and then cancel it. I will tell my roommates that if they do not change this will happen. As for the fourth roommate I will probably do so even if he does not agree to come along with me on this. Now it will surely happen that they will get internet anyhow (it is their life), but this way they will have to pay much more for it and my hands will be clean and not complicit in these wrongs and hopefully I will give the best encouragement I can for them to stop this.

Any insights? Does my plan sound rash?
 
If the internet service is in your name and you are splitting the bill (I assume) yet you are getting shafted by them utilizing it way more than you, then it is reasonable that you cancel the service and let them decide which of them wants to put it in their name.

There’s nothing you can do to make them spend less time doing what they want, other than provide a good Christian example and pray (because you aren’t an authority figure for them).
 
Dranu said:
I have a peculiar situation and am looking for other insights on what would be the best way to handle the situation. The situation and my planned course of action is as follows:
I have a couple of roommates. Two of them have been longtime friends. Unfortunately, three of them spend just about 70-90% of their waking time everyday on the internet, gaming or otherwise, and that really is not an exaggeration. Another fourth roommate is moderate about his time on the itnernet as to not cause much concern. Now the ones who are doing this, at least two of them, have pretty much abandoned good goals for their lives and are practically no longer students nor do they have jobs 9one has odd jobs every couple of weeks). One can only pray for them and try to help them.
The best I have done for the latter is confront one of them about it and was pretty much ignored (and I have known him since Middle School). However, it is clear, at least for him, that I disapprove. My new plan, however, is to only pay for this months internet (as it is in my name and I think I pretty much already owe them for this month as the term has started) and then cancel it. I will tell my roommates that if they do not change this will happen. As for the fourth roommate I will probably do so even if he does not agree to come along with me on this. Now it will surely happen that they will get internet anyhow (it is their life), but this way they will have to pay much more for it and my hands will be clean and not complicit in these wrongs and hopefully I will give the best encouragement I can for them to stop this.

Any insights? Does my plan sound rash?
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Are they paying you for their share on time? Does their usage prevent you from getting on?

If they are paying you for it in a timely manner, and you have no trouble with your access then I think you have done all you can do. You have observed the harm it’s causing to their lives, and one has done nothing about it. I don’t think you can do any more. You are not their parent.

If they are not paying you and preventing you from getting on line when you need, then you have the right to cancel. Also, if their usage prevernts them from going to work to earn the money to pay their share of the household bills. You don’t say if this is the case.
 
Leegal said:
Are they paying you for their share on time? Does their usage prevent you from getting on?

If they are paying you for it in a timely manner, and you have no trouble with your access then I think you have done all you can do. You have observed the harm it’s causing to their lives, and one has done nothing about it. I don’t think you can do any more. You are not their parent.

If they are not paying you and preventing you from getting on line when you need, then you have the right to cancel. Also, if their usage prevernts them from going to work to earn the money to pay their share of the household bills. You don’t say if this is the case.
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Their usage really does nothing to my usage (except slow the net down at times perhaps)

And no, there are no rights of mine being infringed. All that is at issue for me is seeing if I can induce them to stop and avoid being complicit in their sin by being one of the payers and providers (I would stop using the cable and cancel it in my name). According to this plan, what will surely happen, if they don’t agree, is that I would cancel it, not use internet at all, and they would have to pay a higher price and be more aware of admonition against it. Furthermore I would not be aiding in what is starting to appear to be a mortal sin in my eyes. I am pretty sure that will be what happens, but its possible this may change there minds especially if the 4th roommate jumps on board.
 
Dranu said:
Their usage really does nothing to my usage (except slow the net down at times perhaps)

And no, there are no rights of mine being infringed. All that is at issue for me is seeing if I can induce them to stop and avoid being complicit in their sin by being one of the payers and providers (I would stop using the cable and cancel it in my name). According to this plan, what will surely happen, if they don’t agree, is that I would cancel it, not use internet at all, and they would have to pay a higher price and be more aware of admonition against it. Furthermore I would not be aiding in what is starting to appear to be a mortal sin in my eyes. I am pretty sure that will be what happens, but its possible this may change there minds especially if the 4th roommate jumps on board.
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I don’t see how you are complicit in their sin. They are responsible for their behavior on the 'net, but if your conscience is telling you that you are somehow complicit …
 
Leegal said:
I don’t see how you are complicit in their sin. They are responsible for their behavior on the 'net, but if your conscience is telling you that you are somehow complicit …
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Ya, it is, but not with great certainty, hence why I am trying to get other perspectives. I am providing the tools for others to commit sin (indirectly complicit) where they are almost certainly going to engage in such sin even if they can do so without me. Furthermore, I do not clearly see an outweighing positive good by continuing.

However, there is also the question of doing what is best for them.
 
If it’s your computer put a password on it and don’t tell them.

Otherwise go find your own apt. Roommates never work out.
 
Dranu said:
Ya, it is, but not with great certainty, hence why I am trying to get other perspectives. I am providing the tools for others to commit sin (indirectly complicit) where they are almost certainly going to engage in such sin even if they can do so without me. Furthermore, I do not clearly see an outweighing positive good by continuing.

However, there is also the question of doing what is best for them.
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No doubt they are harming their lives by not attending to class or work, but there’s only so much you can do. You are not their parent. I happen to believe you are not complicit. I think it’s rash, but that’s me. You must do what you think best.

I would have advised, had you asked, that when the lease was up someone moves out because obviously the roommate situation is a problem. Either the offending students or you should consider moving out. Obviously, the friendship has broken down if you see this problem and they do not. I agree that it’s a problem – just not your indirectly complicit sin.
 
Leegal said:
You are not their parent. I happen to believe you are not complicit. I think it’s rash, but that’s me. You must do what you think best.
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I am not their parent, but I am my brother’s keeper. Though disagreeing for the most part, I do appreciate your opinion though and don’t think its certainly off base (I am in doubt after all)!
you should consider moving out
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Buck Crosswhite:
Otherwise go find your own apt. Roommates never work out.
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Ya, though I will probably wait until the lease is up. I can’t easily afford to move out at the moment.
 
I think that cancelling the internet will not help them. It will simply make them angry with you and they’ll go get their own service. A better way to go might be to show them by your example, how that you can still have the internet and live a good, productive, Godly life.
 
So, your room-mates spend their time in ways you don’t approve of, so you a) automatically assume that its sinful (which sin are you accusing them of?) and b) decide that its is incumbent on you to force them to modify their behavior? Wow.

If they are current with their rent, are paying their other bills and aren’t interfering with your usage of the internet you need to mind your own business and leave them alone. Or you could move out.

If I were your room-mates and you got all sanctimonious with me, I"d throw you out.
 
BillP said:
So, your room-mates spend their time in ways you don’t approve of, so you a) automatically assume that its sinful (which sin are you accusing them of?) and b) decide that its is incumbent on you to force them to modify their behavior? Wow.
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Do you think spending that much time (I was being literal) on the internet playing games for months continuously is not seriously sinful and that I would not be remiss in my duties to them (one of which I have known for years well) to not only stand idly by but to support it indirectly? Could I really be a friend to them by doing nothing? I suppose its possible, but I fail to see it.
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bmullins:
I think that cancelling the internet will not help them. It will simply make them angry with you and they’ll go get their own service.
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That is a strong possibility, but there is also the possibility of making things much better.
A better way to go might be to show them by your example, how that you can still have the internet and live a good, productive, Godly life.
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I’m not sure my silence has been effective over the years in other things, though maybe I’m just not being a good enough example. I have the inclination, as of late, that I am being a foolish in not doing more.
 
Dranu said:
Do you think spending that much time (I was being literal) on the internet playing games for months continuously is not seriously sinful
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What sin would that be? Seriously??
Dranu said:
and that I would not be remiss in my duties to them (one of which I have known for years well) to not only stand idly by but to support it indirectly?
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Who died and left you king? Where do you get off deciding how much time your buddies should be spending on the Internet playing games??? Are you this sanctimonious about everything??

Also, if they are paying their share of the Internet then you’re not “supporting” it merely by having it in your name. Like I say if I were them, I’d tell you to move out. And I’d find a room-mate that wasn’t so self-righteous and controlling.
Dranu said:
Could I really be a friend to them by doing nothing? I suppose its possible, but I fail to see it.
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I think you need to look to the “beam” in your eye, before worrying about the “mote” in your room-mates’ eyes…
 
I would talk with them also go to a website called opendns.com/home-solutions/ and use the settings to turn off the adult stuff. It will make them have to ask you why they are not able to watch porn. Then you can try and explain to them why it is wrong. I use open dns for my house as I am the tech person and I mainly use it as a deterrent for me to not watch such things. Also there is nothing wrong with play games just so long as they do get a job and such. I hope that helps and I pray that your roommates see the light.
God Bless
 
Dranu said:
I have a peculiar situation and am looking for other insights on what would be the best way to handle the situation. The situation and my planned course of action is as follows:
I have a couple of roommates. Two of them have been longtime friends. Unfortunately, three of them spend just about 70-90% of their waking time everyday on the internet, gaming or otherwise, and that really is not an exaggeration. Another fourth roommate is moderate about his time on the itnernet as to not cause much concern. Now the ones who are doing this, at least two of them, have pretty much abandoned good goals for their lives and are practically no longer students nor do they have jobs 9one has odd jobs every couple of weeks). One can only pray for them and try to help them.
The best I have done for the latter is confront one of them about it and was pretty much ignored (and I have known him since Middle School). However, it is clear, at least for him, that I disapprove. My new plan, however, is to only pay for this months internet (as it is in my name and I think I pretty much already owe them for this month as the term has started) and then cancel it. I will tell my roommates that if they do not change this will happen. As for the fourth roommate I will probably do so even if he does not agree to come along with me on this. Now it will surely happen that they will get internet anyhow (it is their life), but this way they will have to pay much more for it and my hands will be clean and not complicit in these wrongs and hopefully I will give the best encouragement I can for them to stop this.

Any insights? Does my plan sound rash?
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Frankly, its none of your business.
 
read this and see if you think your situation meets this. If it doesn’t your in the clear.
2284 Scandal is an attitude or behavior which leads another to do evil. the person who gives scandal becomes his neighbor’s tempter. He damages virtue and integrity; he may even draw his brother into spiritual death. Scandal is a grave offense if by deed or omission another is deliberately led into a grave offense.
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2285 Scandal takes on a particular gravity by reason of the authority of those who cause it or the weakness of those who are scandalized. It prompted our Lord to utter this curse: "Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened round his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea."85 Scandal is grave when given by those who by nature or office are obliged to teach and educate others. Jesus reproaches the scribes and Pharisees on this account: he likens them to wolves in sheep’s clothing.86
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2286 Scandal can be provoked by laws or institutions, by fashion or opinion.
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Therefore, they are guilty of scandal who establish laws or social structures leading to the decline of morals and the corruption of religious practice, or to "social conditions that, intentionally or not, make Christian conduct and obedience to the Commandments difficult and practically impossible."87 This is also true of business leaders who make rules encouraging fraud, teachers who provoke their children to anger,88 or manipulators of public opinion who turn it away from moral values.
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2287 Anyone who uses the power at his disposal in such a way that it leads others to do wrong becomes guilty of scandal and responsible for the evil that he has directly or indirectly encouraged. "Temptations to sin are sure to come; but woe to him by whom they come!"89
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thistle said:
So you want to take away his freewill and control what he does or does not do?
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No, he is talking about controlling only his own actions. His action is to help pay for internet. By helping to pay for the internet or facilitating the purchase of the internet, it could be argued that he may indirectly and unintentionally be encouraging his roommates to do wrong.
2287 Anyone who uses the power at his disposal in such a way that it leads others to do wrong becomes guilty of scandal and responsible for the evil that he has directly or indirectly encouraged. "Temptations to sin are sure to come; but woe to him by whom they come!"89
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The question is really whether he feels his actions meets this criteria.
 
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