Compromised Marriage or not? Continued

[fogmills]

Dear All,

This question follows my earlier post: Advice Needed: Compromised Marriage or not?.

Based on my own conscience and the advice I have received (thank you) I have ended the relationship with my girlfriend, S (she was not Catholic and was uncomfortable raising our future children as Catholics). Understandably we are both devastated, but at least I have some peace that it is the right decision in the long term.

However, in the past few days she has started reading more about Catholicism and is desperate to explore the faith to see if she can reach a compromise. This is promising but I realise this may not be enough for us to continue our relationship. I feel I want to help her nonetheless.

How can I do that? Will it make the breakup even more difficult?

How should I direct her? I think she needs a gentle introduction as I think she may be intimidated by or mis-interpret many aspects of the Catholic faith.

Can anyone recommend good or inspirational books, websites or classes?

Thank you once more.

 

[1ke]

I would not “help” her directly-- because she may give the appearance of being interested just to please you and you may begin to “see” only what you want to see.

I would give her the # to a local parish and if she is really interested she can go to RCIA. You should not sponsor her-- let her explore this path on her own.

I’ve actually seen 2 marriages where one person went through RCIA and converted but it was a false conversion-- within 5 years they had abandoned the faith and the marriages fell apart due to broken promises and deceit.

Not saying that’s you-- but I would just be VERY wary of someone who went from being super anti-- which she was-- to all of a sudden SOOOO interested in Catholicism.

Something isn’t right with that.

Only TIME will show how sincere and how committed she is to such an exploration. And, as my experience has shown even then it can be faked for quite a while.

Meanwhile-- you should not date exclusively and should not put your eggs in that basket.

 

[rinnie]

I would seriously ask myself why am i feeling this peace at this time. Maybe its not just religion. I would take a month or so and find out if i really Loved her. You will never get the chance again. I am a firm believer whats meant to be is meant to be. You need the time apart.

 

[puzzleannie]

Dear All,

Can anyone recommend good or inspirational books, websites or classes?

Thank you once more.

I recommend Catholicism for Dummies, which will give a short, brief but accurate answers to many of her questions, without overwhelming her with the catechism and much commentary. I also recommend that if she decides on her own to undertake further study, that she do so outside the constraints of a relationship which by your own account is problematic at best. Remain friends in the best sense of the word, but allow both she and you to work out faith issues on your own before adding the complication and pressure of a serious dating/courtship relationship.

you can offer to make an introduction to your priest, but really the initiative to go further should come from her, not from you.

 

[jwashu]

I’m not so sure I agree with the other posters, you have already stated - in your other post, that you love this girl and want to marry her but there are some major obstacles.

Her father definitely has some ideas about the Catholic Church and probably experienced much pain because of the conflict in N.Ireland. Her views are his views and have been until she met you. Perhaps she would have never seen to even question those until she met you.

When you were willing, or “seemingly” willing to not force correction of these views she kept pushing. Now that she sees how much these truly mean to you, that you are willing to possibly end the relationship, she is interested.

I don’t find that odd or fake in the least. Think of the average person in their daily lives, Catholic or not who “says” they are a Christian. Most people don’t see much difference in their lives so why would they want to deal with all the rules for “seemingly” nothing.

What you have shown her is that it does mean something and is a very powerful part of your life. Could, as one poster suggested, this just be a ruse to keep the relationship going… of course. However going through RCIA is not a quick process and, at least in my Parish, has been very rewarding and educational. I know a lot (not tooting my own horn) but rather to say that I still learn something almost daily and will never know it all nor never know enough We have 2000 years of Church history! that’s a lot

You said she wasn’t interested in organized religion perhaps Catholicism for Dummys would be a good book as suggested but might also consider Rome Sweet Home since it has the female aspect as well. If you haven’t read it, read it first, since she isn’t that religious she may not identiy well with Kim but she might…

I wouldn’t leave her on her own though… If you would consider marrying this person, which you would, then remember that as husband and wife we are partially responsible for the salvation of our spouse. If you want to end it because of other reasons, do so and don’t lead her on.

However if you truly love her, teach her why your Faith is important enough to risk loosing the love of your life.

Joe