Concern for a friend... "too" frequent confession and adoration?

[TimothyH]

All I can say is that the woman in the original post has put herself on the road to heaven.

Reading the story put a big smile on my face. It makes me want to go to adoration tonight.

-Tim-

 

[hope_7]

Sometimes a person will do as your friend because they lack a genunion experiance with the Lord and are trying to fill in the empty spot in their hearts or mabe compensate for guilt with a religious life.

Please understand ,I am not saying that this is what is going on with your friend but this does happen.

I hope that your friend has had a definate encounter with the Lord and has just fallen in love with Him. Just pray for her that God will really make Himself known to her and that during this time in her life that she could recieve fully those things that He has for her.

One other thing; just because she feels so drawn to Him dosent necessarily mean she is called to the religious life. I know of someone who in her life was drawn to the Lord and a priest thought she should enter the religous life and she did, which turned out to be disasterous for her. I do not believe that someone else can really tell you if you are called to the religous life. It is something that if God wants you in that you will know it in yourself. You will not have to have anyone tell you.

Also when one is really walking close to the Lord in purity and love ; in this state of grace the least little spot in them ; they cant stand because it separates them from the one that they love. So they seek to get rid of it as quick as possible.

 

[Invictus_88]

Thank you for everyone’s thoughtful responses.

Regarding the quote above, I mention it because my friend does this, many times, each time we hang out… she’ll curse and then say “oh, now I’m going to have to confess that” or she’ll start a story by saying: “I shouldn’t tell you this… I’m going to have to confess it later…” (I encourage her to please not tell me something that breaks a confidence, etc.) To me, she IS using confession and her prayer life as an excuse in many instances.

Anyway… I do agree (and stated in my first post) that I know there are very good things about daily adoration and frequent confession. She does not come across as crying, wearing feelings of guilt on her sleeve, etc., but she does make comments about how it’s “what we’re all called to do.” Maybe, again, I’m just feeling guilty for not being as “devout” as she is… but that statement is simply untrue. We’re not required to go to confession that much or attend daily adoration. She seems to think we are.

And for someone who says she would rather be married, she doesn’t socialize often with other people. I’m not so much concerned about her amount of time in Church as opposed to what should be healthy for a young single girl looking for a spouse. She doesn’t put herself out there. And before anyone says it, no, I’m not in anyway suggesting that she should be out downtown clubbing or doing anything else that is not morally acceptable.

Anyway, I’m not planning on bringing it up with her again (unless she wants to talk about it) but I just wanted to get some feedback from others. Thanks everyone.

This post gives a different sense to the one you began the discussion with, and I think some people replying after this post may be overlooking it.

The OP gave the impression of a spiritual life which was probably perfectly healthy, but here there are signs that things are perhaps not so settled. It does look like she might be using confession as an excuse for transgressions, though one shouldn’t blame her too harshly for this, as after a long time away from the Church it can take some time to regain one’s balance and arrive at a healthy reception of the sacraments.

Overall, I think you are worrying too much though, given that there’s nothing wrong with going to Church or receiving sacraments more often than is obligatory or average, rather it is - as others have said - to be praised highly.
I would say in light of this more recent post that your friend seems to still be finding her balance and would benefit from your prayers.

 

[Jimdandy]

Completely normal behavior for someone who has just ‘discovered’ her Faith-there are 24 hours in each day, so choosing to spend a few each day with God when her life’s commitments allow it is OK.

 

[canonlawlover]

I always find it very disturbing when Catholics who pray a lot, go to Confession and Adoration regularly, are suddenly being discouraged to stop going so much. What kind of Church is this that tells someone “you go to Confession too much”, and “you go to Adoration too much”.
If she has the time to do this, then praise God, and praise God more that this is how she chooses to use her free time. She is absolutely correct when she says this is what we are called to do, and that just because she loves Confession and Adoration doesn’t mean she’s called to be a nun.
You say you are concerned for her, but all I see is concern for yourself. It seems like you need to feel validated that it’s ok you don’t pray as much as her.
Her prayer life is not your concern. Your prayer life is your concern. Maybe her prayer life is much different than yours, and unrealistic for you to imitate, which is fine, but I think it is admirable to hear when someone goes to Confession and Adoration frequently. Amen. I wish I had that kind of discipline.

 

[Sirach2]

To follow up on my earlier post here, I thought about this very important teaching by St. John of the Cross, Doctor of the Church.

1. It should be known, then, that God nurtures and caresses the soul, after it has been resolutely converted to his service, like a loving mother who warms her child with the heat of her bosom, nurses it with good milk and tender food, and carries and caresses it in her arms. But as the child grows older, the mother withholds her caresses and hides her tender love; she rubs bitter aloes on her sweet breast and sets the child down from her arms, letting it walk on its own feet so that it may put aside the habits of childhood and grow accustomed to greater and more important things. The grace of God acts just as a loving mother by re-engendering in the soul new enthusiasm and fervor in the service of God.
   With no effort on the soul’s part, this grace causes it to taste sweet and delectable milk and to experience intense satisfaction in the performance of spiritual exercises, because God is handing the breast of his tender love to the soul, just as if it were a delicate child [1 Pt. 2:2-3].[1]

This is a normal, but critical development in the conversion process. To abort it or discourage it would be to oppose God’s delicate work in her soul. Note too, that St. John refers to persons in this chapter as “beginners.” The caresses of God may diminish in time (maybe even years), and that is when you will need to encourage her, in knowing all is well, and that it is a normal spiritual process to not sense God’s loving presence in these times of purification and weaning.

 

[HelenRose]

I have an idea the priest understands her is advising her.

She is where she belongs at this time in her life. She will make up her mind about her vocation in God’s good time.

 

[TarkanAttila]

Funny… your friend sounds a lot like me. I go daily. And while I used to go to confession almost every other day (bad, bad, bad habits) but on the recommendation of three priests I’ve reduced it. I do go at least every two weeks, though. (Out of pure interest, I also pray the Liturgy of the Hours sporadically through the day and I’m trying to catch a Rosary habit.)

I wonder if she’d like a partner in scrupulous prayer and confession? (Perhaps one who’s 21, likes long walks along the highway, and is going for an associates in theatre? )

But with all seriousness, support her. Perhaps, if she lets you, join her and support her if you can. (I wish I knew her personally - oh, how I would love to!) I can only imagine it would be much easier for her if she knew she weren’t the only person doing this.

Has she also done a lot of reading? She may be effected not (entirely) by scrupulosity, but perhaps a sort of pride. She may be like a spiritual “bodybuilder” now. A bodybuilder knows he’s stronger and more muscular than most men. So either he’ll think he’s better than everyone because of it, or he’ll thank God for this gift by putting his muscles to good use.

If she’s done a lot of reading/praying/spiritual growth she may be kind of doing it for the reason the Pharisees did what they did - because they thought they were better than everyone else since they were more knowledgeable. Or she may be putting what she knows, loves, and has to practical use.

Finally, if she’s going to confession 2x a week… might indicate… well, I’d love to say what it does, but… frankly it’s none of your business (any more than your sins and bad habits are her business). What goes on in that box is strictly between her and God. It’s not your job to get involved. Let the priest, who speaks for Christ, do his duty.