Concern for children's souls

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Momofmyangels

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My husband and I recently took our 6 children to a TLM. They had not been to one in about 3 years and honestly, I think they (the older 3) forgot that they had ever attended one. We do not have the TLM in our state and had to travel 3 hours to the nearest one. We do attend the OF every Sunday, but we do not have a traditional parish and we have often had to explain why certain things occur in church when they have learned otherwise. I am beginning to feel a bit hippocritical in the way we are raising our children. We homeschool using Seton Home Study which is very traditional and it teaches them everything I grew up learning in Catholic School, being taught by the nuns. Then we take them to church on Sunday and put them in an environment where they should be spending the WHOLE time concentrating on Our Lord, but they are so distracted, they cannot keep their focus on Him. I won’t go into any specifics because I don’t want to offend anyone.

We are trying to raise them with their sights set on heaven. We keep them home with us, teach them here, pray with them, have frequent reception of the sacraments and I’m wondering if it is enough. I’ve been reading about people who travel many miles every Sunday to attend the TLM. Should we be trying to do this more also? We don’t go often because it is hard on the littlest ones (my kids ages are 10, 9, 8, 5, 3 and 1). Anyone have to travel long distances to go to the TLM with kids? If our parish or one around us was more traditional this would not be such a problem, but we have no good alternatives.

I have to say that I am immensely drawn to the Latin Mass. My parents took my 5 siblings and I to as many as they could as we were growing up. I miss it immensely each and every Sunday that goes by and I don’t attend one. After bringing our own children, they are asking why we don’t have that here, and when can we go again. I know how it makes me feel knowing that I cannot attend one and now it is breaking my heart that they are drawn to it too and are not able to attend it regularly ( actually not even occasionally).
We always said we’d go more when they are older and can travel easier, but now I am wondering if waiting will be a detriment to their souls. It is a huge, huge, huge responsibility having 6 little souls in your care and I’m at a loss as what else we can do. (Oh, believe me we are praying incessently for our bishop to allow us to have the TLM here).
 
Momofmyangels - I’m sorry you feel this way. From your post it appears you are doing everything you can to raise your little angels in the way you feel is best for them. There are good things you can find about every Mass you attend, you just have to look! Taking six kids on a 6 hour RT ride to go to the LM is quite obviously something you can not do every week. I think if you are teaching your children at home how you would like them to behave during Mass, and the reasons for such behavior, then they can also learn something from taking part in the celebration of the NO Mass. Also, remember that when they are high school age they will have to take classes somewhere (community college, etc) to gain the math and science knowledge they must demonstrate in order to be accepted into college, and they will have to deal with NO Catholics as well as people of other religions. Have you looked into some of the newer CCD materials that are available for super traditionalists? It could be there is a newer curriculum available that is superior to what the good Sisters used when you were a child. I “love” the NO. In my city of 1 million, there is only one very small parish that used the LM exclusively. I plan on attending in the next few weeks. (I need to find a head covering!). I will keep you and your wonderful little angels in my prayers and hope that your area soon has a traditional parish that you can be an active part of! :angel1:
 
I have heard it said to go where you feel fed.
We used to go to a Tridentine mass on the grounds of a Benedictine monastery. Great, holy atmosphere. However, as we had more and more kids, it got difficult because of distance and the smallness of the chapel. There was no place for fussy little ones. Finally, I agreed with my wife to attend a local Novus Ordo mass. Suddenly, it didn’t feel as if we were going against the grain anymore. I knew we had made the correct decision. We also have 6 kids, aged 14-4. We don’t have many Tridentine masses in my state. But when we visit where we used to live, I take some of the kids back to the monastery and they prefer the TLM. Just keep educating your tribe in sound Catholic doctrine.👍
 
kozlosap said:
Also, remember that when they are high school age they will have to take classes somewhere (community college, etc) to gain the math and science knowledge they must demonstrate in order to be accepted into college, and they will have to deal with NO Catholics as well as people of other religions. QUOTE]

Thank you for your kind words.

We have not sheltered the kids. They are involved in MANY outside activities…soccer, baseball, ballet, music lessons etc. And they are involved in a homeschool group which meets once a month and 4-H which meets weekly. So, they have a lot of interaction with a whole lot of people of various religions. My stress is over teaching them Catholicism and what the Mass really is and seeing the opposite when I bring them to Mass. Seems like I am living an oxymoron (if that is possible).

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Momofmyangels said:
We are trying to raise them with their sights set on heaven. We keep them home with us, teach them here, pray with them, have frequent reception of the sacraments and I’m wondering if it is enough. I’ve been reading about people who travel many miles every Sunday to attend the TLM. Should we be trying to do this more also? We don’t go often because it is hard on the littlest ones (my kids ages are 10, 9, 8, 5, 3 and 1). Anyone have to travel long distances to go to the TLM with kids? If our parish or one around us was more traditional this would not be such a problem, but we have no good alternatives.
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Personally, I am only 45 minutes away from my closest TLM, but I know of people in your situation. I have heard people say that going once a month is good when dealing with such long trips.

Some of the things that bother me about the OF are not so prominent at the weekday Masses. If this is true for you as well, then perhaps taking your children to weekday Mass to give them a better experience of the OF might help.
 
floresco said:
Personally, I am only 45 minutes away from my closest TLM, but I know of people in your situation. I have heard people say that going once a month is good when dealing with such long trips.

Some of the things that bother me about the OF are not so prominent at the weekday Masses. If this is true for you as well, then perhaps taking your children to weekday Mass to give them a better experience of the OF might help.
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What a great idea!👍
 
floresco said:
Personally, I am only 45 minutes away from my closest TLM, but I know of people in your situation. I have heard people say that going once a month is good when dealing with such long trips.

Some of the things that bother me about the OF are not so prominent at the weekday Masses. If this is true for you as well, then perhaps taking your children to weekday Mass to give them a better experience of the OF might help.
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The priest doesn’t change though. We kneel for Communion and one priest becomes visibly upset, rolling his eyes, sighing loudly and putting the Host not so gently in our mouths. I have told the children to stand when he says Mass, contrary to what I believe, but I do not want to contribute to making a priest angry. Besides the fact that the children are very impressionable at this age and I do not want them to dread going to Mass. We cannot tell ahead of time who is going to say the Mass so we can’t avoid him altogether. It makes me very very uneasy when I see it is him who is going to say the Mass. I pray for his heart to soften. If we had the TLM kneeling would not be an issue.
 
Momofmyangels said:
The priest doesn’t change though. We kneel for Communion and one priest becomes visibly upset, rolling his eyes, sighing loudly and putting the Host not so gently in our mouths. I have told the children to stand when he says Mass, contrary to what I believe, but I do not want to contribute to making a priest angry. Besides the fact that the children are very impressionable at this age and I do not want them to dread going to Mass. We cannot tell ahead of time who is going to say the Mass so we can’t avoid him altogether. It makes me very very uneasy when I see it is him who is going to say the Mass. I pray for his heart to soften. If we had the TLM kneeling would not be an issue.
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I can see how this is a serious problem and not one that is improved by attending weekday Mass. Have you tried talking to the priest? Perhaps some of his attitude comes from assumptions he is making about you (There are people who are consider kneeling as a sign that one is practically a sedevacantist.) and he would be more supportive if he knew what you really think and believe.
 
floresco said:
I can see how this is a serious problem and not one that is improved by attending weekday Mass. Have you tried talking to the priest? Perhaps some of his attitude comes from assumptions he is making about you (There are people who are consider kneeling as a sign that one is practically a sedevacantist.) and he would be more supportive if he knew what you really think and believe.
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I didn’t even know what sedevacantist was until I started reading these forums. I understand what you are saying though. We certainly are not trying to make a scene, or think that we are better than anyone else. I grew up kneeling, my whole family kneels and I truly believe it is the most reverent way for me to receive Our Lord. Now, having said that, I stand when this priest says Mass. For some reason, I feel it is terrible of me to make him mad or upset because of something I am doing at Mass. It is making me miserable though.

My husband has tried talking to him and he brushes the topic aside. My husband is now the only one who kneels when this priest says Mass. And my husband does not agree with me in having the children stand.
 
Momofmyangels said:
I didn’t even know what sedevacantist was until I started reading these forums. I understand what you are saying though. We certainly are not trying to make a scene, or think that we are better than anyone else. I grew up kneeling, my whole family kneels and I truly believe it is the most reverent way for me to receive Our Lord. Now, having said that, I stand when this priest says Mass. For some reason, I feel it is terrible of me to make him mad or upset because of something I am doing at Mass. It is making me miserable though.

My husband has tried talking to him and he brushes the topic aside. My husband is now the only one who kneels when this priest says Mass. And my husband does not agree with me in having the children stand.
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The Church teaches that you are allowed to receive kneeling and the priest has no right to take that choice from you. You are not responsible for how the priest feels. If he is choosing to be upset by you, he is going beyond Church teaching.

Your husband is the spiritual head of your family and you should not be going against his decision in this.
 
floresco said:
The Church teaches that you are allowed to receive kneeling and the priest has no right to take that choice from you. You are not responsible for how the priest feels. If he is choosing to be upset by you, he is going beyond Church teaching.

Your husband is the spiritual head of your family and you should not be going against his decision in this.
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Floresco, thank you so much for taking the time to chat with me about this.

I know everything you said above is true, but it makes me physically ill to be at odds with a priest. I know he is ultimately responsible for how he chooses to behave, but I feel we are a contributing factor in his anger. And I am the type of person that DOES NOT like the limelight and being the center of anyone’s attention.

And yes, my husband is the head of the family in absolutely every way, but what if the children have a bad experience and later on get turned off by the Church. It happens ALL the time. I can’t bear the thought of any of my children leaving the Church and loosing their souls.
 
Momofmyangels said:
I didn’t even know what sedevacantist was until I started reading these forums. I understand what you are saying though. We certainly are not trying to make a scene, or think that we are better than anyone else. I grew up kneeling, my whole family kneels and I truly believe it is the most reverent way for me to receive Our Lord. Now, having said that, I stand when this priest says Mass. For some reason, I feel it is terrible of me to make him mad or upset because of something I am doing at Mass. It is making me miserable though.

My husband has tried talking to him and he brushes the topic aside. My husband is now the only one who kneels when this priest says Mass. And my husband does not agree with me in having the children stand.
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I am not sure that I understand what you mean about kneeling instead of standing during Mass. Depending on the form of the Mass or on the rite (e.g. Divine Liturgy) Catholics are to stand during some parts of the Mass, doing otherwise would be considered liturgical innovation. For example during the Creed in the EF we are required to kneel at the Mystery of the Incarnation, in the OF we are required to bow except during the Xmas Mass when we are required to kneel, we are not allowed to change that.

Kneeling to receive communion is simply your right.
 
Cristiano said:
I am not sure that I understand what you mean about kneeling instead of standing during Mass. Depending on the form of the Mass or on the rite (e.g. Divine Liturgy) Catholics are to stand during some parts of the Mass, doing otherwise would be considered liturgical innovation. For example during the Creed in the EF we are required to kneel at the Mystery of the Incarnation, in the OF we are required to bow except during the Xmas Mass when we are required to kneel, we are not allowed to change that.

Kneeling to receive communion is simply your right.
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I was talking about kneeling for Communion. We sit, stand and kneel at other parts of the Mass along with everyone else.
 
Momofmyangels said:
Floresco, thank you so much for taking the time to chat with me about this.

I know everything you said above is true, but it makes me physically ill to be at odds with a priest. I know he is ultimately responsible for how he chooses to behave, but I feel we are a contributing factor in his anger. And I am the type of person that DOES NOT like the limelight and being the center of anyone’s attention.

And yes, my husband is the head of the family in absolutely every way, but what if the children have a bad experience and later on get turned off by the Church. It happens ALL the time. I can’t bear the thought of any of my children leaving the Church and loosing their souls.
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I have a very high view of priesthood too and I can understand how difficult it must be for you. However, the priest is exceeding his authority and your husband is not. If your husband wishes the children to receive kneeling, that is what they should do. It is bad enough that the priest does not support your husband’s decision. You are his wife and he should be able to count on you.

We cannot tell what the future may hold. I can imagine scenarios in which having the children stand for Communion could lead to future problems and endanger their salvation. Fears and “what ifs” are not a good basis for decisions. You sound like you have a good Catholic husband and you should follow his lead.
 
floresco said:
I have a very high view of priesthood too and I can understand how difficult it must be for you. However, the priest is exceeding his authority and your husband is not. If your husband wishes the children to receive kneeling, that is what they should do. It is bad enough that the priest does not support your husband’s decision. You are his wife and he should be able to count on you.

We cannot tell what the future may hold. I can imagine scenarios in which having the children stand for Communion could lead to future problems and endanger their salvation. Fears and “what ifs” are not a good basis for decisions. You sound like you have a good Catholic husband and you should follow his lead.
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You are right and I thank you for telling me that which I already knew but temporarily chose to forget it.😊
 
Technically speaking, the norm for receiving Holy Communion (OF Mass) in the United States:
GIRM 160
The faithful are not permitted to take the consecrated bread or the sacred chalice by themselves and, still less, to hand them from one to another. The norm for reception of Holy Communion in the dioceses of the United States is standing. Communicants should not be denied Holy Communion because they kneel. Rather, such instances should be addressed pastorally, by providing the faithful with proper catechesis on the reasons for this norm.
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I totally agree that people should be allowed to receive while kneeling, but you can’t fault the priest for the way he feels.

(And, again, before someone misses the point, I know that we should be allowed to kneel whenever we want. Like Cardinal Arinze once said, we should be crawling. I’m simply pointing out the facts. I attend the TLM because of the GIRM rule I just quoted…among other reasons).

Momofmyangels: I’m sorry to hear about the situation you are in. It stinks. Is there no FSSP, SSPX, or ICK in your area? If you post your approximate location, maybe we can all try to find a better alternative for you. Until then, I think you should continue to be an example to the people around you. I know you don’t want a lot of attention, but I can almost guarantee that you peak someone’s interest when they see your family’s reverence on Sunday’s.

I will continue to pray for you and your family.
 
damooster said:
Technically speaking, the norm for receiving Holy Communion (OF Mass) in the United States:

I totally agree that people should be allowed to receive while kneeling, but you can’t fault the priest for the way he feels.

(And, again, before someone misses the point, I know that we should be allowed to kneel whenever we want. Like Cardinal Arinze once said, we should be crawling. I’m simply pointing out the facts. I attend the TLM because of the GIRM rule I just quoted…among other reasons).

Momofmyangels: I’m sorry to hear about the situation you are in. It stinks. Is there no FSSP, SSPX, or ICK in your area? If you post your approximate location, maybe we can all try to find a better alternative for you. Until then, I think you should continue to be an example to the people around you. I know you don’t want a lot of attention, but I can almost guarantee that you peak someone’s interest when they see your family’s reverence on Sunday’s.

I will continue to pray for you and your family.
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I was not aware of this rule…I always thought we had a choice. That certainly does explain my priest’s attitude to some extent though.

We have searched and searched for a TLM near us…gosh we would even travel a little distance, but we have found nothing. I search the Latin Mass schedules online almost daily hoping to finally find one, but so far nothing. Unless they are hidden, there are none here.

What does ICK stand for?
 
Momofmyangels;:
THIS is what I want for my family…sadly, I think the only answer is to move.
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Pray. Lots.

Where do you live that there is no TLM anywhere? This is sad…
 
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