Concern or Invasion of Privacy

[Oshiego_Rod]

I’m part of a Charismatic Catholic Young Adult ministry called Singles For Christ. In the past five years I’ve been through two relationships in this group, both ending at the discretion of the woman involved. Granted, we did not strive for purity and often fell to sin resulting in conflicts within the relationship. With that track record in my past, I just got involved in a new relationship with a woman new to this community. Honestly we were not looking for this but with the advice from our spiritual director he said he saw no problem with our union or our discernment regarding marriage and suggested we continue to know each other and practice prudence. We both strive for purity which we both lost in our past relationships. We claim a second virginity for the Lord. This relationship is a blessing, but now leaders in this organization want to know these details as they see that this relationship may be inappropriate and question our union as things progressed quickly. In fact, they want to meet with us one to one to discuss this issue. We know they are concerned but at the same time we feel that they really have no right to know the details. What is everyone’s advice on this? At this point we no longer feel comfortable and want to leave this community and serve the Lord in other ways.

 

[Julianna]

I’m part of a Charismatic Catholic Young Adult ministry called Singles For Christ. In the past five years I’ve been through two relationships in this group, both ending at the discretion of the woman involved. Granted, we did not strive for purity and often fell to sin resulting in conflicts within the relationship. With that track record in my past, I just got involved in a new relationship with a woman new to this community. Honestly we were not looking for this but with the advice from our spiritual director he said he saw no problem with our union or our discernment regarding marriage and suggested we continue to know each other and practice prudence. We both strive for purity which we both lost in our past relationships. We claim a second virginity for the Lord. This relationship is a blessing, but now leaders in this organization want to know these details as they see that this relationship may be inappropriate and question our union as things progressed quickly. In fact, they want to meet with us one to one to discuss this issue. We know they are concerned but at the same time we feel that they really have no right to know the details. What is everyone’s advice on this? At this point we no longer feel comfortable and want to leave this community and serve the Lord in other ways.

You are under no obligation to tell them a thing. Again…it’s you and your girlfriends business. You need to tell them that. If you are having sex…keep it to yourself. However, don’t use being uncomfortable and leaving the group, so you can have sex. You joined for a reason. It seems one night stands don’t work for you and you are in this group…where restraint is encouraged. That is a good thing. There is no second virginity…it’s gone…done…move off that pity party. When a group wants to meet with you to find out if you are having sex…then yes…it’s time to bail out. They may say they won’t talk…but yeah, they will. It’s human nature.

Keep your mouth shut. And tell them nothing about your relationship other than, “yeah we had dinner at the Outback, you should try the Alice Springs Chicken…it’s pretty good.”

 

[DWPC]

I’m not sure you posted in correct forum for this sort of thing, but since you did…

Somethings here is very unhealthy. You’re either following the group membership rules/guidelines or you’re not. If not, they’d be correct in asking you to either break the relationship off or to leave the ministry group. But no one should be asking about your personal lives or your intimate relationships with others. This sounds more like what they do in cults and should be brought to the attention of the sponsoring priest. I hope there is one.

As for the “second virginity” business; thinking that way will only lead you to more rationalizing of bad behavior and false self-absolution.

Frankly, I think you should back off the ministering and work on your own spirituality for a while.

 

[gallo]

I’m part of a Charismatic Catholic Young Adult ministry called Singles For Christ. .

Ok. You obviosly want to do the right thing by posting on a public forum and asking for advice. There are so many that would so “oh well” and continue in bad relationships and just keep being immoral or just blow off the situation. So Please don’t take it as a judgement or anything, but if it’s taken as that, then that’s just how it’s going to be.
If the group is seeming “nosey”, then is there the possibility that they aren’t being that at all, but being lead by the Spirit to make sure everything is ok…or at least having legitimate concerns. As Christians, our lives are to be open so others may “see your good works and praise your Father in heaven.” Now does that mean we should tell everyone all our sins. No. That’s what the Reconciliation Sacrament is for and all of us NEED it. However, is by saying it’s none of someone’s business actually saying that there is something immoral to hide? Examine your motives for this carefully. If there is something to hide (eg, sex outside of the wedlock) then the relationship should be re-evaluated and take up the offer from the group to meet with you. (We could get into the effects of unchasity on a commmunity level, but that’s for another thread.) They may be able to give you good prayer coverage and accountability strength. Also, if the relationship is such a blessing, then it would encourage others to know that a life once lived in unpurity can be changed by Grace and the Power of the Holy Spirit. SO that may be the wiser thing to do.
I will pray for you.

Peace!

 

[Oshiego_Rod]

I’m not sure you posted in correct forum for this sort of thing, but since you did…

Somethings here is very unhealthy. You’re either following the group membership rules/guidelines or you’re not. If not, they’d be correct in asking you to either break the relationship off or to leave the ministry group. But no one should be asking about your personal lives or your intimate relationships with others. This sounds more like what they do in cults and should be brought to the attention of the sponsoring priest. I hope there is one.

As for the “second virginity” business; thinking that way will only lead you to more rationalizing of bad behavior and false self-absolution.

Frankly, I think you should back off the ministering and work on your own spirituality for a while.

I have already brought this up with a priest who disagreed with this kind of questioning but at the same time we should discern their concern. I do not see anything wrong if someone wants to claim a “second virginity” or strive for purity as we are all called to holiness. In a society where premarital sex is often justified and glorified, we should see a positive light to those who want to strive for purity. I do not see how striving for what pleases the Lord a cause of “rationalizing of bad behavior and false self-absolution” as the steps for purity involve the Sacrament of Confession, the Eucharist, and maintaining that state of grace thus claiming a second virginity should not be viewed as rationalizing bad behavior or seen as a false sense of self-absolution rather it should be viewed as a step to maintaining a state of grace which can only be attained through an examination of conscience, Confession, Penance and Amending one’s life. And as far as working on my own spirituality, I am blessed and only God can make that judgment call regarding my level of spirituality and devotion to Him. PAX

 

[Oshiego_Rod]

Ok. You obviosly want to do the right thing by posting on a public forum and asking for advice. There are so many that would so “oh well” and continue in bad relationships and just keep being immoral or just blow off the situation. So Please don’t take it as a judgement or anything, but if it’s taken as that, then that’s just how it’s going to be.
If the group is seeming “nosey”, then is there the possibility that they aren’t being that at all, but being lead by the Spirit to make sure everything is ok…or at least having legitimate concerns. As Christians, our lives are to be open so others may “see your good works and praise your Father in heaven.” Now does that mean we should tell everyone all our sins. No. That’s what the Reconciliation Sacrament is for and all of us NEED it. However, is by saying it’s none of someone’s business actually saying that there is something immoral to hide? Examine your motives for this carefully. If there is something to hide (eg, sex outside of the wedlock) then the relationship should be re-evaluated and take up the offer from the group to meet with you. (We could get into the effects of unchasity on a commmunity level, but that’s for another thread.) They may be able to give you good prayer coverage and accountability strength. Also, if the relationship is such a blessing, then it would encourage others to know that a life once lived in unpurity can be changed by Grace and the Power of the Holy Spirit. SO that may be the wiser thing to do.
I will pray for you.

Peace!

Very good points! We actually did have a heart-to-heart talk regarding our relationship because like you said, we really have nothing to hide. God knows we want to remain pure until the day when we are united as one with God through the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony.