Concerned about my husbands affection with pet dog

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Rikki_Tikki

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Please help! I am struggling with a strange and unexpected dilemma in my marriage since I got my husband a puppy for Christmas. I was happy at first that he loved his gift, but am now feeling frustration, regret, and concern for him spiritually. At first, he seemed to have the normal affection most people do with a new puppy, but soon, his affection became what appears and feels to me as overboard. Getting down to the dogs level on the floor, letting her up in the bed and anywhere, and allowing and encouraging the dog to kiss him all over his head, face, and mouth, and he kisses her back a lot. Many times he spends lengthy amounts of time (up to an hour or more) petting all over her, especially around her lower half, and lets her mouth his fingers, and moves her body close to his. He appears to be way too intimate with her like if she were a woman, similar to how he is with me; his wife. Although, I am having to share close time with the dog and for past couple months have been feeling very neglected. There have even been quite a few times where it seemed he wanted to be alone in the house with the dog. He usually drinks most evenings also, which correlates with his unusual behavior. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I am constantly having to fight jealousy and anger feelings and am getting really tired of missing our closeness. He is not easy to talk to about anything that has to do with what he is doing or isn’t doing (lots of pride), even when approached with I statements. Thank you
 
Your concern is way above my pay scale, but I will give it a shot, as I sympathize with your situation.
I don’t know what you should do, but if I were in your situation I would probably: take the dog by the scruff, remove her from my husband, put her in another room and sit down beside him and say, “you’re paying more attention to the dog than to me. What’s going on?”
If I didn’t get a straight answer, I would make an appointment with a counselor or a priest, and ask my husband to attend with me.
Make your bedroom off limits for the dog.
If things did not improve, I would ask him to choose between me and the puppy.

That sounds a little extreme, but obviously it can’t continue as it is. And given his drinking, there is a chance that something inappropriate is going on.
Praying for you.
 
Try to focus on facts more than emotions.

Doggy mouths have plenty of germs and parasites and the like that should never be anywhere near human beings. Kissing should be absolutely out - as far as any animal goes. Same with letting Fido up on tables or bench tops let alone beds.

There is also no way that Fido will learn obedience, house training or anything else if she is indulged as your husband does. Fido is getting the message loud and clear that she is top dog and free to do whatever she pleases.

Not good any way you slice it.
 
Hallo

You are right to be concerned, and I think you need to act very quickly. There is a healthy limit in friendship with animals, and your husband has far exceeded this limit. He doesn’t seem to realise this, though, so you need to help him.
There is such a thing as fraternal correction - and this is the time for it.

It needs delicacy, so think best about how to approach your husband, without making him feel like a criminal.
Perhaps you could ask him if he thinks you give him enough affection!!

If he is not willing to listen, or to change his behaviour immediately, I would get rid of the dog. He is harming himself and more importantly, your relationship.
A dog can’t be allowed to come between husband and wife!!
Good luck!
J
 
I love animals and i feel that your husband is literally inadequate to own a dog. The kissing part, is enough to raise a red light. Even in the bible that God warm about bestial inappropriate behavior. This is crossing the line. This poor dog is just an animal and he doesn’t know better.

I would pray for a good family to adopt the dog and simply surrender the dog to a shelter. Your husband doesn’t have the skill to own a dog, moral isn’t there if you are telling the truth and it is so unhealthy in so many level.

You husband need counseling and quick. It is like he is turning this animal into a human to fulfill his need. Beside, i would never be able to kiss my husband if he would do such a thing with our dog. The germ mention isn’t a joke and this is so not hygienic. Dog will eat cat poo, i had to put my cat litter away. It is apparently a normal behavior and nothing can be done. They eat anything.

Good luck with this.
 
This may be associated with the drinking more than the animal and how your husband is able to express himself.

I don’t think his behaviour with the dog is at all unreasonable in and of itself. I cuddle my dogs in a similar way and I can assure you there’s nothing whatsoever bestial in that.

What seems more likely to me is that your husband is craving some unconditional affection, and the puppy is supplying it. If he’s also got a problem that he’s medicating by alcohol, then together you may need to examine your relationship. The fact that you’re getting jealous of a puppy is an indicator of this.

Your husband is clearly getting benefit from loving something that loves him back unconditionally and is building a strong bond with the puppy. From a dog-owner’s perspective, these puppy years are incredibly important in socialising a puppy and ensuring that the adult dog is properly bonded to his or her ‘Alpha’.

If your husband isn’t washing his hands after playing with the dog, then you might want to raise that as a practical hygiene issue, but otherwise look at yourself first. Where is your jealousy being sourced from? What sort of control do you feel you ought to have over the situation? Are you frustrated by not having that control?

Seems to me you have deeper problems than your husband’s interaction with a puppy that is, from my experience and those around me, not particularly unreasonable in its own quality.
 
Rikki_Tikki said:
Please help! I am struggling with a strange and unexpected dilemma in my marriage since I got my husband a puppy for Christmas. I was happy at first that he loved his gift, but am now feeling frustration, regret, and concern for him spiritually. At first, he seemed to have the normal affection most people do with a new puppy, but soon, his affection became what appears and feels to me as overboard. Getting down to the dogs level on the floor, letting her up in the bed and anywhere, and allowing and encouraging the dog to kiss him all over his head, face, and mouth,and he kisses her back a lot. Many times he spends lengthy amounts of time (up to an hour or more) petting all over her, especially around her lower half, and lets her mouth his fingers, and moves her body close to his. He appears to beway too intimate with her like if she were a woman, similar to how he is with me; his wife. Although, I am having to share close time with the dog and for past couple months have been feeling very neglected. There have even been quite a few times where **it seemed he wanted to be alone in the house with the dog. **He usually drinks most evenings also, which correlates with his unusual behavior. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I am constantly having to fight jealousy and anger feelings and am getting really tired of missing our closeness. He is not easy to talk to about anything that has to do with what he is doing or isn’t doing (lots of pride), even when approached with I statements. Thank you
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This can’t be for real!

On the off chance it is, your husband needs professional help and you need to re-home the dog immediately. If he is treating the dog like a human being, including that much of a physical component, there is something very wrong and you need to get it to an appropriate home, like yesterday. Call a rescue and tell them it is an emergency or take it to a shelter in another county. Your husband will be furious, but do not tell him where the dog went - only that it is safe. Then, your husband needs to be evaluated by a psychiatrist. Sheesh!
 
For crying out loud, the man likes his pet and he’s giving it affection and rubbing its belly. It doesn’t mean he’s about to commit bestiality.
 
DexUK said:
For crying out loud, the man likes his pet and he’s giving it affection and rubbing its belly. It doesn’t mean he’s about to commit bestiality.
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Thank you! For crying out loud, I can’t believe so many people here are taking this so seriously, like the husband is going to turn around and bang the dog or something.

Most of this behavior is normal, if not a bit over the top. The kissing is gross, but I have seen lots of people do it who weren’t having sex with their pets.

The red flags for me here are the drinking (how often is it?) and the jealousy on the part of the wife. The very idea that the OP’s mind would jump to bestiality says more I think about the OP than the husband. When you say that he rubs her “lower half”, I’m guessing this is a long belly rub. Whoa, call the SPCA!

Of course he’s more affectionate with the dog when he’s drinking. I’m more affectionate toward EVERYONE when I’m drinking, our dog included. That’s the effect that alcohol has. That doesn’t mean it’s inappropriate behavior. I still know the difference between my dog and my husband. Seems to me like hubby may be craving more affection.

The dog sleeping in the bed is also normal-but if you don’t like it, then put a stop to it and get the dog her own bed on the floor or in the laundry room.

I think this is being blown WAY out of proportion.
 
LaSainte said:
Thank you! For crying out loud, I can’t believe so many people here are taking this so seriously, like the husband is going to turn around and bang the dog or something.

Most of this behavior is normal, if not a bit over the top. The kissing is gross, but I have seen lots of people do it who weren’t having sex with their pets.

The red flags for me here are the drinking (how often is it?) and the jealousy on the part of the wife. The very idea that the OP’s mind would jump to bestiality says more I think about the OP than the husband. When you say that he rubs her “lower half”, I’m guessing this is a long belly rub. Whoa, call the SPCA!

Of course he’s more affectionate with the dog when he’s drinking. I’m more affectionate toward EVERYONE when I’m drinking, our dog included. That’s the effect that alcohol has. That doesn’t mean it’s inappropriate behavior. I still know the difference between my dog and my husband. Seems to me like hubby may be craving more affection.

The dog sleeping in the bed is also normal-but if you don’t like it, then put a stop to it and get the dog her own bed on the floor or in the laundry room.

I think this is being blown WAY out of proportion.
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Maybe it’s a city mouse-country mouse thing. I would be appalled if my husband treated a pet like that (an hour of scratching? For real? Who’s got the time? Kissing on the MOUTH!?) But, I also come from a background where pets are strictly animals, and the service porch is as far into the house a dog ever comes.
 
I would start by assessing your marital relationship with the husband. I would ask myself questions like:

Are you two in a healthy relationship where you can communicate openly? DO you communicate often? You need to be honest here and not pretend you’re doing fine when, in fact, you may be seeing the beginnings of him isolating himself. If you see you need to work on this, maybe some type of relationship-building retreat (Marriage Encounter?) is a good idea. Personally, I find that if I develop common interests with my wife (see below) then we start spending more time together. Since you naturally want to talk to your partner while you’re engaged in some constructive activity together, this can be an avenue of communication.

How is your physical relationship (please don’t answer here, it’s not our business:D)? By this, I don’t just mean the marital embrace, I mean basic affection: hugs, kisses, holding hands, caresses. If there is not a thriving affection for each other, he may be seeking that in a pet who, let’s face it, never holds a grudge, is always thrilled to see you, and shows signs of affection (even though we know pets cannot “love”).

Do you have common interests? If not, then maybe it’s time to develop some hobbies together. Spending time with him in things he likes to do may draw his attention to the activities and, by association, back to you. Guys like to DO things. Why not tap into that? I prefer to do things that are low-tech so that there is plenty of opportunity for conversation. If some hobby requires to intense attention or is filled with noise distracting you from your partner, then you don’t talk and never grow in your emotional bond. That further isolates you two.

Basically what I’m saying here is this: Before you start running off to the Bestiality Anonymous meetings, try to see if your husband may be filling an emotional/physical vacuum in his life that is meant to be filled with you, then find ways to constructively/creatively insert yourself back into that emotional vacuum.
 
I have the song “And They Called it Puppy Love,” in my head now.

Seriously…it sounds like the guy gets a bit drunk and plays with his dog. Doubt very much it is sexual. I’d start by addressing the drinking problem. That seems to be the real issue.

Good luck.
 
You’ve had some good replies.
For the dog, 1) Exercise 2) Discipline 3) Affection, in that order.
For the husband, drinking everyday is a problem.
For yourself, getting jealous over a pet is a problem.
Maybe there’s issues that need to be looked at. Coming closer to God is always a good start.
 
DexUK said:
This may be associated with the drinking more than the animal and how your husband is able to express himself.

I don’t think his behaviour with the dog is at all unreasonable in and of itself. I cuddle my dogs in a similar way and I can assure you there’s nothing whatsoever bestial in that.

What seems more likely to me is that your husband is craving some unconditional affection, and the puppy is supplying it. If he’s also got a problem that he’s medicating by alcohol, then together you may need to examine your relationship. The fact that you’re getting jealous of a puppy is an indicator of this.

Your husband is clearly getting benefit from loving something that loves him back unconditionally and is building a strong bond with the puppy. From a dog-owner’s perspective, these puppy years are incredibly important in socialising a puppy and ensuring that the adult dog is properly bonded to his or her ‘Alpha’.

If your husband isn’t washing his hands after playing with the dog, then you might want to raise that as a practical hygiene issue, but otherwise look at yourself first. Where is your jealousy being sourced from? What sort of control do you feel you ought to have over the situation? Are you frustrated by not having that control?

Seems to me you have deeper problems than your husband’s interaction with a puppy that is, from my experience and those around me, not particularly unreasonable in its own quality.
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👍 👍 👍

Relax for one thing! I would say your husband just loves this new puppy. I can totally appreciate where your husband is coming from, as I have a beautiful cocker spaniel. My husband and I adore our dog she is a member of the family (yes we have grown children and they feel the same way) We’ve had our dog since she was a puppy, the love a puppy gives you is totally unconditional adoring and very special. IT IS NOT SEXUAL, IT IS NOT BESTIAL.

She has loads of toys and is given loads of love cuddles and kisses and she adores us both. Our dog is allowed on our bed as she sleeps up there with me until my husband comes to bed. Then she is relegated to the floor. There is nothing wrong with that provided both have no objections. As a puppy she slept in the kitchen and then later the lounge now she is very house trained and trusted to have the run of the house.

To me you sound overly jealous of the love and attention your husband is showing this puppy. Is there a reason why your husband is drinking more? There is no reason to rehome a puppy who is happy and living in a loving home. I suggest you get more involved in the love and care of the pup and attend puppy training etc. Once you find affection for the puppy you’ll relax and understand why the unconditional love is so charming.

:snowing: :bluelite:
 
kelvinf said:
And that makes it normal?
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Not in my mind, but I am quickly learning that people actually do this, along with having pets in their bed and on their furniture, getting their pets spa treatments like massages, buying them clothing, including them in family portraits, feeding them from the dinner table, allowing destructive or gross behavior… It’s a brave new world! So maybe this guy is more “normal” than we think.

I’m sure the way we kept dogs when I was young would be considered abusive now because they were not permitted inside the house. They seemed happy, though!
 
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