Concerns about St. Rita and Spousal Abuse

[cmac2525]

I’ve been wondering something about certain saints like Saint Rita who are patrons of victims of spousal abuse. I can assume everyone here knows the story of St. Rita. She wanted to be a nun but relented to her parent’s decision that she marry, but the man was openly cruel to her. Eventually, she did change him but not before he was murdered. It’s from my personal understanding that Rita didn’t have much of a choice but to stay in the marriage as they didn’t have women’s shelters or fully understood the damage of spousal abuse, so what else could she do but deal with it patiently and unite her sufferings to those of Jesus on the Cross.
However, I’ve also been wondering how I should respond if someone asks me how the Church responds to spousal abuse. If I were a non-Catholic reading the life of St. Rita, I would wonder why the Catholic Church didn’t do anything to prevent her husband from abusing her and why she would bother putting up with it. I’m not saying she was a masochist, but someone might have already drawn the conclusion based on what they think they know about our faith. What is the Church’s teaching on spousal abuse? It would be a mortal sin, obviously, but does it say anything about annulment if it shows that a spouse is abusive? Does a woman in the Church today have the right to run with her kids if she can longer tolerate her husband’s abuse, physical and/or verbal? We know today that praying about it might not be enough to change a person. Does devotion to St. Rita promote the idea that you can pray and hope that your abusive spouse will change? (To be clear, I don’t actually think this.)

 

[AZ42]

Does a woman in the Church today have the right to run with her kids if she cannot longer tolerate her husband’s abuse, physical and/or verbal?

Spousal abuse is not limited to women. Some statistics show the 40% of domestic abuse victims are male. But yes, if one spouse is being abused, they have every right to leave the situation. Only, they cannot remarry without an annulment…

 

[cmac2525]

I wasn’t really looking for an argument over semantics, and that still leaves 60% of domestic abuse victims to be women, but thanks

 

[poche]

St Rita lived during the middle ages in very different circumstances. In today’s world spousal abuse would be grounds for a separation. If it could be proved that the spouse was insane at the time of the marriage or there was the use of force to gain consent then those would very likely be grounds for an annulment.

 

[Cirdan_XII]

I agree. Separation is not the same as divorce and of course if abuse occurs, the victim has the right to live elsewhere and if necessary, seek protection.

 

[EugeneCharles]

Greetings of peace!
Of course the Catholic Church can not do anything for St.Rita because she never ask for help to the priest or government because she believe that God would hear her it is not only about abuse it is also about her trust in the Lord that God would convert her husband.You know why the Church do not want to set the rules about annulment and legalize it because it can hurt the childrens and can damage the mental health of them and it is the responsibility of both husband and wife to take care of the children.She does not only promote that an abusive husband can change by prayer her story really tells all Catholics that by prayer there is nothing impossible because God would listen to us and God would talk to us all we need to do is to trust Him.A woman can not have a divorce with her husband nor she can run away from her children she must trust God and run with her children and then ask the authority about this matter to avoid chaos and harm to the children.

 

[0Scarlett_nidiyilii]

Even in the Middle Ages, women were allowed to separate from a an abusive spouse.
But again, because of limited economic opportunities and the difficulty of travel, a woman might not have had that many choices (even today, women stay because of limited escape options).

 

[Tis_Bearself]

The Church teaching on spousal abuse is that it is a sin and is wrong. Abusing another person physically or emotionally is a violation of the human dignity of that person, and is also a violation of Jesus’ commandment that we must love our neighbor as we love ourselves. When it’s a spouse and not just a “neighbor”, it’s even worse to abuse that person because in a marriage, each spouse should be keeping in mind the good of the other spouse and even putting the other spouse’s needs ahead of their own. Obviously in cases of spousal abuse, the abuser is not acting in the best interest of his victim.

As someone else said, St. Rita lived in a different era. She was married around age 12 and actually became a mother at 12. Nowadays we would consider that as child abuse even if her husband had been a good man, but in those days it was the custom. Also, she didn’t get a choice about her marriage or her spouse - she had actually wanted to enter a convent but her parents said no. Her parents marrying her to her husband may have had to do with the personal safety of them as well as Rita, because the whole area was violent and unsafe and one way to try to stay safe and secure was to align yourself with a wealthy and powerful man. If Rita hadn’t married this man, much worse things might have happened to her. In any event, I don’t think a 12-year-old girl from centuries past who was unable to escape a bad marriage is a great role model for today’s abused spouses in the West, who have many more options and should not be expected to endure abusive situations.

As already said above, when spousal abuse is occurring then the Church would support a separation, and while an annulment might not always be possible, it’s worth looking into.