Concerns with relationship

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juan_math_geek

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Dear friends,

If you have some moments, I would please wish to ask you the favor of offering some prayers and petitioning from our Lord to help me in my intentions.

I am facing difficulties with my current relationship. I met a girl who I like very much and who likes me a lot too, we got to know each other more and realized that we were so alike and shared many deep aspirations/interests. We have also enjoyed being with each other because it seems we communicate very well and also have compatible temperaments (not likely to fight).

Lately we have been engaging in certain activities that are “reserved for marriage”, but I have not been at ease about it, since I am actually Catholic (I have in my mind the Catholic principles, and I am still trying to practice them, except I seem to keep failing and don’t approach my relationships in a consistent way).

I am right now burdened by a deep anxiety. It would be helpful if you could pray for my intentions. In particular:
  1. she has not had her period yet which was due yesterday. I am really afraid that as a consequence of “playing around” she might be pregnant (although we tried to avoid it and it is still now uncertain). she will finish her studies soon and just got admitted to work in a company she really likes, and is all set to pursue her dreams, but if indeed she becomes pregnant, it may all be lost and I would have to stop my phd studies and find a job instead.
  2. I had an opportunity to talk to her about abstinence, and tried to give her reasons consistent with my Catholic beliefs. However she comes from a broken family and she and her mom are very critical against the Catholic church, and although she chose to be baptized as a teen into a non-Catholic Christian church, she still actually leans towards many aetheist/modernist ideas, on the basis that she believes Catholicism was bad for women and the poor/ignorant. When I finally told her what I believed how I was sorry and would really like to be consistent with them, she reacted very negatively and offensively (although I didn’t fight her but tried to listen). She threatened me with the possibility that she can be pregnant and would consider just aborting the child if it was the case. This is a very heavy burden for me to hear, and I am afraid.
  3. I am really sorry for perhaps not pacing the relationship better, for not being more consistent with my beliefs from the beginning. I would like to change things for the better, unfortunately I am afraid also to deal with all of the possible consequences, especially any that may be irreversible. I still feel that I love her a lot, because even outside of matters related to chastity, we do enjoy many other cultural and day-to-day activities and even had many many very deep conversations. She thinks that I am very nice (I try to treat her very well always), and she feels sad/afraid of facing the consequences of our different backgrounds/values because she thinks this was already the nicest relationship she has had so far.
Thank you in advance, and I beg that Jesus the Son of David have mercy on us.

Sincerely,

Juan
 
I was 30yrs old and on my way to religious life when I met my wife.
The same thing happened to us. We wouldn’t trade our son for any
amount of money or prestige! Just remember this, my friend, Man
plans and God Laughs… His will is all that is!!!

iMac Dan ✞
 
You are your girlfriend are in my prayers. You seem very repentant so I am sure the Lord will give you His forgiveness. Have you taken confession?

As a woman, I can say I have never found Catholicism in any way “bad for women” so maybe she just lacks knowledge of what the church actually teaches - I have heard other people express this opinion but they have always changed their mind after discussing it properly. If she understands the church teachings better this may also help her come to terms with your decision to be abstient.

A side note, just because her period is not exactly on time may not be a sign of pregnancy. It can be affectes by a variety of things, such as stress. I believe the general advice is wait until it is 5 days late and then take a test.
 
@DanWelshiMac - Thanks for the encouragement. I wish I had faith like you, but I think you are right, God’s plans are far beyond and more beautiful than ours.

@PerfectTiming - Yes I have just gone to confession right after I had posted this. I really am sorry, and really hope that all goes well and that God may forgive us… I am open to his will but also begging that he doesn’t allow us to face something we don’t seem to be ready for yet. Thank you very much for your prayers.
 
Juan, I’m praying for you to find your way through this relationship. You seem very young and I would guess this is your first meaningful relationship? My concern for you is in the following sentence
juan_math_geek said:
When I finally told her what I believed how I was sorry and would really like to be consistent with them, she reacted very negatively and offensively (although I didn’t fight her but tried to listen). She threatened me with the possibility that she can be pregnant and would consider just aborting the child if it was the case. This is a very heavy burden for me to hear, and I am afraid.
Click to expand...
No matter how “nice” this girl may be, she is very intolerant of your beliefs. Even if she doesn’t agree with you, if she has any respect for you, she should not be offensive or negative when discussing them. You need someone who will accept you and your beliefs and values, not someone who tries to argue you out of them.
God be with you
 
Dear friends,

Thanks for all your prayers. It seems that it was indeed just delayed. I continue to pray that we both sort out our differences and come out mutually happy, whether together or as friends. Please continue to offer some prayers, and I offer prayers for each of you too.

God bless,

Juan
 
Most of the time our ‘enemies’ come in the form of temptations. Cry out to God as David did and He WILL hear you. Be faithful to Him and He will rescue you.

1 For the choir director; a psalm by David.

How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
2 How long must I make decisions alone
with sorrow in my heart day after day?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?

3 Look at me! Answer me, O Lord my God!
Light up my eyes,
or else I will die
4 and my enemy will say, “I have overpowered him.”
My opponents will rejoice because I have been shaken.

5 But I trust your mercy.
My heart finds joy in your salvation.
6 I will sing to the Lord because he has been good to me.

Psalms 13:1-6 (GW)
 
Memorare (Prayer to Our Lady)
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy, hear and answer me. Amen
 
Petite, et dabitur vobis (“Ask and it shall be given to you”)

PATER NOSTER,
qui es in caelis,
sanctificetur nomen tuum.
Adveniat regnum tuum.
Fiat voluntas tua, sicut in caelo et in terra.
Panem nostrum quotidianum da nobis hodie,
et dimitte nobis debita nostra
sicut et nos dimittimus debitoribus nostris.
Et ne nos inducas in tentationem,
sed libera nos a malo. Amen.
 
juan_math_geek said:
Dear friends,

Thanks for all your prayers. It seems that it was indeed just delayed. I continue to pray that we both sort out our differences and come out mutually happy, whether together or as friends. Please continue to offer some prayers, and I offer prayers for each of you too.

God bless,

Juan
Click to expand...
I am glad things have turned out the way you wanted. I hope you manage to keep from falling back to sin.
 
Memorare (Prayer to Our Lady)
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy, hear and answer me. Amen
 
juan_math_geek said:
Dear friends,

If you have some moments, I would please wish to ask you the favor of offering some prayers and petitioning from our Lord to help me in my intentions.

I am facing difficulties with my current relationship. I met a girl who I like very much and who likes me a lot too, we got to know each other more and realized that we were so alike and shared many deep aspirations/interests. We have also enjoyed being with each other because it seems we communicate very well and also have compatible temperaments (not likely to fight).

Lately we have been engaging in certain activities that are “reserved for marriage”, but I have not been at ease about it, since I am actually Catholic (I have in my mind the Catholic principles, and I am still trying to practice them, except I seem to keep failing and don’t approach my relationships in a consistent way).

I am right now burdened by a deep anxiety. It would be helpful if you could pray for my intentions. In particular:
  1. she has not had her period yet which was due yesterday. I am really afraid that as a consequence of “playing around” she might be pregnant (although we tried to avoid it and it is still now uncertain). she will finish her studies soon and just got admitted to work in a company she really likes, and is all set to pursue her dreams, but if indeed she becomes pregnant, it may all be lost and I would have to stop my phd studies and find a job instead.
  2. I had an opportunity to talk to her about abstinence, and tried to give her reasons consistent with my Catholic beliefs. However she comes from a broken family and she and her mom are very critical against the Catholic church, and although she chose to be baptized as a teen into a non-Catholic Christian church, she still actually leans towards many aetheist/modernist ideas, on the basis that she believes Catholicism was bad for women and the poor/ignorant. When I finally told her what I believed how I was sorry and would really like to be consistent with them, she reacted very negatively and offensively (although I didn’t fight her but tried to listen). She threatened me with the possibility that she can be pregnant and would consider just aborting the child if it was the case. This is a very heavy burden for me to hear, and I am afraid.
  3. I am really sorry for perhaps not pacing the relationship better, for not being more consistent with my beliefs from the beginning. I would like to change things for the better, unfortunately I am afraid also to deal with all of the possible consequences, especially any that may be irreversible. I still feel that I love her a lot, because even outside of matters related to chastity, we do enjoy many other cultural and day-to-day activities and even had many many very deep conversations. She thinks that I am very nice (I try to treat her very well always), and she feels sad/afraid of facing the consequences of our different backgrounds/values because she thinks this was already the nicest relationship she has had so far.
Thank you in advance, and I beg that Jesus the Son of David have mercy on us.

Sincerely,

Juan
Click to expand...
It would seem you have had a very bad ‘fright’ over the possibility of her being pregnant. You even saw that “it may all be lost”. You go on to point out that she thinks the Catholic doctrines are bad for women and the poor. Strangely, neither you nor she see that by not following Catholic doctrine, you almost lost everything. Because you did not follow catholic doctrine, you both got a very big fright. Now that the crises has past, maybe you can show her that Catholic doctrine will actually keep women safe, with no threat of “losing everything”. It is because people don’t follow the teachings of the Church that they get themselves into trouble, like you very nearly did. From what you right, the two of you get along like a house on fire and it was nearly destroyed by the “fright” you both got. She lashed out at you. Now, in the cool light of day, maybe the two of you can sit down and talk about how the Catholic doctrines will let that great relationship develop, be nurtured properly, without the burden, the pressure, of an unintended pregnancy.
 
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