Concubinage

[callalily]

I must say that, while I shouldn’t be so surprised by now, I am – with the growing number of people I meet who are “shacking up.” Not only that, but they feel no shame in broadcasting it to others. As though it is as normal and natural as living in the married state.

How do you even begin to have a dialogue, about this harmful lifestyle, with people who choose to live in concubinage? Some of the people I know who do this are merely “acquaintances” and I don’t feel comfortable speaking to them about it. I can tell that in most cases (by some of their comments), it would only make them angry. The odd thing is that some of these people are religious or at least try to be moral in others areas of life, and one, that I know of, even attends church!

I certainly don’t want to neglect my responsibility as a Christian, to admonish the sinner, but in our day and age, what is the best and most tactful, way to approach these situations? What is the Church’s teaching on this dilemma of our time? Is there a Catholic, or otherwise, group which ministers to those who are in this situation and has literature available on this?

One last thing: I don’t think I could visit the homes of those living in the state of concubinage, or those living in a second, third, fourth, etc. marriage….???

Thank you,
Callalily

 

[setter]

It is helpful to see these folks through the eyes of Christ as lost souls, either in ignorance, duped by societal infleunce, or simply unrepentant of knowing the sin of fornication and public scandal.

Realizing that conviction and conversion are possible only through the Holy Spirirt, I believe that it all comes down to gaining a credible audience/listening ear/eye from these folks which God has put in your path, which can only be achieved via relationship.
Not that one is to soft sell the gospel, but one needs to try to consider what obstacles erected/posed by the particular person/couple to hearing and receiving the truth of the gospel.

With this understanding, if your feel called to witness to the fornicating person/couple, then go about praying for the opportunities to speak and example the light of the gospel and for the grace of the Holy Spirirt for conversion.

BTW – Except for the sole purpose of giving explicit evangelization, I would be hard pressed to see how socializing at the home of this couple would at best send a mixed message, and at worse communicate validation and acceptance of such a gravely sinful lifestyle.

 

[sarcophagus]

Well, from someone who did this, I will explain my opinion. I lived with my husband before marriage. This was incredibly common, almost necessary in my family. My sisters did it, my cousins, my mom, my aunts. Upon engagement, it is “customary” to move into together to establish a home, opinions on children/child-rearing, to get a feel for what its like before “jumping in” to marriage. That said, my husbands family, at first, did not agree, but they thought on it and didn’t see the harm. SO, growing up with this idea that it is normal and expected, I had no idea that it was “sinful”. Many people are of the same persuasion as I was. My friends are all living together outside of marriage, most of the have children together. I don’t believe that any of them, like myself, were taught that it was sinful, because in irreligious families, sin “doesn’t exist”.

I hope that helped a little.

 

[anna1978]

Sarc, how you describe it, that’s exactly what I see around me here in Britain: it’s THE NORM to live together first, and government figures published last week show that we, after Sweden, have the highest number of unmarried people living together in Europe. The rate of unmarried-living-together parents is already 44%, so virtually 1 in 2 children lives in a family where mom and dad are not married, but are living together. It’s considered so normal, that when I say in conversation ‘My husband said…’ there’s an almost audible shock. In my daughters class, only one other little girl (out of 26 children) has parents who are married, mostly the parents live together because ‘we don’t need a piece of paper to show our love for eachother’…Sad, but true! WE are the ‘weird’ ones

Anna x

 

[setter]

anna1978:

Sarc, how you describe it, that’s exactly what I see around me here in Britain: it’s THE NORM to live together first, and government figures published last week show that we, after Sweden, have the highest number of unmarried people living together in Europe. … It’s considered so normal, that when I say in conversation ‘My husband said…’ there’s an almost audible shock. In my daughters class, only one other little girl (out of 26 children) has parents who are married, mostly the parents live together because ‘we don’t need a piece of paper to show our love for eachother’…Sad, but true! WE are the ‘weird’ ones

Anna x

By way of a relevent digression from the OP topic, the late Holy Father JPII commented on this phenomenon of “the loss of the sense of sin”:

I asked two years ago in an address to the faithful - “Is it not true that modern man is threatened by an eclipse of conscience?” Too many signs indicate that such an eclipse exists in our time. … When the conscience is weakened the sense of God is also obscured, and as a result, with the loss of this decisive inner point of reference, the sense of sin is lost. This explains why my predecessor Pius XII one day declared, in words that have almost become proverbial, that “the sin of the century is the loss of the sense of sin.”

The loss of the sense of sin is thus a form or consequence of the denial of God: not only in the form of atheism but also in the form of secularism. If sin is the breaking off of one’s filial relationship to God in order to situate one’s life outside obedience to him, then to sin is not merely to deny God. To sin is also to live as if he did not exist, to eliminate him from one’s daily life. A model of society which is mutilated or distorted in one sense or another, as is often encouraged by the mass media, greatly favors the gradual loss of the sense of sin. In such a situation the obscuring or weakening of the sense of sin comes from several sources: from a rejection of any reference to the transcendent in the name of the individual’s aspiration to personal independence; from acceptance of ethical models imposed by general consensus and behavior, even when condemned by the individual conscience; from the tragic social and economic conditions that oppress a great part of humanity, causing a tendency to see errors and faults only in the context of society; finally and especially from the obscuring of the notion of God’s fatherhood and dominion over man’s life.

The restoration of a proper sense of sin is the first way of facing the grave spiritual crisis looming over man today. But the sense of sin can only be restored through a clear reminder of the unchangeable principles of reason and faith which the moral teaching of the church has always upheld.

catholic-pages.com/morality/sin.asp

 

[callalily]

setter:

It is helpful to see these folks through the eyes of Christ as lost souls, either in ignorance, duped by societal infleunce, or simply unrepentant of knowing the sin of fornication and public scandal.

Realizing that conviction and conversion are possible only through the Holy Spirirt, I believe that it all comes down to gaining a credible audience/listening ear/eye from these folks which God has put in your path, which can only be achieved via relationship.

Yes, thank you Setter, Sarc and Anna. I agree with you. How sad that it is now the “norm”. I also thank you for the article quoting the late Holy Father. It is so true that our culture has lost a sense of sin!

I have been reading a book titled, The Everyday Apostle, by Fr. Edward F. Garesche. It’s a good book, and has been helpful in someways. However, I wish I could find a resource which deals specifically with this subject in order to learn powerful arguments (including secular reasons, since some/most people don’t care about the religious reasons on why they shouldn’t do it) against concubinage. If anyone knows of one, I would appreciate the recommendations.

Again, thank you all for your (name removed by moderator)ut …I’ll still be interested in continuing the discussion… God bless you…

 

[callalily]

I found this!: catholicculture.org/docs/doc_view.cfm?recnum=397

 

[LittleDeb]

I agree with the concern expressed here. During my research into contraception and its impact on society, I found it to be one of the things that helped fuel this whole mess. Sex without children means no strings.

I have some friends who believe the only reason to get married is to have children. They said that they can live together and have all the benefits and all the freedoms. I found the stats on Europeans who have children but aren’t married to be a sad trend. America is fast on Europe’s heels on this one.

We drew the line of sin in the sand and just took little steps to cross each line. Now, as society looks behind her all we see is an endless path of crossed lines.

In answer to the OP question. I say, live the best married life you can. Your example speaks volumes.

 

[callalily]

Thank you for your reply LittleDeb,

Yes, it’s a very sad trend, indeed. What you said about lines in the sand is SO true.

Since I’m continually meeting people in this situation, I’ll be prayerful about it, asking the Holy Ghost for guidance, as Setter suggested. I believe that it’s through the Holy Ghost that I’ll obtain the courage to be able to say something, and the prudence to know “when” it’s okay to say it.

God bless you,
Callalily

LittleDeb:

I agree with the concern expressed here. During my research into contraception and its impact on society, I found it to be one of the things that helped fuel this whole mess. Sex without children means no strings.

I have some friends who believe the only reason to get married is to have children. They said that they can live together and have all the benefits and all the freedoms. I found the stats on Europeans who have children but aren’t married to be a sad trend. America is fast on Europe’s heels on this one.

We drew the line of sin in the sand and just took little steps to cross each line. Now, as society looks behind her all we see is an endless path of crossed lines.

In answer to the OP question. I say, live the best married life you can. Your example speaks volumes.