Condoms for illicit affairs

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Neil_Anthony

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If a man is having an affair and committing adultery, and has decided that he will definitely continue the affair, and not tell his wife, would it then be the lesser of two evils for him to use a condom to protect himself and his wife from disease?
 
What kind of man are you describing? An intense search of the soul would render the greater good. This example would parallel such that if a husband were to beat his wife, should he wear padded gloves?
 
teachccd said:
What kind of man are you describing? An intense search of the soul would render the greater good. This example would parallel such that if a husband were to beat his wife, should he wear padded gloves?
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That’s a good parallel. Another is, if a unmarried child not ready to have kids decides to start having sex, should he/she use a condom? I wonder… Once you’ve decided to break one rule, sometimes would it make sense to break another rule too? I wonder what the rules are about that…

I’d tend to think that this adulterous man should use a condom rather than bring home a disease to his wife, but I don’t know what moral theology would say…
 
Neil_Anthony said:
That’s a good parallel. Another is, if a unmarried child not ready to have kids decides to start having sex, should he/she use a condom? I wonder… Once you’ve decided to break one rule, sometimes would it make sense to break another rule too? I wonder what the rules are about that…

I’d tend to think that this adulterous man should use a condom rather than bring home a disease to his wife, but I don’t know what moral theology would say…
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I believe that moral theology would say that you don’t compound evil with more evil. The use of condoms are intrinsically evil and can never be morally justified. This man is cheating on his wife. The moral thing for him to do is to confess to his wife and stop this whole affair. How can he “make love” to his wife while he continues this affair? I understand that the wife is at risk but from a moral standpoint he should stop all relations with his wife and then either end the affair or pursue this immoral behavior and face the consequences. Nothing justifies the use of the condom. Not even stupid choices such as this…this is just my opinion but then I am one who thinks the world of my wife and may be biased…teachccd :confused:
 
Neil_Anthony said:
If a man is having an affair and committing adultery, and has decided that he will definitely continue the affair, and not tell his wife, would it then be the lesser of two evils for him to use a condom to protect himself and his wife from disease?
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If a man cares enough about his religion to wonder if using a condom is wrong then he would care enough not to have an affair. So, I don’t really think that this question makes sense.
 
We are not permitted to do an evil to attain a good. Condoms are not permitted in marriage to prevent the passing of disease between spouses so they certainly are not permitted for adulterous acts.
 
It is my thought that the “ban” on condoms only applies to married couples, because it is assumed that unmarried couples are not having sex, thus a ban is irrelevant.

However, keep in mind that there are other evils than condom use compounded upon fornication: namely, having a child outside of wedlock (or spreading disease). That seems to me to be a greater evil than using a condom. Thus I’d say that it would be less evil to use a condom.
 
ABostonCatholic said:
It is my thought that the “ban” on condoms only applies to married couples, because it is assumed that unmarried couples are not having sex, thus a ban is irrelevant.

However, keep in mind that there are other evils than condom use compounded upon fornication: namely, having a child outside of wedlock (or spreading disease). That seems to me to be a greater evil than using a condom. Thus I’d say that it would be less evil to use a condom.
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I still say the question is on par with asking…I am going to murder Grandma(have an affair) anyway, do you think that I protect my spouse’s furniture by covering it with a cloth(condom) first? The answer would be DON"T KILL GRANDMA!!!:rolleyes:

The answer here is Don’t have an affair.
 
Neil_Anthony said:
If a man is having an affair and committing adultery, and has decided that he will definitely continue the affair, and not tell his wife, would it then be the lesser of two evils for him to use a condom to protect himself and his wife from disease?
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There’s no “lesser of two evils” here. They’re both wrong. Somehow I don’t imagine a man cheating on his wife would care about the morality of using condoms. I don’t like the “lesser of two evils” mentality- for this scenario, or any scenario (it is so often used in life- and I believe it is destructive to society). It sends the message “if you can’t do it, here’s an easy option.” We should say don’t do it at all- period. If you die unrepentent of the sin of adultery- a mortal sin, you go to hell. God’s not going to say “ok…at least you didn’t use a condom”- no, it doesn’t work that way.
 
deb1 said:
I still say the question is on par with asking…I am going to murder Grandma(have an affair) anyway, do you think that I protect my spouse’s furniture by covering it with a cloth(condom) first? The answer would be DON"T KILL GRANDMA!!!:rolleyes:

The answer here is Don’t have an affair.
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You’re missing the point. We’re talking of compounded evil here.

Imagine we have two piles of poop. The question is which one is bigger. Saying that it doesn’t matter because they’re both piles of poop is missing the point.

In the case you mentioned above, which is more evil: to kill grandma without protecting the furniture or to kill her while protecting the furniture? Clearly, both are evil. But the former is more evil because you are ruining someone’s property as well.
 
This is somewhat a double edged sword…he shouldn’t be cheating on his wife in the first place.

Using a condom would be another sin, would prevent pro-creation, may prevent him contracting AIDS and bringing that home for his wife.

Is he going to use a condom because he’s such a caring husband that he doesn’t want to bring home a venereal disease to his wife? If he was such a caring husband he’d be home, thankful to be sharing his time with a wife who loves him.

There’s no way to justify an answer to this question…it begins wrong, and either choice he makes regarding condom use is wrong, so it’s all rather senseless.

I agree…there’s no lesser of two evils here.

lol…I don’t get this question at all.
 
I can’t quote the teaching but I believe we are encouraged not to take a lesser of two evils approach to these situations at all.
 
Neil_Anthony said:
If a man is having an affair and committing adultery, and has decided that he will definitely continue the affair, and not tell his wife, would it then be the lesser of two evils for him to use a condom to protect himself and his wife from disease?
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When are affairs not illicit?
 
ABostonCatholic said:
You’re missing the point. We’re talking of compounded evil here.

Imagine we have two piles of poop. The question is which one is bigger. Saying that it doesn’t matter because they’re both piles of poop is missing the point.

In the case you mentioned above, which is more evil: to kill grandma without protecting the furniture or to kill her while protecting the furniture? Clearly, both are evil. But the former is more evil because you are ruining someone’s property as well.
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Actually you should just avoid stepping in the piles of poop in the first place. You’re not going to smell any better if you step in the smaller pile.

The scenario might be different if the guy had no choice but to commit adultery. I have never heard of someone forced to have an affair, so the guy has a choice. The choice should be not to have an affair to begin with. Or we could say once you do one evil act-have an affair-then you are going to have to continue doing evil so why not avoid doing wrong in the first place.🤷
 
If a married person is forced into sex with another person who is not the spouse, it’s not called an ‘affair’…it’s called rape. At that point, it’s not a sin.
 
While I agree with the point of the various analogies here (killing grandma etc.), this is actually something that frequently comes up, sombody having having extramarital sex, but refusing to use BC because it’s against church teaching.:confused:

The argument against the use of ABC is that it damages or perverts the marital act. An illicit affair is has already destroyed the marital act, by the fact that it is outside marriage.If you throw a rock through a a broken window it doesn’t break anything.
 
rboo124 said:
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Is he going to use a condom because he’s such a caring husband that he doesn’t want to bring home a venereal disease to his wife? If he was such a caring husband he’d be home, thankful to be sharing his time with a wife who loves him.

There’s no way to justify an answer to this question…it begins wrong, and either choice he makes regarding condom use is wrong, so it’s all rather senseless.

I agree…there’s no lesser of two evils here.

lol…I don’t get this question at all.
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Imagine a man dissatisfied with his marriage who decides to have an affair. He doesn’t go to church anymore, and hasn’t prayed in years. He’s with his girlfriend, and doesn’t want to use a condom, but he feels guilt about the possibility of bringing home disease to his wife. But then he rationalizes “the church says condoms are immoral, so I won’t use one. No point in compounding evil.”

It’s not that farfetched. There are cultures in parts of the world where cheating is rampant and the people are (at least nominally) catholic and use the church’s ban on condoms as an excuse not to be safe, and are bringing home AIDS to their spouses.

I personally think that condoms are evil when they’re used within a marriage. I think if the sex act is already illicit, then condoms don’t make it any more wrong, and in fact might lessen the wrongness.

(Note, this is hypothetical, it’s not about a decision I’m facing in my own life :rolleyes: )
 
Neil_Anthony said:
Imagine a man dissatisfied with his marriage who decides to have an affair. He doesn’t go to church anymore, and hasn’t prayed in years. He’s with his girlfriend, and doesn’t want to use a condom, but he feels guilt about the possibility of bringing home disease to his wife. But then he rationalizes “the church says condoms are immoral, so I won’t use one. No point in compounding evil.”

It’s not that farfetched. There are cultures in parts of the world where cheating is rampant and the people are (at least nominally) catholic and use the church’s ban on condoms as an excuse not to be safe, and are bringing home AIDS to their spouses.

I personally think that condoms are evil when they’re used within a marriage. I think if the sex act is already illicit, then condoms don’t make it any more wrong, and in fact might lessen the wrongness.

(Note, this is hypothetical, it’s not about a decision I’m facing in my own life :rolleyes: )
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Well, I am glad to know that you aren’t guilty of such disordered thinking.🙂 When people decide to do something that they know is wrong they often make excuses. Such a person, far from really being concerned with what the Church teaches, is probably more concerned with the discomfort of the condom.

Before my husband was a Christian, he dated a Catholic woman who wanted to have sex with him but didn’t want to use protection due to her religion. Of course this is illogical and stupid. Sometimes we just have to call another person on their faulted logic. The person probably wants to do wrong but still feel that they are somehow living up partly up to their moral code. In other words they want it all, the pleasure of doing wrong and the pleasure of being good.
 
I think the condom usage would still be wrong. It would lead the person committing the sin of adultery to think that there aren’t consequences to his sin and would therefore make it far more likely that he would continue to indulge in his destructive behavior. If he didn’t use a condom, he would at least be more likely to think long and hard about what it is that he is really doing and how many people could possibly suffer from his actions. And really, ultimately, it is better to suffer the consequences of sin in this life and rectify our behavior.
 
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