Confessing Adultry to Your Spouse

[momor]

Modern man holds nothing higher than his own comfort.

I get the impression that the thought of being lied to makes you very uncomfortable. So perhaps your insistence on knowing the truth at any cost is seeking what you are most comfortable with?

It really does come down to what makes one most comfortable in their marriage. For some that is knowing about an affair and for others it’s not knowing. I don’t think there is a right or wrong approach.

 

[Serap]

Sillara,

Why do you insist on drilling your point across to people who feel differently? Why don’t you just live your life the way you want to and let others live their life the way they want to. You continue to bring scripture into this.

I’m sure you’re a lovely woman, but you’re kinda being a bit of a bully on this thread.

 

[Sillara]

Sillara,

Why do you insist on drilling your point across to people who feel differently? Why don’t you just live your life the way you want to and let others live their life the way they want to. You continue to bring scripture into this.

I’m sure you’re a lovely woman, but you’re kinda being a bit of a bully on this thread.

I do live my life as I understand the Church directs, and when I fail, I take it to Confession. I find it curious that you would call me a “bully” for quoting Scripture when you yourself claimed that the only reason anyone would ever wish to know that his spouse was betraying him was pride.

If Scripture is an unwelcome reference in a debate on a Catholic forum, then this is the first time I have heard so.

I understood this poll to be about learning why we each thought the way we did about confessing adultery to a wronged spouse and to be about debating the merits of the positions. If I was wrong in this assumption, then forgive me. I shall then have done.

 

[Serap]

I do live my life as I understand the Church directs, and when I fail, I take it to Confession. I find it curious that you would call me a “bully” for quoting Scripture when you yourself claimed that the only reason anyone would ever wish to know that his spouse was betraying him was pride.

If Scripture is an unwelcome reference in a debate on a Catholic forum, then this is the first time I have heard so.

I understood this poll to be about learning why we each thought the way we did about confessing adultery to a wronged spouse and to be about debating the merits of the positions. If I was wrong in this assumption, then forgive me. I shall then have done.

My reference to pride was to one particular sentence that stood out to me. I can’t remember what it was now. It’s not always about pride and perhaps a person who does not want to know, would also be acting out in pride as well. Only God would know one’s heart in this matter.

We all have our personal opinions and we should respect other’s opinions instead of drilling scripture down their throat and making them feel like they are in the wrong and they are somehow “unchristian” for believing what they believe.

Marriage is very sacred and what works for one married couple, would not work for another. There is no “fix all” right solution on this matter. I respect both sides for their opinions. They are both right b/c it’s what is best for that particular married couple.

If marriage were more respected in today’s society, infidelity would not be such a huge issue to begin with. People don’t respect marriage anymore it seems. I know so many women who have openly admitted to having an affair with a married man and it’s sad.

I’m in the “I don’t want to know camp”…that’s my marriage though and it wouldn’t work for every marriage…that’s why there’s a 50/50 split on this debate. I have to respect that others don’t feel the same as me.

 

[Joe_5859]

Wow, interesting and lively thread.

I did not read all the posts, but thought I’d chime in nonetheless.

I guess I’m more in the “don’t tell me” camp. I would want my wife to seek the counsel of a priest in how to handle it all, but I’d hope he’d tell her not to tell me. As a previous poster said, I know I wouldn’t be leaving her, so knowing would just make the job of being a good husband that much more difficult.

One sentiment that I’ve seen in a few posts is that it would be better for the news to come from the offending spouse than to discover it from someone else. I’m not sure I agree. I would be devastated if I found out my wife cheated on me. It would matter very little to me whether it was her that broke the news to me or someone else.

 

[catharina]

**Marriage is very sacred and what works for one married couple, would not work for another. There is no “fix all” right solution on this matter. I respect both sides for their opinions. They are both right b/c it’s what is best for that particular married couple. **

Major point. Thanks!

 

[Nec5]

Sillara,

Why do you insist on drilling your point across to people who feel differently? Why don’t you just live your life the way you want to and let others live their life the way they want to. You continue to bring scripture into this.

Wow. That’s hardly a Christian argument. I’d expect that line from an agnostic/atheist but not a Christian. As Christians, we are to spread the truth and point it out to people who are doing the wrong thing.

The side in this thread that supports lying is precisely why Christianity is fading in the West. The ends do not justify the means, particularly when dealing with marital honesty. I wonder why people limit it only to adultery? Why not a husband that enjoys robbing people and never gets caught? Sure, he confessed to his wife but there’s no need for him to tell her that he has continued his immoral hobby?

Absurd. It’s immoral to deceive your spouse and loved ones. In fact, Christ calls us all to be honest in all our dealings; some of the apostles had their heads chopped off rather than lie to the Romans to demonstrate this point.

If you can rationalize this point about honesty in marriage, then it should be no surprise that people rationalize abortion, homosexuality, and every other modern moral ill. And to attack someone for referencing scripture is anti-Christian. Incredible.

 

[catharina]

Wow. That’s hardly a Christian argument. I’d expect that line from an agnostic/atheist but not a Christian. As Christians, we are to spread the truth and point it out to people who are doing the wrong thing.

The side in this thread that supports lying is precisely why Christianity is fading in the West. The ends do not justify the means, particularly when dealing with marital honesty. I wonder why people limit it only to adultery? Why not a husband that enjoys robbing people and never gets caught? Sure, he confessed to his wife but there’s no need for him to tell her that he has continued his immoral hobby?

Absurd. It’s immoral to deceive your spouse and loved ones. In fact, Christ calls us all to be honest in all our dealings; some of the apostles had their heads chopped off rather than lie to the Romans to demonstrate this point.

If you can rationalize this point about honesty in marriage, then it should be no surprise that people rationalize abortion, homosexuality, and every other modern moral ill. And to attack someone for referencing scripture is anti-Christian. Incredible.

Your signature line is: Stop saying Don’t Judge.
We may comment on others’ posts without condemning them.

 

[Serap]

Wow. That’s hardly a Christian argument. I’d expect that line from an agnostic/atheist but not a Christian. As Christians, we are to spread the truth and point it out to people who are doing the wrong thing.

The side in this thread that supports lying is precisely why Christianity is fading in the West. The ends do not justify the means, particularly when dealing with marital honesty. I wonder why people limit it only to adultery? Why not a husband that enjoys robbing people and never gets caught? Sure, he confessed to his wife but there’s no need for him to tell her that he has continued his immoral hobby?

Absurd. It’s immoral to deceive your spouse and loved ones. In fact, Christ calls us all to be honest in all our dealings; some of the apostles had their heads chopped off rather than lie to the Romans to demonstrate this point.

If you can rationalize this point about honesty in marriage, then it should be no surprise that people rationalize abortion, homosexuality, and every other modern moral ill. And to attack someone for referencing scripture is anti-Christian. Incredible.

I have no words to counter this…only You have a lot of anger in you that goes way deeper than this thread.

 

[Joe_5859]

I do not think that failing to disclose one’s sins is “lying”. Perhaps in some circumstances it is, but certainly not all. If it were, we would all be guilty of lying because we do not treat everyone we meet as our personal Confessor.

 

[catharina]

I do not think that failing to disclose one’s sins is “lying”. Perhaps in some circumstances it is, but certainly not all. If it were, we would all be guilty of lying because we do not treat everyone we meet as our personal Confessor.

YES.

 

[Nec5]

Your signature line is: Stop saying Don’t Judge.
We may comment on others’ posts without condemning them.

Did I condemn anyone to hell? I wasn’t aware that I did that; I don’t have that kid of knowledge. I can, and you should, judge what is right and what is not. Christ called it “judging justly”.

Serap: It is your inability to recognize evil that is your greatest weakness. The Old Testament is filled with righteous anger and even violence toward evil.

The trick is to not become consumed with hate to the point that you don’t forgive people and give them a helping hand when they admit their mistakes. But none of that can happen until people recognize the evil that they have done and continue to do.

 

[catharina]

Did I condemn anyone to hell? I wasn’t aware that I did that; I don’t have that kid of knowledge. I can, and you should, judge what is right and what is not. Christ called it “judging justly”.

**Serap: It is your inability to recognize evil that is your greatest weakness. The Old Testament is filled with righteous anger and even violence toward evil. **

The trick is to not become consumed with hate to the point that you don’t forgive people and give them a helping hand when they admit their mistakes. But none of that can happen until people recognize the evil that they have done and continue to do.

Bolded above is a condemnatiion.
Are you claiming to be an OT prophet in NT days?

Very uncharitable and quite doubtful.

 

[faithfully]

The side in this thread that supports lying is precisely why Christianity is fading in the West. The ends do not justify the means, particularly when dealing with marital honesty. I wonder why people limit it only to adultery? Why not a husband that enjoys robbing people and never gets caught? Sure, he confessed to his wife but there’s no need for him to tell her that he has continued his immoral hobby?

Actually, this is something I’ve been thinking about.

Do those that don’t want to know, give a free pass because this has been done to them? And not someone else?

Because adultry, as we all know is on the top 10 no-no list. Is it NOT just as bad as the other 9? Or do we naturally rank them.

This thread reminds me of this song… temptation will always be there. The devistation that my husband couldn’t remember his vows at any given time… I don’t invite pain. But I take this marriage thing quite serious. He needs to be truthful all the time. A lie of this magnatude. I’d never be able to trust him again. Seriously, I don’t want this to ever happen to my marriage in the same way I don’t want cancer. But I can only fight for my marriage, in the same way I’d fight for my life, if I know there’s a problem. Thing is… I don’t believe that this hypothetical scenario exists… I don’t think a person cheats once, last minute, no thought, and then regrets it. That only happens in the movies… A person who is thoughtless generally stays thoughtless. A person who is caught up, is living a HUGE lie, there is some sort of problem whether within themselves or the marriage. But there is a problem

On the Other Hand

 

[Klara_Collins]

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