Confessing IUI

[UnCatholicBride]

I don’t believe in IUI/IVF **because it is completely messing with biology. If you can’t get pregnant through natural means then I believe you are not meant to conceive. **There are even some authors who have written about the weakening of the gene pool due to these artificial means. I know that is a bit of a eugenic perspective, but I just think that if I can’t conceive then I am just not meant to be a mother.

Do you also think diabetics should abstain from insulin, since their bodies aren’t meant to function? How about someone with congestive heart failure- should they forego a heart transplant because well, they just weren’t meant to live?

That attitude is incredibly insulting to people who have gone through infertility. To insinuate that a loving, committed couple is somehow LESS worthy of a child than a drug-addicted prostitute who gets pregnant after a condom failure is beyond insulting.

 

[gardenswithkids]

… To insinuate that a loving, committed couple is somehow LESS worthy of a child than a drug-addicted prostitute who gets pregnant after a condom failure is beyond insulting.

Just to be clear, prostitution and condoms are against Church teachings too. The child has a right to be conceived through the physical expression of marital love.

But sin happens. When a drug addicted prostitute becomes pregnant after a condom failure, Catholic adoption agencies and many in the pro-life community would be right there encouraging her not to abort her child, but instead to consider placing her child in the arms of a loving couple who has experienced the heartbreak of infertility.

That is another example of how a child conceived in sin, can be a gift. God and His grace are stronger than sin. But to quote St. Paul in Romans “What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin so that grace may increase? May it never be!”

From the Catechism
2378 A child is not something owed to one, but is a gift. The “supreme gift of marriage” is a human person. A child may not be considered a piece of property, an idea to which an alleged “right to a child” would lead. In this area, only the child possesses genuine rights: the right “to be the fruit of the specific act of the conjugal love of his parents,” and "the right to be respected as a person from the moment of his conception."170

2379 The Gospel shows that physical sterility is not an absolute evil. Spouses who still suffer from infertility after exhausting legitimate medical procedures should unite themselves with the Lord’s Cross, the source of all spiritual fecundity. They can give expression to their generosity by adopting abandoned children …

 

[Rau]

Do you also think diabetics should abstain from insulin, since their bodies aren’t meant to function? How about someone with congestive heart failure- should they forego a heart transplant because well, they just weren’t meant to live?

That attitude is incredibly insulting to people who have gone through infertility. To insinuate that a loving, committed couple is somehow LESS worthy of a child than a drug-addicted prostitute who gets pregnant after a condom failure is beyond insulting.

While I agree with your first para., the capacity to have a child is unrelated to worthiness, and no one suggested otherwise. And the right to seek medical cures does not equate to the right to have a child by any means possible.

 

[LittleRose]

Do you also think diabetics should abstain from insulin, since their bodies aren’t meant to function? How about someone with congestive heart failure- should they forego a heart transplant because well, they just weren’t meant to live?

The difference between IVF/IUI/GIFT, etc. and insulin or heart transplants is that artificial reproductive technologies do not cure any diseases, and do not restore the body to healthy functions, while heart transplants, insulin shots, etc. do.

To insinuate that a loving, committed couple is somehow LESS worthy of a child than a drug-addicted prostitute who gets pregnant after a condom failure is beyond insulting.

True, it’s not quite the proper attitude. But often people who say things like “you’re just not meant to have a baby” are trying to comfort people with the thought of God’s will. It is perhaps not the best thing to say, but it’s probably not charitable to assume that Galbin was being malicious.

In the end, it’s not about being worthy. This is one of the hardest things to deal with when one faces infertility. Early on in my journey I’d get angry with God about this. ("How come she gets a child when she is doing _________??) But, then I started to realize I was thinking like the Prodigal Son’s older brother.

Fortunately, children are not prizes we get for our worthiness. If they were, human beings would hardly ever reproduce.

 

[AnastasiaRomano]

Fortunately, children are not prizes we get for our worthiness. If they were, human beings would hardly ever reproduce.

This.

When I was in the throes of struggling with IF and very jealous of a family member who was expecting despite a sinful lifestyle, I was struggling to understand why it was “worth it” to avoid sin (since after all, trying to be “good” hadn’t resulted in a baby). A dear priest reminded me that we shouldn’t avoid sin because we want to receive worldly blessings from God – even the blessing of a child. Instead, we should avoid sin because we love God, and because we desire to serve Him completely in this life and live with Him in heaven in the next.

 

[lola5555]

To the OP, I’m very sorry you and your wife are struggling with this. I don’t personally know you sadness, but I’m very sorry for it. I hope you both find the right path for you in God’s love.

And in case you decide IUI or other procedures are not right for you, I just want to offer this: my sister is adopted. Even from an objective point of view she is truly one of the kindest, sweetest, and most loving people I’ve ever known. She is universally loved for her genuine kindness and humility. I wish I could be more like her. She is hard-working and smart. No, she doesn’t look like my parents, but then again neither do I. She isn’t like my parents, but then again neither am I. God makes kids first and foremost. Yes, there’s biology, but sometimes it doesn’t matter much. Maybe a bio kid will be right for you, or combo of adopted and bio. But I just wanted to let you know adoption offered my parents the joy of parenting an amazing person.

 

[Galbin]

On top of the high cost and low statistical rate of success, the medical interference with one’s natural biology that these technologies necessitate is unappealing to many, as Galbin noted. I personally find the risk of further damage to my body unacceptable, and I object to a medical culture that treats the female body as a problem to be solved, rather than something to be respected, protected, and healed. (Oh, you’re fertile? There is a birth control pill to “treat” that! Oh, you have painful cycles? Never mind why, there’s a birth control pill to treat that! Oh, you’re infertile? Never mind why, we can force your body to get pregnant…) :banghead:

My body is already messed up enough without a doctor injecting massive amounts of carcinogenic synthetic hormones into it or trying to implant half a dozen embryos and waiting to see what may or may not happen.

I see why people may feel driven to seek artificial means, especially when they don’t know that they have other, better options. Many doctors don’t even know that there are better options out there.

Better things do exist though, and I sincerely hope that the OP and his wife will find comfort and strength in God’s love, and true healing through better medical treatments.

LittleRose, I totally agree with your post, specifically the above point. I had dreadful women’s issues as a teenager. So I was put on the BCP. My very Catholic mother was very well aware of this, and I was absolutely not sexually active. I went to an all girls’ school and ever even saw boys. However, the mentality of putting me on the BCP was so messed up. There was no attempt to find out the cause or anything. 3.5 years later I was diagnosed with PCOS and twelve years after being put on the BCP I was dx with hypothyroidism and Addison’s disease. I have since been told by my (new) GP and three endocrinologists that it is obvious from looking at my medical notes that I developed hypothyroidism, Addison’s and PCOS in my teen years, most likely round the age of 14 after I was burned in a fire. Plus, there is significant research on the impact of burns on the endocrine system. Yet nobody ever tested me. All they did was throw the BCP at me.

I remember my mother taking me to a gynaecologist who said, “When you want to have a baby we’ll just give you some pills”. I came off the pill a good few times in the years between 16-25 as I instinctively felt it had to be bad for me somehow. Then I went to a herbalist for help and started charting my cycle. I have not touched a BCP for my 'women’s issues" since and never, never would. Not only have BCPs made it easier for women to be used for sex, they have also damaged society by making it more likely that a woman will engage in extramarital sex and thus get STIs. Furthermore, they have done physical damage to generations of women. Dr. Katharina Dalton’s *A Bitter Pill *Sheds scary light on that.

 

[Galbin]

Do you also think diabetics should abstain from insulin, since their bodies aren’t meant to function? How about someone with congestive heart failure- should they forego a heart transplant because well, they just weren’t meant to live?

That attitude is incredibly insulting to people who have gone through infertility. To insinuate that a loving, committed couple is somehow LESS worthy of a child than a drug-addicted prostitute who gets pregnant after a condom failure is beyond insulting.

Sorry to have upset you. I did not mean to. Hence why I am always careful to say it is my opinion only.

I just feel that infertility treatments are beyond using medicine/surgery to fix a problem. Putting egg and sperm in a test tube is just so far beyond the way conception would normally happen. This is why I think Clomid is a bit different from IVF, for example. I never said that a loving commixed couple are less worthy than a drug addict though…

I am 33 and for health reasons I likely won’/t be able to try for babies till I am 35. I also have PCOS, so I myself may have to battle infertility. So believe you me, I do have compassion for your situation, as I could be in your shoes too.

 

[Sheeniac]

Why would you reject these procedures if they were your only option to conceive, and you were desperately desiring a child?

I was made sterile due to a side effect of necessary medical treatment at the age of 15. I was away from the Church for 25 years, and during that time I always thought I would use medical technology to carry a child in my womb. My sister had volunteered to donate eggs. All I needed was to get married.

I met the man I will eventually marry, but it was after I converted back to Holy Mother Church. And it was after I read the encyclical Humanae Vitae. Rather than have other people summarize it poorly, if you are truly curious, I would suggest reading it with an open and docile mind.

So, I will never be have my owns kids and I accept God’s will (just like we pray weekly/daily in the Our Father). Conception (and marital relations) are not the same as insulin. The act of creating life involves 3: Husband, Wife and God, not the doctor. Just because we can do something doesn’t mean we should do it.

OP - my heart goes out to you. Perhaps looking into foster parenting or adoption now “just in case” would be a good way to proceed. I will lift you and your wife up in my prayers.

 

[Rau]

I was made sterile due to a side effect of necessary medical treatment at the age of 15. I was away from the Church for 25 years, and during that time I always thought I would use medical technology to carry a child in my womb. My sister had volunteered to donate eggs. All I needed was to get married.

I met the man I will eventually marry, but it was after I converted back to Holy Mother Church. And it was after I read the encyclical Humanae Vitae. Rather than have other people summarize it poorly, if you are truly curious, I would suggest reading it with an open and docile mind.

My question to the other poster (Galbin) was to understand their thinking, not to imply my position on the matter. Galbin elsewhere argued in support of homosexual relations, yet argued here against IVF on the grounds it was not natural. I would have thought homosexual relations were unnatural (given the incompatible bodies of the participants), but Galbin explained that it was the technology of IVF, that, in her mind, made it unnatural.

 

[Girlio]

I don’t believe in IUI/IVF because it is completely messing with biology. If you can’t get pregnant through natural means then I believe you are not meant to conceive. There are even some authors who have written about the weakening of the gene pool due to these artificial means. I know that is a bit of a eugenic perspective, but I just think that if I can’t conceive then I am just not meant to be a mother.

I do hope this man and his wife find happiness and a baby though. I also think that I am not fit to judge anyone for anything, ever. So I could be wrong.

Dear Galbin - I understand that you are stating your opinion, and I am not about to debate your entitlement to it or the validity of your argument, however should you ever know a couple in real life who is going through the infertility experience… PLEASE do not say this to them, or really anything else you stated in your first paragraph. Being a survivor of seven years of infertility and childless as a result, I do not need to hear that I am not “meant to conceive”. That statement begs the question: “Why is the addict who has sex for drugs “meant” to get pregnant while I am not?” There is no answer to that question and it’s an incredibly hurtful thing to say!

I don’t mean to attack and you can feel this way if you like, but I have been on the receiving end of these “innocent” and “helpful” comments and the hurt they caused was unbearable. Please, should you encounter a person in real life who confides this to you say “I’m sorry you’re going through this” and nothing else.

 

[Galbin]

Dear Galbin - I understand that you are stating your opinion, and I am not about to debate your entitlement to it or the validity of your argument, however should you ever know a couple in real life who is going through the infertility experience… PLEASE do not say this to them, or really anything else you stated in your first paragraph. Being a survivor of seven years of infertility and childless as a result, I do not need to hear that I am not “meant to conceive”. That statement begs the question: “Why is the addict who has sex for drugs “meant” to get pregnant while I am not?” There is no answer to that question and it’s an incredibly hurtful thing to say!

I don’t mean to attack and you can feel this way if you like, but I have been on the receiving end of these “innocent” and “helpful” comments and the hurt they caused was unbearable. Please, should you encounter a person in real life who confides this to you say “I’m sorry you’re going through this” and nothing else.

No, I would never say that to anyone, ever. I do need to be clear though that:

1. I have this life philosophy for everything, not just fertility. I am a big believer in what is meant to be will be. I believe we can’t know why some people come into existence, and why some don’t.
2. I have PCOS and a host of other chronic illnesses. So it is very likely that I will have to deal with infertility myself.