Confessing same thing over and over?

[CatholicWife1]

How do you know when you are scrupulous versus being extra careful in confession? In my own experience, I was away from confession for several years after my parents effectively separated when I was a teen. Because of the family dysfunction, I went from not committing any mortal sins and wanting to be a nun to getting into things that were gravely sinful. I eventually came back to confession after several years away but I was such a “baby” in the faith I didn’t understand how to discern if something should be mentioned in confession or not. Heap on top of the the fact that my communication skills are horrendous after dealing with excessive emotional abuse as a child. I ended up not saying one thing that was on my mind because I didn’t know 100% if it was a sin, but also felt very scrupulous about it so I began to obsess over it. Many years later, I ended up mentioning it in confession but I didn’t mention the other ones before it because I couldn’t discern if it was me deliberately withholding it from confession or being uncertain and scrupulous as to whether it was sinful.
Now, I recently decided that I will begin going to confession monthly, but I am still struggling with worries over my mistakes and failures with confession. Just recently I was reminded that we are suppose to be saying the number and kind of our sins in confession. This has thrown me into another huge set of worries. I have not been in the practice with saying the number of sins in the past because I have only committed the mortal sins I have fell into once and if I fell into them more than once I have made the sin plural when I said it in confession. The priest has never asked me to clarify the exact number, so I thought I was good. But, now I have been worrying myself so much over whether I should just make a general confession since it seems that I messed up almost every confession I have done.I literally worked myself into tears from worrying to so much. I’m in desperate need of solid advice here.

 

[SuscipeMeDomine]

You might consider making an appointment with a priest and telling him what you posted here. He’ll be in the best position to offer the advice you need. Bless you.

 

[Rau]

Heap on top of the the fact that my communication skills are horrendous

There is no deficiency in communication skills in evidence based on your post.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

Just recently I was reminded that we are suppose to be saying the number and kind of our sins in confession.

Were you reminded of this by your priest in the confessional, or by somebody else?

If the priest needs more information from you in confession he will ask you. If he doesn’t ask then you’re good.

I agree that at this point, since it sounds like you are falling into scrupulosity here, it would be best for you to make an appointment with your priest to talk about this. He will best advise you what to do in this circumstance.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

There is no deficiency in communication skills in evidence based on your post.

She may not be as good at communicating verbally in the confessional as she is at writing posts.

There are many people who are very good at typing on the Internet who can barely look you in the eye and have a conversation in person. I have met many of them.

There are also many people who become flustered in Confession specifically.

 

[po18guy]

Sorry to hear of this, and its intensity. Outside of confession, make an act of contrition as best you know how. We are intended to do this as part of our repentance the moment we are aware of sin. If you are not doing that, it is good to train yourself to make the act. Cards which you may carry with you are available at your parish.

Make an appointment with Father that is outside of the confessional, so that neither of you is pressed for time. It could be a lunch or other casual time. If you are worried about your communication skills, then print your post and read it or have him read it.

You do sound potentially scrupulous and Father has certainly dealt with that. It is closely related to anxiety and professional estimates place the number of anxiety sufferers at 1 in 5, which is 64 million Americans. That is how bad anxiety is today, so if that is the case, you are far from alone. Between Father and doctor, it can be determined if you suffer from scrupulosity/anxiety. It is 100% treatable and therapy can be done over the phone. Here is but one solid Catholic counseling source:
https://www.catholiccounselors.com/services/

Another point: Do you conclude your confession with: “For these and any sins I have forgotten”? Yes? Then they are forgiven. God does not set us up for anxiety. The Sacrament of confession was designed so that our sins will be forgiven and that we have absolute assurance that our sins are gone.

An examination of conscience can help immensely. There are many things we fear which are not sins at all! They are imperfections and it can be crucial to the worrier to know the difference. Here is the best Examination of Conscience that I have found recently.
https://www.leafletonline.com/examination-of-conscience

If doubts persist, then anxiety may well be playing a part in your thoughts. Make that appointment with Father and do consult with your doctor is that is thought to be appropriate.

God is God if peace, not of worry, fear and anxiety. Our Lord Jesus suffered and died so that we might have, among other things, peace.

p.s. virtually all of us confess doing the same type of sins again and again. Not the same sin itself, but the pattern of committing a type of sin. This is completely normal and simply demonstrates the area we should work on. I, for one, am happy to confess what I confess, because I do not want new and different sins to confess!

p.p.s. For what they are worth, my pathetic prayers are ascending.

 

[Dan_Defender]

'A saint is not someone who never sins, but one who sins less and less frequently and gets up more and more quickly’. - St Bernard of Clairvaux

 

[strita]

I would suggest looking through those guides for examining conscience before confession. It might be best to write down your sins and the number of occasions of each, and then just to read them in the confessional, without comment or explanation.

You might explain if you ARE confessing the same sins over and over and seek some spiritual advice about that. We are supposed to have a “firm purpose of amendment” to not commit our sins over and over. We all need to work on that problem.

 

[stuartbrianhenlis]

CatholicWife,

If Father recommends that you seek professional help, follow through with his suggestion. As has been said, scrupulosity is a major anxiety disorder that virtually enslaves your emotions.

It’s treatable with therapy and medication. You deserve to live a functional life. I have a “touch” of it myself!

I wish you well!