Confessing sins to a close priest

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Hello everyone, I just joined, but I’ll get straight to the point. I am very close with the priest at my parish. He is very kind, as he always invites me to eat out with him, go to house, etc. We are close as a result of his affection toward my family. also, I am the President of the Knights of Sanctuary and a captain an alter server team. In other words, he holds me in high esteem and usually talks to me about important matters. Etc., etc., etc. Well, as stupid as I am and ungrateful for God what has given me, and have grown disgusting habits to sins such as masturbation, pornagraphy, etc. As much as so desire to serve our Lord, I struggle now to fix a turbulent past. With these sins, I have been extremely afraid to tell him these sins (and it doesn’t matter if I stay behind the wall where he can’t see - he knows my voice the second he hears it - though I usually always do my confessions face-to-face) because of how close we are; so, a question:

Is it okay to go to another priest (at a different parish) for the purpose of avoiding my closer priest?

Also, there have been times when confessions happen not to be held at different parishes when I go, and I end up not confessing. So, is it also a sin to withhold a confession for the sake of going to a different priest?
 
It is perfectly fine to go to another priest.

If you are not able to confess, though, you may wait until another time comes available, but you should not receive the Eucharist in the meantime.
 
GOoD said:
Hello everyone, I just joined, but I’ll get straight to the point. I am very close with the priest at my parish. He is very kind, as he always invites me to eat out with him, go to house, etc. We are close as a result of his affection toward my family. also, I am the President of the Knights of Sanctuary and a captain an alter server team. In other words, he holds me in high esteem and usually talks to me about important matters. Etc., etc., etc. Well, as stupid as I am and ungrateful for God what has given me, and have grown disgusting habits to sins such as masturbation, pornagraphy, etc. As much as so desire to serve our Lord, I struggle now to fix a turbulent past. With these sins, I have been extremely afraid to tell him these sins (and it doesn’t matter if I stay behind the wall where he can’t see - he knows my voice the second he hears it - though I usually always do my confessions face-to-face) because of how close we are; so, a question:

Is it okay to go to another priest (at a different parish) for the purpose of avoiding my closer priest?

Also, there have been times when confessions happen not to be held at different parishes when I go, and I end up not confessing. So, is it also a sin to withhold a confession for the sake of going to a different priest?
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While I agree with Awful Things, you should pray carefully about this.
  1. If your priest is a good confessor, he won’t hold you in lower esteem due to your sinfulness…we are all sinners. As a priest, he knows this.
  2. Because of your closeness, he may be better able to help you overcome these sins.
  3. Because of your closeness, you will develop a healthy avoidance of the sin, so as not to have to confess it again. It’s sort of an accountability brought on by shame.
Our priest was just reassigned a couple of hours north of us, and I am approaching him to ask if he’ll be my spiritual director. This will mean that my sins will be *really *obvious to him. That said, I do and will go to confession, as needed to other priests. I am fortunate that one of the areas I travel to regularly has a parish that offers confession before every Mass…iow more than one time every day. I stumble…a lot. :o (for clarity…no I don’t go to Confession every day. 🙂 )
 
I have a similar relationship with my parish priest. I would use your close friend as a confessor. He will know your inner workings better than some random confessor, and will be able to better guide you as to the nature of your sins, and how to overcome them.

It’s kinda like how on here, if someone asks if such and such is a sin, and objectively it is, the forum posters will seem to be very harsh and judgemental…it’s because it’s random and they don’t know you or your circumstances.

If you have a regular confessor and / or friend, he will be able to help you understand the moral complexities that you face.
 
rlg94086 said:
While I agree with Awful Things, you should pray carefully about this.
  1. If your priest is a good confessor, he won’t hold you in lower esteem due to your sinfulness…we are all sinners. As a priest, he knows this.
  2. Because of your closeness, he may be better able to help you overcome these sins.
  3. Because of your closeness, you will develop a healthy avoidance of the sin, so as not to have to confess it again. It’s sort of an accountability brought on by shame.
Our priest was just reassigned a couple of hours north of us, and I am approaching him to ask if he’ll be my spiritual director. This will mean that my sins will be *really *obvious to him. That said, I do and will go to confession, as needed to other priests. I am fortunate that one of the areas I travel to regularly has a parish that offers confession before every Mass…iow more than one time every day. I stumble…a lot. :o (for clarity…no I don’t go to Confession every day. 🙂 )
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I have to agree with rlg here. I will also add that priests have an amazing ability to forget what they hear in confession. In addition, remember, priest have literally heard it all.

rlg, btw, I think I know the priest you are referring to. If I am right, the parish he was transferred from is named after a doctor of the Church, correct?

If so, I got to attend one of his Masses and he delivered a fantastic homily about sin and being in the proper state of receiving Holy Communion. He did in a firm but loving and non-accusational manner. He had a rare gift for preaching. He is also a wonderful confessor. I am certain he is a gifted pastor. If we are referring to the same man, you were quite priveledged in having him as your priest. 👍
 
You can definitely go somewhere else, but it might be a really powerful experience for you to confess to this priest that you are close to. You admire him for a reason - since he is so kind and holy he will probably give you really good advice in the confessional, better than if you went to someone random for the sake of anonymity. Also, I imagine that he would be extremely humbled and touched that you are showing your weakness to him and asking for help. Talking about it with someone you are close to may also give you the extra inspiration to stop.

Good luck and don’t worry! Many, many people struggle with these things, and we all fall, even after reaching a high level of prayer and holiness!
 
It is fine to go to another parish for confession. The important thing is that you go.
 
I work closely with my priest and always go to someone else for Confession. After I mentioned that I wouldn’t be comfortable going to him, he was the one who recommended it so as to not become too familiar in our relationship.
 
I’m a convert to the Catholic Church and I’m amazed at how the church as a whole deals with “humaness”. In this case, after I was baptized and went to my first confession I was curious if the priests remember those who confess and the sins confessed, even if they recognize the voice or know the person. So I asked all 5 priests that were part of the parish I was in (2 priests to help the aging beloved monsingior and 2 who were on vacation visiting for an extended time. All 5 of them said in effect, they tend to forget what they hear in the confession and 1 priest went so far to describe it as a gift from God, for in his long service as a priest never was he able to recall the confessions he participated in.

Maybe they all said that to be reassuring, I don’t know. But from reading the replies so far, the folks here have it right In my opinion. Go to your own priest if you can and if you can’t, go to another one, but do yourself a favor and tell the priest why you didn’t go to your regular priest.
 
I don’t know about anyone else, but I am a bit concerned that the OP presented that he/she is going out to dinner and being invited to the priest’s home. Just please tell us that others are present at these dinners and visits. I am not saying that anything inappropriate is happening but in our diocese a priest is not allowed to be alone with a minor, which it sounds like this person is. If I am wrong then I apologize but there are professional boundaries that need to be kept and a priest inviting people alone to his home is one of those boundaries…also getting too close to a minor.

That said, I am also close to a priest, in a professional way mostly but we have become friends and he is the best confessor I have ever had because he knows me so well. Despite some biggies confessed he has never seemed to let that affect our relationship. In fact we have grown closer since he feels “honored” (wrong word but I can’t think of another this early in the morning) that I would trust him enough as a friend to confess to him.
 
A wonderful lesson in humility and a very strong motive against committing those sins in the future would be to go to this Priest and go to him again if needed and confess everything remembering that it is Christ we are confessing in front of and He is acting through Fr X. Please bear your soul and hide nothing.

The greatest healing comes from the most difficult confessions.
 
I am very close with the priest at my parish. He is very kind, as he always invites me to eat out with him, go to house, etc.
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Stop that familiarity. He can not be a good priest if he is so personally involved with faithfuls.
 
tessi said:
Stop that familiarity. He can not be a good priest if he is so personally involved with faithfuls.
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What is the logic behind such a judgmental statement?:mad:

Priests by the fact of being men are social beings and need a support structure. You should know that diocesan priests do not have the same support structure that religious priests have. The way to get some support is to have an appropriate group of close friends. Of course such a relationship should not be a high priority because it could detract from their mission.
 
Cristiano said:
What is the logic behind such a judgmental statement?:mad:

Priests by the fact of being men are social beings and need a support structure. You should know that diocesan priests do not have the same support structure that religious priests have. The way to get some support is to have an appropriate group of close friends. Of course such a relationship should not be a high priority because it could detract from their mission.
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Very much so… priests are people. They need friends and support structures too.
 
GOoD said:
Hello everyone, I just joined, but I’ll get straight to the point. I am very close with the priest at my parish. He is very kind, as he always invites me to eat out with him, go to house, etc. We are close as a result of his affection toward my family. also, I am the President of the Knights of Sanctuary and a captain an alter server team. In other words, he holds me in high esteem and usually talks to me about important matters. Etc., etc., etc. Well, as stupid as I am and ungrateful for God what has given me, and have grown disgusting habits to sins such as masturbation, pornagraphy, etc. As much as so desire to serve our Lord, I struggle now to fix a turbulent past. With these sins, I have been extremely afraid to tell him these sins (and it doesn’t matter if I stay behind the wall where he can’t see - he knows my voice the second he hears it - though I usually always do my confessions face-to-face) because of how close we are; so, a question:

Is it okay to go to another priest (at a different parish) for the purpose of avoiding my closer priest?

Also, there have been times when confessions happen not to be held at different parishes when I go, and I end up not confessing. So, is it also a sin to withhold a confession for the sake of going to a different priest?
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Lucifer is working over-time to keep you from the Sacrament of Confession.

The fact that you are in a couple of ministries in the church, that your priest is also your friend, that you are embarrassed by your sin, embarrassed to confess to you friend (the priest) etc etc etc.-
are all factors that Lucifer is counting on to keep you from the Sacrament of Confession.
Add to this that you may (or may not) be going to Communion in a state of sin. If you aren’t - then he is keeping you from the Blessed Sacrament. If you are - then he is compounding your problem.

Often times we ask the Lord to send us “holy priests”. But, when He does, we do nothing to sanctify our priests, make them holy priests. We make them holy by asking them to hear our confession, bless our homes, bring us the annointing of the sick when we are in the hospital. etc etc etc. The priestly duties.

Your friend is first and foremost a priest. He is a friend of yours second.
  1. If he diminishes the friendship because of your confession to him…then he is neither a good friend nor a good priest.
  2. If you can’t see him as a priest (first) - then you are not as good a friend of his as you think.
It will happen like this someday: you will be having a friendly conversation over coffee or a meal somewhere and suddenly you will look at him in the eye and with deathly seriousness… He will wonder if something is wrong…at that moment you will not call him by whatever you call him as friends and you will say, “father, will you hear my confession?”.

The floodgates may open at this time…who knows. Continue with “bless me father for I have sinned”…

Be honest, be contrite, be brave for you have at that moment defeated Lucifer and his demons.

I am crying…as, I can see the moment happening in my minds eye…

I have been there my friend.

Pax Domini sit semper vobiscum.
 
Very much so… priests are people. They need friends and support structures too.
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That is not what Saints say. They would never recomend a priest to invite friends to dinner. A priest more than anyone should aim for holiness.
 
rlg94086 said:
While I agree with Awful Things, you should pray carefully about this.
  1. If your priest is a good confessor, he won’t hold you in lower esteem due to your sinfulness…we are all sinners. As a priest, he knows this.
  2. Because of your closeness, he may be better able to help you overcome these sins.
  3. Because of your closeness, you will develop a healthy avoidance of the sin, so as not to have to confess it again. It’s sort of an accountability brought on by shame.
I had left the Church for about 28 years and had developed disgusting habits too. When I returned to the faith, my confessor told me to find a priest for future confessions. I told him that I have a good friend who is a priest and may I use him. His answer was a definitive NO. In retrospect I know he was correct. I would urge you to find another priest for your confessions, one that you do not personally know.
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tessi said:
That is not what Saints say. They would never recomend a priest to invite friends to dinner. A priest more than anyone should aim for holiness.
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I guess you have never read St. Francis de Sales.
 
tessi said:
That is not what Saints say. They would never recomend a priest to invite friends to dinner.
A priest more than anyone should aim for holiness.
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Someone who would ask to eat dinner with you lacks holiness? You’re being a little hard on Our Lord, wouldn’t you say? 😃

As to the OP, I’ve always known my confessor well, and would recommend it. Having said that, I know of priests who ask that people actually on the parish staff have a different priest as a confessor. I also know that spiritual directors typically don’t socialize with those they direct, even though they do socialize with their parishioners. There is such a thing as too much of a good thing.

Choose a regular confessor and stick with him, though. You shouldn’t go to your primary care physician only for the ‘regular’ stuff, but then sneak off to the emergency room when you’ve gotten an STD or hurt yourself doing something stupid. Your regular confessor should get everything.
 
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