Confessing to sins i hear?

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Lily0fthevalley

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I am new to this forum even though i have lurked for months now. I am sorry if this isn’t the right place to post this thread. Still trying to find my way around the forum :).

I am also new to Catholicism, am a former protestant and i apologized is this question seems weird or dumb.

Do i need to go into confession after hearing some mortal sins a friend has caused?. In short i am always hearing about how my friend would always look for ways to tempt her ex-boyfriend to cheat on his wife. She’d wears clothes to lure him and have done some physical intimacy with him even doing cyber sex. I have told her that i am not comfortable hearing about all of this especially since I am a married woman myself and i find it a disgraced. She hasn’t brought it up since then until New Years eve she’d tell me all the lustful things he did to her when the wife wasn’t around and vise versa. I am pretty shocked with her actions considering she grew up Catholic but isn’t practicing, she knows about my husband and I converting into Catholicism and attending RCIA, and tries to tell me that God will forgive anyway without asking for forgiveness. Which i know it’s a false statement.

So do i need to go into confession for what i have heard ? and what do i do about our friendship?. She’s more of my husband’s friend than mine though, he has known her for 10 years but he too is uncomfortable with her doing these things and haven’t really talked to her in awhile, but she’s always sending me text messages.
 
There comes a time when we have to stop being nice and start being Christians.

If her constant sinning is having an effect on your life via her presence in it, then boot her out.

If she won’t shut up about this stuff after you ask her to stop, boot her out.

I wonder how many people would re-examine themselves if they started losing friends due to their insistence on being idiots.

If her actions are as you describe, she is no friend at all. And frankly, given her proclivity to go after whatever man her lustful little heart sets its sights on makes me leery of your husband continuing his acquaintance with her as well. Not because of him, but her.

She obviously is someone who has no place in your life given your entrance into the Church and stress she is causing you in the process.

Being charitable isn’t always looking like this: 🙂 and nodding with a smile while someone throws trash all over your path. Sometimes, you gotta tell em to quit throwing trash or get lost.

The way people behave around us is the way we allow them to behave around us.

Quit being a willing victim.
 
You confess your own sins, not someone else’s.

As for your friendship with this woman – if she keeps telling you things after you’ve told her you don’t want to hear them, is she really a friend? Just because she sends you text messages doesn’t mean you have to respond.
 
jonbhorton said:
There comes a time when we have to stop being nice and start being Christians.

If her constant sinning is having an effect on your life via her presence in it, then boot her out.

If she won’t shut up about this stuff after you ask her to stop, boot her out.

I wonder how many people would re-examine themselves if they started losing friends due to their insistence on being idiots.

If her actions are as you describe, she is no friend at all. And frankly, given her proclivity to go after whatever man her lustful little heart sets its sights on makes me leery of your husband continuing his acquaintance with her as well. Not because of him, but her.

She obviously is someone who has no place in your life given your entrance into the Church and stress she is causing you in the process.

Being charitable isn’t always looking like this: 🙂 and nodding with a smile while someone throws trash all over your path. Sometimes, you gotta tell em to quit throwing trash or get lost.

The way people behave around us is the way we allow them to behave around us.

Quit being a willing victim.
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Yes.

Speak to her in love and tell her that her unchastity is mortally wounding her soul. Tell her that you love her and that Jesus does to. But, that you feel corrupted having to listen to her unchaste behaviors.
 
She might be making this up to make herself look desirable in the eyes of others. But, regardless, this is not the company you want to keep. If she attempts to continue the same topic, simply tell her that you’ve already expressed your feelings about this, and don’t want to hear it again. Tell her you know that God is offended, and that she should go to Confession to return to the state of grace. She will either leave you alone completely, or appreciate your suggestion. At least she will know exactly where you stand.
 
agnes_therese said:
You confess your own sins, not someone else’s.

As for your friendship with this woman – if she keeps telling you things after you’ve told her you don’t want to hear them, is she really a friend? Just because she sends you text messages doesn’t mean you have to respond.
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Ditto this.
 
Lily0fthevalley said:
I am new to this forum even though i have lurked for months now. I am sorry if this isn’t the right place to post this thread. Still trying to find my way around the forum :).

I am also new to Catholicism, am a former protestant and i apologized is this question seems weird or dumb.

Do i need to go into confession after hearing some mortal sins a friend has caused?. In short i am always hearing about how my friend would always look for ways to tempt her ex-boyfriend to cheat on his wife. She’d wears clothes to lure him and have done some physical intimacy with him even doing cyber sex. I have told her that i am not comfortable hearing about all of this especially since I am a married woman myself and i find it a disgraced. She hasn’t brought it up since then until New Years eve she’d tell me all the lustful things he did to her when the wife wasn’t around and vise versa. I am pretty shocked with her actions considering she grew up Catholic but isn’t practicing, she knows about my husband and I converting into Catholicism and attending RCIA, and tries to tell me that God will forgive anyway without asking for forgiveness. Which i know it’s a false statement.

So do i need to go into confession for what i have heard ? and what do i do about our friendship?. She’s more of my husband’s friend than mine though, he has known her for 10 years but he too is uncomfortable with her doing these things and haven’t really talked to her in awhile, but she’s always sending me text messages.
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Pray for her 😦

I don’t think you need to confess sins that are not your own. You only confess things that you did, not what other people did even if they told you. Being told something like that is not a sin (cause you did nothing wrong here) UNLESS you agree or show that you agree or encourage this behavior. If you show that you don’t agree, (in a charitable way of course!), and if you pray for the person without encouraging their behavior in any way, that is fine.

Remember sin is a choice. It’s always the person’s own actions, thoughts, words, etc. If you did nothing wrong, you did not sin 🙂

God bless!
 
DaddyGirl said:
No need for YOU to confess stuff* she* does!
Unless…it’s a sin to hear about a sin? But I think not (right?)

It sounds like you two live in very different worlds. Friends, like couples, are often well-suited by their common view of the world and how they live in it. But it sounds like you two are not connecting so well and that you don’t really enjoy her company

That’s usually a sign to most people to ease up on the friendship…
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It isn’t a sin to hear the sins of other people unless you want to hear their stories and delight in feeling superior to them.
 
Lily0fthevalley said:
I am new to this forum even though i have lurked for months now. I am sorry if this isn’t the right place to post this thread. Still trying to find my way around the forum :).

I am also new to Catholicism, am a former protestant and i apologized is this question seems weird or dumb.

Do i need to go into confession after hearing some mortal sins a friend has caused?. In short i am always hearing about how my friend would always look for ways to tempt her ex-boyfriend to cheat on his wife. She’d wears clothes to lure him and have done some physical intimacy with him even doing cyber sex. I have told her that i am not comfortable hearing about all of this especially since I am a married woman myself and i find it a disgraced. She hasn’t brought it up since then until New Years eve she’d tell me all the lustful things he did to her when the wife wasn’t around and vise versa. I am pretty shocked with her actions considering she grew up Catholic but isn’t practicing, she knows about my husband and I converting into Catholicism and attending RCIA, and tries to tell me that God will forgive anyway without asking for forgiveness. Which i know it’s a false statement.

So do i need to go into confession for what i have heard ? and what do i do about our friendship?. She’s more of my husband’s friend than mine though, he has known her for 10 years but he too is uncomfortable with her doing these things and haven’t really talked to her in awhile, but she’s always sending me text messages.
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Confession is for YOU to confess and take responsibility for what YOU and ONLY YOU have done. The priest will then give you absolution. He cannot absolve someone who is not present and he cannot give it to them through you. (It is not a dumb question).
 
HelenRose said:
It isn’t a sin to hear the sins of other people unless you want to hear their stories and delight in feeling superior to them.
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If the sins you are hearing are from someone who is bragging- listening without admonishment is encouraging the reveling in sin. The mere act of continuing to listen to such stories told with a tone of braggadocio encourages that sin.

I’m not a priest, I can’t absolve, I can’t do anything but listen- and I often do. That’s what friends are for in a lot of ways. We sin, we feel bad, we need support. But I refuse to listen to people such as what the OP described.

The woman described in the original post is an unrepentant whore of a woman. She is actively engaging in adulterous games and spreading her filth like a wood chipper being fed liquified pasture pucks, with its funnel sticking out the rear end of a C-130 in a gale force wind. She is dirtying society. The only person who should give an ear to her is a priest when she decides to quit being a hussy.
 
Thanks for your responses. This friend did call both me and my husband the other night but we ignored the phone and she ended up leaving a message in our voice mail, as usual talking about this guy she’s pursuing. so since then we have avoided her. I just don’t have the real heart to just tell her off, but will keep her a distant. We’ll still be here if she wants to talk about something else, but if it comes to what she is doing we’re not listening. It is somewhat emotionally draining since she’s very needy as well. So we have eased off on associating with her and have been keeping her at arms length. Hopefully within time she’ll get the hint. We definitely live in two different worlds.
 
Not your sins, so you don’t need to confess them. If anything, you need to tell this woman in no uncertain terms to back off and stop harassing you.
 
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