Confession, 2-part post

[BornAgain2010]

I have not been to Confession in many, many years. I of course did the First Reconciliation back when I was in CCD/Sunday School. Back then, I asked my Mom if I still had to go after I did my First one. Our Pastor was a Monsignor at the time, so obviously that can be pretty scary to a 7 or 8 year old. After I did my first one, I asked my Mom if I still had to go. She said it was required, but that I didn’t have to go if I didn’t want to. So of course to a little kid, I just thought ‘Cool, Im off the hook’

I didn’t realize until several months ago how big a disservice she did me by not really making me go. But anyhow, I did the examination of conscience thing that was in this pamphlet: kofc.org/un/en/resources/…onals/2075.pdf

After doing the little quiz, it seems most of my sins are related to ignorance, arrogance, laziness, and things stemming from anger issues (which I am working on with my therapist who I also see for my OCD). I am a bit hesitant to go to Confession. I know it sounds silly and totally stupid, but the reason I kinda hesitate is because the Priest knows me. Im afraid that even though I know he won’t go around saying things about me or break the Seal of Confession, Im still afraid he may think less of me. I know he probably won’t, but still. I AM going to go though. I feel guilty about the sins I’ve done. They’re mostly venial, but to quote Judge Hawthorne from the Crucible…“Faith is a fortress. No crack in a fortress should be counted small”. I truly do feel sorry for my sins though. Ive already decided to start going once a year (as is required). But I think I may start going once or twice a month, this way it can serve as penance for not having gone in the past.

The second part of my post is related to a friend of mine.
Also Im somewhat confused about Mortal Sin. One of the specifics for it be counted as ‘mortal sin’, is that it has to be of a serious nature. How does the Magisterium define ‘serious’? A lie may be considered ‘serious’, such as one’s part in a massive cover-up. Or a lie that may be justified as a means to an end may only be counted as a ‘venial’ sin depending on circumstances. So what really then is the line between mortal and venial?

My friend told me that he has an addiction, but he wouldn’t tell me what kind. He said he was too embarrassed about it. Fair enough. He said he wants to go to Confession and confess it and do penance since that would be the right thing to do anyway. But he said he’s too embarrassed to tell anyone what kind of addiction he has. He said that if he went to confession, he would probably only confess all his sins EXCEPT for the one pertaining to his addiction. When I asked him why, he said that he didn’t want to confess it until he knew for sure that he had overcome it and knew for sure that it wouldn’t happen again. In other words, he didn’t want to confess it if he’s just gonna go and do it again later that same week or the week after. So based on the frequency I assume my friend Jack (not his real name), I assume he has it pretty bad. I hope he gets help.

So for the time being, is it okay if he does Confession for all his sins EXCEPT the addiction, or is it invalid if he withholds the part pertaining to his addiction?

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I have not been to Confession in many, many years. I of course did the First Reconciliation back when I was in CCD/Sunday School. Back then, I asked my Mom if I still had to go after I did my First one. Our Pastor was a Monsignor at the time, so obviously that can be pretty scary to a 7 or 8 year old. After I did my first one, I asked my Mom if I still had to go. She said it was required, but that I didn’t have to go if I didn’t want to. So of course to a little kid, I just thought ‘Cool, Im off the hook’

I didn’t realize until several months ago how big a disservice she did me by not really making me go. But anyhow, I did the examination of conscience thing that was in this pamphlet: kofc.org/un/en/resources/…onals/2075.pdf

After doing the little quiz, it seems most of my sins are related to ignorance, arrogance, laziness, and things stemming from anger issues (which I am working on with my therapist who I also see for my OCD). I am a bit hesitant to go to Confession. I know it sounds silly and totally stupid, but the reason I kinda hesitate is because the Priest knows me. Im afraid that even though I know he won’t go around saying things about me or break the Seal of Confession, Im still afraid he may think less of me. I know he probably won’t, but still. I AM going to go though. I feel guilty about the sins I’ve done. They’re mostly venial, but to quote Judge Hawthorne from the Crucible…“Faith is a fortress. No crack in a fortress should be counted small”. I truly do feel sorry for my sins though. Ive already decided to start going once a year (as is required). But I think I may start going once or twice a month, this way it can serve as penance for not having gone in the past.

The second part of my post is related to a friend of mine.
Also Im somewhat confused about Mortal Sin. One of the specifics for it be counted as ‘mortal sin’, is that it has to be of a serious nature. How does the Magisterium define ‘serious’? A lie may be considered ‘serious’, such as one’s part in a massive cover-up. Or a lie that may be justified as a means to an end may only be counted as a ‘venial’ sin depending on circumstances. So what really then is the line between mortal and venial?

My friend told me that he has an addiction, but he wouldn’t tell me what kind. He said he was too embarrassed about it. Fair enough. He said he wants to go to Confession and confess it and do penance since that would be the right thing to do anyway. But he said he’s too embarrassed to tell anyone what kind of addiction he has. He said that if he went to confession, he would probably only confess all his sins EXCEPT for the one pertaining to his addiction. When I asked him why, he said that he didn’t want to confess it until he knew for sure that he had overcome it and knew for sure that it wouldn’t happen again. In other words, he didn’t want to confess it if he’s just gonna go and do it again later that same week or the week after. So based on the frequency I assume my friend Jack (not his real name), I assume he has it pretty bad. I hope he gets help.

So for the time being, is it okay if he does Confession for all his sins EXCEPT the addiction, or is it invalid if he withholds the part pertaining to his addiction?

Your mom said it was required…but that you didn’t have to go if you didn’t want to… I hope she was more consistent and less confused about other aspects of growing up Catholic…

If you are hesitant to go to confession with the priest that you know, go to another parish and confess there. That’s one way around your nervousness. Another is to use the confessional instead of doing face to face confession. But really, the priest is hardly going to think less of you, in fact, it will likely be the opposite, since you are coming out of spiritual pride and humbling yourself to God and being reconciled to His grace. Don’t you think priests have heard every sin it’s possible to commit and all variations thereof? You haven’t done anything that is going to cause his eyebrows to shoot up!

As for your friend, he is really hurting himself by withholding his sin. Confession is a SACRAMENT meant to help us overcome sin, not a tribunal where we only get a good grade if we are sinless. Does he understand the whole purpose of confession is to receive absolution and be clean to try and live more like Jesus? His priest can help him do this if he will open up and confess everything. If we did not need help, God would not have given us the sacraments! Tell your friend that the priest is not going to grade him or disapprove of his addiction. Only God can break that addictive nature anyway, and God will speak to him through the priest. If he needs more time, he should make an appointment to speak with the priest outside of confession, and ask for his help.

These are just my observations and opinions based on my life experiences. I wish you both the best.

 

[jmcrae]

So for the time being, is it okay if he does Confession for all his sins EXCEPT the addiction, or is it invalid if he withholds the part pertaining to his addiction?

Unfortunately, if he holds back only one thing, his whole Confession becomes invalid, and he would have to do the whole thing over again (and every Confession from now until then) when he finally finds the courage to confess his addiction.

The other problem is that the priest can’t give him good counseling if he doesn’t know what the problem is - so how is your friend going to get the tools to overcome his addiction? Indeed, the longer he waits, the worse his addiction will become, and the more difficult it will be, to break free from it. He needs to understand that he can’t do this by himself - he needs to make a good Confession, not only to receive good counseling, but also to receive grace from God that will arm him against future attacks.

It’s a bit like waiting for the rash to go away before going to the doctor to see whether it might be something serious - it doesn’t make much sense, does it? I mean, both the rash and the addiction might be embarrassing, but neither of them can be healed until they are revealed to their proper doctors - in the case of the addiction, the proper doctor is the priest.

 

[MomaMary8]

I have not been to Confession in many, many years. I of course did the First Reconciliation back when I was in CCD/Sunday School. Back then, I asked my Mom if I still had to go after I did my First one. Our Pastor was a Monsignor at the time, so obviously that can be pretty scary to a 7 or 8 year old. After I did my first one, I asked my Mom if I still had to go. She said it was required, but that I didn’t have to go if I didn’t want to. So of course to a little kid, I just thought ‘Cool, Im off the hook’

I didn’t realize until several months ago how big a disservice she did me by not really making me go. But anyhow, I did the examination of conscience thing that was in this pamphlet: kofc.org/un/en/resources/…onals/2075.pdf

After doing the little quiz, it seems most of my sins are related to ignorance, arrogance, laziness, and things stemming from anger issues (which I am working on with my therapist who I also see for my OCD). I am a bit hesitant to go to Confession. I know it sounds silly and totally stupid, but the reason I kinda hesitate is because the Priest knows me. Im afraid that even though I know he won’t go around saying things about me or break the Seal of Confession, Im still afraid he may think less of me. I know he probably won’t, but still. I AM going to go though. I feel guilty about the sins I’ve done. They’re mostly venial, but to quote Judge Hawthorne from the Crucible…“Faith is a fortress. No crack in a fortress should be counted small”. I truly do feel sorry for my sins though. Ive already decided to start going once a year (as is required). But I think I may start going once or twice a month, this way it can serve as penance for not having gone in the past.

I know it can be intimidating to go to a priest and have them know you, but after a while it is wonderful! Seeing the same priest over and over, on a regular basis (monthly or bi-weekly) helps the priest to counsel you better. They may be able to direct you to a better prayer or practice or reading that will help you to overcome one of your most commonly occuring sins. They can only do this when they know who you are. I am now in the habit to say “this is MomaMary. It has been X weeks since my last confession.” Then my confession becomes a nice chat with a family friend about my weeknesses and how I might improve.

Another thing to think about is how JOYFUL the priest will be to have you come back to the confessional after so many years. I really would recommend making an appointment so that the priest can give you as long as you need to talk about what ever you and he feel needs to be talked about. There are many priests who live for moments like yours! Think of how wonderful it must be to give that absolution to someone after so many years!

 

[Bookcat]

one is obliged to confess all “mortal sins” in number and kind (not just general by the way…but kind…like murder adultery etc…) and circumstance that changes the sin–like it was your brother you murdered.

I did not read the post …it was long (2 parts) and it is late. I have to go to bed…

But the priest can help you…

 

[MissRose73]

Remember, the priest cannot disclose any part of your confession. If you feel uncomfortable confessing certain things to your regular confessor, perhaps go one time to another one to unburden yourself.

 

[BornAgain2010]

Remember, the priest cannot disclose any part of your confession. If you feel uncomfortable confessing certain things to your regular confessor, perhaps go one time to another one to unburden yourself.

I would try that but recently Ive changed my mind about it. I dont know why but I have. I think if I’m truly sorry for my sins, I should be able to confess them regardless, even if I may be embarassed. Part of confession is humbling yourself. Not just admitting your sins, but proclaiming them.

Like saying, “Here are my sins. God forgive me.”
not just “sorry. there I said it.”
I know some people dread their “only-once-a-year” confession like they dread April 15th (tax-day).

Personally, I think going to another priest just to avoid embarassment is kinda like youre trying to go around God’s back or take the easy way out. Just my opinion. Perhaps I should add harsh judgement to my list of sins?