Confession & ABC

[foxc1]

I married a non-Catholic a while ago, and before I married, I was a bit ignorant about the CC’s teachings. I had been away on and off, and was basically a cafeteria Catholic even though I’m a cradle Catholic. I knew fornication was a sin, but still did it. That part I confessed, but I was completely ignorant of the CC’s teachings against ABC. Now I know of course that it does cause early abortion (before I thought it didn’t), and am wondering about NFP now.

well, now that I know about the ABC and the CC, I stopped using it but didn’t do it right away. I waited since my hubby thinks I’m dumb for wanting to do NFP and doesn’t like the idea of waiting for about 2 wks to have his wife. So, I waited and still used ABC because I was in the state of mortal sin. I figured since I am in te state of mortal sin, then I can still use ABC until I am able to confess. I had to do a sanatio de radice (I think that’s how it’s spelled), and ever since it was granted I stopped the use of ABC, however, I have not yet confessed. I am afraid my marriage will not be valid if I go ahead and confess this to a priest.

Another worry of mine is that a month before I married my hubby, he was breaking up with me because he was worried I am Catholic and I’d want to raise my children Catholic. Since I was desperate then and the wedding being a month away, I said we’d raise them in his religion (he’s Protestant), but I didn’t mean it, I REALLY want our children to be Catholic. When I was in the process of the sanatio de radice, I promised I’d raise the children Catholic or that I’d try my best to raise them Catholic. I told my hubby this was expected of me for my marriage to be valid in my religion even though he wants them to be of his religion. So, now I’m stuck and afraid to confess. I have the desire and intentions of raising my future children in the CC (I have no children yet), but he wants them to be Protestant. He also wants me to be a stay-home mom, so I’ll be doing the teaching and all of that.

So, can anyone help? Will my marriage be valid still if I confess these things? Will I be excommunicated for having used ABC and telling my hubby that about the children even though I didn’t mean it? He knows I want them to be Catholic, and I am so willing to use NFP, I just have to learn to use it.

Please help, I’m desperate and afraid!

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

I married a non-Catholic a while ago, and before I married, I was a bit ignorant about the CC’s teachings. I had been away on and off, and was basically a cafeteria Catholic even though I’m a cradle Catholic. I knew fornication was a sin, but still did it. That part I confessed, but I was completely ignorant of the CC’s teachings against ABC. Now I know of course that it does cause early abortion (before I thought it didn’t), and am wondering about NFP now.

well, now that I know about the ABC and the CC, I stopped using it but didn’t do it right away. I waited since my hubby thinks I’m dumb for wanting to do NFP and doesn’t like the idea of waiting for about 2 wks to have his wife. So, I waited and still used ABC because I was in the state of mortal sin. I figured since I am in te state of mortal sin, then I can still use ABC until I am able to confess. I had to do a sanatio de radice (I think that’s how it’s spelled), and ever since it was granted I stopped the use of ABC, however, I have not yet confessed. I am afraid my marriage will not be valid if I go ahead and confess this to a priest.

Another worry of mine is that a month before I married my hubby, he was breaking up with me because he was worried I am Catholic and I’d want to raise my children Catholic. Since I was desperate then and the wedding being a month away, I said we’d raise them in his religion (he’s Protestant), but I didn’t mean it, I REALLY want our children to be Catholic. When I was in the process of the sanatio de radice, I promised I’d raise the children Catholic or that I’d try my best to raise them Catholic. I told my hubby this was expected of me for my marriage to be valid in my religion even though he wants them to be of his religion. So, now I’m stuck and afraid to confess. I have the desire and intentions of raising my future children in the CC (I have no children yet), but he wants them to be Protestant. He also wants me to be a stay-home mom, so I’ll be doing the teaching and all of that.

So, can anyone help? Will my marriage be valid still if I confess these things? Will I be excommunicated for having used ABC and telling my hubby that about the children even though I didn’t mean it? He knows I want them to be Catholic, and I am so willing to use NFP, I just have to learn to use it.

Please help, I’m desperate and afraid!

I think you need to make an appointment to speak with your pastor. Not an appointment for Confession, just an appointment to talk first. The after talking with him, go to confession and follow his advise.

 

[yessisan]

I think Br. Rich SFO is right, you need to speak to a priest. About the ABC, it’s a mortal sin, but I think it won’t be as bigger of an issue than the children’s faith issue.

My prayers are with you.

 

[gvogt4]

I think Br. Rich SFO is right, you need to speak to a priest. About the ABC, it’s a mortal sin, but I think it won’t be as bigger of an issue than the children’s faith issue.

My prayers are with you.

Perfect advoce from both. DO NOT WAIT. You should do this as soon as possible. There may be others on here that start answering some of your questions directly. I hope that by the time they do, you have already picked up the phone to make the appointment. Make sure you let your pastor know that you need to speak with him at the very earliest opportunity. Yesterday would be a good time - hint. Just be perfectly honest - do not hide anything - God is very merciful, and His Church will show you compassion as well, but this doesn’t lessen the gravity of your situation.

God bless you. Now make that call.

 

[jmcrae]

See your priest TODAY.

Do not worry - this situation is relatively easy to fix, and very common. Your priest will most certainly help you, and no one will think anything bad about you.

But you should not be stuck in this situation for even one minute longer than necessary - pick up that phone, and start dialing.

(Are you dialing yet? OH, okay - yes, you should look up the number - got the number yet? Okay, good - are you dialing? Start dialing … one ringy-dingy … )

 

[foxc1]

I figured everyone would tell me to speak to a Priest. I am searching for more than that. I wanted to see if I could get people’s perspectives on this.

I was told I’d be excommunicated because I told my hubby we would raise the kids Protestant, but this person isn’t a religious or spiritual counselor. So I’m looking for feedback.

I did call to make an appointment with the Pastor, but can anyone give me their (name removed by moderator)ut on this?

 

[foxc1]

See your priest TODAY.

Do not worry - this situation is relatively easy to fix, and very common. Your priest will most certainly help you, and no one will think anything bad about you.

But you should not be stuck in this situation for even one minute longer than necessary - pick up that phone, and start dialing.

(Are you dialing yet? OH, okay - yes, you should look up the number - got the number yet? Okay, good - are you dialing? Start dialing … one ringy-dingy … )

what if I’m afraid to face my Pastor? Can I speak to another Priest? Or do I have to speak to one who helped me with the sanatio?

 

[jmcrae]

what if I’m afraid to face my Pastor? Can I speak to another Priest? Or do I have to speak to one who helped me with the sanatio?

You have nothing to fear. There is nothing to be afraid of.

It is not our place as lay people to advise you in something this important. We also don’t have the authority to fix it; your priest does.

I was told I’d be excommunicated because I told my hubby we would raise the kids Protestant, but this person isn’t a religious or spiritual counselor. So I’m looking for feedback.

I’m so sorry that someone took it upon themselves to scare you like that.

 

[down_under]

this is probably the most difficult situation for a married couple to be in. one catholic the other protesting. I have seen it a couple of times and it can get a little ugly. however the folks over at the Comming Home Network. they have seen it a lot. if you send them an email or give them a call they may be able to give you some advise. did anyone mention you need to speak to a priest. I think someone said that somewhere. anyhow chn is on the web. all the phone #'s and contact details can be found there. They are not specifically a counciling line but they help people and talk to people in your situation all the time. see what advise they have to offer. we will pray for you.

 

[Mirror_Mirror]

First of all, stop, take a deep breath. I understand your concern, but you need to not “freak out” and you need to be in charge of the situation. Let me provide some advice.

I married a non-Catholic a while ago, and before I married, I was a bit ignorant about the CC’s teachings.

Trust me when I tell you that you are not the only one that has found themselves in this place in life. Praise God you have turned back to the Church.

Now I know of course that it does cause early abortion (before I thought it didn’t), and am wondering about NFP now.

Please seek out information on NFP, it can be found throughout this website as well as on the internet. Make sure to find a trusted Catholic site about NFP such as the Couple to Couple league.

well, now that I know about the ABC and the CC, I stopped using it but didn’t do it right away. I waited since my hubby thinks I’m dumb for wanting to do NFP and doesn’t like the idea of waiting for about 2 wks to have his wife.

If you husband thinks that you are ‘dumb’ for wanting to learn this then he does not understand the “Good News About Sex and Marriage” what a great time to mention that book by Christopher West Have your husband read that, he will have a new appreciation for you as a woman and as a wife. You are not an object to satisfy his ‘sexual urges’ or be at his beckoning call.

and ever since it was granted I stopped the use of ABC, however, I have not yet confessed. I am afraid my marriage will not be valid if I go ahead and confess this to a priest.

Simply confess this to your priest…you will not have an invalid marriage because of this. Again, breathe! You are worrring about a lot of things and drawing some (what I would call) extreme conclusions.

Another worry of mine is that a month before I married my hubby, he was breaking up with me because he was worried I am Catholic and I’d want to raise my children Catholic. Since I was desperate then and the wedding being a month away, I said we’d raise them in his religion (he’s Protestant), but I didn’t mean it, I REALLY want our children to be Catholic. When I was in the process of the sanatio de radice, I promised I’d raise the children Catholic or that I’d try my best to raise them Catholic. I told my hubby this was expected of me for my marriage to be valid in my religion even though he wants them to be of his religion. So, now I’m stuck and afraid to confess. I have the desire and intentions of raising my future children in the CC (I have no children yet), but he wants them to be Protestant. He also wants me to be a stay-home mom, so I’ll be doing the teaching and all of that.

Not sure what to say about this. I am confused why he was “breaking up” with you? Because of your choice to raise the children (future children) Catholic? Raising your children Catholic would be a blessing for them, but I would be careful in saying that it is ‘required.’ I am not sure if it is a requirement of the Church. Of course we pray that they are raised Catholic.

Will my marriage be valid still if I confess these things?

Yes

Will I be excommunicated for having used ABC and telling my hubby that about the children even though I didn’t mean it?

No, you received some bad advice here.

He knows I want them to be Catholic, and I am so willing to use NFP, I just have to learn to use it.

Please help, I’m desperate and afraid!

When you attend NFP classes take him with you, make it an experience for both of you. Trust me, it will enhance and improve your marriage. You will be amazed as will he.

Be still and know that I am God…repeat that a few times.

Pray to our Blessed Mother and to St. Joseph.