Confession Advice Needed Please

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belle1986

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🤷 I am hoping some of you could give me some advice, as I have said I am a fallen away Catholic in away basically I was raised “Catholic” but never taken to church or taught about the faith but I have been attending church for the past year and start RCIA in the fall, I haven’t been to confession since I was a child and so I am a bit rusty, I remember when I was a child and we would have confession at Catholic school I would always say the same thing “I was disrespectful to my parents and fought with my sister” but in the years since then my sins have gotten more serious than that so I really want to confess them. I have put that life behind me but I want to make things right with God as well. I know I should not be taking communion without confessing so I plan to go to confession tommorow but the question is I have nearly a decade of sins under my belt so what types of sins do I confess, are there certain things I might not be thinking of? Today I made a list of all the sins Icould think of and it was long but I was grouping things together. So when I go to the priest should I say " I have told lies" or should I say every specific lie I have told (or at least the ones I can remember) Do I say how many times I have done each sin also. For example pre-marital relations, do I try to remember every instance or do I just say pre-marital relations. Also if anyone has any confession advice at all I would be happy to hear it. Thank You.
 
Look at it kind of as if you were at a sentencing phase, not the trial phase. Offense, severity, and an idea of how often: once, several isolated times, often over the period of a year, habitually, constantly, etc.

Be sure you cover all of the mortal sins, be specific as to type and frequency, but you don’t have to go into details. Give only enough detail so that it seems to you that you are not soft-pedalling. He doesn’t need all the details–and if he needs more, he’ll feel free to ask–but you need to feel afterwards that you didn’t mislead him as to what you’re confessing.

For instance, “I told lies” is probably not specific enough. You need to give some idea about whether you’re talking about perjury, lying on your resume or mortgage application, trying to weedle your way out of a speeding ticket, lying to make yourself look good or someone else bad, or telling your sister she does not look fat in her favorite white pants. Do you do this as a habit, or at particular times? You can say, “I have a habit of lying to make myself look better. I’d say I do it several times a day. On four or five occasions, these were serious lies–resumes, taking exams, that kind of thing–and once it was even perjury in court.”
 
Welcome. Been there.

I would group them. God knows what is in your heart… For example: I had sex outside of marriage with 3 different men over a period of 4 years. I have told lies to keep myself out of trouble on a frequent basis. I robbed 4 banks and killed 3 people. I used artificial birth control for 5 or 6 years. I have been impure with myself on a weekly basis. I haven’t been to Mass on a regular basis ever in my life. Attach a number to mortal sins as best you can, but don’t make yourself crazy. The idea is to give the priest and idea whether this is a one-time thing, an occassional thing, or a regular habit.

A helpful resource: frpat.com/reconciliation.htm

When I went back after many years, I did not even worry about venial sins for that confession. I went with the “big stuff”, and at least for me, that was grouped fairly easily. I was probably done in about 5 minutes.

I will pray for you. For me, this confession after so many years away was a wonderful, healing experience. The priest was kind and gentle and did not gasp in horror, as I expected.

If you think you will need more time, you can always call and make an appointment so that you won’t have the added pressure of people waiting. Though, if it is like my parish, there aren’t a whole lot of people waiting in line on a Saturday.

Pray for the grace to make a good confession and pray for your confessor.

Welcome home!
 
The previous posts are good advice. Don’t stress too much about it. I went last week after about 18 months and the priest was great. He even cut me off (gently) when I started to ramble on in detail. Don’t hide anything but look at the big picture. If the priest is good, he will guide you through it. Also, when you say how long it has been he is going to know that you are probably nervous and its OK to tell him that. He will understand. Remember, you are confessing to God, not just some guy on the other side of the screen. Also remember, he’s heard it all before. You are not going to shock him.
 
I really agree with the above. In my case I hadn’t been to Confession for 40 years and I really planned that confession for about a month. Luckily or unluckily I have a good memory for sins. I organized the sins under the headings of the 10 Commandments on a sheet of paper. I had to organize it this way because I hadn’t been for so long.

I also didn’t bother with the venial sins except ones that I had made into an art form over the years - like white lies (like not to hurt people’s feelings and dealing with people with dementia… which I found was not a sin because it was the most humane way of avoiding distress in dementia patients).

I knew I’d be busy with the priest for a while so I made an appointment. He came to my house and the Confession actually took place over the dining room table. It took 40 minutes - not bad considereing that’s only one minute for every year. I had some pretty bad mortal sins to confess but the priest wasn’t phased at all and gave encouraging advice.

I think it’s important though to put in time regarding how you are going to confess the sin concisely, otherwise you will be wasting the priest’s time in the confessional searching for words and ways of saying things. Just say the sin straight out in plain English, it will make you feel so good about the Confession afterwards.

I went again this morning but mainly to confess a really major thing I’d forgotten in my last confession and to ask for clarity on some other intrenched venial sins. Only took about 5 minutes this time.

Kind Regards,

Rove
 
Not really any advice here, but I just wanted to congratulate you on wanting to go to confession. I’m sure it will go well for you and I’m sure you’ll be back here tomorrow, telling us how relieved you are.

đź‘Ť
 
There is some excellent advice in the answers above, but I just wanted to say… WELCOME HOME!!! :hug3: :hug3: :hug3:
 
Well I went! I went to a different parish than I typically attend mass and I was a bit surprised to find there is no confessional, just a private room where I was alone face to face with father. It was a bit more frightening this way but despite my nerves, I found that once I sat down and closed the door father made me feel so very at ease. I feel so much better right now! It was so amazing. Truely. When I left I felt like singing or skipping to my car. I felt as if a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I cannot believe it. I am so grateful for this gift. I shall cherish it forever, and to do my utmost to see to it that I never have a list like that to confess again. It is as if I have a new lease on life. I truely feel very different on many things. I feel as if even some of my more “liberal” points of view are now more clear to me. I know this may sound crazy to some of you but some things that I believed before I went into confession I see in a different light now, I now feel as if I can understand the Church’s view and honestly agree with that view. Its hard to explain. But I feel like a new woman and I am so happy. I want everyone to feel the way that I feel right now. I wish I could some how spread it around so that all of you could feel this joy and peace. :harp:
 
Congratulations and I want you to know you have inspired me. I have not been to confession for 13 years and have been searching the internet for help. I have decided to make an appointment for a face-to-face confession after preparing like you did. God bless you. Thanks for sharing.
 
Here is my advice to you… Livr your life the way YOU feel you should live and don’t worry about this religious stuff it will work out in the end
 
Congratulations on going to Confession and welcome back to the Church! God is so merciful it is so amazing! I will keep you in my prayers.

Sincerely,

Maria1212
 
creid414 said:
Here is my advice to you… Livr your life the way YOU feel you should live and don’t worry about this religious stuff it will work out in the end
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Sorry , but that is terrible advice. You are in my prayers.
 
belle1986 said:
But I feel like a new woman and I am so happy. I want everyone to feel the way that I feel right now. I wish I could some how spread it around so that all of you could feel this joy and peace. :harp:
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A standing ovation for you my dear!! I know how you feel. I had a hard time making it through my first confession. I was crying so much I could hardly speak. But after the absolution, well, I felt so relieved. I was equally excited then to receive the Eucharist with my sins forgiven.
 
Way to go Belle! I think when I went back after several years, I floated through at least the next 3 or 4 days. My feet never even touched the ground! I am so glad for you. That feeling that you can’t explain - just chalk it up to grace. I have had things like that happen to me that words fail to explain, too. Enjoy it. Thank God for it and know that He loves you and works in your life.

Don’t be too disappointed if you don’t float out of the confessional every time, though. It’s hard to top those been-away-for-years weight-of-the-world lifted experiences.

Ryburn, prayers for you. It is well worth the effort. A little humility on our part and a great gift of mercy on God’s part.
 
I love that happiness after confession, the lightness felt afterwards, peace, joy. One time I was so sure I was floating that I actually stopped to look down to check if my feet were touching the ground!
 
belle1986 said:
Well I went! I went to a different parish than I typically attend mass and I was a bit surprised to find there is no confessional, just a private room where I was alone face to face with father. It was a bit more frightening this way but despite my nerves, I found that once I sat down and closed the door father made me feel so very at ease. I feel so much better right now! It was so amazing. Truely. When I left I felt like singing or skipping to my car. I felt as if a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I cannot believe it. I am so grateful for this gift. I shall cherish it forever, and to do my utmost to see to it that I never have a list like that to confess again. It is as if I have a new lease on life. I truely feel very different on many things. I feel as if even some of my more “liberal” points of view are now more clear to me. I know this may sound crazy to some of you but some things that I believed before I went into confession I see in a different light now, I now feel as if I can understand the Church’s view and honestly agree with that view. Its hard to explain. But I feel like a new woman and I am so happy. I want everyone to feel the way that I feel right now. I wish I could some how spread it around so that all of you could feel this joy and peace. :harp:
Click to expand...
:extrahappy: YAY! Aren’t you happy thatyou went to confession? I know I amfilled with peace and joy after a good confession. May God be with you.👍
 
creid414 said:
Here is my advice to you… Livr your life the way YOU feel you should live and don’t worry about this religious stuff it will work out in the end
Click to expand...
If you are living your life the way YOU feel you should and do not take adivice from “religious stuff” then why are you even on this forum? No sarcasm at all (really). Why even look at a Catholic Website. Are you just trying to discourage people from what they know in their heart is right?:confused: No one should be discouraged from confession. It is one of the greatest graces we can get. Reconcilliation with God is wonderful.
I am speaking from a very new perspective, I am a newly baptized Catholic and spent 34 years as an agnostic. I had looked at the way I used to think; “liberal” and “open minded” but I realized what really opened my mind was communion with our Lord. Just my experience, thought I would share.
 
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