Completely agree, I despratley need medical help.
Really I do. I’d felt so great today because I’d confessed right before Mass and recieved the Eucharist. Everything was going great until I read a link about an examination on conscience and read something about confessions being invalid if you don’t mention the number. That really burst my bubble since I hardly ever do mention the number, it just doesn’t cross my mind and when it does it more of a ‘several and few times’. I did not realize that it was a HUGE deal. I am hoping for yet another confession and peace at last.
I feel your pain, but I’m afraid you took something out of context, so I’ll take something out of context too:
“God does not require impossibilities. Doing the best you can, you need have no fear of telling a lie. To come as nearly as you can to the number is not lying. It is all you can do.”
Now your run-of-the-mill,
un-scrupulous person would look at this sort of instruction and might make the following formulations: “I committed such-and-such grave sin at least once and sometimes as many as three times a week for the past four months. Average is twice a week…that’s eight times a month…times four months, so…thirty-two times I’ve committed that sin.” And his wretchedly scrupulous counterpart does this with the same kind and number of sins: “I committed such-and-such grave sin at least once and sometimes as many as three times a week for the past four months. It’s possible I’ve done it four times a week here and there. Oh, wait, maybe five! So, um…safer to say every day, and possibly more than once on some days! Oh no, so…best to say ten times a week. That’s forty times a month. Times four months…that’s one hundred and sixty times. But it’s been a bit more than four months, really, so best to say two hundred.” Thirty-two versus two-hundred?
Who’s wrong?
Well, they both are! But they are each doing the best they can. I’m tempted to say un-scrupulous people are generally better at accurately tallying up their sins because they are not so overwrought by excessive introversion and second-guessing themselves. They generally have better recollection of everything because they are generally more focused on outward surroundings, events and persons - unlike the scrupulous, who are always preoccupied with their more interior (and, some would say, more infantile) experiences - which tend to make for a lot of “hazy” memories.
Of course being scrupulous myself, I understand that none of this will quiet your uneasiness. You’re looking at what you consider the heart of the matter: was your confession valid or not considering that you did not confess the number of times you committed such-and-such sin? Well, did you know you had to confess at least an approximate number? No, you didn’t. Was your ignorance intentional and willful? Hardly; you had no idea. Was your ignorance nonetheless blameworthy? Well, probably - but that’s a sin of the venial sort. In fact your confession was probably valid, but if you are still doubtful and troubled, by all means, see a priest again! Ask on this forum!
My advice sucks, so I’m not going to give advice, but this is what I finally found works for me: I make frequent acts of contrition. I refrain from examining my conscience in a habitual way. I have the ten commandments and various other ordered ways of enumerating the kinds of sins I’ve committed memorized. I go to my parish on a day when confessions are being heard, with enough time to kneel alone in the church, pray to the Holy Spirit to enlighten my mind and let me know my sins, then go over them in my head, pray for guidance again, make another act of contrition, then go to confession. I confess my sins as well as I can, and I have learned to
listen to the priest. That is the best I can do, and God, never to be outdone, supplies everything lacking. Also, I have learned to be truly grateful, have courage and remain hopeful…I think these things take the most time.
(As an aside, I’ve found I can’t indulge myself by writing down my sins: at one time it got so out of hand, I went on for weeks trying to compile a spreadsheet of every last sin and still found it wholly inadequate!)
So, do
your best, prayerfully, and trust in Christ’s mercy. And if at all possible, get a good spiritual director and a good confessor! Please? You’re in my prayers.
