Confession and Privacy with Loved Ones

[dmatt540]

I have been dating a woman that is Catholic. At about the age of 12 she stopped going to Mass and so did her family. I hope that in time she will start going to Mass again and recieving the sacraments. I myself am a convert to the faith. At times we see difference about what and why you should go to Confession. Yesterday we had a discussion about you should never feel guilty for having sex. We often have difference but I am not one to judge her for her opinions and beliefs. During this our discussion yesterday I even told her that I have to go to confession if I masterbate. She made a comment about how many Hail Marys or Our Fathers I had to say. I told her that the priest that I go to is a younger priest and often when I go to confession he often has me do things like a good deed for others. She then asked me what happened the last time fI went to confession and I told her that I had to do a good deed. She wanted me to tell her about it and what I had to do and etc. I told her just a good deed and it wasn’t enough. She got upset with me and I was open and honest and told her I don’t feel comfortable talking about my confessions. She was even more upset with me telling me that I was hiding things from her. I don’t know how to explain to her how sacried Confession is and how important it is. Can someone please give me some advice.

God Bless,
Matthew

 

[1ke]

I don’t have much advice regarding how to convince her that Confession is a private affair and what you confess is none of her business except to suggest that if you believe that then model that behavior by NOT talking about your sins/confession. In the future, don’t discuss your confession or sins at all-- you opened the door by discussing them in the first place.

I do have advice about this relationship however-- I would advise caution. She is a fallen away Catholic who seems to have many disagreements with Church teaching and who obviously does not follow Church teaching on sexual morality. I think it is unwise to get involved with a person who does not share your faith and values with the “hope” that someday she may change. Focus on finding a faithful Catholic with whom to share your life.

 

[TomS]

You can start by explaining that confession is between you and God and you are under no obligation to discuss your penance with anybody, even your wife. I think you wife just needs a little more knowledge of the sacramants. Perhaps she can start reading the Catechism of the Catholic Church to get an overview of what each sacrament entails.

 

[TomS]

Forgive me. I meant to say your girlfriend, not your wife. Sorry!

 

[stbruno]

Just a suggestion,
When your conversation starts heading in the direction of her feelings that you are keeping things from her…perhaps instead of denying it or avoiding the discussion, instead you respond…
It’s apparent to me that someone in your life has hurt you by not sharing their feelings with you or their thoughts.
Is that the case? This may then allow her the opening to share what has brought her to where she feels so inferior or so paranoid that she is being deceived…by you or someone else.

If she opens up that is good…it clears the air for more conversation. If she responds…No, why would you say that? I just want to know what is on your mind at all times.
You could respond…I hope you will accept me the way I am.
I get great comfort and graces whenever I go to confession. The penance my confessor gives me…fulfills me…it strenghtens me to be a better person, a better boyfriend, a better Catholic. It allows me to get closer to God …and it allows me to be a person more receptive to others.

You should try it sometime. Maybe the next time I go to confession…we could make it a date…That would be a great gift to me and to our relationship. If you are not ready for that…that’s ok with me too.
With all things…pray. first, last and all the time in between. And when the conversation begins send a silent prayer to the Holy Spirit, to put the right words in your mouth, so your conversation does not escalate to heated words rather only loving ones. You are a seed planter…hopefully it will land on fertile soil. It can only help to make your relationship more solid. Merry Christmas!