Confession and your Spouse: What do you do?

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How do you that are married handle the whole “Hey Honey, I’m going to confession – I’ll be back later…”?

For me, the times I have mentioned going to confession, my wife always gets a bit curious, like “Why are you going to confession, did you sin? What did you do?” I know she is partially joking but I am sure she is still curious. More recently I usually just kind of sneak off and go to confess while I am out doing something else (something I tell her I am going to do–like get coffee) but with a new baby in the house it is getting tough to find times and reasons to give for leaving the house alone.

What does everyone else do?
 
Say something like, “hey Pope John Paul went to confession about once a week, just trying to keep myself as a good husband to you and be faithful to God.”

My wife does the same thing, I am pretty sure many wives do the same thing.

God Bless
Scylla
 
I tell my wife when I step out.

I Personally feel that confession is a personal thing. I am going to naked and ALONE at judgement so I guess it is a private matter.
 
Usually I tell him I’m going to Confession, if he’s there when I’m getting my jacket to go. If he’s not there, I don’t tell him, but sometimes when I get back, he’ll say, “Hey, where did you go? I was standing there talking to you for five minutes before I realized you weren’t here!”

He doesn’t question it - he’s not Catholic, but he’s noticed that I’m usually in a much better mood after I’ve been to Confession, so he figures it must be a good thing.
 
We usually go together, as a family. Of course, we have a teen who is not yet driving, so - DS will ask one of us to take him when he needs to go at another time. So, guess we are all used to the idea that the other’s sin sometimes 🙂 We NEVER ask what they did…
 
My husband isn’t Catholic and doesn’t understand why I go, but he accepts it.

If I am going out just for confession I usually tell him. If I am running other errands while I am out I don’t mention it.
 
We’re usually just like, “Hey, been awhile. Everybody start thinking, we’re all going to confession today!” Unless of course one person knows they need to go more often. We do try to go as a family about every 1-2 months. That keeps the kiddo in somewhat of a routine. Otherwise, I just say, “I’m going to confession.” He does the same. We never ask each other why! That is tacky and rude! The only thing close to that is to prompt our son (10-yo) “While you’re thinking about it, do you remember the 4th commandment?” 😉
 
Hmmm, I just responded on the other confession thread. My husband would definately wonder what was up. I want to go more often, but feel like I’d have to sneak out of the house to do it. Not that I have done anything he should worry over, but if he knew I was going he’d start to think horrible things. I went one time without telling, and twice when he knew I was going he said, “So what did you confess?” and then name off what I confessed. I would just say yes, that’s what I confessed (it was but there would be one that he left out and I would not mention that one). Again, it wasn’t anything he would have been worried about and actually would have been something he wouldn’t have considered a sin anyway. I hate it because it feels like lying, but I know he wouldn’t understand. Like I said on the other poll, it would cause a scandal if I went very often (and by very often I mean more than once or maybe twice a year).
 
The answer to the question “What did you confess?” or “What are you going to confess?” is “My sins, of course - what else?” 😃
 
For me this whole issue was one that eventually led to me getting a divorce (there were many other reasons - abuse, alcoholism…). I had started wanting to go to confession regularly, and I would always get grilled by my husband about it. At first I would relent and tell him everything I confessed, then he would call me a “head case” for even caring about certain sins. Then I stopped telling him what I was confessing and he got ultra paranoid and started accusing me of “meeting” people anytime I was leaving the house alone. Eventually, I started doing the tack it onto other errands and not mentioning it. I think it is pretty crummy when one spouse’s needling might be interfering with another seeking forgiveness, healing, and grace from the sacrament of reconcilliation.

Personally, I think spouses shouldn’t even ask what is being confessed, and they should do their best not to let their imaginations run wild with possibillities.
 
confession is a completely private, personal matter. It is not the business of a spouse to inquire into your confession for any reason whatever, nor it is the business of the parents to pry into their child’s confession. Other than making sure your child has the opportunity for and is prepared properly for his first confession, and making sure they have ample opportunity to go to confession, parents may not ask any questions or probe their child’s confession or state of soul.
 
This is a difficult one - after all, many of one’s sins do indeed directly impact on loved ones, and some people are more naturally curious and/or suspicious than others about what you’re up to.

Some sins, perhaps, on a practical level, can and should be discussed with those who are affected by them, but confessors won’t always tell you to do this.
 
puzzleannie said:
Other than making sure your child has the opportunity for and is prepared properly for his first confession, and making sure they have ample opportunity to go to confession, parents may not ask any questions or probe their child’s confession or state of soul.
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That’s a good point.

One thing I did last Lent when I took a group of children to Confession was I told them (after mentioning to Father that I was doing this) that if they didn’t have anything to confess, they could just have a little chat with Father. This ensured that no child was embarrassed to be seen going into the Confessional.

Afterwards, Father told me that only one child (out of 24) had taken the opportunity to just have a little chat with him instead of making a Confession. I did not ask him which child, and I doubt that he would have told me if I had. 😉
 
I say, “I’m going to confession. Do you want to come too?” That’s it. Neither one of us asks the other what we confessed. I don’t think it is a good idea. (Note we only own one car, so carpooling questions between the two of us are common).

Apart from confession, say when your spouse doesn’t show up for something, I’d ask what happened when they do show up.
 
Unless it affects our marriage in some critical way, I don’t expect my husband to tell me what he confesses, and he doesn’t ask me what I confess. I figure I can trust him to tell me what I need to know, and beyond that, if God has absolved him, I don’t want to know.
 
We always go together and often as well. My husband and I were the closest of friends before we began our courtship, so as soon as I do something wrong, just because he is there I tell him. Is that odd? It just seems so natural. He always gives me good advice.
 
I’m a little surprised that a spouse would wonder why the other needed confession. It seems like our spouses see us at our worst.

I bet my husband could make me a really good list…:rolleyes:
 
True - I have heard it said that if you ever get stuck on your Examination of Conscience and need some help, just ask someone who lives with you - they will provide you with more than enough “valid matter” for a good sacramental Confession. :eek: 😛
 
jmcrae said:
True - I have heard it said that if you ever get stuck on your Examination of Conscience and need some help, just ask someone who lives with you - they will provide you with more than enough “valid matter” for a good sacramental Confession. :eek: 😛
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LOL, that’s pretty funny…and a good idea.
 
Amateur_Soul said:
How do you that are married handle the whole “Hey Honey, I’m going to confession – I’ll be back later…”?

For me, the times I have mentioned going to confession, my wife always gets a bit curious, like “Why are you going to confession, did you sin? What did you do?” I know she is partially joking but I am sure she is still curious. More recently I usually just kind of sneak off and go to confess while I am out doing something else (something I tell her I am going to do–like get coffee) but with a new baby in the house it is getting tough to find times and reasons to give for leaving the house alone.

What does everyone else do?
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When I answered the poll I clicked on the option that I tell my spouse I’m going to confession and tell him what I’m confessing if he asks, but it would be more accurate to say that I tell him I’m going and pretty much tell him what I’m going to confess but he doesn’t ask. I’m afraid that since he’s not Catholic he might start to wonder what it is that I’ve done that makes me feel it’s so important to confess so I tell him. 🙂
 
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